1. Eight Auspicious Stories

A: Crosstalk is inseparable from jokes.

b: coke at all times.

a: why coke?

b: that means coke.

a: of course, it is to brag first and brag for yourself. To put it bluntly, the more you listen to it, the more ridiculous it is, and this joy will come.

b: that's true.

a: for example, there are many crosstalk performers, and when they stop on the stage, they say, "I am learned." In fact, he has no knowledge. It's only fun for you to listen.

b: why?

a: you think this is reasonable. who really has knowledge says to people, "I have knowledge." Absolutely not. Those who are truly learned will not say anything. How often do you listen to me say "I am learned" to others? I have never said it. Why didn't I say anything?

b: hmm-you are learned!

a: then you know.

b: he blew it too!

a: what do you mean by blowing? I am really learned.

b: well, since you say you are knowledgeable, I'll test you.

a: ok! You write the question.

b: shall we say eight words?

a: which eight words?

b: it's heaven, peach, forest, sea, lamp, lotus, fragrance and eight.

a: so to speak?

b: no. Let's find three people in each word, who is who and where to go: it still has to be in a dynasty; Which word has to start and which word has to fall.

a: ok. Listen to you first.

b: say the word "day" first. "Read a big day." How to write the word "Tian"? Add a word "big" to the "one" on the top, and then pronounce "Tian". "Lu Su asked Sun Quan."

a: who do you ask?

b: ask, "where is Guan Yu?"

a: where have you been?

b: "Maicheng is the guest of heaven."

a: ah, the passage of "Walking in Maicheng" and "Three Kingdoms". Ok!

b: who asked who?

a: if the word "Tian" is pronounced "Fu"; Add a word "mouth" under the word "day" to read "swallow"; Add the word "bamboo" to the word "Tian" to read "laugh"; Add "Bao Gaier" to the top of the word "Tian", add "three drops of water" next to it, and add an ear knife over there ... < P > B: What to read?

a: hmm-there is no such word.

b: isn't this nonsense?

a: say, "study hard all day."

b: who asked who?

a: "the crane fairy asks the deer fairy."

b: are these ancient people?

a: alas! The crane and deer boy in the list of gods!

b: who is it?

a: ask, "where is the Antarctic Weng?"

b: who is the Antarctic Weng?

a: Antarctic, longevity, big head.

b: where have you been?

a: "cross the crane to the south."

b: say the word "peach" this time. "Mu Zhao reads a peach."

a: who asked who?

b: "Xu Chu asked Zhang Liao."

a: it's from the three kingdoms. who do you ask?

B: Ask, "Where is Jiang Gan going?"

a: where have you been?

b: "xiangfu presents birthday peaches."

a: oh, Cao Cao's birthday.

b: you said it.

a: "study all day."

b: "wooden omen"!

a: "Mu Zhaonian is a god."

b: "peach"!

a: wooden peach.

b: wooden peach? Then how to eat?

a: "mu Zhao reads a peach."

b: who asked who?

a: "the elk asks the crane."

b: who do you ask?

a: ask, "where is the Antarctic Weng?"

b: Antarctic Weng?

a: ah, Antarctic, longevity, big head.

b: where have you been?

a: "Go to Flat Peach on March 3rd."

b: oh, the flat peach party. Say "Lin" this time "Two trees read a forest."

a: who asked who?

b: "Zhang Fei asked Zhao Yun."

a: who do you ask?

b: "where's Huang Sao?"

a: where have you been?

b: "avoid the dense pine forest."

a: "two trees make a forest."

b: who asked who?

a: "the crane god asks the deer god."

b: why are you a god again?

a: just leave it alone.

b: who do you ask?

a: "where's the Antarctic Weng?"

b: another Antarctic Weng?

a: ah, Antarctic, longevity, big head.

b: this big head has come three times!

a: "Go to the meeting in Zizhulin."

b: say "sea" this time. "Every time water reads a sea."

a: who asked who?

b: "Zhou Yu asked Huang Gai."

a: who do you ask?

b: "where is Kong Rong?"

a: where did it go?

b: "Less living in Beihai."

A: Say, "Every time water reads a sea."

b: who asked who?

a: well ... "the crane cub asks the deer cub."

b: why "baby" again?

a: it's a cub born by an elk crane.

b: you can really find it! Ask who?

a: q-"where is the Antarctic Weng?"

b: who is the Antarctic Weng?

a: Antarctic, longevity and big head.

b: you can't live without a big head! Where have you been?

a: it's this ... "I've been across the ocean."

b: the old birthday girl crosses the sea! Say "light" this time. "Huo Ding reads a light."

a: who asked who?

b: "Ma Dai asked Zhuge Liang."

a: who do you ask?

b: ask "where is Wei Yan going?"

a: where have you been?

b: "smash the seven-star lamp."

a: say, "read a light."

b: who asked who?

a: "the crane boy asked the deer boy."

b: where else can you look? Ask who?

A and B: Ask "Where is the Antarctic Weng?"

a: Antarctic ...

b: all right, don't go on. Big head, right? Where'd it go?

a: "go sightseeing on the fifteenth day of the first month."

b: does the birthday girl still stroll around the lights? Say "Lian" this time. "The car goes to read a company."

a: who asked who?

b: "Lu Su asked Sun Quan."

a: who do you ask?

b: ask "where is Zhang Fei going?"

a: where did it go?

b: "Sanma is connected in parallel." Is "Hulao Pass three British war lyu3 bu4".

a: say, "it's a long drive."

b: who asked who?

a: well ... "the crane fairy asks the deer fairy."

b: crane fairy again? Ask who?

a: "where's the Antarctic Weng?"

b: where have you been?

a: he's ... "cross the crane and go to Dalian."

b: this Antarctic Weng is going everywhere! You have no words! Say "Xiang". "read a fragrance every day."

a: who asked who?

b: "Lu Su asked Zhou Lang."

a: who do you ask?

b: "where is Liu Bei going?"

a: where have you been?

b: "Kanroji went to Dalbergia odorifera."

a: "read a fragrance every day."

b: who asked who?

a: "crane ..."

b: you can't find the way this time. Crane what? Hum!

a: "crane boy ..." doesn't match. "Crane fairy ..." No. "He Ri reads a fragrance, and the crane gang asks the deer gang."

b: why "help" again?

a: where! It's just that there are too many cubs born by the elk crane, and they all grow up in groups.

b: you can really talk! Ask Antarctic Weng if he is? Where have you been?

a: "go to the west to burn incense."

b: ok, say eight this time. "One left and one left, read eight."

a: who asked who?

b: "Cao Cao asked Xia Houba."

a: who do you ask?

B: Ask, "Where is Zhang Liao going?"

a: where have you been?

b: "Blow the horn under the tent."

a: say, "one left and one right, pronounce eight."

b: who asked who?

a: well ... "your grandmother asked your mother."

b: why did you come to our house?

a: isn't it worse to compare your family with the ancients?

b: ok! The person who asks must be our family, too?

a: of course! "Say eight words one by one, and your grandmother asks your mother."

b: who do you ask?

a: ask, "where is your father going?"

b: where have you been?

A: "Catch the tortoise by the river!"

b: fuck you!

second, eat monkeys for free

now is a new society, and mutual respect and help between comrades is a true friendship. Not in the past. In the old society, friends were intrigued and intrigued. So, at that time, you have to be long-sighted to make friends. If you don't get it right, you will be cheated.

you can't make friends with people who have such behavior. Like getting on the tram and squeezing in, getting dressed after taking a shower, and drooling after eating ... Hey, you should stay away from people like this!

that one said: if you get on the tram, you don't squeeze in, but it's blocked at the door. How can you get on and off?

you see, he is "crowded" on this road, which is different from others.

for example, if four people go out to play together, it's a long way to take a tram. As soon as the bus arrived, he was the first to squeeze in, and he went there to drill where there were many people. How? He specializes in practicing kung fu at home, and he is not afraid of being crowded in the car. He used this elbow to find someone else's fork (learn to move):

"Excuse me! Excuse me! "

hey, he went inside the sports car! Those three have never practiced this kung fu, so they stood at the door when they came up. As soon as the bus left, he shouted inside:

"Ticket seller! I'll buy four! "

why are you shouting for four? What he meant was to tell the three people at the door that they wanted to buy four tickets when they bought them, and there was me!

hey!

do you think that there are so many people on the bus that the ticket sellers can get by? It was easy to squeeze through, and the bus arrived at the station. Besides, he can't buy these three at the door.

"Never mind, we'll buy it here!"

hey, I bought it, but he saved it!

get dressed after taking a shower. In the past, it was not like buying tickets first and then taking a shower; At that time, I took a shower first and asked for money when I went out. He takes it off quickly and wears it slowly. How can he take it off quickly? He takes it off when he comes in, and washes it when he takes it off. Not only washing, but also all the work, shaving, bathing, pedicure, all of them. It will be slow when you wait to wear it. Those three people have already put on their clothes. He, don't worry, can wear a half-pulled sock, and finally put it on and take it off. Why? He said that it was the wrong foot! Hey, are the socks divided into left and right feet? How hot it is in the bathhouse! The three men stood there sweating.

"hey, I said, can you hurry up? If I don't go out for another five minutes, I'll have cholera! Well, you can wear it slowly, we are waiting for you outside. "

they gave the money out at the door. You see, everyone goes out first to give money. If you don't hear about it, you will pay for it. Why? There's nothing to do on the counter

"oh, guys, you gave the money."

"No, we don't. The one in the back will."

"who's in the back?"

"here's the one with no clothes in the back!"

"No ... come back, there are more than 6 people in the back who are naked!"

who are they looking for? Therefore, those who go out first give money. Hey, he saved it again!

the most irritating thing is to have mouthwash after eating. He didn't wash his mouth early, but he didn't wash his mouth late. Many of our guys put the bill on the table. He washed his mouth fluently and rushed at the three paintings with water in his mouth:

"Hmm ... hmm ..."

That means: you, don't give it; You also don't give; You also don't give; I ..... I also don't give!

this is nonsense!

he is just painting, but he doesn't throw up. How? If you spit, the money will be gone! When do you throw up? Wait for someone to give him all the money before throwing up. After throwing up, wipe your mouth with a towel and say something before you can be angry.

"poof! (Learn to wipe your mouth) You gave it again! "

how fresh! You always gargle, and they don't give it to you? If people don't give it to them, all four people will gargle after dinner, all like this (learn to gargle).

"Hmm ..."

"Hmm ..."

"Hmm ..."

"Hmm ..."

Let the man see what's wrong with this?

they gave it to him, and he ate it for nothing again. He is always like this. Over time, everyone understands: Oh, what if this is a "free monkey"? Well, hide! Aren't you avoiding him? He went to see you,

"Hey, three people! How about eating me today? If you don't go, you will look down on me. If I don't invite you, I will ... "

This is an oath. These three thought: don't make him swear, go! He, which restaurant is big to which son. What kind of food is good to get there, and what kind of food is expensive. Wow! Manmanyao