In daily life, we will find that some children are too introverted and shy, and are unwilling to communicate with others. Because he is unwilling to communicate with others, the child has few friends. Parents who encounter this situation will inevitably become worried, fearing that their child's personality will have a negative impact on their future life.

I have a friend’s daughter who is like this. Whenever she goes to a crowded place, she just wants to hide behind her mother. When she gets to school, she doesn’t dare to play with other children. She only likes to play after class. Staying in the corner, the teacher at the school also communicated with my friend many times, and my friend also talked to her baby several times, trying to make her more cheerful, but it had no effect. The little girl was still so shy and timid. , this friend of mine also had a headache and complained to me frequently.

After listening to my friend’s description, I thought this child probably suffered from “child social phobia”.

Most children with "social phobia" will be very afraid of contact with others and will feel uncomfortable as long as strangers are present. But deep down in their hearts, they still want to communicate with others, but they are afraid of being rejected, so they have such psychological barriers. So what causes children to suffer from "social phobia"?

First, the living environment is disharmonious

If the child lives in a tense family environment for a long time, for example, parents often quarrel, domestic violence, etc. These unhealthy life factors will unknowingly have an irreversible impact on the healthy growth of children. Because children are afraid of becoming the weak one and are also afraid of being hurt, they will gradually form a self-enclosed defense mechanism. Over time, children will begin to be afraid of strangers. On the other hand, if parents are too strict with their children, it will also cause the children to form a kind of "behavioral inhibition" subconsciously, and this subconscious mind will also make the children behave very conservatively with strangers and dare not show their true self. That side of.

Second, have experienced psychological trauma

If other children have bullied their children when playing together, or after getting into trouble, the parents have ever bullied their children in front of a large group of people. The occurrence of similar situations such as scolding a child in person will more or less hinder the child's normal socialization in the future, which will in turn make the child continue to retreat when faced with social activities. Over time, his social deficiencies will be revealed. place.

Third, being labeled negatively by parents

We will find that most children with social phobia will always be labeled negatively by their parents, which is often heard Parents use negative energy to say to their children: "Why are you so stupid?" If a child often hears negative words from his parents, it will make the child lack self-confidence and begin to question his own abilities. Over time, originally smart children may actually become what their parents say is a stupid child under such negative influence. The famous pediatrician Adele Farber once said: "Never underestimate the impact of your words on a child's life." Therefore, as parents, we still need to be cautious in our words and deeds.

Fourth, the lack of the role of parents

In order to provide a better material environment for their children, many parents leave their children in the care of their grandparents when they are very young. Although the starting point is It is good, but intergenerational education has many disadvantages. Many grandparents pay too much attention to their children's food, clothing, housing and transportation, but do not know how to guide their children to have normal social interactions. Therefore, the children's interpersonal communication skills have not been effectively developed and exercised, that is, It is very easy to develop social phobia.

Since social control is caused by many factors, what should we do as parents to help our children get rid of this psychological disorder? In fact, there is indeed a method that can help children get out of the haze as soon as possible. This method is the systematic desensitization method.

The healing principle of systematic desensitization lies in combating conditioned reflexes. Anxiety or fear is actually a learned behavior that can be completely eliminated with human intervention. For example, if a child develops a conditioned reflex due to fear of crowds, then the best way to eliminate this fear is to face the crowd and resist this long-standing conditioned reflex.

So how should parents use the "systematic desensitization method" to help their children get rid of psychological difficulties?

First, help children establish social anxiety levels

Due to the limited cognitive level of children, they cannot clearly express the level of anxiety. At this time, parents need to take action and promptly Communicate with children effectively, arrange them in an orderly manner according to their fear values, and establish a social fear communication level table. For example: Level 1: Seeing many strangers, mild fear, fear value 15; Level 2: Saying hello to uncles and aunts, moderate fear, fear value 30; Level 3, playing with other children, Severe fear, fear value 60. Just list the things like this first. Here is just an example. The specific situation depends on the actual situation of the child.

Second, train children to relax emotionally

In this step, what parents need to do is to create a quiet environment for their children through some descriptive language and soothing and soft music. External environment, and then let the child slowly close his eyes and enter a meditative state, and finally let the child relax from the inside out.

Third, carry out imagination desensitization training

Take the second level we mentioned earlier as an example. When the child is in a relaxed state, guide the child to imagine that his parents are thinking If the child starts to become nervous while imagining the scene of greeting uncles and aunts, he needs to stop in time and enter a relaxed state again. This process takes a relatively long time and needs to be practiced repeatedly until the child is no longer nervous about a certain level before he can enter higher-level training. What should be noted here is that only when the child reaches the level of complete desensitization can he enter the next stage of realistic desensitization.

Fourth, conduct reality desensitization training

Reality desensitization is the most difficult part. After all, there is a certain gap between reality and imagination, so what parents do at this time is particularly important. important. For example, when taking a child to play in an amusement park, the child falls into a state of nervousness. At this time, parents need to give strength to the child through physical contact. Remember one rule: let your children feel their parents' love for them, and don't let them have the wrong idea of ??being abandoned or similar.

However, in most cases, it takes a long time for children to get over social phobia. At this time, parents need to be patient enough to accompany their children. The situation of some children may be more serious. , it may take several days to achieve one level of desensitization. These are normal, and parents should not be too anxious.