The factors affecting the relationship between classmates: 3. 1 The influence of gender on the relationship and behavior of middle school students. Generally speaking, there is no statistical difference between girls and boys in the degree of classmates' relationship, but the proportion of girls' serious classmates' relationship is higher than that of boys', especially in making friends. The reason for this phenomenon may be related to the physiological differences between boys and girls and the traditional concepts in China. Generally speaking, girls' physical development and sexual maturity are earlier than boys' 1 2a, and their psychological maturity is earlier than boys', so in middle school, especially in junior high school, they have better knowledge and understanding of external things than boys [3]. In today's complicated society, girls understand the expectations and pressures brought by society, school and family earlier than boys, which leads to more negative emotions such as anxiety and irritability, which may lead to problems in classmates' relationship behavior. In addition, due to the differences in China's traditional concepts and expectations of social roles, girls are required to be more reserved and restrained than boys in interpersonal communication, which reduces their initiative in making friends, especially their satisfaction in the opposite direction, and therefore they are more easily troubled by classmates' relationship behavior than boys.
3.2 The influence of school period on the classmate relationship behavior of middle school students From the school period, the classmate relationship behavior of high school students is more serious than that of junior high school students, and the difference is statistically significant. On the one hand, from junior high school to senior high school, with the growth of age, students' self-awareness is constantly developing and differentiating, and the contradictions within self-awareness are also constantly strengthening. They are eager and have great dependence on society and family; They are active in thinking and expect to enter the society, but they lack social experience and communication experience. It is in this inner contradiction and conflict that middle school students are both eager and confused about their classmates' communication. On the other hand, with the increasingly fierce social competition, the expectations and pressures of society and families are also increasing, especially the psychological distress caused by the pressure of high school students' studies and further studies, which makes them pay less attention to classmates' communication, thus affecting classmates' relationship and causing some troubles in classmates' relationship [4].
3.3 The influence of family factors on middle school students' relationship behavior. Most middle school students nowadays are only children. Many students are overindulged and protected at home. Once they enter the campus, they lack the ability to live and communicate with others. They just blindly ask to be taken care of and given, instead of taking the initiative to care about others, and rarely consider problems from the standpoint of others. Therefore, they are often left out in classmates' communication, resulting in a series of negative psychology such as inferiority complex and self-centeredness. Among family factors, besides the family's attitude towards children, interpersonal relationships among family members and between family members and others will also affect the relationship between classmates. According to relevant research, families with good interpersonal relationship between parents and others have better interpersonal relationship with their children, and vice versa. It can be seen that family factors can not be ignored in the emergence of middle school students' relationship behavior problems.
3.4 The influence of personality factors on middle school students' relational behavior. From the perspective of correlation, there is also a significant correlation between students' personality and the relationship between middle school students and classmates. Enthusiasm, sincerity, kindness, humor, cheerfulness and other good personality characteristics are conducive to enhancing interpersonal attraction and helping to establish and maintain a good relationship with classmates. And bad personality characteristics, such as selfishness, indifference, conceit, greed, egoism and so on. , will hinder the establishment of a good classmate relationship. In the middle school campus, only those students with good personality characteristics will take the initiative in classmates' communication, while those students with bad personality characteristics are often in a passive position and may step into the trouble of classmates' communication.
Many facts have proved that the behavior of getting along with classmates has a negative impact on the healthy growth of students. Therefore, we must pay attention to students' classmates' relationship and give necessary help to students with problems to improve their bad classmates' relationship.
What types of performances are there? A: One category: lack of intimate friends. This kind of college students usually have normal contacts and good interpersonal relationships, but they feel that they lack intimate friends who can talk to each other, treat each other sincerely, cooperate tacitly and share joys and sorrows. Therefore, they sometimes feel lonely and helpless. The second category: difficult to intersect with individuals. This kind of college students communicate well with most people, but not with individuals. It may be a roommate, a classmate, or a close parent. Because you can't get along well with these people, it often affects your mood and becomes a "heart disease." The third category: dull communication with people. This kind of college students can communicate with others, but they always feel that the quality of getting along with others is not high and they lack influence. They don't have close friends, most of them are nodding acquaintances. No one is worth caring about and no one will miss him. It is difficult for them to maintain and develop good interpersonal relationships. Most of these students will feel empty, confused and lost. The fourth category: I feel difficult to communicate. This kind of college students are eager for communication, but due to limited communication ability, improper methods or personality defects, psychological barriers in communication and other reasons, their communication is not satisfactory and their successful experience is less. They often feel distressed and hope to change their social situation. The fifth category: social phobia. This kind of college students are particularly sensitive, afraid of interpersonal communication and try to avoid contact with others. When they have to communicate, they are nervous, frightened, their hearts are racing, their faces are flushed, and they are always in a state of anxiety. They are afraid of being the center of others' attention, making a fool of themselves in front of others and being observed by others. I am always worried that I will make mistakes and be laughed at by others. I am always under an inexplicable psychological pressure. Communicating with people, even appearing in public places, is an extremely horrible task for them. Category 6: I don't want to associate. This is a special class. The top five students all have the desire to communicate, but these students lack this desire and interest. They are self-enclosed, narcissistic or eccentric. Such college students are rare.
Dealing with the relationship between classmates:
The two most common questions in our communication with classmates are: (1) How to make new friends? (2) How to solve the contradiction with classmates? (3) How to get along with classmates and friends better in daily life.
However, it is not absolutely so smooth in practice. Some students are afraid that others will not accept you, although they really want to make new friends in their interaction with their classmates. Generally, this kind of situation will only happen to some introverted and timid students. The reason is that I have never been in contact with them, and I subconsciously think that the other party will not accept myself; Self-evaluation is too low, and people who think they are incompetent will not accept themselves; In the previous exchange activities, I also suffered some setbacks, such as being left out by others and being rejected. These problems have seriously affected the current and future social activities and hindered the development of their interpersonal relationships. How to solve it? First of all, such students should take the initiative to spend more time with their classmates, overcome their inner "failure psychology", believe that they will succeed, and give themselves some imagination space for success. The other person's indifference and rejection to you is only unintentional or temporary. Second, we should see more of our own strengths and show them correctly in front of others, especially those things that we can do and grasp, even small things, and strive to succeed. Third, if you are left out or rejected by others, it should be correctly attributed to the failure and frustration of communication. But we can't think that all the reasons are caused by our limited ability. This will increase your communication success rate.
Next, what should I do if I have a conflict with my classmates? Since we live together, these frictions and contradictions are inevitable. Man is an animal, the most prominent manifestation of which is thought. Therefore, different people will have different views when dealing with the same thing, and contradictions will arise. How to correctly handle contradictions! ? Now, some students have watched some movies about Hong Kong underworld, such as "Bewitched Boy" starring Ekin Cheng, in which there are many scenes of quarreling over trivial matters. Coupled with the "star effect", many students think that force is the best way to solve things. So some people are ready to fight, and even bring in some so-called "brothers and friends" to fight "Duan Chang", ranging from a few people to dozens or even hundreds. Actually, why do you want to fight? Actually, we can try something else. If it's just some trivial contradictions that don't involve big conflicts of interest, then as long as we meet each other half way, it's no problem. As the saying goes, calm for a while, to say the least, roll with the punches. If we encounter a big contradiction and can't solve it ourselves, then we can ask the teacher to help us solve it. However, some students think it is "informer" to tell their teachers about their conflicts with others, so they always solve them themselves. It seems that the spiritual civilization quality of these students needs to be improved.
Finally, talk about how to get along better with classmates and friends in daily life. I think we should do the following: (1) This is what I emphasize most, and that is sincerity. Any emotion is sincere. If it loses sincerity, it is not an emotion. Treat your classmates sincerely, and your classmates will treat you sincerely. Then this friendship can continue. (2) Learn to help each other. Actively help students establish a higher prestige in the student collective. When students have difficulties, we should lend a hand of friendship and actively help them solve them. Even if we can't help them solve it, as long as we are willing to listen to their own difficulties or pains, it is also helpful. Because the external difficulties are temporary, but the inner pain is long-term. Some people say that if a person tells others about his pain, his pain will only be half of the original. Those who only bury themselves in their studies all day, refuse their classmates' help with various excuses, and regard their help as a pure burden and a waste of time will gradually be left out among their classmates. They refused to help their classmates. As a result, they won't get everyone's help. There was once a classmate who was always perfunctory in the face of his classmates' suggestions. As a result, his prestige is getting lower and lower. In a composition class, the teacher asked the students to form a group voluntarily and communicate with each other. As a result, no one in the class wanted to team up with him, which embarrassed him. Finally, the teacher assigned him to a group so as not to embarrass him. Therefore, we should have the idea of helping others, actively help our classmates and make progress together. (3) Beware of arrogance in front of classmates. For example, if your academic performance is better than one of your classmates, you will look down on him. This will set an artificial barrier between you and your classmates. Proud people can't tolerate others, and others don't want to be with proud people anymore. Then, your friendship may break up because of this. Therefore, beware of arrogant thoughts. (4) Learn to give in and avoid contradictions. As the saying goes, "forgive others as well as others". Of course, resignation is not cowardice, and sometimes you should learn to protect yourself properly.
There are roughly two kinds of people who can't handle the relationship between classmates well: one is to ask too much and make concessions everywhere. This kind of person always gives in to others, and he accepts what others are right and what others are wrong. If you have opinions, you won't mention them, for fear of hurting your harmony, of others' bad impression on you, and of others' "revenge" on you. This kind of person seems to be at peace with the world and kind to others, but there is a lot of depression in his heart. For example, people who lack intimate friends and confidants are prone to symptoms of depression: talking less, not being sociable with others, shrinking back, or a few extremely irrational behaviors, such as hurting others and committing suicide. The other is overprotective, lacking tolerance for others, self-centered, and acting without considering the interests of others. This kind of person is not easily accepted physically, often unpopular, and is an isolated object.
Handle the relationship with classmates: the relationship with classmates is also a kind of interpersonal relationship. Dormitories, classes and schools are a small society. Learn to deal with the relationship with classmates in this small group, and only when you enter the society can you be good at dealing with all kinds of complicated interpersonal relationships, adapt to and influence the society.
According to the research of interpersonal psychology, the main factors affecting interpersonal relationships are:
1, communication level There is a close relationship between people, and mutual communication is an essential prerequisite.
2. The level of mutual return Psychologists point out that the behavior between people has "mutual return", that is, "I will do what you do to me." The "reward" here includes not only material aspects, but also psychological aspects such as emotions. When people get along with each other, the higher the level of mutual compensation, the more stable and intimate the relationship. I'm afraid it's also an important reason why some students can't handle the relationship with other students well and their mutual rewards are low. Show indifference to the needs and difficulties of your classmates, which makes people feel that you are indifferent.
Generally speaking, the evaluation level is what you think of others and what you are asked to think of you. The level of evaluation mainly lies not in how many good things you say about others, but in whether the evaluation is sincere and realistic.
4. Tolerance level The physiological and psychological differences between people exist objectively, and whether this difference can be tolerated is also a manifestation of interpersonal coordination. The higher the level of tolerance, the greater the adaptability of getting along with others and the better the interpersonal relationship, and vice versa.
Second, the solution
1. Strengthen communication: Good classmate relationship depends on mutual understanding. To understand each other, we should strengthen communication, exchange ideas and attitudes, and participate in more social activities in our spare time, such as playing ball games, playing chess and going out for an outing. To enhance understanding and friendship.
2. Caring for others: Hope to be cared for by others is a basic need. The more you care about others, the more she needs you. Naturally, she will turn to care about you. Once you care about each other, the relationship between classmates will naturally become close.
3. Be tolerant of others: "No one is perfect". Anyone always has shortcomings and always does something wrong. These are normal and inevitable. You can be tolerant of other people's shortcomings and mistakes. Never mind, others will appreciate you and be willing to communicate with you.
4. Self-improvement: Most people with tense classmates have some problems in their personality and habits. They should deliberately change their bad personality and habits, and strive to: 1) dress neatly and beautifully. 2) Get used to smiling. 3) Pay attention to your manners. 4) Don't hurt yourself. 5) Help others more. 6) Be good at praising others. If everyone is keen on praising others and is good at praising others' strengths in interpersonal communication, the degree of interpersonal pleasure will be greatly enhanced. At the same time, paying attention to praising others does not mean that you can have no scruples. Two principles should be observed: first, praise should be sincere, and the content of praise should be the excellent qualities and characteristics that the other party really has or will have; Second, the content of praise should be taken care of by the other party.
5. Keep a proper distance: Sometimes we are too kind to a person, but she is ungrateful and stays away from us. There are two reasons for this:
First, according to the level of mutual compensation, others should return your concern. When she feels that her ability can't repay your concern, she has to take measures to keep the balance of interpersonal relationship by not accepting your concern and alienating you.
Secondly, everyone has his own space in his heart, only he has it. No matter how good a friend is, if she doesn't want you to enter and can't refuse, she'll have to stay away from you. Therefore, people should keep a proper distance from each other, leave a little space for each other's hearts, and let each other feel that everything is fine before they are willing to continue their relationship.
Do a good job in the above aspects, I believe you will handle the relationship with your classmates.
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[What is the significance of the new classmate relationship? ] A: The relationship between new students is characterized by equality, unity, friendship and mutual assistance.
There are two types of college students' relationship and communication: one is the formal collective organized by the school according to the administrative structure, such as majors, grades, classes, dormitories, etc. The other is the combination of students and some emotional factors, with no clear norms and loose and unstable body structure, such as clubs and fellow villagers.
The relationship between classmates enables everyone to influence each other ideologically, identify with each other emotionally, imitate each other in behavior, care for each other in work and study, help each other and encourage each other, which can not only enhance the belief and courage to advance, but also gain social experience in getting along with others reasonably, and promote the cultivation of excellent moral characters such as honesty, generosity, unity and mutual assistance.
Another significance: Neo-Confucianism research shows that if a person lacks positive communication with others and stable and good interpersonal relationships, then this person often has obvious personality defects.
The psychological crisis of most college students is related to the lack of normal interpersonal communication and good interpersonal relationship. In the same dormitory, psychological communication between peers often determines whether a middle school student is satisfied with college life. Middle school students who live in unfriendly, uncooperative and discordant dormitories often show the characteristics of depression, sensitivity, self-defense and difficulty in cooperation, and their emotional satisfaction is low. Middle school students living in harmonious dormitories are happy, pay attention to their studies and grades, and are willing to communicate with others and help others. People's mentality and personality are directly influenced by their communication and relationship with others.
A healthy personality is always accompanied by healthy interpersonal communication. The higher the level of mental health, the more positive the interaction with others, the more in line with social expectations, and the deeper the relationship with others. Psychologist allport found that mature people have good communication skills and harmonious relationships with others. They can understand others well, tolerate their shortcomings and defects, show sympathy for others, and have the ability to give people warmth, care, intimacy and love. Maslow, a humanistic psychologist, found that high-level "self-actualizers" have stronger and deeper friendship and higher love for others.
The finiteness of communication needs: After discussing the importance of interpersonal communication, we cannot but pay attention to the existence of another proposition, that is, the finiteness of interpersonal communication needs. The results show that when people feel lonely, lack emotional dependence and understanding, and do not have enough interpersonal support, they will be troubled by the lack of interpersonal relationships; When people have too much contact, it is difficult to concentrate on their studies, and people will feel uneasy about too much contact and complicated interpersonal relationships. On the one hand, people need a clear sense of self-worth and security, and they need social comparison. On the other hand, people also need the experience of introspection and the opportunity to express themselves freely, so they need to stay away from and escape from others for a period of time. Anyone who associates with us will pose an evaluation pressure on himself. At the same time, individuals must show themselves in social life, which also means some restrictions. Therefore, maintaining the balance between communication needs and solitude needs is a necessary prerequisite for establishing good interpersonal relationships. The interpersonal relationship of middle school students also shows this law. The freshman team is very strong, and they are all collective actions of a dormitory. After the second grade, after the adjustment and integration of interpersonal relationships, there has been an intimate relationship and it has gradually become a relatively stable communication body!