When "talking" about love, should we be completely transparent to each other? Can lovers say anything? What can I say and what can't I say? Can you understand whether the other person keeps silent to respect you or has nothing to say to you? Knowing these truths can avoid many misunderstandings.
The first book of love eloquence: "talk" about love and figure out what to say and what not to say.
Puppy love: show your true self to each other and frankly reveal your inner world.
At the beginning of love, both sides are strangers. At this stage, we need to confess our past to each other to show our sincerity, let each other believe in themselves and tell each other that although I have been in love, you are the best one. Of course, it is best not to describe the details too much, otherwise the other party will be psychologically unacceptable. You can tell each other your inner thoughts and favorite lifestyle with less actual descriptions and more exchanges of inner feelings.
In the process of communication: you need to know how to be honest and learn to be reserved.
If there are some minor problems between partners, the other party may think that you are unfaithful, but in fact, you didn't mean to leave TA, but you didn't "draw a line" with other members of the opposite sex on some occasions. In this case, voluntary confession may not be a wise choice. "Maybe it's just an occasional talk. Maybe it's just that you have some problems. You don't want the relationship between you to break down or end this relationship. Then, don't "confess leniency". Perhaps the original intention of your confession is to tell the other party that you have no other thoughts, or that there is no secret between you and TA, but it is very likely that your confession will directly lead you to the end. There are some things you can tell your friends, but you really can't tell your partner, because the other party will have very high demands on you, and it will be difficult for TA to accept some questions that you confess are not a problem.
In communication and getting along, some topics are untouchable.
Never criticize each other's family and friends. Family and friends all belong to TA's original circle. Maybe TA thinks there is something wrong with herself, and just wants to criticize it, but if you say such a thing from your mouth, the other party will definitely not tolerate it. It is better to guide TA to vomit quickly. Family members have no choice, friends can leave slowly, but remember, you must not be the one who criticizes. It is important to respect language. "You are such a person!" "How can you do this ..." "You will never change" "You are hopeless" and so on. Please try to avoid labeling each other.
Love eloquence book 2: sweet words are very important
After living for a long time, you will unconsciously ignore the sacrifices and efforts made by the other party for yourself, and gradually feel taken for granted. This attitude of taking it for granted will, over time, make the other party hold grudges, leading to dissatisfaction and contradictions. Psychologically speaking, emotional language can give each other the greatest emotional satisfaction. If a person can't get emotional satisfaction for a long time, it will not only lead to depression, but also lead to a series of psychological obstacles and diseases, so sweet words are very important even after marriage.
How should two people use sweet words?
It's simple-positive response. The so-called positive response, as the name implies, means that when one party does something, the other party gives a positive, positive and enthusiastic oral or physical response in time.
Imagine: if you come home from a busy day, or share with him the good things you have encountered today, or confide to him sadly the grievances you have suffered today, you must hope that he can also smile and say, "You are so lucky today!" " Or touch your head intimately and say, "Don't cry, I will feel distressed." . "But if he just said coldly," Oh. "What would your reaction be? It is estimated that a fierce husband-wife war is about to begin.
Similarly, men also need your positive response. Don't think that just because you are a woman, you can enjoy his kindness to you unscrupulously. If one day, he is tired of such a one-man show ... In fact, positive response is also very important in interpersonal communication, love, marriage and even family education. Some parents often complain that their children don't like talking to themselves at home, but a large part of the reason is that when their children first confide in you, you once snubbed him, or laughed at him and stopped him. The more times, the child will not say anything. If you had listened with interest and responded positively when children told you about their classmates and teachers, they would certainly not be silent in front of you.
Love eloquence book 3: positive coping methods in marriage life
1. Thank the other half and be grateful.
Many people think that since they are married, they don't need to thank each other, but gratitude seems strange. However, the research of algie, a social psychology researcher, shows that gratitude will affect the relationship between husband and wife, and the times of expressing gratitude and sincerity are directly proportional to the satisfaction of husband and wife with their married life.
In the experiment, couples were asked to thank their partners every night for two weeks, and at the same time, the satisfaction and intimacy of husband and wife were rated. The results show that the more they thank their partners that day, the better their relationship, the closer they feel to their partners, and the higher their satisfaction with their relationship the next day. In addition, their partners are more satisfied with their relationship and feel closer to each other on the same day.
Therefore, often expressing gratitude to your partner, instead of taking the other person's help and goodwill for granted, can consolidate the relationship between the two people and achieve harmony in the long run. When he is helping you lift heavy objects, sharing housework, cooking milk and taking care of you when you are sick … have you ever expressed your gratitude? You don't have to say "thank you", but sweet words like "that's very kind of you" are enough to respond to his contribution to you.
2. The hostess should keep positive emotions and make family life easier.
The so-called positive emotions are joy, gratitude, calmness, concern, expectation, pride, enjoyment, encouragement, awe and love. Psychologist Fred Rickson found that positive emotions, even temporary ones, can expand our thinking and make us more closely connected with others.
Whether a family is happy or not has a lot to do with the character of the hostess. If the hostess's personality is warm, humorous and cheerful, then the atmosphere at home is relaxed and happy. If the hostess is cold, withdrawn and neurotic, then the atmosphere of this family is cold and tense at any time.
Therefore, as the hostess of the family, it is very important to keep positive emotions, and the key to learning positive emotions is to respond positively. Actively interact with husbands and children when they come home. When they share trifles in their work and life with you, they should respond in time, give their attitudes and opinions seriously, let them feel their importance in their hearts, realize your importance to them, and let them rely on you and trust you psychologically. And in return, they are willing to respond positively to your conversation.
Some women will use such words: I can't finish so many housework, so I don't have the heart to listen. Let them do some housework for me, I want to sleep after a hard day … and so on. In fact, doing housework is to keep the home clean and tidy, and working is also to make the family life better, which does not conflict with making the family feel happy. You can let them do housework with you, chat with you, or simply put down housework for a while, because the other person's desire to talk is fleeting and housework can be done at any time.
3. Respond to yourself.
A study by Valleyland, a social psychologist, found that partners can maintain themselves while becoming more intimate, which is conducive to the development of mature relationships. This intimate relationship allows each other to continue to cultivate their hobbies, rather than suppressing themselves and relying too much on each other. Maintaining a positive response to yourself will make every response have a position and opinion, and will not be out of touch with the surface, making the other party feel flattered. You can respond willingly instead of being forced to do so.
4. Let the other person feel love and respond.
Women like to be spoiled by the man they love, but this does not mean that women can blindly ask for and enjoy each other's love. For couples, if one party has too many psychological advantages, sooner or later, the one who pays too much will feel unbalanced, and the marriage crisis will appear at any time. Although couples don't have to be too careful about who has paid how much, if one party keeps asking for it and makes the other party feel that their efforts and efforts are always not recognized and affirmed, they will feel that there is no need to pay again. Therefore, timely introspection and nip in the bud is the best way to make marriage happy.
Even if you are beautiful and rich, you have no reason to let your lover pay endlessly. Blindly above each other is tantamount to emotional abuse of him. Over time, no matter how much he loves you, one day he will "rise up." The ideal way for husband and wife to get along with each other is to make the other person feel that his love can always be answered in front of you and his self-esteem can be inflated, instead of doubting his own advantages and lowering his self-worth in front of you. Only in this way can he love without regrets.
Love eloquence volume 4: the correct way to respond positively
1, praise your partner's good performance.
When the other party has good news, you should show that the other party is happy and praise the other party, so that he can get great spiritual satisfaction. Especially for men, getting the praise and admiration of their loved ones can give them a sense of accomplishment more than real good news. Besides, keep your focus and actively participate in the dialogue, and express your interest and excitement with body language!
2. Bring your partner out of the doldrums.
When a lover has many negative emotions, he should listen patiently, learn to feel the same, and comfort and release him with hugs and beautiful sex. Express your trust in him, show weakness accordingly, and inspire him to overcome the pressure.
3. Pay attention to details and respond with details.
Psychologist Fred Rickson suggests that you should pay attention to the small pieces of life between husband and wife, especially the events that your partner cares about or has mentioned. When there are contradictions between husband and wife, the details between husband and wife are very important. You can use these details to arouse your partner's nostalgia for married life and realize his position in your mind. This is a very effective positive response, and it is easy to ignore the longer the husband and wife live, but if it can be done, the most tacit and firm state of husband and wife relationship can be achieved.
4. Make your language as beautiful and fragrant as a rose.
Discard some hurtful words that are often blurted out, such as "You are such a person", "You don't love me at all" and "I know what you have been doing", and quickly close the distance with a cheerful tone. Don't put on a bad face in front of your lover, or bring psychological rainy weather to your lover in a semi-shady tone, and don't treat the family atmosphere with bad emotions. If you need to criticize your partner, please start gently, which can effectively let your lover drop his guard, fight back and listen to your opinions and suggestions. Whether speaking or responding, always remind yourself to pay attention to your lover's expression, especially the expression of body language, and adjust your wording in time.