Already crazy

One day, on the vast Australian grassland, two cows were discussing about mad cow disease in Europe.

One cow said to another cow: "I heard that mad cow disease in Europe is very scary. I wonder if we have it here?"

The other cow shouted: "You are crazy, we Is it a kangaroo?"

The use of cowhide

The teacher asked the students: "Who can tell me what the use of cowhide is?"

The cows and cows rushed to raise their hands. : "You can make leather shoes, belts..."

Bingbing then replied: "You can use it to blow!"

Teacher: "Xinxin, you are the best, please answer. "

Xinxin hesitated for a long time and said: "The biggest use of cowhide is to wrap beef..."

The teacher fainted.

I am a male

A girl went to the ranch to learn how to milk cows, but everyone else milked a bucket, and she only squeezed a little, standing still

Urgent, suddenly Lao Niu said: "Miss, I am a male!"

I am guilty

A man went to church to confess.

The priest said to him: "Everyone is guilty. What mistake have you made?"

The man replied: "Father, I stole someone else's cow, what should I do? "Can I give you the cow?"

The priest replied: "I don't want it. You should return the cow to the owner."

The man said: " But he said he didn’t want it.”

The priest said, “Just take it yourself.”

As a result, when the priest returned home that night, he found that his cow was missing.

1. One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided due to crowding.

The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?"

The man felt confused and replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

In the car People snickered!

The woman felt angry and replied: "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly: "Can you cure it?"

Everyone in the car Hilarious!

The bus driver stopped and leaned on the steering wheel laughing!

2. The bus was overcrowded, and there was a woman standing at the door.

A GG squeezed in from behind the bus and wanted to get off.

Follow the woman After saying "Give way and get out of the car," the woman didn't move at all.

GG stepped on her when he squeezed past.

The woman turned out to be very powerful. She kept yelling, "You're a psycho! You're a psycho!~~" and she was so loud that the whole car was watching.

GG didn't say anything. When he got off the car, he couldn't bear it any longer. He turned around and said to the woman, "Your repeater!"

The whole car burst into laughter~!

3. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, chief! Chief: Comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is even darker! The commander patted a soldier's chest and said: How well-trained these muscles are! Soldier: Report to the leader, I am a female soldier.

4. The miser went out on business and was afraid that others would secretly drink the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on the paper: I spit in the cup

. After a while he came back and found a few more words on the note: I spit out it too!

5. Late one night, I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep at night, so I sent a text message to a sister who lived with my friend: "I am depressed, please chat with me for a while." After a while

, the sister wrote back: "Okay, what do you want to talk about? The topic is up to you." I thought about it and replied happily: "Then let's talk about a more serious topic, for example-- Your weight!" After a period of silence, the sister texted back, writing: "This is too heavy.

Then let's talk about some superficial topics, such as your IQ! "

6. The miser went out for business and was afraid that others would secretly drink the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on the paper: I spit in the cup

.

After a while he came back and found a few more words on the note: I spit out it too!

7. A primary school student confessed his love to his teacher, whom he had a crush on for a long time. The teacher said it was wrong, but he didn’t listen. Finally, the teacher couldn't stand it anymore and said: I don't want children. The primary school student said: I will be careful! ".

8. Once, GIN and Vodka went to hunt deer in the mountains. The greedy two of them hunted two deer each. They had to take a plane when they went back.

The captain was worried. Said: “So many deer would be overweight! "Both of them said disdainfully: "What are you afraid of? Last year we also shot so many deer, and we still flew back here! "The captain couldn't resist them, so he had to let them get on the plane.

The plane flew smoothly for a while, then suddenly shook, and finally fell. The two got up with their faces covered in ash,

Vodka looked around and whispered to GIN: "Boss, it seems that we also fell here last year! "

9. A certain mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the dean called a meeting with the patients.

The dean said: "This afternoon , there are very important leaders coming to visit, everyone should go to the door to welcome them. During the welcome, all the patients stood on both sides of the hospital gate and stood neatly. When I coughed, everyone applauded together, the more enthusiastically the better; When stamping your feet, you must all stop, and no one can make a mistake. As long as everyone is ready, we can have meat buns for everyone tonight. As long as one person messes up, everyone will have no buns to eat. Remember

? "The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember! ”

This afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the door, the welcoming patients were already standing at the door.

At this time, as the director coughed, All the patients applauded and the atmosphere was very warm. Infected by the warm atmosphere, they applauded with everyone and walked into the hospital.

In the hospital, the dean stamped his foot, and all the applause stopped. Only the leader was still applauding with a smile on his face

The dean was very satisfied. Suddenly, a sick man as strong as Schwarzenegger emerged from the welcoming crowd. He strode up to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face, and shouted angrily - — "You don't want to eat steamed buns?" ! ! ! ”

10. One day a mother fly and her son had lunch together

The son asked the mother fly: Why do we eat poop every day

The mother fly was angry Said: Don’t say such disgusting words while eating, eat while it’s hot!!

11. One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently, and the naked man was furious. , yelled: You mother has never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I wonder where the hell you got the money from!

12. The night is dark and the wind is high! , Zhu Bajie was kissing me with sister Chang'e on the moon. Suddenly a black shadow passed by. Zhu Bajie hurriedly

raised the nail rake

and chased him out. After a while, he came back. Said: Damn, Yang Liwei...

13. The earthworm family was very bored today, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and went to play badminton. Mother Earthworm felt that this was the case

The method was good, so he cut himself into four pieces to play mahjong. After thinking about it, the earthworm father cut himself into minced meat.

My mother cried and said, "What are you doing?" So stupid? It will kill you if you cut it into pieces like this! "Earthworm's father said weakly: "... suddenly I want to play football

ball

14. A gambler took 1,000 yuan from home to gamble. A few hours later, he Back.

His wife hurriedly asked: "Has that big ticket 'given birth' to a baby?"

"Yes, it has given birth." The gambler took out two 10-yuan bills from his pocket. The banknotes said with a sad face: "Unfortunately, their 'mother' passed away.

”

15. What animal do you like to ask why?

Passerby: I don’t know

It’s a pig!

Passenger: Why?

16. Seat belts

The stewardess announced to the passengers: “Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts. The plane is about to

take off. "After the plane took off, the flight attendant's voice came from the loudspeaker again. "Please tighten your seat belt." Sorry, we forgot to load breakfast today. ”

18. The teacher asked the students to use the word “wrinkles” to make a sentence.

Xiaoqiang wrote: There are many wrinkles on my father’s eggs.

Teacher’s comment to parents: Don’t show everything to children, as it will have a bad influence.

Xiaoqiang’s father replied:

The child was careless and missed the word "face".

19. Mom often tells Yangyang: "Don't swing on the swing when wearing a skirt; otherwise, the little boys will see the small underwear inside!" One day, Yangyang happily said to her mother: "Today Xiao Ming and I competed on the swing, and I won!" Mom said angrily: "Didn't I tell you? Don't swing when wearing a skirt!" Yangyang said proudly: "But I'm so smart! I took off my underwear so that he couldn't see my underwear!"

20. I was fired today. The reasons for firing me are as follows:

1. I worked too seriously. One person did the work of two people, giving China another laid-off worker

2. Too handsome, which makes some lesbians not interested in going to work

3. Still single at 20 years old, which proves that they are not emotionally rich enough

4. Never been in a relationship Shit, you don’t respect your leadership

5. Too smart and too capable at work. Sooner or later, they will steal the jobs of people like us

6. Love making friends too much and have too strong social skills. In fact, the reason is the same as the previous one, they are afraid that I will gather people to seek power and usurp the throne

7. I have never made any mistakes at work, which is not a normal human being.

21. The centipede was bitten by a snake.

He was sent to the hospital for emergency treatment.

After diagnosis, the doctor said:

It is anti-venom liquid. If it spreads, amputation is necessary!

The centipede thought: Fortunately I have many legs!

The doctor comforted him:

Brother, be more open-minded.

You will be an earthworm from now on.

22. A little tiger came over slowly

With a red face, he asked the little squirrel:

"Excuse me, can I eat you?"

The little squirrel thought this question was quite funny: "Is this your first time eating animals?"

The little tiger was even more embarrassed: "Yes, mom is not at home anymore. "

"Then what did you eat before?"

The little squirrel asked curiously.

…………

“What? Louder, I can’t hear you!”

“Eat milk!”

Say After that, the little tiger's face turned redder.

After the little tiger said that, the little squirrel took off his clothes and lifted up his two big breasts~~~~

23. We are going to do a terrible group dance at the Art Festival——

It requires violent and difficult movements such as falling rapidly and raising legs high.

After a few days of practice, everyone couldn’t stand it.

Some were covered in bruises,

Some had muscle strains... My right leg was injured. It's very serious.

It doesn't obey orders at all!

I went to class on the third floor today.

Oh my God,

I just

raised my right leg straight one step at a time. Lift it up.

The most annoying thing is - while walking,

I just heard the two girls behind me muttering in a low voice:

"It's better than schools in big cities." More formal,

If this were our hometown,

People with polio would not be able to go to school!

24. There is a man who went to Shaolin to learn martial arts.

The master told him that martial arts focused on internal strength.

You should practice internal strength first,

and then practice external strength.

After that,

The master took out a pipe and asked him to blow into half a tank of water.

When he said he could blow the water in the tank until it overflowed,

It proved that his inner strength had reached the highest level.

So he practiced hard day after day.

Three years later,

there was no effect.

But he thought: If Master said that, there must be a reason!

So he continued to practice.

After ten years, it still didn’t work.

Finally, he was disappointed.

He decided not to practice anymore and was going home.

When he got home, he met his father.

His father asked him. ,

How did you do after ten years of apprenticeship?

He felt very embarrassed, and

he lowered his head and sighed in frustration. ,

Wait until he looked up again - his father was gone...

25. Ding Yi, why are you talking again in class?

Write yourself again? 100 times!

This kid never changes his mind.

Look at his deskmate Xiong Linkui.

He remembered it once~! >26. The FBI’s phone rang.

“Hello, is this the FBI? "

"Yes, what's the matter? "The other party asked.

"I called to report my neighbor Tom. He hid the marijuana among firewood at his house. "The informer said.

"We will investigate. "The FBI agent said.

The next day, FBI agents went to Tom's house.

They searched the firewood shed and split every piece of firewood.

No marijuana was found, so he scolded Tom and left.

Tom’s phone rang.

“Hey, Tom! Did the FBI help you chop wood? "

"Cracked. "Tom replied.

"It's your turn to make the call. My garden needs to be plowed. ”

27. A king chose a son-in-law, pulled a cow to the river and said: Whoever can make this cow nod first, then shake its head and then jump into the river, I will marry the princess

Him.

A butcher came up and said to the cow: Are you brave? The cow nodded.

The butcher said again: Do you know me? The cow shook his head.

The butcher stabbed the cow in the buttocks, and the cow jumped into the river in pain.

The king thought the butcher was rough, so the butcher asked to try again, and the king agreed. The cow was pulled to the river again.

The butcher stepped forward and said to the cow: Do you know me? The cow nodded.

The butcher said again: Can’t you return the cow? The cow shook his head.

The butcher smiled and said ;Do you know what to do? The cow turned around and jumped into the river