How to deal with interpersonal relationships?

The complete collection of "Human Weakness" (Essence Edition)

Author: Dale Carnegie (1888-1955)

The first article on dealing with others Basic skills

The so-called politeness is to adjust the appropriate distance between each other.

1. If you want to collect honey, don’t kick the hive (don’t criticize, blame or complain about others)

People are like this. When they do something wrong, they only blame others, but don’t blame them. Own.

Being considerate and forgiving requires self-cultivation and self-control.

2. Sincerely appreciate others

The most profound driving force in human nature is "the hope of being important."

There is only one way to get others to do anything. That's giving him what he wants.

3. If you want to catch fish, you have to ask what the fish eats (think of the needs of others first)

Successful interpersonal relationships lie in your ability to capture the other person’s perspective; and , when looking at one thing, you must take into account the different perspectives of both you and the other person.

There is only one way to influence others, and that is to tell them what they want and let them know how to get it.

Those who can put themselves in others' shoes and understand what others are thinking will never have to worry about the future.

Part 2 The Key to Peace and Happiness

People with a good mood are truly rich.

4. Remain true to yourself (don’t blindly imitate)

Now that you have come to the world, you should be grateful that you are unique in the world and give full play to your talents.

Each of us has shaped our own lives. If we can learn to accept ourselves, see our strengths, and understand our weaknesses, we will be able to keep a steady pace and achieve our goals.

The big mistake job seekers often make is failing to stay true to their true self. They always speculate on what kind of answer the other person expects, rather than telling them directly what they think.

5. Change bad working habits (develop good working habits)

People have two abilities that are priceless treasures that are hard to find - one is the ability to think, and the other is the ability to distinguish The ability to prioritize and handle matters appropriately.

Happiness does not depend on who you are or what you have, it comes entirely from your thoughts.

It is much better to do things step by step than to do whatever comes to mind.

6. Learn to relax and relieve fatigue (relax yourself and eliminate fatigue)

Tensiness is a habit, and relaxation is also a habit.

Just hard work will not make people feel tired. Most symptoms of fatigue stem from mental or emotional attitudes.

For people who are in good health and often sit and work, their fatigue is 100% due to psychological factors, or what we call emotional factors.

7. Burnout causes physical fatigue (don’t feel tired about things, but make them fun)

One of the main causes of fatigue is the feeling of burnout.

If you "pretend" to be interested in a job, perhaps this attitude will make your interest appear real.

Talk to yourself every day, so that you can guide yourself to think about what courage and happiness are, what peace and strength are; talk to yourself about things you need to be grateful for every day, so that your mind will be brighter and happier. Sing.

8. Don’t think that you have nothing (count the happiness you have, not the worries)

There are only two goals in life: one, to pursue what you want; Enjoy what you seek. Only the smartest can achieve the second goal.

In our lives, about 90% of things are good and 10% of things are bad. If you want to live a happy life, you should focus on these 90% of good things.

Be happy with what you have and don’t worry about having nothing. If you think about it on the bright side, this habit is better than earning a thousand pounds.

9. No one will kick a dead dog (ignore it, because no one will kick a dead dog)

In reality, the more important the dog, the more important it is. People feel more satisfied when they play.

Ignorant people like to find fault with big shots because they get a lot of fun out of it.

10. Don’t let the arrows of criticism hit you (do your best, hold up an umbrella, so that the rain of criticism does not hit the back of your neck)

Although we cannot avoid it Malicious attacks from others can do one very important thing: whether to let other people's attacks interfere with our normal work and life.

The only way to avoid being attacked is to stand gracefully on a shelf like a piece of valuable fine china.

Part 3 How to Make People Like You

The only way to make friends is to be friends yourself first.

11. Learn to sincerely care about others

If we want to make friends, we must first do things for others - things that require time, energy, consideration, and dedication to do thing.

Care for others, like other interpersonal principles, must be sincere.

Only if you truly care about others can you win their attention, help and cooperation, even the busiest important people.

If we just attract other people's attention and want to leave an impression on others, we will not be able to make many sincere and sincere friends.

12. Don’t forget to smile (keep smiling)

Smiling cannot deceive others.

If you want others to be happy to see you, you must be happy to meet others.

Everyone in the world is looking for happiness, but there is only one truly effective way, and that is to control your thoughts.

Most people are not as happy as they set their minds to be.

13. Never forget other people’s names (remember other people’s names, it is the sweetest and most important sound in language)

The ability to remember names is important in career and communication. is almost as important as in politics.

People value their names so much that they try their best to keep them alive, even at the expense of others.

Most people don’t remember names simply because they don’t put in the necessary effort and energy to remember other people’s names. They make excuses for themselves: they are too busy.

14. Learn to listen to others (be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves)

If you want to be a good conversationalist, then do one thing first People who listen.

The ever-critical person, even the fiercest critic, will often soften and surrender in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener.

If you want to know how to make people avoid you, laugh at you behind your back, or even despise you, here is the best way - never listen to others, keep talking about yourself.

15. Cater to the interests of others (talk about topics that others are interested in)

The trick to communicating with others is to talk about the things that others value most.

16. Make others feel important and do it sincerely

There is an extremely important rule of human behavior--always make others feel important.

Almost everyone you meet thinks they are better than you in some way. So the best way to reach their hearts is to subtly show that you sincerely believe they are important.

Tell others about themselves and they will listen for hours.

Part 4: How to convince people of you

We often attract people because of our shortcomings rather than our strengths.

17. Don’t argue (avoid debate)

We can never change anyone’s mind through verbal fighting, regardless of their intelligence.

"Don't debate!" The real salesmanship is not a debate, nor should it be similar to a debate. Human thoughts cannot be changed through debate.

If you argue, argue, and object, you may sometimes win; but this victory is hollow because you will never gain the other person's favor.

18. Respect other people’s opinions (Show respect for other people’s opinions. Never say “you are wrong.”)

If you point out other people’s mistakes too bluntly, then Good opinions will not be accepted and may even be greatly hurt.

When you teach others, act as if nothing has happened. Things should be brought up unconsciously, as if they were forgotten.

You can use your eyes, your tone of voice, or your gestures to accuse someone of their faults, which can be just as powerful as your words.

19. If you are wrong, admit it immediately (if you are wrong, admit it quickly and sincerely)

What if we preemptively blame ourselves when we know that we are bound to be blamed? Isn’t it better than having someone else to blame? Isn’t it easier to listen to your own criticism than to endure the rebuke of others?

Any stupid person will try his best to defend his mistakes-and most stupid people will do this-he admits his mistakes, makes people stand out, and gives people a noble and noble attitude. Feel.

You will never be satisfied by fighting, but you can get more than you expect by giving in.

20. Treat others kindly (start in a friendly way)

Human minds are not easy to change. You cannot force them to agree with you, but it is entirely possible to guide them as long as you are gentle and kind.

A drop of honey attracts more flies than a gallon of bile. If you want to win people's hearts, first convince them that you are their truest friend. It was like a drop of honey attracting his heart, and there would be a calm road leading to his reason.

21. Let the other person say "yes" (first let others say "yes, yes")

People who know how to speak will get many "yes"s from the beginning reply.

Anything that makes the other person respond in a positive direction as soon as they open their mouth is very important to your results.

When you talk to others, instead of discussing the things you disagree with, first emphasize—and keep emphasizing—the things you agree with.

The "yes" response is actually a very simple technique that is ignored by most people.

22. Give others a chance to speak (let them talk more)

In order to make others’ opinions consistent with their own, many people often adopt a wrong strategy: speaking too much many.

When our friends are better than us, they gain a sense of self-respect; but when we are better than them, they develop a sense of inferiority and arouse suspicion and jealousy.

Don’t always exaggerate your achievements to others. We must be humble, so that people will always like you.

23. Don’t impose your opinions on others (let others feel that it is their attention)

No one likes to be sold or forced to do something.

24. Be good at considering problems from the perspective of others (sincerely try to see things from the other person's perspective)

There are certain reasons why the other person has such thoughts and behaviors.

Before meeting someone, I would spend two hours walking on the sidewalk in that person's office if I didn't have a very clear idea of ??what I was going to say and what he seemed to be answering. Rather than go into his office.

25. The willingness to sympathize with the other person (sympathize with the other person’s thoughts and desires)

Human beings universally pursue sympathy.

Feeling "self-pity" for real or imagined misfortunes is almost a common human habit.

26. Inspire others to have noble motives

Each of us idealizes ourselves in our hearts and likes to give a good explanation for the motivations of our actions. . Therefore, if we want to change others, we should create noble motives in them.

27. Dramatize your intentions (act out your intentions)

Truth requires us to make it more vivid, interesting, and dramatic. You must use performance appropriately. art.

28. Let others continue to face challenges (raise them a challenge)

Inspire others to generate an upward spirit - a really effective method!

The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. Of course it is not a scheming competition, but a mutual desire to win.

Part 5: How to Better Persuade Others

If two people always agree, then one of them does not need to exist.

29. Praise and appreciate others (start with praising fish for sincere appreciation)

When we hear others praising our own merits, and then listen to some unpleasant words, naturally Feel better.

Long distance calls, debates! Intense conversation! To no avail.

30. Indirectly and tactfully point out the mistakes of others

After sincerely praising others, many people like to add the word "but" in a roundabout way, and then start a series of criticisms .

Indirectly raising others' mistakes is gentler than speaking directly, and will not cause strong resentment from others.

31. Don’t always blame others (think about your own mistakes before blaming others)

Admit one’s own mistakes—even if you haven’t corrected yourself yet— It can also help improve behavior.

32. No one likes to be ordered around (ask questions instead of orders)

Give him a sense of self-respect so that he will cooperate with you instead of betraying.

Ask questions instead of commands.

33. Save other people’s face

Save other people’s face! What an important question this is! But we rarely consider this issue.

Even if others make mistakes and we are right, if we do not save face for others, it will destroy a person.

34. Motivate others to succeed (praise others for every progress, even if it is very small, be "sincere in praising, generous in praising.")

When it comes to changing people, if You and I can do more by inspiring the people we come into contact with and recognizing the treasures they possess than we can actually change. We can really change them.

35. Learn to "wear a high hat" for others (give people a good name and work hard to preserve it)

If you want to improve a person in some way, you must do It's as if that characteristic was already one of his distinguishing characteristics.

Almost everyone—rich, poor, beggar, thief—keeps the reputation of honesty given to him.

36. Encouragement makes it easier for people to correct mistakes

If you tell your children, husband or others that he is really stupid at something, that he has no talent for something, or He's doing everything wrong...then you've pretty much eliminated any incentive for him to improve. But if we use the opposite method, tolerate others, encourage others, make things seem easy to do, and let the other person know that you believe he is capable of doing it and that he has untapped talents for this matter - he will spend all night fighting to win. practise.

37. Grant authority to others

Always make the other person happy to do what you propose.

It is human nature to gain a sense of authority.

Part 6: Make your family life happy

Where does happiness lie? Happiness is the stop between too much and too little.

38. Don’t chatter endlessly

Many wives continue to dig bit by bit, creating the grave of their own marriage.

Of all the raging fires and vicious plans invented by hell devils to destroy love, chattering is the most deadly. Like the venom of a poisonous snake, it corrodes people's lives forever.

39. Don’t try to change the other person (don’t change your spouse)

The first thing you should learn when dealing with people is not to interfere with their own special methods of happiness. If those If the method does not conflict violently with us.

40. Don’t criticize the other person (don’t criticize your husband or wife)

More than half of all marriages fail; she knows how to make many romantic dreams hit the rocks of marriage. One reason is because of criticism - useless, heartbreaking criticism.

41. Sincerely appreciate each other (give each other sincere appreciation)

Men should appreciate women's efforts to pursue beauty and dress appropriately. All men forget, if they had ever been aware, how concerned women are with their clothes.

For many men, they may not be able to remember what clothes or shirts they wore five years ago, and they have no intention of remembering them, but women are different.

42. Pay attention to the little things in life (pay attention to those seemingly small things)

Women attach great importance to birthdays and anniversaries. This is always a female mystery.

In many cases of marriage breakdown, not all families are unable to survive because of some major events. On the contrary, most people are often due to some small things.

43. There should also be etiquette within the family (be polite to your wife/husband)

Illity, this is the scourge that corrodes love.

Ordinary people who are happily married are much happier than geniuses who live in seclusion.

Every man knows that he can make his wife happy first and then make her do anything without any reward.

44. How to get along with women (learn to get along with her)

Men like to feel loved, and women like you to tell her.

The best, most useful, and least likely way to win a woman's heart and be willing to work tirelessly to please her is to thank her and praise her wholeheartedly all the time.

Some men may think that showing interest in a woman's family affairs will undermine the dignity of a man.

Being loved is an important factor in a woman’s success, so the husband’s role here is very important.

45. How to get along with a man (learn to get along with him)

When men are looking for their partner, what they pay most attention to is whether the other half has a good temper.

Men would rather eat canned food in a happy atmosphere than eat steak with a nagging, irritable, and complaining woman.

It is immature to think that "changing your personality" can capture a man's heart, or changing your look - wearing a beautiful new dress or a charming hairstyle. A man will never be hypnotized by this and completely forget his original true face.

46. Don’t be illiterate about marriage (understand some necessary sexual knowledge)

“Sex” is generally recognized as the most important issue in life. Undoubtedly, that is what causes the rupture of happiness between men and women.

Happy marriages are rarely the product of chance. They are like buildings and must be designed rationally and carefully.

"Sex" is but one of the many satisfactions in married life, but unless the relationship is appropriate, nothing else will be appropriate.

Part 7: How to make you more mature

The road of life is composed of countless doors, it depends on how you walk out and enter.

47. Don’t just kick the chair (you have to bear the consequences of your actions and be responsible for your actions instead of just kicking the chair)

The first step for a person to mature It should be the courage to take responsibility.

It is certainly easier to blame others than to take responsibility yourself.

For those immature people, they can always find some reasons to get rid of some of their own shortcomings or misfortunes.

It is important to transform people's lives into a better place, rather than wallowing in the abyss of self-pity all day long.

48. Difficulties do not mean misfortunes (don’t care about difficulties, maybe they are the beginning of happiness)

For people who like to avoid responsibilities, difficulties become the most important thing. Good shield.

People with mature minds will not get stuck in their own difficulties, but face it bravely, accept it, and then find ways to overcome and solve it. They will not beg for mercy, despair, or find excuses to escape.

Immature people can always regard their differences as flaws and obstacles, and then expect to receive special treatment, but mature people do not.

49. Get rid of misfortune in life (learn to get rid of misfortune in life)

Life is not a smooth journey to happiness, but always swings between luck and misfortune, sinking and floating, In the pattern between light and dark.

There is only one way to face misfortune - to accept it. When our lives are fragmented by unfortunate encounters, only time can pick up the fragments and smooth them out again.

Unfortunate encounters are not the end of the world. Sometimes it is the catalyst that prompts us to take action necessary to improve the situation. It sharpens our intellect to help us solve problems.

The best way to get rid of the shadow of misfortune is to improve ourselves and help others.

50. Have your own beliefs and take action

We must believe in something, but if we do not take action on this belief, everything is still useless. Faith without action is useless.

Faith alone is not enough to make us mature. The advantage of faith is that it increases courage.

So that we will not give in when we are tested. Sometimes there are contradictions between our actions and our beliefs.

51. You are unique

The quality of excitement is an extremely important factor in the success of our work, so emotional motivation is the force that drives us forward.

Although human personality cannot be changed, it can be expressed through certain behaviors.

The maturation process of the soul is a continuous process of self-discovery and self-exploration.

52. Learn to like yourself (understand and like yourself)

Mature people will not lie in bed at night and calculate the differences between themselves and others.

Focus on our own excellent qualities, cultivate strengths and forget weaknesses, so that we can continue to improve and practice ourselves. Of course, we will correct our mistakes at any time, but we don’t have to keep them in mind all the time.

As a human being, perfectionists make mistakes and fail just like everyone else. Don't be so hard on yourself.

53. Don’t follow the beaten path (don’t blindly follow the rules)

Children like to do the same things as people of the same age, and they care about what their friends or peers think of them. They need to be accepted by their peers - this is the most important evidence of their existence.

When we are in an unfamiliar environment and have no past experience to refer to, the best way is to conform to ordinary people's standards.

It is not easy to adhere to a principle that is not supported by others, or to not casually accommodate a principle that is generally supported by others.

Only when people find themselves can they understand why they came to this world, what they want to do, and where they want to go in the future.

54. Don’t be annoying (always pay attention to those annoying behaviors in yourself)

Many people are always making people boring and annoying. This kind of person can't be said to be a sin, nor can it be considered a wrongdoing, but it is extremely harmful to others.

Wandering eyes are also a warning that cannot be ignored. It is a sign that the other party is not interested in the current topic.

Bland speech is a symptom of personality illness and a phenomenon of personality no longer growing.

If a person matures spiritually or continues to grow mentally, he can discuss anything with others without being annoying.

55. Why should others like you (To make others like you, you must first make yourself liked)

Love is the basis for human progress and the basis for our interactions with others. Bridge is the basis for measuring a person's maturity.

The most important thing is not whether others love us, but whether we are worthy of being loved.

Part 8: Get out of a life of loneliness and worry

A lonely person has a characteristic. While he does not love others, he is also unwilling to accept the love of others.

56. Loneliness - a common problem of modern people

If a person wants to be welcomed or accepted by others, he must make a lot of efforts and costs. If we want others to like us, we do need to put in some effort.

If we want to overcome loneliness, we must stay away from the shadow of self-pity and bravely walk into people full of light.

Happiness does not depend on others giving, but on winning others' needs and love for you.

57. Let busyness eliminate your worries (keep yourself busy all the time)

The time when worry can hurt you most is not when you take action. But after the day's work is done.

The secret of making people miserable is to have time to think about whether you are happy or not.

58. Don’t get downhearted over small things (don’t let yourself get upset over small things that should be put aside and forgotten)

The law will not care about those small things. A man should not worry about these little things if he wishes to have peace of mind.

59. Accept the inevitable (don’t try to change the inevitable situation, but try your best to adapt to it)

Be willing to admit that things are the way they are. Being able to accept what happened is the first step to overcoming any misfortune that comes with it.

When we stop resisting the inevitable, we can save energy and create a richer life.

60. The universal formula for relieving worries (use Cavell’s universal formula to become a carefree person)

Step one: Ask yourself: “The most likely outcome is What’s the bad case?”

Step Two: If you have to accept it, be prepared to accept it.

Step 3: Calmly think of ways to improve the worst situation.

Chapter 9: Don’t worry about money and work

61. The most important decision in your life

(1) When you reach the age of eighteen , you may be faced with two big decisions: How will you make a living? What kind of life partner do you choose?

(2) As long as a person loves his job infinitely, he may be successful.

(3) Choosing a suitable job is very important for your health.

(4). Let us bless those who find their beloved jobs. They do not need to pray for other happiness.

(5). Remember: When you ask someone for advice, you are giving him honor. He will feel flattered by your request. Remember: adults have always loved giving advice to younger men and women.

The number one rule for eliminating money and work worries is: make important decisions carefully.

62. 70% of worries are related to money

(1) What worries most people is not that they don’t have enough money, but that they don’t know how to use the money they already have. Have money.

(2). Even if we have the whole world, we can only eat three meals a day and sleep on one bed at a time---even a ditch digger can do this. , maybe they eat more relish and sleep more peacefully than Rockefeller.

(3) When it comes to your money, you are running a business for yourself. How to budget and plan? Please remember:

A. Write down the facts on paper;

B. Draw up a budget that really suits you;

C. Learn how to be smart Spend money freely;

D. Don’t add headaches to your income;

E. If you must borrow money, try to get a bank loan;

F. Purchase insurance for medical, fire, and emergency expenses;

G. Do not let the insurance company pay your life insurance to your beneficiaries in cash;

H. Teach your children how to raise children Develop a responsible attitude towards money;

I. If you are a housewife, maybe make some extra money at home;

J. Don’t gamble, ever;

< p>K. If we cannot improve our financial situation, we might as well forgive ourselves.

The second principle of eliminating money and work worries is: Don’t always worry about work and money.

63. Occupational conflicts between husband and wife

(1) The job that is most suitable for a person, or the job that makes him happy, does not necessarily make him rich or happy. Live a good life.

(2) Doubt is the rebel in our hearts. Fear of pursuing will cause us to lose what we can usually win.

(3) God does prefer brave and strong hearts.

The third principle for eliminating money and work worries is to handle professional conflicts between couples.

64. Don’t live beyond your means

(1) Spending money without a plan is like losing money to butchers, clothing dealers, and furniture stores. . . . . . Come and share your income.

(2) Planned or budgeted spending can ensure that you and your family get a fair share of your income.

(3) A budget is a blueprint and a planned method to help you get more benefit from your income.

(4) How to complete your family budget plan?

A. Record every expense so that you have a clear understanding of your expenditures;

B. Design your own budget based on the special needs of your family.

C. Save at least 10% of your annual income;

D. Prepare a fund for unexpected or emergency purposes;

E. Make a budget Planning becomes a matter for the whole family;

F. Consider life insurance;

The fourth principle to eliminate money and work worries is: spend reasonably and don’t live beyond your means.

Part 10: Prevent fatigue and maintain vitality

65. Stay awake for one more hour every day

(1) The first way to prevent fatigue and worry The rule of thumb is: take breaks often, and take breaks before you feel tired.

(2). Edison believed that his endless energy and endurance came from his habit of sleeping whenever he wanted.

(3) Rest does not mean doing absolutely nothing, rest means "repairing".

(4). Rest before you feel tired, so that you can add one more hour to your waking hours every day.

The number one rule for preventing fatigue and worry is: Rest often, and before you feel tired.

66. Why do people get tired?

(1) Most of the fatigue we feel is due to psychological effects. In fact, purely physiological fatigue is rare.

(2) If a person who is sitting and working is in good health, his fatigue is 100% affected by psychological factors, that is, emotional factors.

(3) Difficult work itself rarely causes fatigue that cannot be eliminated after a good rest. . . . . . Worry, tension and emotional upset are the three main causes of fatigue.

(4). You can relax at any time and anywhere, just don’t spend effort to relax yourself.

The second rule of thumb to prevent fatigue and worry is: learn to relax.

67. Tell what is on your mind

(1) As long as a patient can speak - just speaking out can relieve his worries.

(2) Don’t worry too much about other people’s shortcomings.

(3) Before going to bed tonight, make arrangements for tomorrow’s work.

(4). The best medicine to relieve worries is: "Talk about your problems with people you trust."

(5) To eliminate worries and fatigue, please remember the following points:

A. Prepare a scrapbook that "provides inspiration";

B. Don’t worry about other people’s shortcomings;

C. Be interested in your neighbors;

D. Before going to bed tonight, make arrangements for tomorrow’s work;