The reasons why communication is difficult

1. Both parties are self-centered and speak their own words, unable to stimulate interest in communication.

Without the same hobbies and interests, it is really difficult to find topics. Therefore, few high school students take the initiative to communicate with their parents after returning home. Some children even do not talk to their parents for several days. It's not that he has a conflict with his parents, it's just that he doesn't know what to say. Parents sometimes take the initiative to talk to their children, but they just want to know how their children are doing in school, whether their recent academic performance is good, whether they can keep up, etc. Although this is also a concern, it is always the same topic day after day, and the child becomes bored after hearing the beginning.

In our survey, we asked children "what they most want to communicate with their parents", and 93% of the respondents' answers were related to "paying attention to themselves". Among them, "personal hobbies" have the highest proportion, reaching 21%. Children want to talk to their parents about their favorite sports and entertainment stars, or about historical anecdotes, health care, and the like. In addition, there are topics such as "future life planning" (16%), "study, college entrance examination" (13%).

2. All-round monitoring by parents forces children to stay away from their parents.

Many parents are worried about their children and think that they have the obligation to supervise their children when they are young. When children are unwilling to communicate with them, they begin to act as "007", searching schoolbags, peeking at diaries, tracking phone calls, opening letters, etc. When discovered by the children, they confidently believe that they are doing it for the good of the children and are afraid of him. One wrong step, one wrong step. But what worries high school students the most is their parents’ all-round monitoring of him. A high school student said angrily: "Everyone has a secret world inside his heart. Others have no right to enter without being invited. This is the most basic respect, but my parents can't even do this." "Children are disgusted with these actions of their parents, and of course they are unwilling to communicate with their parents. As time goes by, the gap between them will become deeper and deeper.

In fact, after children enter adolescence, they will strongly feel their independence and want to keep their privacy. Because parents usually have little communication with their children and do not understand their children, they just stand on their own standpoint, simply consider the problem, and inquire about their children's privacy, without thinking about their children's feelings.

3. Family structure also affects the communication between parents and children.

There are obvious differences in the communication status between children from different families and their parents.

In the survey, when asked "How satisfied are you with your communication with your parents?", children from nuclear families had the highest proportion of "very satisfied", reaching 18.5%. Children from single-parent families and remarried families thought it was "very satisfied". The selection rates were 13.5% and 15.4%; however, only 4.1% of children from nuclear families answered "very dissatisfied", while the rates for children from remarried families and single-parent families were as high as 23.1% and 8.1% respectively.

Changes in parents’ marital relationships are increasingly affecting children. The communication problem between children in nuclear families and their parents may simply be that they are not in tune with each other, while children in single-parent and remarried families are more likely to face the situation of no one to communicate with or aversion to communication.

If parents do a good job, communication will not be difficult

1. Reflect on your own words and deeds and be a qualified parent

When there is a communication barrier between parents and children, Parents should first reflect on themselves to see if they have inappropriate language and behavior in their lives, which hinders further communication between their children and you.

2. Ensure time for communication and provide equal communication space.

Parents cannot use being busy as an excuse to ignore communication with their children. Most of the parents of high school students have entered the development period or peak period of their careers and are the backbone or leaders of the unit. They are busy with work at work and busy with socializing after get off work, and have no more time to spend with their children. In particular, some parents believe that they are no longer able to tutor their children academically, so they leave all the responsibility for educating their children to schools and teachers.

In fact, this is a manifestation of shirking responsibility. Children will not stop growing because of the busyness of their parents. In adolescence, their thoughts change faster than before. It is natural for parents and children to have communication difficulties during this time. If you want to know what your child is thinking, you must let him say it. Therefore, no matter how busy you are every day, parents must take time to chat with your child, understand his thoughts, and listen to him attentively so that he feels valued and gains Psychological respect and satisfaction.

3. Master communication methods and expand communication topics

Communicating with children is a science, and parents must master certain communication methods.

Parents should carefully observe and study their children. Children have different psychological development characteristics at different ages. Family education must be carried out according to the children's physical and mental development characteristics. Change "I speak" to "I listen" and listen carefully to your child's voice. When listening, you must maintain a high degree of concentration and let your children feel your attention and respect; express your affirmation through language, eyes or body posture when what your children say makes sense; do not rush to correct your children's wrong views, and do not Interrupt the child's speech; understand the prejudice or misunderstanding that may occur due to the child's inability to accurately express his inner thoughts due to his age and limited expression ability.