"Popular to the point of being needed" (8)

Section 5? Keep the sense of boundaries and keep the relationship just right

Between people How much do you know about the sense of boundaries? Are you a person who has a strong sense of boundaries, is able to consciously not violate other people's boundaries, and at the same time can skillfully guard your own boundaries? If so, then I really congratulate you, you must be a master of emotional intelligence, and it must be a very pleasant thing to get along with you.

You have heard about the sense of boundaries, but you still don’t know how to get it just right. This is not bad. Although being with you may not be like a spring breeze, you probably won’t do it. No matter what is too outrageous to keep the boat of friendship, it can still be done. If you have never heard of the sense of boundaries and feel that it is not necessary at all, in fact, we should think about it. I can only say that for the people who are still around you, you should be nicer to them. They must have had a hard time, and your friendship must be indestructible. But don’t complain about those friends who leave you in the middle. They really have their own difficulties. So let’s take a look at these three friends. In this case, let’s understand what exactly is the sense of boundary? What exactly is the boundary sense used for?

For example, it’s the end of the year, and you’ve traveled thousands of miles to return to your parents after traveling for a year. You wanted to use your not-so-plentiful time to spend time with your parents, but instead, you were interrupted for several days. Aunts and eight aunts gathered around and asked about various details about the outside world. Which company do you work for? How much is your monthly salary? How many year-end bonuses have you received? Are you a leader in your workplace? Do you have a boyfriend? Girlfriend, why didn’t you bring her back? In short, there are only questions that you can't think of. No, they can't ask about those special people's topics. If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay. This is the care from the elders. You must not only reply happily one by one, but also express your gratitude, otherwise you will be in the eyes of your relatives. You are just ignorant. This is in your heart. What kind of feeling do you feel?

However, one thing we have to admit is that these people who cause you trouble do not mean to make you unhappy. If you mean this, they will probably tell you that we still Isn’t it all because I care about you? If it were someone else, we wouldn't bother to pay attention to them. Isn't it because we are best friends? If it's a stranger, I don't care who he makes friends with. I have always regarded you as a good friend, but you actually think there is no need to let me know about this. Do you regard me as a friend? That's right, most of the time they treat you like this because they care about you. The reason why they make you so uncomfortable is because you lack a sense of boundaries in your relationship.

Therefore, in order to create an ecological social network, enrich your network resources, and make more different friends, you must know how to get along with each other. There is no doubt that knowing how to deal with each other is really a skill. In life, the most important thing is the sense of boundaries between each other. Only by mastering it can you be just right when getting along with others. And only when you get along with others just right, can it be called a manifestation of high emotional intelligence. No matter what else it is, Infringement caused by the lack of boundary sense, or artificial isolation caused by the boundary sense Figure 5, can only show that your emotional intelligence is not cultivated enough. So how to grasp the boundary sense? Let's take a look

First, let yourself push others and set up restricted areas. The first step to grasp the relationship is to set boundaries. How to set boundaries? In the process of dating, a restricted area is set according to the other party's preferences, and topics within the restricted area are avoided. However, this happens after a period of dating. Only when you understand the other party can you know the other party's preferences. These are good friends, so what should you do if you are someone you just met? Then you should make corrections at any time based on your own observations as you get along.

Second, remind them in time and express your unhappiness clearly. Getting along is not a matter of one person. What needs to be dealt with is a bilateral or even multilateral relationship. Only when everyone participates and has a relationship with a sense of boundaries can we get along just right.

Therefore, in addition to recommending others to pre-sell the opponent's penalty area, you must also learn to deal with teammates who have no sense of boundaries and offend you. When the opponent crosses the boundary and causes you discomfort, you must react in time and tell the opponent clearly. , doing this makes you feel very uncomfortable. It should be noted that the attitude should be as gentle as possible and the language should be as tactful as possible, but the signal to be conveyed must be clear.

Third, never form an alliance unless necessary. Forming an alliance is a good thing. It can ensure that you establish a strong relationship with the League members that is obviously different from others. However, it also tells you that those outside the alliance are not one of your own, so unless Those naturally existing alliances, such as in a group at the door, you are with someone who is a colleague of a certain company, or you have offline cooperation with so-and-so, so you have to form an alliance.

So to sum up, the key to having a good relationship is to grasp the sense of boundaries, whether it is when meeting big people, expanding your network, or when getting along with relatives and friends. , will make your relationship more harmonious and bring your relationship closer.