2. Will anyone in the world admit that they are afraid? This? Not reconciled? Two words, exactly? Dare not? The best excuse.
3. Oh, my God! The world is so crazy, mice are mothers to cats!
4. Wait, when the tide recedes, when you see the mainland exposed to the whole sea, you will find how many broken bones are exposed in broad daylight.
5. Being born wrong, you can't afford to die.
6. Politics is to create contradictions without contradictions and then solve them. In fact, it is to create hatred. There is a question in Pakistan's elementary school math textbook: Catch one and kill one, how many Israeli prisoners are left? There is no hope for a nation that instills hatred in mathematics.
7. A diploma seems to have the function of Adam and Eve's lower body lobe, which can cover up shame and ugliness; A small piece of paper can cover up a person's emptiness, ignorance and stupidity.
8. There are too many people telling lies, too few telling the truth and too many telling lies in this circle. Everyone is used to saying things in a roundabout way, but I can't. I can't do it.
9. If a professor is not afraid of death, he is terrible. But if a professor is afraid of this and that and says nothing, the society will be even more terrible.
10. People like you can only live two episodes in one drama.
1 1. All admirable women have the symbol of a lady.
12. The biggest mistake people make every day is to be too polite to strangers and too hard on the closest people. Change this bad habit and the world will be peaceful.
13. Anyone who is shameless can write dozens of modern poems a day.
14. Stealing one person's ideas is plagiarism, and stealing many people's ideas is research.
15. Rich people will say that poverty is a kind of wealth. ?
16. In the eyes of pigs, the stupidest animal in the world may be human.
17. Just listen to some words. Like what? I'll treat you next time? ,? Have a chance to get rich together? Wait a minute.
18. arguing with a MM about whether a whale is a fish, and finally I said? Japanese also have personality? Only then did she agree that whales are not fish.
19. People invented clothes to hide their shame and took off their clothes because of fashion. -the relationship between civilization and clothing.
20. Dinner is not everything. You can't do anything without dinner.
2 1. The loneliness of life; Ideal cup; The game is all night; Self-portrait of pornographic photos; Food phobia; Forged certificates; Women are masculine; Boys are sissy; Real-time virtualization; Marriage is uncertain.
All the projects were built under the banner of the people. It's all bean curd residue projects.
23. I can't afford to live in a house after the housing reform, to see a doctor after the medical reform, and to go to school after the educational reform.
24. The world is dirty, and you have no right to say sadness.
25. African animals are on the grassland; European and American animals are in the zoo; Animals in China are on the dining table.
Selected works of network satire 1. The stupidest person in the world doesn't call his own experience experience.
I wanted to show my face, but I showed my ass!
Marriage is the grave of love. If there is no house, you can't even get into the grave!
A good teacher can take you to heaven no matter which bed you are in, and a bad teacher can take you directly to the presidential suite!
There are too many cattle people, and too few people can realize their shortcomings.
6. Ask what money is in the world and teach people to live and die together!
7. Four cowards: stock quilt cover; Dirty money was stolen; Looking for an escort to be reported; Viagra is invalid.
8. The so-called universities: prison management, rogue quality, open kissing, white-collar consumption, dreaming in class, universality of skipping classes, dormitory Internet cafes, specialization of make-up exams, aristocratic tuition fees, papers based on Baidu, comprehensive myopia, canteen feeding, job-seeking dreams, unemployment after graduation, and employment of migrant workers.
9. The so-called seminar is actually to invite some unscrupulous people to eat dirty rice, spend some shady money, say something irrelevant and have a nondescript meeting.
10. Don't think that just because you are younger than me, you can scamper for a few more days. The coffin is filled with dead people, not old people!
1 1. Women are the most hypocritical animals in the world. They keep saying? Money is not important? But most importantly, the man she is looking for must be rich!
12. I don't know if I went to college or the college fucked me.
13. The danger of being angular is that it is very convenient for others to bite you.
14. It's no shame to show love these days. The most shameful thing is to show off the air conditioner.
15. Don't be afraid of being used. People use you, which means you still have use value.
16. When you are proud, your friends know you; When you are in trouble, you make new friends.
17. Many people can't afford to buy a house because the house price is too low, and many people can't afford to go to school because the tuition is still low. When the house price is high, developers will have more money to build houses, and more houses will naturally be cheaper; With more tuition fees, schools will have more money to give scholarships, so that more poor people can go to school on scholarships.
18. the anger of mediocrity, grabbing the land with the head.
19. Women shed more tears in bed than anywhere else. Men lie in bed, and there are a lot of them everywhere.
My mother always treats handsome guys and money like dirt, and they always treat me like this.
2 1. Women pay homage to love with hymens, squander their youth with piles of condoms, and lament that love is impermanent and youth cannot be returned. Is it actually one? Mature? So when you are mature, you are tired of love. Fuck that's enough.
22. A person's shortcomings are like a monkey's tail. When he is on the ground, his tail is invisible. Until he climbed the tree, he put his back for the public to see. However, the long tail of this red ass has already existed, which is not a new sign of climbing.
23. Everyone is equal before money and unequal before fate.
24. Women refuse love with friendship, and men exchange friendship for love.
There was no specific medicine to sell in the world, but when there were more wishful thinking people, some people began to sell it.
Classic ironic quotation 1, a man wants to divorce his wife after making money, but the man can't make money, and his wife wants to divorce him.
2、? Do you still love me ? The first time a woman kisses a man, is touched by a man for the first time, sleeps with a man for the first time, and makes money for the first time, she will ask each other several times. ? Do you still love me ? Men usually ask each other several times when they try to kiss, touch and sleep with each other for the first time.
Women save money to spend on their husbands in the future, while men save money to spend on other women in the future.
4. The stupidest time for a man is to wear a suit to work for the first time, and the stupidest time for a woman is to wear a suspender skirt for the first time.
5. When a woman's company sends a thousand dollars, she will tell the man that she sent a thousand dollars and her friends that she sent five hundred dollars. When a man sends a thousand dollars, he will tell a woman that he sent 500 dollars and a friend that he sent 1,500 dollars.
6. Is there a sign in Chengdu? Northwest flavor? Ramen restaurant, students who have never drunk northwest wind can try it.
7. Legend has it that there is a kind of food that can make people feel refreshed and sweaty! That's right! This is mala Tang!
8. The so-called mortgage means that the ZF developer bank pushes the buyers to the ground together and exposes your skin layer by layer!
9. Carrefour pirates!
10, the public security bureau received a phone call from the masses, saying that there were two big bombs under the overpass. People's police and bomb squad went to the scene and found a red bag under the bridge. Experts and the people's police carefully opened the bag, which contained several layers of newspaper parcels. The people-police opened it layer by layer, and finally found that it was really two-big-bombs. A pair of kings!
1 1, eating a ladle is white, it is white, hey! It's handsome to eat rattan vegetables for free, alas! Very handsome.
12, ten years in primary school and twelve years in middle school. I was named the most familiar face in the school. When the new teacher came, he asked me about the school.
13, a penny for a penny, porridge is not hungry!
14, I am Jesus, his son, Coconut!
15, gold that does not want to be deformed is not good steel.
16. Older unmarried men and women seem to have missed their stops by bus. Sometimes it's because the seats on the bus are too comfortable to get off; Sometimes it's because I don't know which platform to get off at. What about men and women who never get married? They are bus drivers.
17, lovers are animals, and beloved people are plants. If you refuse love, animals will leave, of course, because plants will not give birth to feet to escape.
18, with her own house, unmarried women seem to be a few years younger out of thin air, and have the patience to choose a lover slowly. A man asked a woman for advice: rent a house first, get married and save money before buying a house. W: Then I might as well rent my husband first.
19, I am ugly, but I am gentle? Today's men and women have adapted Zhao Chuan's version together: I am not perfect, but I am true; I am not beautiful, but I am cool; I am not rich, but I am happy; I am not successful, but I am confident; I am not sentimental, but I know how to cherish.
20. Birthday is a stage, a test and an opportunity. When in love, men will make more use of this; After marriage, women will take advantage of this.
2 1, I took a lot of photos when I was a child and put them in the living room for others to see; I didn't know that the photo was taken for myself until I was old. The thick lens of life is in front of us, and even writing memoirs is omitted.
22. When I was a child, I was very happy when I thought eating 20 buns at a time was my ideal life. After my monthly income exceeded 5000, I still feel unhappy. When there is nothing lacking in career, love, family and money, people often lack one thing? Hunger. The desire to keep the bottom line is happy.
23. Because of you, there are sea monsters in Qingdao waters!
24. I'm embarrassed to arrest you. How dare you steal?
25. You look infertile!
26. Are you Peisi Chen's partner and Zhu Shimao's sister Zhu Bajie?
27. I am very happy. I've had enough 1.50, and finally I can surf the Internet again!
28. I saw an aunt burning paper that day, muttering: Don't buy a fund if you receive it.
29. If I win10 million, I will buy 30 houses and rent them to others, and collect the rent once a day. Wow, it's full
30. Anyone who kisses wildly in front of the teaching building of the cafeteria study room can't afford to open a room!
3 1, a female student who just finished an internship in a Japanese company came back and said with emotion:? No matter how high-end meetings, no matter how high-end people attend, those people are polite to meet you on the stage, but there are always people touching your thighs under the stage! ?
32. My girlfriend and I are separated. Actually, our sex life is quite awkward. I am impotent and she is indifferent.
33. Now the more clothes a girl wears, the more she shows. The less clothes, the less exposed! There are many puzzling elements in the girls of 49 Humanities College, and their thighs are still exposed. The girls in our institute of technology wear coats and trousers, and the two of them wrap themselves tightly!
34, coax a woman like hanging Q, at least two hours a day, after reaching a certain number of days, it will be fine.
35. If you give a girl a safe environment, she will let you bleed to death!
Ironic quotations 1. After all, this is not a society that everyone loves. You'd better restrain yourself.
Please respect yourself.
Do you think everyone believes you? Just a superficial response. We all know your hypocrisy. Being crowned as a monkey is sour and jealous.
4, you think you are the sun, others have to revolve around you. You know, there is only one earth in the universe, which may make your arrogance explode.
5. You are patriotic, dedicated and have backbone. You never speak ill of others behind their backs, nor do you frame them. You are the least dirty person in the world. You have a high moral character and will never hit anyone. You are honest, kind and beautiful. Forgive what I just said against my will.
6. You are really a tree. How simple is it?
Please don't insult my IQ with your poor acting skills!
8. There is no rehearsal in life, and every day is live broadcast; Not only the ratings are low, but also the salary is not high.
9. If you have ever learned sincerity, I think people around you will stop spitting after you turn around.
10, what apology? False comfort! Stay away from me.
1 1. Time is the best teacher, but it's a pity that he finally killed all the students.
12, gold always shines, but when there is gold everywhere, I don't know which one I am.
13, the person who is willing to stay and argue with you at ordinary times is the one who really loves you!
14, the top of the head is as white as silver, and there is no half mark on the scale. Eyes on the ass, only clothes and no one!
15, only women and heroes are sad, only wives and jobs are hard to find.
16, I'm not a fortune teller in the square, so I can't say so much as you like.
17, I didn't expect a person to be so innocent and stupid and naive!
18, I don't remember my own worries, and I usually report it on the spot.
19, I want to be one of your teeth most, because in this way, at least you will feel pain without me.
20. Flowers often don't belong to people who appreciate flowers, but to cow dung.
2 1, the villain is shameless, and he values profit over death. Don't be afraid of others and don't care about things.
22, the villain has no knots, abandoning the roots and chasing the tail. I like thinking about it, and I think about it in anger.
There are many kinds of villains. Ordinary people? With what? Scumbag. No, there are good and bad villains, and street villains are good people. Some people deliberately do good things on the surface, that is, do bad things behind their backs, pretend that they don't know anything, but they are very happy inside. Such despicable people are bad.
24, the heart is a gentleman, the heart is not a villain; Everyone knows how to guard against him, but the most difficult thing to measure is those who say Yao and Shun, share the same aspirations, swear mountains and seas and have traps in their hearts. This hypocritical hypocrite is bound to do something.
If you are unfaithful, your relatives must be unfilial; You must not be honest when making friends, and you must not be moral when treating subordinates. Such people are mean people!
25. How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or waiting outside.
26. The death of one person is a tragedy, but the death of millions of people is only a statistic.
27. Sometimes, it's not that the other person doesn't care about you, but that you take the other person too seriously.
28. There is a kind of person who likes to shoot himself in the foot.
29, how to say, as long as your base does not affect us.
30. The furthest distance in the world is not the ends of the earth, because I was born in my motherland, but I don't know what is happening in my motherland.
People who read satirical quotations on the Internet also read:
1. The best quotations on the Internet
2.20 15 the most classic and funny online quotations
3. Network classic quotations
4.20 15 network positive energy classic quotations
?
?