/p>
The most you can get in the beauty pageant is the top three.
I found out that you are a photo scammer,
because you look much better in person than in the photos.
2. "You must be myopic, right?"
"Why do you say that?"
"How could you not see that I like you if you weren't myopic?"
He asked me what I was doing, and I said I was drawing on my eyebrows.
He said, let me see, the eyebrows are as dark as they are?
(The first half of the poem is "After putting on makeup, I asked my husband in a low voice")...
I melted at that time 3.
On the way back with my boyfriend, he hummed a few times and I said you looked like you were on drugs
He joked and said, "Look at me, I'll show you what taking drugs is"
Then I turned around and he kissed me
3 5 classic chat jokes
(1)
p>The disciple asked the teacher: "Can you talk about the strange things about human beings?" The teacher replied: "They are eager to grow up, and then lament their lost childhood; they trade health for money, and soon want to use money again To regain health; they are anxious about the future, but ignore the happiness of the present. Therefore, they live neither in the present nor in the future. They live as if they have never died; they die as if they have never lived. ."
(2)
One day, the dog asked the wolf: Do you have a house and a car? The wolf said no. The dog asked again: Do you have three meals a day and fruit? The wolf said no. Do you have anyone to coax you to play and take you shopping? The wolf said no. The dog said with disdain: You are so incompetent, why do you have nothing! The wolf smiled: I have the personality of not eating shit, I have goals that I chase, I have freedom that you don’t have, I am a lonely wolf, and you are just a dog that thinks you are happy!
(3)
When a drop of ink falls into a glass of water, the water immediately changes color and cannot be drunk; when a drop of ink melts into the sea, the sea remains a blue sea. Why? Because the belly capacity of the two is different. The unripe wheat ears stand straight up, while the mature wheat ears hang their heads. Why? Because the portions of the two are different. Being tolerant of others is magnanimity; humility of oneself is weight; taken together, it is the quality of a person.
(4)
The old man said to his child: "Clench your fists and tell me how you feel?" The child clenched his fists and said, "A little tired." The old man said: " Try to use more force." Child: "I'm even more tired. I'm holding my breath!" Old man: "Then let it go." Child said, "It's much easier!" "When you feel tired. , the tighter you hold it, the more tired you will be. If you let it go, you will be relieved. "It's such a simple truth, it's easier to let go.
(5)
When a person is angry, his IQ is zero; when a person is impatient, his movements will be deformed; when a person does not give the other party trust, nothing he says is of any use; When a person loses his direction, he has no motivation to do anything; of course, the most important thing for a person is self-knowledge, self-awareness, and self-reliance. Only with self-awareness can we leverage our strengths and avoid weaknesses, only with self-awareness can we stand on our own, and only with self-reliance can we stand upright.
1. There are only two results of unrequited love, either to achieve righteousness or to become a Buddha immediately. If you take a step back, you will achieve your own blue sea and blue sky.
2. In the legend of oοゞ There are two types of people left in the love scene: men without money and women who don’t know how to package, ゞοo
3. Those who are incompetent will struggle with themselves, and those who are capable will let others struggle
4. The farthest distance in the world is when we go out together, you buy four generations of Apples, and I buy four bags of apples.
5. The general will watch the crab with a cold eye to see how long it will run rampant
6. You think that by confiding your feelings to others, you will get a kind of salvation. But maybe, listening to your counterpart will give you an axe. Smiling ferociously while slashing at you
7. Funny and philosophical talk
8. There are some things that don’t need to be argued, obey on the surface, and resist secretly.
9. Success is not the goal, the goal is to experience the process of success.
The same goes for life and the same goes for happiness
10. The law stipulates that a man cannot get married until he is 20 years old, but he can serve as a soldier at 20 years old. This illustrates a problem: first, it is easier to kill than to be a husband; second, it is more difficult to live a life than to fight; third, women are more difficult to deal with than enemies.
11. Love has never left, it’s just that I remember and you forgot
12. Your love rival and the person who betrayed you fell into the river at the same time, and they can’t swim. Should you choose disco or KTV?
13. To be a monster, you must defeat Ultraman at all costs.
14. If I were a princess, I would save a frog, but all I met were toads
Classic chatting tricks
< p> 1. Funny and philosophical talk2. When will the salary increase? It’s unclear what the end of the story is.
3. You will always be my final destination, and I am just your passer-by.
4. The innocence in my memory has been marked with the plaque of youth as time goes by.
5. I compressed you in my memories, but I couldn’t find a way to decompress it.
6. Maybe love is like a fallen leaf, it seems to be flying but it is falling.
7. Tears are the gift you mailed to me, and the address is not very happy.
8. Love does not occupy a person but conquers a heart
9. Not everything becomes natural in the name of love
10 . Use a season of flowers to warm your eyes
11. Some past events are always only for one person. If you treat them as two people, it will be a spiritual load that neither you nor I can bear
12. Live a happy-go-lucky life with a nonchalant attitude.
13. The difference between a genius and a genius. A genius can do anything, but a genius can do this. . . . .
14. Is this year going to be a warm winter or a cold winter? Experts say that we have to wait until winter is over before we can evaluate it
Recommendations for classic chat tricks to deceive people
1. I see that this young man looks really good. I plan to go to Thailand and then Korea and marry him when I get back.
2. I smoked the same amount of cigarettes and spent the same amount of time for the same day. I spent the same amount of money and had the same taste. Almost a year
3. There are some things you shouldn’t understand and some people you shouldn’t hurt
4. The happiest thing for a man is when his wife gives birth to his own child. . . . .
5. Only when you are tired do you realize that you are not a superman
6. Children always want to leave home to find happiness. It is only after many years that they realize that the happiest place is home.
7. Feelings are not a matter of thinking, and they cannot be explained clearly by thinking from someone else’s perspective.
8. Don’t care about an unattainable goal with limited time.
9. When the knife is placed on the neck, no one will miss others
10. Maybe one day, when you put on the wedding dress, I have put on the cassock. .
11. What do we have to be afraid of? When we come to this world, we have no intention of going back alive!
12. In career, perseverance is not enough. Before persistence, there is choice. , find the right direction, and there will be hope for success.
13. Time is quietly crushing the past behind my back, and the scars on the route you left are spreading.
14. Affection and romance require qualified men to do that!! Love is a luxury that most people cannot afford!!
15. Sometimes , think that the things that belong to you are actually very fragile, just like leaves and trees, it doesn't matter if there is a gust of wind.
16. When I said goodbye to my father and mother, I went to Shanghai alone. My dream of working was gone, and my new certificate was filled with dust. Before you earn money, before you get married, and before your hair starts to grow, who can predict this life?
17. Can you be a little sad and pretend to be reluctant?
18. If you can’t open the door to your heart, you can’t find the right person.
19. If I were a dish, my heart would be a restaurant you can’t afford.
20. Brushing teeth is a mixture of joy and sorrow, because you hold a cup in one hand and a washing utensil in the other.
Popular WeChat chat routines
1. I have walked many roads; passed many bridges; drank many kinds of wine; seen many kinds of flowers; but I have only been harassed , a person who is reading text messages.
2. The sky will not be blue without you, and the earth will not rotate without you; you are our pride, and it is you who make this festival more happy; at this moment, I send you a congratulatory message and wish you the best. Smile brightly on your holiday; Happy April Fool's Day!
3. I have been looking forward to it for a long time, but my salary has gone up; I have been thinking about it for a long time, but the property prices have dropped; I have been buying it for a long time, and I have won the lottery; I have been thinking about it for a long time, and I have won the lottery. , I have a daughter-in-law; after a long time, your holiday is here, and I forgot to tell you that the above is a gift for you on April Fool's Day.
4. When I am upset, you don’t disturb me; when I miss you, you kiss my ear; when I am helpless, you say hello to me; when I am happy, you dance with me; without you, I don’t know what to do! Say thank you on April Fool’s Day: cell phone.
5. Thank you for being willing to listen to my complaints. Because of you, I can get rid of all my unhappiness! Thank you for every minute and second that you accompany me. Because of you, my life is no longer a mess. Loneliness! Prosperity, I can no longer live without you!
6. You are so white, so sweet, so beautiful, your presence makes me unable to control my desires, so good I want to hold you in my hands, take off your coat, and then... put it in my mouth and taste my favorite White Rabbit toffee!
7. From your almond-shaped eyes, cherries Judging from your mouth, Liuye'er's curved eyebrows, slender hands, tall figure, charming curves, and pretty face... you must have had plastic surgery all over your body!
8. It's raining outside, bit by bit. Drop; there are clouds in the sky, and there is fog in the clouds; when you raise your head, there is a little ant lying on the window sill, drooling and running nose, how pitiful! What a pity! How like you when you were a child!
9. Without Pangu who created the world, there would be no chance of ape evolution; without oracle bones to make stationery, history would be lifeless; without Daiyu and Baoyu, how could the Red Mansion be passed down for centuries? Without me sending you a message, who would have known that pigs can read cell phones?
10. I really miss you! I call for dawn at night, and the stars in the sky understand my heart. There is only you in my heart! How can thousands of mountains and rivers block my love for you! Really I miss you so much, my dear...RMB!
11. Next is the moment to witness the miracle. Press the scroll button once and you will smile; press it twice and you will giggle; press it three times and you will Laugh happily; click four times, congratulations, a fool is born!
12. Meeting you is a kind of fate; knowing you is a kind of happiness; caring about you has become a habit; Cherishing you will become an eternity; blessing you is inevitable; greeting you is polite; harassing you is a very happy thing!
13. People are always busy because of life. , I don’t know where to end; I just want to send this text message to remind you this friend: Someone not far away is silently caring about you, blessing you, and harassing you by the way!
14. Today is April Fool's Day. In order to prevent everyone from being deceived, our company has decided to have a day off without deducting wages or bonuses. Special reminder: Please do not go out and run around on this day. Please forward it to each other!
15. The first kiss was given to cigarettes, the romance was given to wine, the confusion was given to the eyes, the rhythm was given to the music, the first night was given to the dream, the body was given to the lover, and the cheating was given to the train. Madness is given to the mind, and the most sober blessing is given to you: Happy April Fool's Day!
16. There is a saying that I don't know whether to say or not, because it involves unspeakable privacy; there is something that I don't know what to say. I shouldn’t contact you, but it’s so important to you. After a fierce ideological struggle, I finally plucked up the courage to say: Happy April Fool's Day to you!
17. When I was in love in youth, you said you loved my battered face; when you were supporting me in old age, you Sweet words to say that you have given birth to me but I have not yet given birth to you. When parting between life and death, I finally know your true wish. Dear, Happy April Fool's Day!
18. Today is April Fool's Day. I have issued a special Fool's Order. I'm going to bark like a puppy. I'm in a wonderful mood. Smile three times to the sky and your good luck will never stop. I advise you to do it quickly. , come and go quickly, you want to ask why, a fool will not obey orders, a fool will not obey orders.
19. The weather forecast for this city: The temperature will drop tonight, and the southwest wind will be level 5 to 6, which will blow money.
The meteorological department reminds citizens to keep warm when traveling at night and be careful of catching a cold. Happy April Fool's Day!
20. This text message is very good. Those who receive it will have good luck, those who forward it will be young, and the money sent in groups will follow. The content is: Be civilized on April Fool's Day, just have fun with good-natured jokes! Send in bulk!
Simple classic WeChat chat routines
1. You are the sun in my heart, but it’s raining You are the moon in my dream, but it’s a pity that it was covered by clouds; you are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it’s a pity that it has bloomed; you are Chang’e from the sky who came to earth, but it’s a pity that you touched the ground face first...
< p> 2. I’m giving you the heaviest gift since I’ve had shit. You’ll definitely eat a pound of it, and you’ll have to eat a lot more. If you think the amount of shit is not enough, please help yourself! (On April Fool’s Day, punish him(her) )?)3. I liked Teresa Teng and died of illness; I liked Weng Meiling and committed suicide; I liked Chen Baiqiang and fell to death; I liked Leslie Cheung and jumped off a building. I like you and you can see for yourself Let’s do it!
4. After investigation and statistics, a group of new human beings appeared in the year, the four fools: those who hang themselves because of love, those who are not sick and take medicine, those who sign contracts that are invalid, and look at their mobile phones and giggle. Ha! Haha! Happy April Fool's Day!
5. If you are cheated today, it means you are popular. If you are not cheated, it means everyone feels sorry for you. If you lie, it means you can play and you are not cheating. , it shows that you are kind, haha! I wish you a happy April Fool's Day!
6. On this day, please always stay vigilant. Be alert to all unknown events that may happen. Remember to use your smart brain to distinguish this day full of deception and innocence. Otherwise, I can only wish you: Happy April Fool's Day!
7. Today is April Fool's Day, be careful not to be fooled by others! I heard that fool's disease is popular recently, and the symptoms are always Look at the text messages on your phone and grin the most. You have to be careful!
8. April Fool’s Day is coming, be careful of being tricked; be careful about acquaintances when going out, and be careful about colleagues in the company; be careful when beautiful women discharge Avoid it, pay attention to your friends’ enthusiasm, be happy with good luck on April Fool’s Day, be happy every moment! (Have you pranked him (her) on April Fool’s Day?)
9. On April Fool’s Day, I wish you to live like a fool. Water brings foolishness when it comes to ability, foolishness comes with wealth every month, effortlessness in doing things, endless foolishness in food, and laughter after tea and meals, so worries and foolishness disappear, happy April Fools' Day!
10. American husband: He stayed up all night and called his lawyer early the next morning. He talked for three hours in detail and collected a lot of evidence of his wife’s infidelity. Then he went home and said to his wife: “Dear, in our court See you.”
A condensation of classic WeChat chat routines
1. On a cold winter morning, you paddled hard in the pool, breaststroke, backstroke, butterfly, freestyle, and other impressive moves. Snorkeling! The old man on the shore was anxious: "I'll take the test! You drank up the cesspool and stopped letting me farm!"
2. Pay attention, look to your left first, then to you to the right. Please be careful about a "psychopath" who has just slipped out. His characteristic is: looking around with his mobile phone.
3. Notice: A leader will inspect the work tomorrow morning. Colleagues, please dress uniformly as required. Men: suit, tie, shorts and slippers; women: swimsuit, trousers and leather shoes!
4. Urgent reminder: There may be tornado weather in the near future. Be sure to carry two kilograms of dumbbells with you when you go out to avoid being swept into the west by the strong wind. . Those weighing less than kilograms must double the weight.
5. Seismological station prediction: There will be micro-earthquakes tonight to tomorrow morning. For your safety, please sleep under the bed tonight with a quilt on your head, a toilet bowl on your head, and a straw in your nostrils.
6. It’s too late, your phone has been infected with the April Fool’s Day virus, alas…
7. Test you: What should you do if all the pigs in the world die overnight? (Name a song) "At least I still have you"!
8. When you read this message, Please do the following actions: pinch your right ear with your left hand, pinch your left ear with your right hand, stick out your tongue, and stand on the street.
You will find that people will give you money!
9. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a fool. He was so stupid that no matter what questions others asked him, he would just shake his head or answer "no". Have you heard of this story?
10. Those who make furniture are wood, those who understand poetry are scholars, what everyone wants is money, what is cultivated is talent, what women want is a figure, and what is sent is a message Genius, the person reading the text message is an idiot!
11. You are so handsome and cool that it is beyond comparison. You hold a pot lid on your head and carry cabbage in your hands. You always think that you are the Invincible of the East. In fact, You are the second generation fool!
12. Test your Mandarin, please read the following poem aloud: dark stone green, dark carnation, dark stone through spring green, dark stone through spring bamboo.
13. This is a poem by Li Bai, please read it aloud: The bedroom is spring green, I hold the plum blossoms and smell the flowers, I can only win the first place, I invite you to sleep in the bedroom, the bedroom knows the spring green.
14. Pig Hunting Notice: I lost a purebred white pig. Characteristics: Smart, considerate, carrying a mobile phone and checking text messages. After the love pig reads the message, he will reply to the owner quickly! The owner misses you so much now!
15. Teach you a lesson Happy spell; An Sizhu, An Sizhu, An Si's bamboo, An Si's pure bamboo, congratulations on learning Shandong dialect; I am a pig, I am a pig, I am a pig, I am a stupid pig.
16. I feel that after knowing you for so long, you are a special, extremely, very, rare, unique and stupid person, and you are so cute. Hehe, don’t be angry! Happy April Fool's Day!
17. A river with spring water and a river with waves make a mountain higher than the other. Send a message to the idiot. The idiot must take out his phone. When he takes out his phone and looks down, he realizes that he is an idiot.
18. Congratulations on being admitted to the uncultured class of the Barbaric Department of the American University. Please bring your dementia and other complex diseases to the American Shit Hall on the Titanic Street on the 9th Street. Report.
19. When you see this text message I sent you, please bang your head against the wall. Do you see? The countless stars in front of your eyes are the infinite blessings I send you! Happy April Fool’s Day Happy!
20. The wind lifts your long hair, and you look even more chic! The waves slap your feet, and you look even more flawless! Facing the morning glow in the east, you look like a sea spray! It’s hard to tell that you’re a fool even if you’re not an acquaintance! Happy April Fool’s Day!
21. I pray to Buddha every day for a rose that will bloom for a long time, and when the nine hundred and ninety-nine roses arrive, I will give them to you together. Said: Baby, I don’t believe that the bees you attract will not sting you! Happy April Fool’s Day!
22. God said to grant me a wish, I said I wanted world peace, but he said it would be too difficult to change it. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to become more beautiful. He thought for a moment and said: Take the globe and let me take a look. Happy April Fool's Day!