In today's society, people are more open-minded and most women can achieve economic independence. They will not be satisfied with perfection because of their unhappy marriage, and divorce is not as necessary as before. Instead, it will become a topic of more discussion after dinner.
Divorce means that families with children have become single-parent families or reorganized families. The word "single parent" has also appeared frequently in recent years, but some people or public opinion still seem to be not very friendly to children from single-parent families.
The "single parent" who has been designated as the focus.
I have read many articles about single parents, heard many people talk about single parents, and watched many videos or TV programs about single parents. Almost without exception, children who grow up in single-parent families are always highlighted.
Doing good deeds or small successes will be publicized, and it will be emphasized that he or she grew up with a single parent, and doing bad things will be exaggerated by the stunt of a single parent.
What's more, single parents are listed on the forbidden list of getting married, finding a partner or even making friends.
I was deeply moved by this experience.
I once talked with my colleagues about marriage in an afternoon chat. She told us seriously, never find a single parent. Most of them have psychological problems. I was very shocked. Maybe she doesn't know that I grew up in a single-parent family.
Of course, I was shocked and thought more, because I heard too many similar words. Originally, I thought that I, like everyone else, grew up with the love of my loved ones, but my parents' divorce actually had little effect on me.
However, my happiness has become a substitute for single-parent families in the eyes of many people. When I was young, I wondered why people around me always stared at me with that strange look and said something that seemed like sympathy, such as pity.
When I grow up, I realize that people's thinking has too many limitations. They like to capture simple information and prefer to draw conclusions with specious news. What is the truth of the matter? Few people take the time to find out.
In fact, "we" are all the same
According to my personal experience and the experience of many friends around me, as long as parents still care about their children as in the past after divorce and give them a healthy growth environment, it is actually no different. Children can still grow up healthily and happily.
Some people may have something to say, and most of them have questions. In fact, this "majority" itself is wrong. If you really want to look at big data, the result may really surprise some people.
At the end of 1990s, the U.S. Department of Education conducted a "longitudinal study of children", and investigated 1000 schools. Each school took 20 students from kindergarten to grade five as samples, and analyzed the big data obtained from the survey to reveal which factors were obviously related to children's academic performance.
The results show that parents' high education, parents speaking English at home and many books at home are all influencing factors, but family integrity has nothing to do with it.
A meta-analysis of Nature summarized 2,748 publications published from 1948 to 20 12, including more than14.55 million pairs of twins. The results showed that:
Heredity accounts for 49% of all personality traits.
This analysis covers the data of China, the United States, Russian, Australian and other countries, all of which show that heredity is dominant in the formation of personality traits, accounting for nearly half of the total.
Whether you tend to be depressed or impulsive, cautious or reckless, self-disciplined or indulgent, heredity is written into your genes before you are born. The comprehensive influencing factors such as acquired family, social environment and education level only account for 565,438+0%.
From this perspective, it seems unreasonable to label single-parent families as "bad children".
Moreover, there is a study in China, which sampled and analyzed 65,438+09,986 families in 25 provinces of China according to the data of the third phase household follow-up survey in China in 2065,438+00,2065,438+02,2065,438+04.
On most indicators of children's development, children from single-parent families and remarried families with divorced parents in China are not worse than those from families with intact parents.
In the scores of hard work, self-awareness and self-control, children from divorced single-parent families are slightly worse than children from complete families, and children from divorced single-parent families are more likely to find someone to talk to when they encounter difficulties.
However, in other indicators, such as remedial classes, study pressure, the possibility of being admitted to key schools, educational expectations, etc., children from single-parent families with divorced mothers have even gained more educational input or performed better than children from complete families.
In fact, children's endurance is much more than adults think, and family is not the only factor that affects children's personality.
A good definition of family background cannot be equated with the fact that parents are not divorced.
Instead, ask the children themselves, as a member of the family, whether they can feel the care from the family and the love from their parents, and whether they can have a happy childhood.
Even after family of origin is injured, we need to grow up and learn to live in this world as individuals, which contains many factors. It is a bit too one-sided to just blame or point to single parents.
Be who you want to be.
Whether it is a single parent or not, it is just a form of relationship. To put it more directly, this is actually a matter for parents, and the relationship remains the same for children.
If you are bound by this form, or can only focus on these forms, you are asking for trouble.
There are many such examples in the entertainment circle.
The second generation of Xing, who lives under the camera, has his mother Faye Wong, his father Dou Wei and his ex-stepfather Li. If it happens in ordinary life, it will probably be pointed at by many passers-by.
But look at her. She was photographed sitting on a motorcycle in Dou Wei and attending a concert with her mother. She has a friendly relationship with her stepfather, a cool and free-spirited personality, and her talents are inherited from her parents.
Jay Chou, the superstar, was not depressed because his parents secretly divorced him. On the contrary, with the encouragement and education of his mother Ye Huimei, he worked hard to realize his dream and became a legend in the music industry.
Sun Li, a famous actor, once said that Descendants suffered too much because it was abandoned by its father. He didn't want to get married and hoped his father would lead a miserable life. But Sun Li's mother made Sun Li grateful, because without her father, who could bring her into this world?
When people grow up slowly, their ideological cognition and tolerance for family and society will also change. Learn to let go of those painful memories that bind you, and you can get out of life and get real happiness.
Just look at life in Sun Li now. She has two children and a happy marriage.
Everyone's birth is impossible to choose, and the encounter with parents is only a fate of 20,000 to 30,000 days. But in these twenty or thirty thousand days, we can do many things to change our lives.
Single parent is not an original sin and should not be interpreted by passers-by from another angle, because your words may cause inevitable harm to others.
Children who grow up in single-parent families should not make excuses for themselves. The world is so big, don't tie their legs or even their thoughts because of bad memories of those years.
Life may be like a math problem with many solutions. As long as you work out the correct answer in an appropriate way, why should you care that your answer is different from others?