University is an important turning point in the socialization of interpersonal relationship. From the moment you step into the university, you will encounter all kinds of interpersonal relationships: between teachers and students, between classmates, between fellow villagers, and between individuals and classes, schools and so on. Faced with so many interpersonal relationships, some students are unhappy and depressed all day because of improper handling; Some students are under great mental stress because of interpersonal tension, which leads to different degrees of mental illness; And more students are often troubled by depressed and troubled emotions because they don't know how to deal with complex interpersonal relationships. It can be seen that how to deal with interpersonal relationships is of vital significance to the achievements of college life and future career in recent years.

The so-called interpersonal relationship refers to people's psychological establishment through interpersonal communication in various specific social fields, which is reflected in the emotional distance between people and the psychological state of mutual attraction and rejection in group activities. Harmonious, friendly, positive and intimate interpersonal relationships are all good interpersonal relationships, which are beneficial to one's work, life and study; On the contrary, disharmonious, tense, negative and hostile interpersonal relationships are bad interpersonal relationships, which are harmful to one's work, life and study. The investigation of social psychology shows that good interpersonal relationship is one of the important conditions for a person's normal psychological development, healthy personality and happiness in life. As the old saying goes, "the weather is not as good as the geographical position, and the geographical position is not as good as human harmony." For college students who go out to study far away from home, we should attach importance to the important factor of "harmony with people" under any circumstances. Dale Carnegie, a famous American adult educator, found through a lot of research that "only 11% of a person's career success is due to his professional skills, and the other 8% depends on interpersonal relationships and social skills." This statement may be absolute, but it also shows the importance of good interpersonal relationship to the achievement of career from another side. Therefore, it is very necessary for college students to learn how to establish good interpersonal relationships and master their ways, whether it is to establish a good learning environment at school or to establish a good working environment after graduation. There are many specific methods to establish good interpersonal relationships, but in daily life, the most important ones can be effectively used by everyone in the following aspects:

First, establish a good first impression. Interpersonal relationship is produced in people's communication. At the beginning of a relationship, who doesn't want to leave a good impression on each other? Similarly, who doesn't want to keep in touch with people who make a good impression as a basis for in-depth communication? When we have initial contact with others, how should we show ourselves to make a good first impression on others?

pay attention to the beauty of appearance. People's appearance, including appearance, dress, manners, manners, etc., are all factors affecting interpersonal communication. People tend to think that attractive people are more lively, cheerful, friendly and gregarious. Dress neatly and generously, and your appearance and manners will naturally give people a sense of closeness. On the contrary, over-embellishment, greasy face and heavy makeup will give people an inappropriate impression.

Pay attention to the "SOLER" technology in communication. Here, S(SIT) stands for "sit and face others"; O(OPEN) means "posture should be naturally open"; L(LEAN) means "lean forward slightly"; E(EYES) stands for "eye contact"; R(RELXX) means "relax". Psychologists have found that in social situations, consciously using SOLER technology can effectively increase the goodwill of others, make them better accepted and leave a good first impression.

treat people with sincerity and enthusiasm. Under normal circumstances, both parties always accept the speaker first, and then accept the content of the other party's statement. Therefore, when you speak to people, you should be sincere, and avoid glib, talkative, grandstanding and monopolizing topics, otherwise people will feel unhappy. Seeking truth from facts and being enthusiastic often give people a sense of trust and closeness, which is conducive to the continuous deepening of exchanges; On the other hand, if you talk insincerely and talk coldly, it will give people a false and cold feeling, and it will be difficult for the communication to go further.

be a loyal listener. Everyone needs a chance to express themselves. It is important to express yourself effectively in the first communication, but it is also essential to be a patient listener and encourage others to talk more about themselves.

Of course, to leave a good first impression on others is also influenced by many other factors, such as keeping promises, punctuality, being polite and so on.

second, take the initiative to communicate. In real life, although many people have a strong desire to communicate with others, they still have to suffer from loneliness. They have few or no friends, because they always take a passive and passive way of retreating socially and always wait for others to accept them first. Therefore, although they are also in a bustling world where people come and go, they still can't get rid of the loneliness of their hearts. You know, others will not be interested in us for no reason. Therefore, if we want to win others, establish good interpersonal relationships with others and build a rich interpersonal world, we must be the initiator of communication and take the initiative. We should worry less and try more. When you take the initiative to greet strangers and talk; When you want to invite a partner at the dance, you will find that almost all your efforts are successful. When you have more and more successful experiences, your self-confidence will be more and more full, and your interpersonal situation will be better and better.

third, care about helping others. Adversity knows oneself, adversity sees the truth. When a person encounters bumps, difficulties and failures, he is often the most sensitive to the human world and needs care and help most. At this time, even a smiling face, a considerate look and a warm word can make people feel comforted and excited. Therefore, when others encounter difficulties and are in trouble, you can lend a helping hand, help the needy and comfort the frustrated, and you can win others quickly and establish good interpersonal relationships. If you are indifferent to others, insensitive, careful and stingy, and afraid of attracting trouble, your communication is likely to stop.

2. How to win the respect of others.

It is inevitable that there will be closeness between classmates, distance and proximity; Some people have high prestige and good popularity, and it is often easy to win the respect of others, while others have low prestige and poor popularity, which often leads to being rejected. In fact, everyone wants to get the respect of others, but it is not easy to win the respect of others, and it is necessary to master certain skills.

first of all, we must respect ourselves. As the saying goes, only those who love themselves can be loved by others, and those who respect themselves can be respected by others. We can consider these aspects:

Keep good appearance. Handsome and personable, everyone wants to look at you more. If you are exhausted and disheveled, people will look like a "second lazarillo de tormes", then your image in others' minds will be greatly reduced, which is also a sign of not respecting yourself. Otherwise, others will look down on you, let alone respect you.

keep your manners and don't lose your temper. When classmates get along, arguments are inevitable. However, the argument should only deal with "things" and not people. Don't argue endlessly about trivial matters. Be reasonable and let people know. Of course, don't lose your temper and swear, otherwise it will hurt your health and feelings. Why bother?

don't flatter yourself and brag about yourself. Behind the scenes, there are people. Even if your ability is better than others, your talent is superior to others, or you have made some achievements in your work and career, remember, don't be complacent and supercilious. If you look down on others, others will look down on you, of course, there is no respect for you.

secondly, we must respect others. People who respect others will always respect them. Mozi said: "if a husband loves someone, he will love them from the face;" Those who benefit others will benefit from it; The wicked, people will be evil; Those who harm others will be harmed. " （< < Complementarity of self-esteem and respect for others > > Page 67). Respect people will be respected. To do this, we should pay attention to:

Don't make fun of others, and learn to "step down" others. Someone was nervous for a moment and said something inappropriate. People were careless and accidentally lovelorn, but you took him as a laughing stock and often made fun of him. It's fun, but you never know what the person you made fun of is feeling in his heart. Maybe he is scolding you. So you must never do such a thing. In real life, everyone has his own dignity, and everyone has his own "face". Remember, if you don't respect others, others won't respect you.

don't impose on others. As the saying goes, "Don't do to others what you don't want others to do." If people don't want to express their opinions and do things, they will inevitably have various opinions on you. Even if you do it according to your intention, you will inevitably be unhappy. In this case, of course, he will not respect you.

don't break your promise. To be a man, credibility is indispensable. Once you have promised something that others want from you, you should do your best to do it and try your best to do it well. If there are some accidents that can't be fulfilled at the moment, you should explain them clearly to others and get their understanding. Only in this way will others not underestimate you.

pay attention to what others are saying. As a listener, you should listen carefully when others talk to you. Maybe you are not interested in what he says, but you can try to understand what you should know from the other person's expression, or express your views at an appropriate time and avoid the topic. 3. Why is it an important principle to be tolerant of others?

Everyone wants to be considerate in dealing with others, and to have a relatively relaxed and harmonious environment and get along well with others, so it is indispensable to be tolerant of others. Since ancient times, our country has had the way of "a gentleman is lenient with others and strict with himself".

The so-called tolerance means not asking too much of others, not demanding others, but being tolerant, allowing people to be timely and accommodating.

The most important thing in people's communication is to be kind and sincere to others, to provide convenience and help to others as much as possible. It can be said that being tolerant of others is a manifestation of a high moral level, "tolerance is great" <; < Shangshu. Chen Jun > > . If you want others to be kind to you, you should be kind to others, take care of others, and give more care, respect and understanding to others; Point out the shortcomings of others in good faith and don't gloat; We should try our best to help others when they are in danger, and we should not stand by and add insult to injury. Even when you are proud of horseshoe disease in your life, you can't get carried away and take credit for it. Instead, you should think more about the help and favor of others and let three points of work go to others. People always like to make friends with people who are tolerant and kind, as the saying goes, "forgiveness will win many people."

To be lenient with others also requires us to "stand up and stand up, and achieve what we want" (<; < The Analects of Confucius > > ) You must stand up, and at the same time make others stand up. You must make everything work, and at the same time make everything work for others. "The beauty of a gentleman as an adult is not the evil of an adult, but the villain is." （< < The Analects of Confucius. Yan Yuan > > In a certain sense, the beauty of adults is the beauty of one's own achievements. Even those who have made mistakes should not be rejected. People should be provided with relaxed conditions to forgive others' mistakes and help others correct them. As the saying goes, it is convenient for others and convenient for yourself.

Of course, when we talk about being lenient with others, we don't mean blindly creating tolerance, otherwise we will lose our original intention of being lenient, which is called "killing people by being too lenient". No tolerance is only numbness and cowardice, but also connivance of ugliness. "There is a kind of person, to appease the bandits generous name, there is a kind of person, and even count the smart names, all partial. The generosity of saints makes people rely on it, and the shrewdness of saints does not make people intolerant. " （< < The Analects of Confucius. Wide Questions >; > ）。 In other words, it is biased to tolerate the wicked in exchange for a generous reputation without principles, or to list trivial things in exchange for a shrewd reputation. The tolerance of saints does not make the villain rely on it, nor does it make the villain shelter. This is also the degree that we should grasp. Unprincipled tolerance for the wicked is tantamount to aiding and abetting, and it is a disability to kind people. "Only the benevolent can be good and evil" (<; < The Analects of Confucius > > ）。 Zhu Xi also said, "There must be no anger of blood and no anger of righteousness." While we know how to be lenient with others, we should also know how to hate evil and defend justice. Only by being lenient is lenient, being strict is strict, and suppressing evil and promoting good is the real leniency towards others.

To be lenient with others is to create a relaxed interpersonal environment with a broad mind and tolerance, to make others respect and admire your character, and to make you have great personality charm. Especially in today's fierce competition, being lenient with others will make everyone like to associate with you. Therefore, being lenient with others is an important principle in life.

4. How can we establish a harmonious relationship between teachers and students?

in addition to the relationship between students, the relationship between teachers and students can be said to constitute an important aspect of college students' interpersonal relationship. Compared with primary and secondary schools, the personal communication scope of university teachers and students is much smaller, and it is spontaneous, accidental and limited to knowledge learning. As a result, many college students are cautious and timid in their relationship with teachers, and they don't know how to establish a harmonious and good teacher-student relationship.

the teacher-student relationship is the most basic and important relationship between people in the process of education. A harmonious and good relationship between teachers and students should be a relationship of respecting teachers and loving students, learning from each other, and a harmonious and intimate relationship of equality, mutual respect and love. Of course, from the perspective of social psychology, teachers are in a dominant position in the education process, and their styles and ways of communicating with college students often play an important role in the relationship between teachers and students. However, as the saying goes, "it takes two to clap", and students' initiative also plays an important role in the relationship between teachers and students. In the process of interaction between teachers and students, teachers should be good teachers and friends of students, caring, respecting and caring for students; As students, they should also have a positive attitude, so as to establish a harmonious and good teacher-student relationship. So what should we do as college students themselves?

first of all, teachers must be respected. For anyone, respecting teachers is a minimum starting point for being a man. When people come to the world, besides the kindness of their parents, it is the virtue of teachers' teaching. The inheritance and continuation of human civilization is the first to promote the work of teachers. Teachers "preach, teach and dispel doubts" to students without selfishness or reservation. Teachers are willing to be a "ladder" in the cause of cultivating talents, so that students can climb the scientific peak on their own shoulders, light the lamp of students' hearts with their own sparks, and build skyscrapers in people's hearts with knowledge. Isn't this selfless dedication to human civilization worthy of our respect and love?

Secondly, think more about the teacher's difficulties and difficulties. Indeed, some of our teachers inevitably have shortcomings of one kind or another, or are tired of teaching work, or the teaching quality is not ideal or they often scold students, etc. For such teachers, we can politely point out their shortcomings, "Teacher, what you are doing is not in line with the teacher's identity" and "Teacher, you are wrong". However, we should also see that teachers' anger, anger, criticism and lessons are nothing more than expectations of us.