Social interaction is actually about testing each other.

In the process of testing, if the other person meets your criteria for making friends, can reach a certain understanding with you, and your ideas are consistent in some aspects, then you can become a couple. friend.

If you don’t have any positive mood swings during the contact with the other person and just want to keep a distance from the other person, it means that you cannot become friends.

Psychology believes:

Those who have no friends and always feel lonely essentially lack intimacy and lack of social interaction that satisfies them.

-01

Why do you have no friends?

First: Self-isolation

People who isolate themselves are not introverts, but they have cut off the bridge of emotional connection with the outside world.

They are afraid of contact with others, even if they mean well and are sincere and sincere.

Isolate themselves in a quiet environment and stay at home most of the time. They will hide in corners among people, do not like to be noticed, and do not want to establish any emotional contact with others. .

From the beginning, they never thought about having friends. In his eyes, friends are dispensable, and they can live well even by themselves.

This is fundamentally different from "introversion".

Introverts do not have no social skills, but they choose friends conditionally.

Introverted, they are introverted when facing unfamiliar environments and strangers, but they are still as lively as children in front of acquaintances.

For "self-isolated people", they refuse to socialize from the beginning.

One is actively refusing, and the other is not resisting social interaction. This is the essential difference.

Second: Inner lack of security and distrust of others

There is also a type of people. The reason why they have no friends and do not choose friends is because they do not trust social interaction.

This has a lot to do with childhood life experience and growth experience.

He lacks a sense of security and has no expectations for intimate relationships. He believes from the bottom of his heart that when others approach him, he has bad intentions and will cause some harm to him.

With such a mentality, it is difficult to establish emotional connections with the outside world.

In the face of love, no matter how much they like someone, they never have the courage to take the initiative and hide their love deeply in their hearts to prevent the other party from discovering it.

In the face of friendship, they cannot trust others and are unwilling to show their truest side to each other.

When others take the initiative, he retreats; when others are enthusiastic, he becomes indifferent.

This kind of behavior is very helpless. No matter how patient the other party is, they will choose to give up when faced with his unmoved attitude.

Third: It is also related to our living environment

There is a type of people who often change their living and working environments.

After working in one environment for one year, I changed to another working environment; after living in this place for a while, I changed to another place.

Differences in distance, changes in space, and changes in environment all have a great impact on our social interactions.

For example:

When you were in college, you had a good relationship with your college classmates. However, not long after graduation, you no longer lived in the same city, and soon you lost contact and the relationship also disappeared. Becomes lighter and lighter.

When you start working after graduation, you quickly change into a new environment, and your colleagues who you had a good relationship with before gradually lose contact.

Contemporary people’s social interaction is increasingly limited to the Internet.

It is precisely because of the changes in the space and environment in which they live that their social circles are restricted.

At first they wanted to try to make new friends, but as time went by, they gave up the idea.

“Let it go and be normal” eventually became their attitude towards social interaction.

-02

How to change loneliness and make new friends?

First: Try to be proactive and reject pessimism

Let me give you an example:

Your previous social status was: someone invited you to participate At a party, you immediately distance yourself and hide yourself.

But now you try to change, attend other people’s party invitations, and actively participate in any projects or activities.

On these occasions, it is not necessary to take the initiative to communicate with others, because if you can participate, you have already achieved the first step.

Try to feel your mentality when facing strangers and feel your emotional changes. When you keep trying, you will no longer be afraid of such occasions.

Second: Don’t overly fantasize about what others think of you

“Persecution paranoia” is a psychological problem.

Just like the "pregnant woman effect" in psychology, when a pregnant woman walks on the road, she will pay special attention to other pregnant women.

If you wear this brand of clothes and drive this kind of car, you will pay attention to people who are similar to you on the road.

This is just our psychological hint, not that others are paying attention to you deliberately.

You feel that others are looking at you, that others are judging you, or that they hate you. These are all your own imagination.

Stop such excessive fantasies and maintain a calm mind, so that you can break through the constraints of social thinking.

Third: Take the initiative to invite others

From now on, try to chat with a friend, take the initiative to chat with the other party, and chat about anything.

Take the initiative to invite friends to your home for dinner, and cook the meals yourself. Through communication and interaction, your relationship will unknowingly become closer.

Take the initiative to find some parties that you like and are willing to attend.

Only by trying to actively establish emotional connections with the outside world can you make yourself less lonely.

After all, people always have to be in contact with others. If they always close themselves off, they are the ones who suffer.