It's raining outside the window and the air pressure is gloomy. Without friends and relatives, the past years are full of pain, and you can't turn back. No one can tell, and no one can give half a comfort. The road ahead is vast.

There are two red mansions facing the cold, covered by rain, and a pearl curtain lamp shakes my lonely heart and goes home.

How should we spend such a night?

0 1

My growth path and routine are different. Besides spending a stable primary school with my parents, I have been wandering around different boarding schools. At every stage, I didn't make really good friends, and no one helped me when I met difficulties and setbacks. At the end of each stage, I will have hope for the next stage: I will be better next time. I will have a colorful life, a partner and a lover. However, such a beautiful thing has never happened to me once. All I have left is the scars derived from loneliness after being excluded and bullied.

Marx said that man is the sum of all social relations. But I finally didn't find any social relations except my parents. In the latitude and longitude of society, I only have length, width and height, without latitude and longitude, like a balloon floating in the air.

If the balloon shakes slowly, a branch will break it. I'm just teetering in this world. On the surface, it barely supports a naive and safe school, but it is almost decadent inside.

I seize everything that can be connected with the world, so that life is not so lonely and bitter. Also because of fear of eternal darkness, I gave up a wider sky and more room for growth, quietly hiding in the corner, ruminating on my bleak past.

At the same time, I realized that there was something wrong with my cognition. My scientific name is learned helplessness.

02

Learned helplessness refers to the psychological state in which an individual experiences some kind of learning in the face of uncontrollable situations, forming uncontrollable cognition that no matter how hard he tries, he can't change the outcome of things, and then leads to giving up his efforts.

In my opinion, the horror of learned helplessness's sense in the establishment of social relations is that it basically cuts off the road to help.

If it is an ordinary disease, ordinary pain and ordinary frustration, the solution can not be separated from the help of parents, relatives and friends. The lovelorn girl needs to talk to her best friend. A sister who doesn't work well will be taken out for a good meal by her sister, and a salesman who is running away will drown his sorrows with his brother. Good communication channels will alleviate all kinds of pains brought by society.

However, I was cut off from all hopes and possibilities. Even if I reach out and touch it carefully, I know very well that the darkness and negativity in my body are unbearable and indelible wherever I can touch it. Life is not easy, work is not easy, I am alone. How do we move on?

03

When I was in England, all the consultants I came into contact with were humanistic schools. Tell me two key points of consultation very clearly: no suggestion; Pay attention to the feeling itself. "There is no right or wrong thing in itself, but how you look at it," they said.

But it's not that amazing. Being in the consulting room for five hours doesn't mean that I can change from a pessimist to an optimist at once. I learned from Fiona that my feelings were very negative and helpless. Maybe things are not so bad, but I just feel helpless and confused.

Not only that, the society is so turbulent, epidemics, layoffs and other things that no one can imagine happen one after another, and the dust of any era falls on our heads, which is an explosive death. How can I be positive? How to be optimistic? Calculate the probability a little, everyone knows that the future will not be better, and I will not be happier. Even if I forget my present troubles because of drugs and temporary happiness, I will definitely fall into hell again because of new pains and new troubles, won't I? Nothing gold can stay.

When I'm alone, I still have to be vigilant at all times. Anxiety is a biological instinct, and depression is a death instinct. Life and death instinct alternate, I just feel at a loss. I can't seem to escape from this strange circle.

04

? If I can still be redeemed

? If someone has a similar experience with me, maybe I can get some enlightenment from my experience:

1, which cannot be mentioned repeatedly.

Although in a desperate situation, you need the support of even strangers. But too much discussion of regret and negative emotions will only aggravate the negative emotions themselves. Therefore, when a problem arises and you are ready to ask your parents or strangers or anyone who is friendly to you for help, quietly set a time limit for yourself: I will only talk about this problem for x minutes, and then I will start looking for a solution.

If I can't solve this problem at present, I will start eating, drinking, beautifying my skin, writing poems and lyrics, and reading novels. I believe that if you find this problem, you will be able to solve it. Although it can't be solved at present, we have the idea of solving it in our hearts, so it will be solved naturally one day.

2. Thinking about dimension promotion

My parents can't understand why I cried in the middle class of kindergarten: when I can't even tie my shoelaces/cuffs/open a kettle, my mind will bang: It's over, I can't even do such a thing. What can I do when I grow up? I'm probably a loser in my life.

Now my mood in learned helplessness is probably the same as that in kindergarten. I don't believe that I will change when I grow up, and I don't believe that I will not be disappointed by time.

Therefore, during the island period, we need to look at adults. Tell yourself: when I struggle to earn 100 million or 200 million yuan first in the future, the partners who may flock to me will make me miss the freedom in the isolated island period. After all, the true meaning of friendship is the exchange of values.

? Don't do anything with willpower

Once you use willpower, you will be disappointed.

Studying your mind all night, writing 36 dating plans, trying to join 50+ local friends and keeping seeing a stranger every week will only make you more depressed and helpless. It's even more unfair to dream at midnight.

When there are no resources and channels to learn more professional and suitable industry knowledge, spending two or three hours studying this difficult subject every night is as painful as the college entrance examination, and in the end you will find yourself a layman. I can only complain that I chose the wrong major and loved life by mistake.

Always need to move forward comfortably, slowly, shallowly and intently. The accumulation of wealth is always exponential rather than linear, and so is intimacy.

? Step 4 allow yourself to rot

Tell yourself that wasting time is to relax, not to fail.

? Trying to make friends with them but being betrayed? This is not a painful experience of failure, but an experience of seeing human nature clearly.

? Try to finish something and fail? Not a failure. It is screening and accumulating experience.

? You work hard but always hit a wall. You are getting older and older. Do you think you have accomplished nothing? This is not nothing, but it gives you more frustration and helps you find the differences between people in thinking and cognition.

? Learning to sing and dance and go to work on time is not without a sense of crisis, but knowing what love is.

I am crazy Ji. Let's level the world without roses with gentle machine guns.