It has been more than 20 years since you abandoned your husband and children, and you have a good life there. Just because my husband died, does it make sense for you to go back?
You changed your marriage. Compared with your husband's children, they are all adults. The reason why I can live there is because the old man feels a passion. As for the children, they are all adults. First, they don't need your nose to shit. Second, they don't need any financial assistance. They tolerate you because of his father's face. It is normal for people to put tea in a cold place.
So it's normal for ex-husband's children and ex-husband's children not to want you This may make you sad. But this is an obvious fact. It's here. It's no use being wronged. They are more wronged than you, especially the children of their ex-husbands.
I feel that neither of the two routes you mentioned is desirable. Don't expect your ex-husband or your stephusband children to support you. Self-reliance is the best, and it is your pleasure to have a room and a half to accommodate you.
The divorce rate is so high now. Advise those who don't have the financial strength to divorce easily to think about it. Don't abandon your children; Don't pull the plow for others easily. Otherwise, it will end badly. Remember.
When I married my lover, his biological father had passed away, and I had never seen him. Mother-in-law married Uncle Zhang again.
Both sides have children, and we only go home for reunion during the Spring Festival. Everyone is very polite together, and nothing has happened for decades.
It's really hard for my mother-in-law to live with Uncle Zhang for decades. When she got married, the three children of Zhang Shu's family were younger than us. The youngest is only 7 years old, the second is 9 years old and the oldest is 12 years old. Zhang Shu's children are all raised by local fame and fortune, but do you know how hard their mother is? She spent all her energy on Zhang Shu's children, afraid of others gossiping and trying to be nice to Zhang Shu's children. In this way, she brought up her three children wholeheartedly and married Zhang Shu together. Later, my mother personally raised the grandchildren of the three families from childhood to adulthood. My mother-in-law has never taken care of any of our grandchildren.
In 2007, Zhang Shu fell ill and her mother-in-law took care of her for more than a year. Their children just go to see everyone who takes care of his father. There are many stories here. In short, children from rich families and children from poor families handle things differently.
After Zhang Shu died, her mother-in-law lived in that house for only a week, and Zhang Shu's youngest son moved.
We took our mother-in-law back without saying anything. Sometimes when chatting with her mother-in-law, she feels sorry for her grandchildren. People have to experience this life, mainly when they encounter problems. They should deal with them with simple thinking and treat them with a normal heart. Gains and losses are not very important, as long as people are good.
Finally, my conclusion is that you'd better find your own children to support the elderly, so that everyone will be fine!
I think you remarried at the age of 52 and have been with your second wife for 2 1 year. For your stepson, you have no credit and hard work. But who should you look for to support your old age? Legally speaking, of course it should be your own child. First, do you have a pension? After being with my ex-wife for more than 20 years, did I leave you any real estate or pension? Deposit? And do you have your own old house? To sum up, do you have the money to cross the river? Pension? Pension money? This is the premise of providing for the aged. I have an example around me that can give you some advice. However, you must change your mind and put yourself in others' shoes. Because you are only 73, you want to live with your children. This idea should be dismissed as soon as possible. Let me talk about the reasons first:
You have been remarried for more than 20 years, and 52 is a good age. So who do you take care of most after remarriage for more than 20 years, of course, your ex-wife. Who are you babysitting for? Which is better for you, yourself or your stepson? Who is closer, you or your two children? Who do you help more? The main reason is that there is a generation gap between you and your children and stepsons, and it is easy to have conflicts together. So now you have to change the concept of raising children to prevent old age, so how do you support the elderly? Here are a few small examples to see if they can help you:
First, take care of yourself at home, 73 taking care of yourself is ok.
My classmate's mother was about your age when she remarried, except that she was 84 years old. His wife died two years ago, with a pension of about 2000 yuan. Her stepchildren gave her father a house of 65,438+000 square meters, plus savings and pension. Her wife took 50 thousand when she left, and she thought she should take it. Stepson said: You have taken care of my father for 30 years, and you deserve it.
Now, my mother thinks the house is too big and lives in a small house near her daughter. She lives by herself, is in good health and can play mobile phones. My daughter runs a jiaozi shop outside, and she also helps. She has only one son. She used to oppose her mother's marriage and didn't have much contact. Now she understands. My daughter also took her around. She had a good time every day and had a bright personality.
If you can take care of yourself and have a house to live in. My mother is 82 years old, so she doesn't go to anyone's house and takes care of herself. My daughter will stay with her grandmother for one night. Don't bother your children, but live with them. Self-care is the best choice. Because old people like to live alone now. You have been away from your children for 20 years. If you live in the same city and get along well, that is to say, get around more. You have a good relationship with your stepchildren. Why live with two children? Especially for stepchildren, do you think it is reasonable for you to go to other people's homes to support the elderly? Or should I divide it? If they can pay some money, it is understanding. If children have good conditions and social security, make more friends and travel with them.
Taking care of yourself at home is your best choice. No matter what happens to the old people around me, more than 90% of them take care of themselves at home. Follow-up under special circumstances.
Second, go back to your children's home and take turns to stay for the elderly.
My mother has a fellow villager in the country. At the age of 70, she lives with an old man from a different place and has not applied for a permit for seven or eight years. After the wife left, the stepson said, If you don't want to go back to your hometown, we will also take care of you and give you the phone bill. Because you and your father didn't get the license either. If you go home, I will give you 1 0,000 yuan to spend money. Because she has seven children. She chose to go home, and the daughter of the original house had been turned over. She is also 78 years old and in good health. The children take turns in class. If she had a house, she would live by herself.
Another classmate's father is a retired teacher, with his ex-wife 12 years, and his stepmother is in the country. Because of the dispute between the pension and the stepmother, the law finally mediated the matter and broke the mutual affection.
Third, if you just don't want to cook, go to a nursing home.
This is the last choice. Going to the county public nursing home is not expensive and the conditions are good.
Fourth, find a suitable partner.
My mother is a neighbor. 1980 found a stepmother and went for a walk together every day. It's been seven or eight years now. This is a joke.
Who should you look for to support your old age? You should defend yourself. Because, although you remarried at the age of 52, you raised your own children. It is natural to find your own children to support the elderly and how to support them. You negotiate with women. You want to live with your children anyway. This is not the best choice, and there are many troubles and contradictions because they don't want to. You look for stepsons, they are not responsible, maybe you take care of them, that depends on mutual affection. There is absolutely no way for me to let them raise it and want to live together. Because people don't want to. If you are kind and grateful, it is not bad to give you some living expenses.
First of all, you should calm down and sit down and negotiate with the children. Then ask your stepchildren if they will miss you and give you some love because you have taken care of their father for more than 20 years. You have no pension, do you? Because, no matter how the marriage changes, the concept of providing for the aged will not change. But how does the river support the elderly? Children's life is not easy, and old-age care cannot be entirely dependent on children. It has long been planned. I don't know what your plan is. It's too late to plan now.
If both children are willing to pay some living expenses, it is filial piety. But you should know that children are the main ones, and stepchildren are interdependent. My friend's father and stepmother have been on good terms for 30 years. Because her stepmother is very kind to her father. Their brothers and sisters regard her as their mother and will never forget her. If your stepchildren give you some living expenses, you should be satisfied. You should let them take care of you unless you make a great contribution, pay and contribute. Then you can't live with others, mainly because you have children. If you don't have your own children, you really have a stepson to support you.
Take care of yourself first. You can't take care of yourself in a nursing home. Don't want to have two children, even your own children don't want to? Are you still looking forward to your stepson? You have made a great contribution to that child. They have to pay for living expenses, rent a house, and don't share it with them. When the contradiction is big, the rest of the emotions will fade. To coordinate with them, it is most feasible for the elderly to live alone. If they care about you, they may often come to see you and help you live and travel. I'm so comfortable, I don't bother the children, and there are fewer contradictions. Children are reluctant, and there are many contradictions in cohabitation. You find your children first, know their thoughts and ask them what to do. It's not who you want to live with. Do you know your children? How much do you care about each other in 20 years? What is your relationship with your stepson who is not your own? Pension is not for you to decide. You can spend it with whoever you want. If your children are grateful, you don't have to mention it. They will arrange it themselves. Now you can live by yourself if you have a room. How much does it cost you to coordinate with your children every month? This is the king. Can't move. Is it a nursing home? Or hire a nanny? Where does the cost come from? This is the last sentence.
I'm 60 years old. Just look at my baby daughter. I can take care of myself and support the elderly, but I can't hire a nanny or go to a nursing home. Will not disturb the children, go to the daughter's home for the elderly. There are many old people in the street now, and some of them live with their children. Most of them still give full play to the waste heat and send their grandchildren to take care of their children.
As long as the child's family is stable, don't upset the balance. Children know how to be grateful and pay for it, which is filial piety. Only by changing old ideas can life be smooth. If you support yourself, you will have less troubles.
Aunt Li was sent back to her hometown by her stepson! Sadly, the elderly, the sick and the disabled have no one to support them! Aunt Li's support case was finally settled after repeated mediation by the village Committee! Today, under the auspices of the Township Political and Legal Committee, Aunt Li and her children signed the mediation book and pressed their handprints. ...
Aunt Li is from He Lin Village, Jinfeng Town. At the age of 46, her husband Liu Min died in a drunken car accident. After a year of widowhood, she ignored the strong opposition of her married children and didn't take her grandchildren. With her savings, she resolutely married sanjiang town's "Queen Chen" (nickname, honey merchant)! She declared: "regardless of the second generation, I support you and my own children take care of themselves"!
This queen Chen is a dead wife. She is a smart person, doing business with her mother in the old man's street shop. Her only son is married, and she has children who live with her 69-year-old grandmother, who helps to raise her great-grandson ... one is a semi-old village woman with charm, and the other is a middle-aged man who has been single for two years. They are like a duck to water, doing small business and living a happy life ...
Maybe the little life is too moist. Before the age of 60, Aunt Li had high blood pressure, and Queen Chen also had "three highs"! When Queen Chen was 64 years old, cancer came uninvited and she went to Huaxi Hospital for surgery. After some chemotherapy and radiotherapy, she was transferred to the county hospital for medication. Three years later, she spent all her savings ... so much so that Aunt Li didn't even have the money to buy old-age insurance ... She had to start a small business and save money for old-age care while supporting her life. As for the children in her hometown, she has long lost contact. ...
One day three years later, the neighbor saw that she hadn't opened the door after 8 o'clock and asked the police locksmith to pry the door in ... She had a stroke and was lying on the floor, unable to speak ... The stepson took her to the hospital and paid 5,000 yuan, but she didn't pay any attention ... Fortunately, with the help of her neighbor's aunt, she was discharged with a limp on her left foot half a month later. ...
No business! When her stepson has money, she goes to look for her stepson to provide for the aged. The stepson replied, "You didn't raise my children, and I have no responsibility to provide for your old age"! She was angry and went home. "The port here is good, and the two shops are worth hundreds of thousands. I sold them to a nursing home and lived there! "
There was a buyer, but when she went to ask her stepson for the real estate license, her stepson replied, "The store is none of your business. The names of grandparents are written on the real estate license. Before grandpa died, he took grandma to do notarization and gave me the shop. Dad knows this, you ask grandma! "
She was very angry. I've been married to Queen Chen for 20 years, but I can't get my share, so I had a big fight ... 1 10 is coming, the mayor is coming! The stepson took out the notarial certificate, and the 89-year-old grandmother came to testify on crutches ... This store really has nothing to do with her! A year later, the old city was rebuilt, and the dangerous houses in He Lin Old Street were demolished. The stepson got a new house and was compensated. After giving her 10000 yuan, drive her back to her hometown and give it to her daughter to leave. ...
Here comes the trouble. The son-in-law wouldn't let her in: "Where have you been for 20 years? Where were you when we needed you? "
The other party built a building in the town, but he raked his ears. The daughter-in-law refused to let her mother-in-law into the house: "When we need you to take care of the baby, you can't get married and support the elderly"! So she limped back to the desolate old house. ...
"You can't starve to death," said the branch secretary. This is the opening ... the member of the township political and legal Committee said: "No matter what your mother did in the past, your brother and sister have no reason not to support her, or send her to a nursing home, or repair the old house and take turns to support her!"
In the end, the two agreed to repair the old house and take turns to support it, because a semi-disabled old man like Aunt Li needs at least 6,000 yuan a month, and the brother and sister are not rich farmers, so they can't afford that much money!
Alas, it seems that you should think twice before remarriage!
You are 73 years old. When you were 52 years old 20 years ago, you remarried to an old man. Your own children and the old man's children must have been married by then.
There is nothing wrong with your remarriage, and it is not illegal for you to find an old man to live together again. What you didn't expect was that the old man didn't support you, he walked in front of you, and you became a loner again. It's really pitiful.
Now that you are 73 years old, it must be difficult to live independently without anyone to take care of you. If you find another old man, people may dislike that you are too old to meet the right one.
The only way is to turn to your children and let them die for you, but you find that your own children and stepsons are unwilling to accept you.
This is inevitable. Because of them, they are used to life without old people around them. One more old lady in front of Lengding will definitely not adapt.
If you are in good health, don't always think about which child you belong to. My own son agrees, but my wife may not want to. Stepson, you have no hope. You can only live alone for a while, which is the wisest.
But you have to go back to your own children, whether it is a loan to buy a house or rent a house, find your son and let him be responsible. After many years, you can't take care of yourself, you must be responsible for your children.
Stepchildren have no responsibility to support you, and you can't stay. If the old man dies and nothing is left for you, and you have no money, you can ask your stepchildren for it.
After all, you have lived with their father for so many years, and they should pay a little.
Remarriage at 52 is definitely the wrong choice!
A 52-year-old single woman, if the other person's economic conditions are slightly better, will be as confident as a fan as what kind of man she can marry, even if it is an ordinary house, an ordinary car and an ordinary pension, a man nearly 10 years older than you. Even if you are better than him in all aspects, he won't look at his own conditions and ask you to be white, beautiful, with long legs, and you can cook and clean up the house. You can't be strong ... Why is he so "confident"? Because in a high probability, women live longer than men, at least 5 years to 10 years or even 15 to 20 years. When people reach the age of 60, single women gradually increase. It is easy for a man to choose a high-quality woman, but it is not easy for a woman to choose a high-quality man. Some women will marry, but the economic conditions of these women are not very good, and some seem to be external conditions. They usually have two choices. If a man can provide her with a quality life or improve her life quality at this time, she may get married. If not, it will take 886 minutes. Because it is almost impossible for a woman in her fifties to really like an ordinary old man (retired), who will marry if she does not accumulate some financial security for her old age? Because at least the last five years of a woman's life, after all, need to be alone. People need money more when they are old. When they were young, they traded their lives for money. When they are old, they trade their lives for money. Since the 52-year-old woman remarried, this man must have provided value, including emotional value, and the bottom line is that this woman will not be upset or reduce her quality of life because of remarriage.
Another reason why a 52-year-old woman remarries is to find someone to talk to. Chatting is more difficult than money. It involves a person's life experience, education, knowledge reserve, personality and even family background. Some people can talk to death in minutes, while others break up through gossip, which reflects a person's life level and level. Not only can't they please you, but they also want to kill him in minutes. He is also eloquent, unaware and crying. Can you get married here?
It is risky for a 50-year-old woman to remarry. If you meet the wrong person, it's hard for you to get out. If you meet an old man with extreme personality, it is exaggerated to say that you may die!
A woman is 50 years old. If you can't marry, don't marry! It is true that you will be lonely and even depressed sometimes, but will remarriage solve these problems? No, remarriage will create new problems. I don't deny the chance to meet my lover, but it's too little!
Yesterday in the cooking class, everyone had a good chat and gossip. A classmate's friend, 70-year-old liver failure, his 50-year-old second wife successfully matched and decisively donated liver. Their second-married child is five years old this year. What do I want to explain? I want to explain that nothing is generalized. Maybe many people think that women are material. In fact, women look at and love a man through material things. No matter how old a woman is, she is an animal to be worshipped. Women will love because of worship. This kind of love is true love. Love can be enough to donate your liver or live and die for him. This is the essence of women! And an old man who can't be worshipped by women will only make women feel disgusted and strong about him. The more he vomits, the more he wants to slap him! Don't always talk about strong women. Women are getting smaller every second in front of men they admire. A woman who is strong to you can only prove that you are weak, too weak, at least weaker than her. If you play the clown again, women will only think about one thing: delete this stupid man from life quickly!
When single women reach the age of 50, they will take part in some group activities and study. Whether you are on the job or not, she will go to the university for the aged. There are many "young people" in their forties and fifties who can sing in chorus, chat and have many topics, and make good friends, whether boyfriends or girlfriends. Don't always think about remarriage. People will be lonely when they are old. This is man's destiny. This is enough to make every day of their lives happy, rich and simple! As for the future, when people are old, they all belong to people with low energy. Don't expect another old man to save you. If you must feel safe, this is Qian Qian's money. Cover your pockets, live a good daily life and stay healthy. This is the best choice for a 50-year-old woman. Don't risk overdrawing her old age unless there is a small probability of good things!
You have children, whether you change or not, you should let your children support the elderly. It is estimated that your stepchildren will get married when you come to his house. Therefore, you should let your children support you. Both she and they have the obligation to support their parents. If you have a good relationship with your stepchildren, she and he can come to see you from time to time.
If you raise your stepchildren, she should also raise your stepmother when you have no children of your own. If you don't raise your stepchildren, then your children should support you.
I think your children obviously have the courage to take care of you! When remarried, the stepson depends on whether he is an adult at that time. If they are underage, after your second marriage, you and your stephusband have fulfilled their obligations to raise stepchildren, so stepchildren should also fulfill their legal obligations to take care of them. In short, now you can find your adopted children or stepchildren and ask them to do their duty of being brave!
I use the real facts around me to answer this question, which is the best way for second-married women to provide for the elderly now.
After my neighbor's wife died, her children also got married. At that time, she was fifty years old. With the support of her children, she remarried and moved to the city, and her second married children also got married. She treats her children and stepchildren equally. However, her second wife died prematurely. After her second wife died, her stepchildren still treated her in the same way. They always spent a lot of money on her. They also bought her clothes, her favorite food, and gave her the key to the house, so that she could enter this warm home at any time when she came back from the countryside.
She went back to her son, where the children and daughter-in-law were also very filial to her and gave her money to spend and buy her clothes. Now she is old and happy.
What does this mean? If the second married woman and the first husband choose to divorce, regardless of their children's opposition to abandon their unmarried children and remarry, it is certain that their children will not support themselves when they are old. If the second-married family remarries, the stepson will not be treated as his own child, let alone provide for the elderly, and even the second-married wife will be kicked out of the house when she dies.
Therefore, the problem of providing for the elderly women who are second-married is entirely a way of providing for the elderly caused by their previous behavior, rather than forcing their children and stepchildren to provide for the elderly. There are too many such examples among the people.
When you are 52 years old, your children are probably all adults, and then you remarry and have children with your current wife, and most of them are adults. This means that your own children and stepchildren are adults, and they don't want you to raise them. In terms of blood relationship, people's conscience says that stepchildren have no responsibility to support you, but you can inherit the inheritance of your current wife. The only thing you need now is your own children to support the elderly. On the other hand, it is understandable that stepsons don't want to raise you, because they are not your own. But why don't your own children welcome you to retire? I guess, did you abandon your ex-husband and choose to remarry your current husband in pursuit of personal happiness? Or your ex-husband died, but your child is married and has grandchildren, and you choose to remarry without grandchildren, which hurts your child's heart? At this time, your children must have a great opinion of you, and no one will welcome you back for retirement. But in the end, I give you good news, that is, what you did was wrong. As your own children, you should also provide for the elderly. This is the national legal policy. If your own children don't want you, you can go to court to sue them and let the court force them to provide for your old age. This is the only way.