Once upon a time, I stubbornly believed that there was always such a pen in the world that could draw a pair of eyes without tears and preserve a fleeting moment; but later, I Slowly I discovered that the time that cannot be retained is called the past, and the years that cannot be retained fade into a soft longing in my heart. Later, someone quietly told me that it was called "Agarwood".

——Inscription

1

The first time I heard the word "agarwood" was when I was very young. I vaguely remember that I was in elementary school at that time. At that time, during the summer vacation of CCTV-8, the TV series "Baolian Lantern" starring Cao Jun, Shu Chang, and Liu Xiaoqing had been broadcasting, and it was at this time that the word "agarwood" first caught my eye.

To this day, I can’t remember how longing I was at that time, waiting for the two episodes of TV drama every night. But he clearly remembers that the young man named Chenxiang came into his heart step by step. Later, when I grew up, came into contact with the world, and gradually understood the story of "Agarwood split the mountain to save my mother", my feelings at that time became a little lighter, but I still felt the same in my heart. good.

That year, I was dressed in white. I can’t remember how many nights I got up quietly, ran to the lobby of my grandma’s house, and tiptoed to pick up the kerosene lamp placed on the incense table, wanting to see if the dilapidated kerosene lamp would look like the one in the TV series. That lotus lantern shines as brightly. But no matter when, I never waited for the kerosene lamp in my hometown to work miracles for me. But I missed my mother over and over again in my heart, because my mother was never by my side at that time.

I was young at that time and didn’t understand what the adult world was like. But I clearly remember that my mother only came home once a year. At that time, I thought that one day I would transform into "Liu Chenxiang" and bring an ax with me to rescue my mother. Bring her back from the prison in the city and let her live with her grandpa and grandma. But, that can always be thought about. Because, in the end, I still failed to climb Mount Huashan and "cut the mountain to save my mother."

However, ever since I watched "Lotus Lantern" on TV, "Agarwood" has been deeply engraved in my mind. Maybe it was because I felt that I was in a similar situation to the protagonist in the TV series, and felt that my parents were not with me, so just like the "gold rush dream" of Western teenagers, I also dreamed of "traveling thousands of miles to find my mother." It's just that I was still very young at that time, so I was always dreaming and could not wait until the day I woke up from the dream. But as time went by, I slowly discovered. It turns out that in real life, there really are a lot of "agarwood".

That is a dowry from grandma. A box made of nanmu, with a few scattered small items inside. In my memory, grandma regarded that small box as extremely valuable. When I have nothing to do, I always hold the box and look at it endlessly. Sometimes, she fell asleep just looking at it. When she woke up, her first reaction was to see if the box was in her arms. I was very curious at that time and always wanted to see what kind of treasures were inside the box. Why did my grandma take such great care of this box and not even let me, my precious grandson, take a look at it? But my grandma always smiled and said that I was still young and I would understand when I grow up. Every time I hear this, I am always puzzled and even more curious. I always want to open grandma’s box and see what’s inside. But grandma kept locking the small box in the cabinet, so I never got it.

Until one winter, my grandma asked me to get walnuts from the cupboard. When she wasn't paying attention, I opened the cabinet and took out the small box. Unexpectedly, the small box was also locked, so I couldn't see what was going on. Grandma seemed to understand my little thoughts, and finally one day this year, she came to the yard with the box and opened the box in front of me. I immediately rushed up to see what was interesting. But he never realized that except for a notebook, a few books, and a stack of thick envelopes, there was nothing else inside.

Every time grandma looked at the box, she would always be silently lost in thought.

Grandma said that the box was filled with memories of her youth, her green years, and the best things in her life. I was still young at that time, and I didn’t understand that my grandma’s box contained some old and outdated things, but she always said that there was a box of “agarwood” in it.

It wasn’t until later, when I learned about the love story of my grandparents and how they stayed together for a lifetime, that I realized that it was really a box full of friendship and a box full of deep friendship.

2

In fact, I really fell in love with the word "agarwood" when I grew up.

When I was a child, I always thought that what I held in my hands was my favorite, that what I got was eternity, and that my mother’s nagging words made me even more disgusted. And it wasn't until I really left my hometown, my mother, the land where I was born and raised, and walked alone in a foreign land, that I realized that there really is a word in the world called "agarwood".

That year, I was in my first year of high school. I have lived in the countryside since I was a child. Since my mother and I have not lived together for a long time, there has been a more or less estrangement. Especially during my high school years, my performance was particularly outstanding. In those years, because there was no high school in the countryside where I lived, the nearest high school to my grandma’s house was the city where my mother lived.

It is said that it is still a key high school among the "Top 100 in the Country". I had outstanding academic performance in the countryside since I was a child. Suddenly I entered the county town and was in a school with relatively excellent teaching environment and teachers. Naturally, my little performance was relatively inferior. Once, in schools in the countryside, I was always one of the top "top students" in the class, but as soon as I entered the city, it was immediately different.

At first, I was very shy and not good at communicating with my classmates. There was a Hui classmate in the class who saw that I came from the countryside to the city, so he bullied me. Sometimes, they even make some pranks and deliberately tease me. At that time, I was still not used to life in the city, and I didn't have a good relationship with my classmates, so I often got into trouble and my grades naturally declined. Suddenly, my mother began to worry about my academic performance. Sometimes, my mother would accompany me in my small room to do my homework, but sometimes she would lose her temper with me when she saw my ranking in the class. My mother said that she did not go to school for a few years when she was a child and lost a great opportunity to study. Now, it's too late to regret. Therefore, she spared no effort to let me study well and let me read good books.

But the more my mother urged me and kept talking in my ears over and over again, the more disgusted I became. Especially during my high school years, when I had never lived with my mother, I often had quarrels with her over trivial matters. It’s just that my mother is very serious every time, and seems to have no room for bargaining. She just supervises my study. Fortunately, after a period of hard work, my academic performance gradually improved and I became the "top student" in the class again. But my mother still repeated in my ears day after day, asking me to go to school well and fulfill her unfinished ideal.

If you think about it now, you will naturally understand my mother’s earnest words at that time. But at that time, I just didn't understand her. Sometimes I even hate her in my heart and feel that I am her experiment. The reason why she urged me to study was so that I could fulfill her dream. And sometimes, I feel particularly disgusted that she is nagging in front of me. So, an impulse came into being at that time. When you go to college, you must choose a school that is far away. Stay away from your mother and let your ears be "pure" like never before.

Only contrary to expectations, in my senior year of high school, a university in Beijing that I applied for did not admit me. Instead, he was admitted to a university in the province. Although the moment I left home, I felt relieved. I finally don’t have to listen to my mother’s “annoying words”, and I don’t have to worry about someone checking my school bag or checking my report card. Of course, the happiest thing is to get out of the mountains and see the outside world.

During my college years, to be precise, I lived a relatively peaceful life. In addition to normal classes every day, I spend most of my time in the library. I clearly remember that the university library has one to five floors. A European-style building is filled with all kinds of books. And I, like a child waiting for food, plunged into the vast sea of ??books. I don’t remember how much time I spent in the library. I only remember that I walked on the one hundred and four steps for four years.

Then, graduate from college. After graduation, I decisively gave up and returned to my hometown to take the civil service exam. Ignoring my mother's "thousands of calls", I just carried my luggage alone and went to other places to pursue my dreams. Later I thought about it, if I went home to take the civil service exam with my original grades, I would definitely be a sure thing.

It's just that at that time, I was unwilling to go back to my hometown to develop my career, because I was tired of my mother's verbosity. If I had really gone home to work, I might never have understood the love contained in my mother's nagging.

After graduation, I went to a tourism city to develop. Compared with the graduates of the same class at that time, it can be regarded as a "peacock flying southeast". However, I did not choose Shenzhen, but the Southwest, which has the most development potential. When I stood on the platform of the airport for the first time and looked back at the plants and trees behind me, there was no one to say goodbye to me. It’s not that no one came, but that I firmly refused my mother to send me off.

It’s been four years since I left.

More than four years may be just a short moment in life. But I had never been home for four years. When I appeared at the airport exit again carrying large and small bags, I saw my mother running in tears. The knot that had been tangled in my heart for many years was softened in an instant. I used to feel that as long as I stayed far away from my mother, I would be close to her. I would not receive calls from my mother every day, reminding me to get dressed, remind me to bring an umbrella, and so on. I always feel that it is a very irritating reminder. I always feel that although my mother is not old yet, she loves to nag.

And when I really left, when I wandered alone in a foreign land for several years, I missed my mother’s nagging words very much. During those years when I was away from home, because long-distance phone calls were very expensive, my mother rarely called me. Since those few years, I have really gone out early and come back late, living a rare "pure" life. But every time I calm down, I always become depressed. I don't know why, but I often miss my mother. Once, when I was in college, during winter and summer vacations, my mother would always call me over and over again to ask me to go home. But I used "work-study" as an excuse every time. No matter how many times she called me and told me to go home, I never went back. And when I had been wandering alone for more than four years, I quit my job without even thinking about my mother's call and came back with my bag.

“I am even more timid when I am close to home, and I dare not ask anyone.” When I returned to my home after a long absence, my mother stopped nagging me. She seems to understand that I like to be quiet and write and read quietly. So as long as I am in the study, she even walks softly and carefully. But I really miss the old days. I always think of the times when my mother would accompany me to study and write essays with me.

Later, I slowly discovered. It turns out that I have always been very repelled by my mother's nagging, but I have already fallen in love with her silently in my heart. It's just that I was still very young at that time and couldn't understand that my mother's nagging was full of love; it was just that I was young and energetic at that time, and always thought that I could soar into the sky without my mother's arms, but I always... Only when I was bruised and bruised did I think of that harbor that sheltered me from the wind and rain; but at that time, I didn’t understand that there are some feelings and some conversations in the world, which need to be slowly understood in the thousands of years. .

Therefore, there is always some nagging, which is the heavy love, the love that lasts for a long time.

Three

In fact, it was many years later that I really fell in love with the word "agarwood".

I used to think that what I lost was an eternal regret; but later, I slowly discovered that some things that were far away have become a part of me in the accumulation of time. Deep love.

Many years ago, when I first broke up with my first love. For a moment, the world was spinning, thinking that I would never fall in love with anyone else in this life, just like when I held her hand for the first time and said tremblingly, "I like you, I will never marry you unless I am in this life." But later, when Under the baptism of life, we find that some lost things can still be beautiful. It's just that we were young and didn't understand the incomplete beauty.

Many years ago, when I watched "Sword of Immortal" for the first time, I was very puzzled by the sentence at the end, "If you love someone, don't integrate into his life." But later, when I saw Cang Yang Gyatso's "Poem of the Ten Commandments", when I saw the sentence "The first thing is that it is best not to meet each other, and you will not fall in love from now on. If you are determined to be with you, you will not have to worry about lovesickness in life and death." I suddenly understood that there are some things in this world. It’s not that I don’t love things. Leaving is just a way of loving each other.

Sadly, many times, we just don’t understand. Just like many years ago, when I tremblingly buried the photos of myself and my first love in the soil, I thought that everything would be buried deeply; but later, I slowly discovered.

Losing some things does not necessarily mean that they are bad; losing some things means gaining them. Because, we all pursue our dreams with the original intention; because, when we held each other's hands for the first time, we both thought that it would last forever. It’s just that these things need time to settle. Just like many years ago, when we broke up, we would always have tears in our eyes; and many years ago, when we recall it again, there will be a smile on our lips.

In the past, I liked the splendor of the capital when the flowers bloomed; but later, I liked the drifting of the flowers when they fell. Just like I once liked peonies, but later I liked crabapples. The peonies are alluring, and the fragrance of the flowers is astonishing. Begonia has no fragrance and is simple and unpretentious. But I just said goodbye to the "three thousand prosperity" through the tempering of years, the flow of time, and the ups and downs of life, leaving only "a piece of purity". However, this purity called "Agarwood" was something I slowly realized after many years. It's just that this quiet beauty needs to be settled a little bit.

In the past, I looked across the country and admired hundreds of famous people; but later, after I read many books and admired many poets, I only liked that "Mr. Wu Liu". In the past, I felt that Mr. Wuliu's life was too plain, without the pomp and splendor of "Luoyang paper expensive", and without the splendor of great talents; but later, with the big waves washing away the sand and the rolling dust, only a few people really lived in their hearts. Once upon a time, I firmly believed that a scholar must be famous all over the world, and he must achieve the goal of "no one in the world knows who you are without knowing your way forward." But later, I preferred three or five good friends and seven or eight cups of tea. Because making friends is not about making many friends, but heart-to-heart communication is more important. It's just that these all need to be deposited bit by bit in the long river of time, and the agarwood is collected minute by minute.

In the past, I used to like "scent" very much. I want to use my delicate pen to retain the fragrance of the years, the fragrance of the mortal world, and the fragrance of life. But slowly, I discovered that I like agarwood more. Because there are always some things that need to be stripped of all the glitz before you can see the true purity. There are always some things that cannot be kept, just like time and youth. Therefore, when we cannot retain it, we must learn how to precipitate, record, and collect it.

Some people say that words are used to remember the fading warmth; but I want to use words to preserve the fragrance of time.

People often say that time is silent. In fact, time has a sound. However, many people fail to calm down, many people fail to stop their busy pace, and many people fail to keep the pure land of their souls. Therefore, I have never been able to hear the sound of the budding years, or the sound of the flowers blooming in the world of mortals. Just like, time is like agarwood. Therefore, it is necessary to slowly accumulate and slowly accumulate the long-lasting fragrance in bits and pieces of time.

Throughout the years, we have always been passers-by. From the time we are born to the end of our lives. This journey of wind and rain, this journey of mountains and rivers, also contains a lot of fragrance. We just need to be thoughtful people in life and listen to the years, so that we can smell the depth of time and wait for the touch that sinks into the soil. Agarwood.

I think, maybe I really fell in love with the word "agarwood". Therefore, on that sunny afternoon, the words "I hope time will never grow old and the years will be peaceful" suddenly burst into my mind. Since then, just one glance has already entered my heart. I often recall it in my heart, often wander on the tip of my pen, and often dream back at midnight. On the shore of the silent soul lake, I read it over and over again, blessing it over and over again.

Agarwood, agarwood.

At first, I fell in love with this term; now, what I fall in love with is the deeper connotation behind this word. No matter how time flies, no matter how the seasons change, I am still willing to wait quietly, still willing to protect, and still willing to stay awake with Begonia Flower at four o'clock in the morning.

Time is not old, and time is fragrant.