1

Good at listening.

In interpersonal relationships, most of the troubles we encounter are not that we can't "speak" but that we can't "listen".

Sometimes, the more you talk, the less the other person will listen and even resent it.

But the more you listen, the easier it is to have a good impression.

Many times, learning to listen to others is more sincere than being eager to express yourself.

Listening is not only a respect for others, but also a help for your own growth.

As the old saying goes, it is better to study for ten years than to listen to you.

Listen attentively, follow the good ones and correct the bad ones. Slowly understanding other people's good words can make you move forward faster.

I told such a story in Genius in Left and Madman in Right.

There is a mental derangement, wearing a black raincoat and holding a flower umbrella every day, squatting in the dark corner of the yard. Many doctors and experts tried to treat patients, but they never thought that patients ignored them and didn't answer a word.

He didn't resist taking the patient away, but he would put on a black raincoat and crouch in the corner with a flower umbrella whenever he had the chance.

Everyone basically gave up treatment until a psychologist who was considered "deviant" came.

The expert didn't talk to the patient when he saw him. He just put on the same clothes as him, squatted with him, and quietly listened to the mumbling in the patient's mouth.

In this way, a week later, the patient approached him and talked to him.

Slowly, the patient began to open his closed heart to the psychologist, and the psychologist also realized the real reason of his usual psychological distress.

Popular people are usually not because they are humorous and talkative, but because they can listen to what people say quietly and make people feel valued.

I have read a story between Hu Shi and Cai Yuanpei.

The night before Hu Shi went to Peking University, Cai Yuanpei came to Hu Shi's house.

Hu Shi is under great pressure because he has just entered Peking University. As soon as he saw Cai Yuanpei, he kept telling his anxiety and worries, while Cai Yuanpei just listened patiently.

When Hu Shi poured out his anxiety, he remembered to ask Cai Yuanpei's purpose.

Before Hu Shi could speak, Cai Yuanpei got up to leave, leaving a sentence: "I hired you to Peking University because I trusted you."

Hu Shi realized that Cai Yuanpei had come to cheer him up, so he felt warm.

Knowing how to listen means being willing to affirm and respect others from their perspective.

Listening is also an expression, and silence is also a kind of speech, which is more powerful and warmer than talking.

In life, people who don't listen are always in a mess. They think they know each other very well, so they keep exporting their opinions and trying to explain their "understanding". However, I didn't find the pressure behind "understanding".

People who are good at listening don't have to waste their breath arguing with others; Can also give each other the greatest encouragement and support in silent listening; At the same time, you can clear your mind, find problems and solve problems in the process of listening.

In fact, the establishment of many relationships begins with listening; Many relationships have broken down, but they won't listen in the end.

If you want to have a good popularity, the most important thing is not what you said, but what you heard from others.

2

Don't argue with others.

The verbal dispute in the world is nothing more than a happy mouth.

Whether you win or lose, it has no practical significance, and may even add trouble to yourself.

There is a saying in the Tao Te Ching: "A man's talent does not dispute, and the world cannot compete with him."

When Zhang Zhidong was just the governor of Huguang, he was neither handsome nor short, and many people didn't take him seriously at all.

A local painter made fun of him and drew a watercolor painting of "Three Little Boys" according to his image. Once this painting was exhibited, it immediately became the talk of everyone after dinner.

Zhang Zhidong's subordinates demanded the arrest of the painter. However, Zhang Zhidong did not do that, but bought the painting out of his own pocket.

This move made people who despised him admire him and respect him respectfully, and there was no more slander.

Zhou also said: "When you are alive, you must have the wisdom to live up to expectations."

Guo Ziyi, a general of the Tang Dynasty, was once named King of Fenyang for his outstanding military exploits. He lives in a temple and has a high position. Ministers who were officials in the same dynasty feared him, envied him and even vilified him. Eunuch Yu Chaoen is one of them.

When he went to war, Yu Chaoen excavated the Guo family cemetery under the guise of name. When this matter reached the court, Guo Ziyi Kibaki was very angry and wanted to teach Yu Chaoen a lesson, but Guo Ziyi stopped him.

After returning to North Korea, Guo Ziyi said, "I lead troops all the year round, and my discipline is lax. My soldiers also destroyed many people's cemeteries. Now that your own cemetery has been destroyed, you can't blame others. This is natural retribution. "

These words finally reached the ears of Yu Chaoen. He felt very guilty and decided not to be an enemy of Guo Ziyi in his life.

To show sincerity, Yu Chaoen invited Guo Ziyi to go to Zhangjing Temple, and the feud between them ended.

In life, the contradiction between people actually lies not in the right or wrong things, but in each other's emotions and attitudes.

Sometimes, if you argue irrationally, it will intensify contradictions.

But when you talk calmly and well, you will ease the contradiction.

Different people have different experiences, and their understanding and views on things are also very different.

Zhuangzi said: "Well frogs can't talk to the sea, and summer insects can't talk to ice."

People who can talk don't talk about the sea with frogs at the bottom of the well, and don't talk about ice and snow with insects in summer.

Worm frog has limited experience and has never seen the sea or snow. Naturally, it is impossible to agree with what you said.

As the saying goes: "wine is less intimate, but half a sentence is more."

Different opinions, it is useless to say more; There is no need for strong integration because of different levels.