I first heard about this book at the Fan Deng Reading Club. When I read the title, I didn’t really want to hear it because I treat “Raising Boys” and “Raising Girls” differently based on gender. Books are a bit scoffing. It seems that such books have problems with the issue of gender equality.

But after listening to Fan Deng’s talk, I decided to buy another book and read it carefully. There are indeed many differences between boys and girls, including the structure of the brain and the influence of different hormones... By understanding these differences, we can recognize their different states and performances and provide them with support and help. Long live understanding, because we understand, we are compassionate.

Australian Steve Biddulph

Translated by Feng Jungong and Song Xiuhua

CITIC Publishing House

Boys are "fragile" "Cool boys", when they perform well, everything is so beautiful; but when they are young and energetic, they are so fragile and easy to make mistakes. On the one hand, they are inexperienced and adventurous; on the other hand, they are capable, compassionate, and strong-willed.

From birth to 6 years old: tender years

Boys of this age belong to their mothers. At this stage, the task of parents is to let their children grow up safely surrounded by love, making this stage a warm stop in the boy's growth process.

Boys should not enter nursery too early

Compared with girls, separation is more likely to make boys feel anxious, think that they have been abandoned, and thus close themselves off emotionally. For boys under the age of 3 who have just learned to walk, it is far better to be cared for by attentive relatives or responsible nannies than in day care. The most important lesson for boys is to learn to have a close relationship with the person who cares for them, to trust that person - to be able to feel warmth and understand the kindness of others.

6~13 years old: Learning to become a man

At this stage, boys feel the call from the inner world and begin to try to become a man. At this point, boys suddenly become so "manly" that even the quietest boys suddenly want to wield knives and guns, imagine themselves wearing a Superman cape, fight against imaginary bad guys, and yell loudly. These important changes are no accident.

Boys around the age of 6 seem to prefer to be with their father or other men. They are inseparable from them and want to learn from them and imitate them. Their purpose is to learn to be a man.

If the father ignores this at this time, the son will cause trouble from time to time, mainly to attract his father's attention.

14 years old: Transformation into a man

Under normal circumstances, boys enter a period of rapid development at this time, and significant changes are taking place inside the body - testosterone increases significantly, and the content is almost 8 times as much as before.

Although every boy is very different, boys of this age have a common trait: they are argumentative, restless, and moody.

From the age of 14, boys need guidance from a guide - adults who care about them can help boys slowly move into the wider world. If a child does not have a guide around him, he will experience many ups and downs on the road to growth. In order to break free from the constraints of their parents, they will have unnecessary arguments with their parents. Over time, he will become withdrawn and depressed. Children this age are often in trouble and face many difficult decisions - how to view sex, how to choose a career, and how to deal with alcohol and drugs. If parents can spend a certain amount of time with their children and understand their world, then the children will talk to their parents about the confusion they encounter.

Testosterone causes significant changes in boys.

4 years old - the boy starts to become naughty and active.

When boys reach 4 years old, testosterone surges - doubling its previous level.

13 years old - Boys enter a period of rapid growth and lack goals.

Between the ages of 11 and 13, testosterone levels begin to rise sharply again - reaching eight times the level of toddlers.

Due to rapid growth and development, a boy's brain tissue will reorganize. In the process, his behavior will change significantly. Become dull, dull, do things without a plan, and life is a mess. If parents know that this is a reaction of adolescence and pay attention to it at all times, everything will gradually get better as the child grows.

14 years old - encounters the first test of life and begins to enter the early stage of adulthood.

By the age of 14, boys' testosterone levels reach their highest levels. Pubic hair grew like crazy, pimples popped up in the blink of an eye, strong sexual awareness lingered in his mind, and he was always restless.

It is important for us to understand boys’ hormones and the effects they have on boys. This means we can understand how boys change over time and can provide them with the help they so desperately need.

Testosterone affects the brain, making boys more concerned about class distinctions and more interested in competition.

Boys need to know three things:

1. Who is in charge.

2. What are the rules.

3. Whether the rules can be enforced fairly.

Boys’ brains develop significantly slower than girls’ brains.

Boys have fewer connections between the left and right hemispheres of the brain than girls.

One hemisphere is responsible for language and reasoning, the other is responsible for movement, emotions, and orientation in time and space. The two hemispheres are connected to each other by a bundle of nerve fibers called the corpus callosum. The volume of the corpus callosum is smaller in boys than in girls.

Boys have well-developed internal connections in the right hemisphere of their brains, which may be why boys are good at math. The boy has a keen interest in dismantling machines and always likes to throw parts all over the floor.

If children are given proper training at the appropriate age, their brain's receptive capacity is very strong. As far as learning a language is concerned, the best time to learn is from this life to the age of 8.

1. Talk to your children - step by step

2. Use all available opportunities to explain to your children everything they see and hear

3. Start reading to your children as early as possible

It is important for parents to know that boys and girls have different brain structures. Knowing this, one can understand some of the practical difficulties a boy encounters as he grows up and take appropriate measures to help him.

Help boys learn the following skills:

?How to judge other people’s inner feelings through facial expressions

?How to make friends, join the games others are playing, or During an ongoing conversation

? How to read the signals from your own body, for example, to know when you are angry and need to be alone for a while

The process of teaching children to learn these skills It is the process by which parents help establish connections between the left and right hemispheres of their children's brains.

1. Take time out to be a good father. In modern society, men are nothing more than work machines. Therefore, we must strive to be a real father and a good father to our children

2. Take the initiative to spend time with your children - chat with them, play games, do crafts, and go on trips together. Take advantage of every opportunity to spend time with your children.

3. Sometimes attention deficit disorder is father-deficit disorder.

4. Follow the rules with your wife. Usually a son listens to you not because he is psychologically afraid of you, but because he respects you and wants to win your favor. Don't hit or scare your child, as this will only make him harsher on others.

5. Boys imitate their fathers. He will imitate the way you treat your mother, so be sure to respect your wife. He will adopt your attitude. Furthermore, he will know how to reveal his inner feelings only if you reveal your feelings.

6. Most boys like to fight. Fathers can play with their children for fun and to teach them self-control. But be sure to set some rules beforehand to prevent things from getting out of hand.

7. Teach your son to respect women and himself.

1. The birth of a boy means that your general views on men will surface. But be careful not to hold any prejudice against this innocent child.

2. If you know little about men, seek help from men you are familiar with. Let them tell you what it is about men. Don't be afraid of little boy bodies.

3. Boys learn love from their mothers, so be sure to let them feel your warmth and kindness.

4. Tell your son something about girls and teach him how to get along better with girls.

5. Exaggerate your son’s handsomeness, express your love for him, and let him know that you are willing to chat with him, so that he will be more confident in himself.

6. As the children grow, constantly adjust the education methods, and at the same time pay close attention to the children's safety and all-round development. When your child reaches a teenager, you must give him a relaxed environment, but you must not know anything about his world, his preferences, or the ups and downs of his heart.

7. When he is an adult, let him learn from his actions and inactions, such as being late for school because of deliberate dilly-dallying. At this time, it is time for him to learn to take responsibility.

8. When your children are still young, encourage them to learn to cook, and then enjoy the fruits of their labor together.

9. Special note: Do not have intense conflicts with adolescent children, especially those who are single mothers. When you encounter a problem, be sure to talk to your child calmly and rationally about the issue that caused the controversy.

10. If you are the kind of mother who is super capable, then you must be careful not to affect the relationship between your husband and your son, let alone complete the work of taking care of your son on your husband's behalf. Both you and your son need his participation, and you must encourage your son to get closer to his father to establish a closer relationship.

1. Teach children the difference between liking, love and lust.

2. When the child is 10 years old, hold a small ceremony to celebrate his growth and tell him some knowledge about sex.

3. Educate your child to respect all people and keep him away from unhealthy sexual behaviors. Help him create an atmosphere and hold some activities so that he can interact with girls normally.

4. Remember, boys also want love from others, not just "sex".

5. Help them keep their bodies active, such as letting them learn dance, music and massage.

6. True love is learned through acceptance - starting in infancy. The true understanding of human nature is learned at the age of 3.

7. Masturbation is not only harmless, but also beneficial.

8. Do not encourage children to read pornographic books and periodicals, and discuss this topic with them in a timely manner. Don't shame your child because he is interested in pornographic materials, but tell him what kind of pornographic materials are healthy - those that are respectful, pleasurable, and related to love. You can help him find some books like this.

9. Mothers can tell their sons what kind of boys girls like to associate with - kind, communicative, and with a sense of humor.