Surprise question, did you suddenly feel depressed after BDSM or sex?

For example, you suddenly feel guilty or ashamed of yourself, or you suddenly want to cry. The duration varies from several hours to several days.

I have shared science with you before. This is an emotion called gap. Simply put, human beings will secrete a lot of endorphins and dopamine when they enter the state of sexual pleasure, and after this state is over, the brain needs to re-calibrate the hormone level of the body. In this calibration process, because of the fluctuation of hormone level, people will easily fall into an inexplicable mood of sadness and depression, which is very vivid, just like riding a roller coaster, just reaching the peak of happiness, but suddenly falling into a trough.

I have talked with you about science before, and purposeful nursed back to health can alleviate such emotions. If you want to know the necessity of aftercare, you can read these articles:

The aftermath of S/Dom rescue plan after falling asleep.

Comfort after abuse, you and your family may have overlooked this matter before.

Today, we mainly discuss how to do a good job of aftercare.

Before we begin, let me ask you a question. Who should be responsible for the aftermath after the BDSM incident?

A. Dominator /DOM or S.

B. Surrender /SUB or m

C. both sides, no matter who is active or passive.

The answer is C. Because both Dom and Sub may fall in, both sides need to be nursed back to health. If the answer is correct, please look down. If the answer is wrong, please consciously open the popular science lessons in the link above.

In practice, almost most people think that the aftermath is only what the active party does to the passive party, which is actually one-sided. Therefore, how to properly nursed back to health will be divided into S/Dom and M/Sub in today's popular science.

Post-processing of M/Sub

After practicing the fun of BDSM, people usually enter a state of physical and mental exhaustion. The ties established between the two sides in BDSM will gradually weaken or even break. And the first thing we need to do is not to let it break.

I've seen the dom that lit a cigarette and started to brush the phone after the end, and let sub clean up the tools by himself. This is actually a very bad aftercare. After BDSM, Dom quickly entered his own world and closed the door of Sub. Dom may think that he is superb in technology and has made Sub cool, but the end of TJ does not mean that the connection is broken. In this way, Sub usually feels lonely, wronged and depressed.

A little better than this, some S/DOM have a sense of aftercare, and they will sit still after the end and ask M/sub coldly. How do you feel? Is there a problem? Come and talk to me. M/sub may have a lot to say to you, but in such a serious alienation, it will eventually become three words, which is quite good.

The two counter-examples mentioned above both weaken the connection between them during nursed back to health. Here, the first simple skill to keep in touch is hugging.

A lot of sweat often occurs during BDSM, which will lead to a drop in body temperature after BDSM. Therefore, the first tip: you can prepare a bath towel in advance, wrap it on the M/sub after the end, and then hold ta in your arms. (If you really don't have a bath towel, you can also put on a loose dress for t a instead. )

This is very important, because Dom's arms are surrounded, and each other can feel the heartbeat, snuggle up, stroke his hair and kiss his forehead. These are real and sensible connections, which can greatly help two people to strengthen their sense of security and trust, which is the core appeal of nursed back to health.

Don't ask how long it will take. You can sleep with it if you like.

Next, the second trick is praise and praise.

When sub snuggles in dom's arms, physical recuperation is established, and psychological care cannot be left behind. Usually, Sub or m is eager to get the affirmation of their Dom or S, and is eager for ta to praise themselves for their good work. When Dom tells these words to TAs, even a simple sentence, you did better than I expected, which will give them a sense of spiritual value and pleasure.

And if this step is omitted, let's talk about what happened to TJ just now. It will make Asia self-doubt and nervous, thus greatly reducing the effect of communication.

Then there is the third small coup communication summary.

Here we go again! Don't skip the first two steps! Fast forward to this step! Don't skip the first two steps! Fast forward to this step! Otherwise, the effect of aftercare will be greatly reduced!

After completing the first two steps, both sides can honestly review each other's practices, find out what problems they have or find other interesting new directions. This step is also very important, because it is very likely that your sub feels uncomfortable and doesn't like it in practice, but ta has been very patient and hasn't shouted out safe words. Without communication, you will think that you are doing well, but it is not at all.

The common problem in this step is that one party has not come out of the beautiful atmosphere embraced in the previous step, and the other party has conveniently entered a serious and rational communication state, resulting in fundamentally different channels between the two parties.

For example, some straight men (admit it, I mean myself), the other person is obviously enjoying the sweetness of being held in his arms with his eyes closed, and this straight man seems to have been holding a watch for more than ten minutes, so he righted the other person and said, by the way, after we seriously discussed this operation, we can clearly see the anger of wanting to kill in the other person's still blurred eyes.

Therefore, after years of experience accumulated by this straight man, it is strongly recommended that you do not set time limits for the first and second steps, and you can continue if you like. As for the third step, we can even put it on the next day, and then we can hug and sleep.

Don't worry about not being there or being apart the next day. Calling and sending WeChat are all optional communication methods.

The aftermath of S/Dom

After talking about the nursed back to health of M/Sub, today we will focus on the nursed back to health of S/Dom, because I found that almost no one on the Internet paid attention to the emotional and nursed back to health of S/Dom, as if TAs were all superman made of steel.

In fact, after BDSM, S/Dom often falls into a lost mood, often depressed, fragile and tired.

For myself, my falling mood often comes from unprovoked self-doubt. For example, in practice, when I see the other person inadvertently showing a painful expression, I often endlessly question what I did badly.

For example, when I made a mistake in tying the rope, I didn't do what I could have done well, and I immediately fell into self-blame, questioning why I still made mistakes after practicing so many times, feeling poor and rotten, and so on.

Usually there will be some perfectionism in S/Dom, and these repressed emotions will appear on ta from time to time.

Therefore, according to my own experience, I summed up that Sub's first little coup for Dom nursed back to health is encouragement.

Just as Sub is eager to get the affirmation of his Dom, Dom actually wants the affirmation of Sub. Sometimes a simple sentence, such as I love you no matter what, can smooth all the depression and anxiety that Dom hides in his heart.

If Ya can't help, she can only take care of herself, then my suggestion is to get to know more friends in the circle, complain to them and brag about it, so that you will feel better.

If you can't find friends in the circle and can only be alone, then you can only suggest doing some soothing exercises, such as fitness and playing ball.

To sum up today's content, many people know the importance of aftercare, but few people can really do it well. Many practitioners focus on fancy projects and technologies and think that they can become powerful S/Dom by improving them.

In my opinion, this is not the case. After all, BDSM is ultimately for pleasure, not for comparison and showing off. Doing some small but important things seriously, such as nursed back to health, is the guarantee of not forgetting your active attitude and down-to-earth attitude.

Professional tutor WeChat: xllx577 Reference:

Herman Deke. Constrained games: space, citizenship and DSM. Routledge, 20 17.

FuentesSB。 caringabout after care:the presentation of initial findings . 20 19。

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