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What does it mean to be boring (to make friends, you must make friends with boring people)
Wen | Yan Xiaoer's Philosophical Essay

I believe that there must be people in your life who are "eloquent" and even feel a little "naturally familiar".

Such people are often very happy to show themselves. Wherever they go, they are always crowding round and making a scene. Wherever he/she goes, his/her high-profile style will always make people remember them.

However, there is a kind of person whose performance is completely opposite to that of a "glib talker".

They may not be very talkative or even good at doing things, and they look "slow" and "dull". So they always miss some benefits and honors. But they don't seem to feel "sorry" for these "missed" interests and honors, and they seem to be "slow" in terms of fame and fortune.

Here, under the view of gain and loss of ordinary people, such "plain" people are often not as popular as those who are "eloquent" and "willing to show" in the new environment.

However, I don't know if you have noticed that for a long time to come, people who seem to be "dull" are more loved and trusted by people around them.

The one who is "eloquent" may be alienated because he is too pushy or even too utilitarian. Even if it is a hot chat with people, it is just a "cold face" for taking part in accidental amusement.

Why is this? Confucian Confucius has the answer.

Thousands of years ago, Confucius, a great thinker in China who studied ethics, said this:

"Gang, Yi, Mu, that,"

This sentence is recorded in the Analects of Confucius. You can have a look if you are interested.

What does Confucius mean by this sentence? He is telling future generations that "blandness" is a quality close to "benevolence".

In Confucianism, "benevolence" is the representative feature of a gentleman. Gentleman is the ideal personality of Confucianism, and it is also the noble character pursued by countless literati all their lives.

Therefore, we can also think that Confucius is telling us that perhaps "dull" people are more sincere and worthy of deep friendship than those who profit from clever words.

"Gang, Yi, Mu, Na," this sentence of Confucius is only six words, but it has a thorough understanding of human nature.

In Confucianism, "the benevolent loves others". The lover's "gentleman" will not have the "utilitarian heart" of being competitive, but he is often modest and practical. Here, humble and practical, they may seem a bit "Buddhist" or even "dull" in front of people.

In Yan Xiaoer's mind, they are not "slow", but "slow" in the utilitarian struggle and even unwilling to make a "response". They are not "inarticulate", but have no intention to speak loudly in order to "show themselves". Even if they "do", they will not publicize their "achievements" everywhere. This is not what they want. They always seem to be "silent" here.

In other words, down-to-earth people tend to be more determined, simple and even taciturn. They prefer to control their inner "Tao" with practical actions, and have no intention of gaining fame and fortune with gorgeous words and high-profile performances. Fame and fortune are dispensable to them, and they pay more attention to their step-by-step self-growth and self-cultivation.

Therefore, in the Analects of Confucius a thousand years ago, Confucius pointed out that an old-fashioned and simple person close to "benevolence" is indeed a "rare and beneficial friend" that can be met but not sought. what do you think?

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