First, "break" blind social behavior.
Henry adams once said: "It is enough to make one friend in a lifetime, but it is rare to make two or three friends." Friends are always qualitative, not quantitative.
However, many people in life give up and do the opposite. Pursue the number of friends blindly, not the quality. Because they believe in the saying "many friends, many roads". And such people often define friends as opportunities and regard friends as their own paddles. He regards what this person can bring to himself as the standard of making friends, which makes socializing a very utilitarian thing.
Such people are often as sociable as I used to be, and I can always see them in any social place. But such a low-quality social interaction will only take up a lot of your time, but you won't get the results you want. Instead of wasting time at the party, it is better to do what you like alone.
In other words, low-quality socialization is not as good as high-quality solitude.
Secondly, "give up" those casual friends
As we get older, we will meet more and more people. The most intuitive manifestation is that there are more and more mobile phone numbers stored in our mobile phones, and the number of WeChat and QQ friends is also rising.
This is because we always add new friends in the circle of friends, but rarely go out from the circle of friends.
Everyone's day is 24 hours and 86400 seconds. If you spend time with new friends, you will inevitably spend less time defending old friends.
You know, no matter how good a friend is, if you don't spend time and energy to maintain it, then you will gradually stop contacting and become a familiar stranger. And the new friends you finally make, with the passage of time, will also escape the fate of old friends being forgotten.
And a new friend needs you to spend a lot of time and energy to get to know each other. When you finally turn your new friends into close friends who are familiar with each other, you will gradually disappear into your world because you have no time to maintain the relationship between the two. Is this increase and decrease "draw water with a sieve"?
So at this time, you need to give up some casual acquaintances selectively, and transfer the time and energy you spent on them to friends who are worthy of deep friendship, so that these time can help you build a stronger friendship.
More importantly, in the process of "giving up", you will know yourself again and reposition yourself. Because in the process of "giving up", you will repeatedly ask yourself why you like this person, why you choose to give up this person, and why this person can't be friends with yourself. Every problem that hits the heart is to deepen our understanding of ourselves and affirm ourselves in a subtle way.
Finally, "leave" the obsession of making friends.
From the process of "breaking" and "giving up" again and again, we will know more about ourselves and the meaning of making friends.
As Ji Bolun said, "Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, not an opportunity."
When we no longer regard making friends as a utilitarian activity, you will find that making friends will make you happy physically and mentally.
The process of "breaking" and "giving up" is actually filtering your circle of friends. This process is not a waste of resources, not indifference, but a selective time spent on people who deserve your careful companionship and deep friendship. The so-called "seemingly ruthless but affectionate" is like this.
"Divorce" is a higher realm of making friends. When you reach this stage, you are no longer bound by interpersonal communication.