At the same time, parents' interpersonal skills are often directly proportional to their children's interpersonal skills. Of course, this is not absolute, there must be individual circumstances.
Like my parents, they are both extroverts. They have many friends. They often get together with friends. Even when we are not together, we often communicate with friends. Sometimes when I listen to my parents calling to send WeChat, I will sigh, why are they not tired?
But I'm a little different from them. I am actually an introvert. If I have too much interpersonal communication, I will feel tired. I need more space of my own, so I sometimes joke with my parents that you have divided up the social share of our family and left me less, so I need more time alone. Speaking of which, would you say that you are not duplicates, but different?
From this perspective, we are indeed different, but from the perspective of our interpersonal characteristics, we are the same. Although I am introverted, it doesn't mean that my interpersonal skills are not good, because my parents have given me enough security and love. I can get along well with both men and women, and I know how to maintain interpersonal relationships. Meanwhile, my parents are very emotional people. They sincerely trust others and treat people kindly.
Once, in my world, the world was beautiful. Everyone is very kind and sincere, because my parents have brought me such a world view. Obviously, after I enter the society, this kind of psychology will inevitably suffer some setbacks. The world does have a dark side. Slowly, I learned more about human nature and began to know how to protect myself. However, my parents' profound understanding of people, coupled with the nourishment of psychology, made me stick to my original heart no matter how much I experienced. I believe that people are loving and have a good side.
And this world view, or a belief in your heart, has an essential influence on our interpersonal relationship.
Therefore, before we evaluate or intervene in children's interpersonal problems, parents should first examine themselves, what is the relationship between children and you, and what is your own interpersonal situation? What kind of worldview do you give your children?
In real life, some parents especially want their children to be excellent in their studies, and they also want their children to have good communication skills and be popular. When they find that their children have problems in interpersonal communication and even turn to their parents for help in setbacks, parents often feel disappointed, and even some parents angrily accuse their children: "Why can't you handle this matter well?" Why are you so stupid? You should be like this ... "When you tell your children what to do, you should make it clear. If I am at the age of children, can these methods be done? "
We are the first and most important teachers in children's interpersonal communication. Don't take it for granted that children will communicate naturally, and interpersonal skills need to be learned. His parents' words and deeds are his best way to learn.
The age of 2 6 is a critical period for the growth of interpersonal communication. From this time on, we should pay attention to the cultivation and guidance of interpersonal communication. How do parents guide their children to have good interpersonal relationships? There are the following methods:
First, let children learn to communicate with others.
In life, children should be encouraged to speak his mind and express his feelings. In daily life, parents should consciously train his expressive ability. For example, at home, when children want something, we ask them to describe clearly why they need it. When a child has emotions, teach him to distinguish what his emotions are, whether they are sad, angry, wronged or other, and then you can tell what makes him have such emotions and put forward your own expectations;
Another key point is to teach children to learn to refuse. Many people are exhausted in interpersonal relationships. Most of the reasons come from this. Tell children that friends are equal. We respect others, but we don't try to please them.
When children are not good at expressing, parents should not rush to criticize and do more demonstrations.
Some children are ignored or even bullied because they can't express themselves, and some children are unpopular because they don't know how to talk to others well. Teaching him to express can help him win friends and help him realize his own needs.
Second, cultivate children's hobbies.
I once heard a mother say to her child, "If you can't swim, others won't invite you to the swimming pool." What this mother said is very reasonable. If children are good at something, they can make more friends. Psychologists believe that friendship is based on the same hobbies. If a child doesn't know how to make friends, you can help him win friends with a hobby.
Third, let children develop the good habit of being polite and tidy.
Pay attention to let the child form the good habit of being polite and tidy when going out or eating, and he will be more easily accepted by others. If the child wears dirty clothes, it may be the responsibility of his parents, not his fault, but it will greatly affect the communication between the child and others. Generally speaking, in a group, children who don't pay attention to hygiene and look sloppy are often unpopular and isolated.
Fourth, let children learn to be friendly to others.
In daily life, some actions are very aggressive, such as shouting, frowning and clenching fists, but some actions can make people close to you, such as smiling, hugging and appreciating. Tell children to pay more attention to the advantages of others and learn to express their praise and love for others. If a child can always treat others with a positive attitude, he is more likely to be treated positively by others.
Fifth, let children learn to obey the rules.
When parents and children play games together at home, they should explain the rules of the game clearly and why everyone should abide by them. Be as strict as possible when executing, and don't violate the rules because of accommodating children. If the child fouls many times just to win many times, then parents should stop playing games, don't indulge their children and cultivate their sense of superiority. Once a child has formed a good habit of obeying the rules, it will be easier for him to demand himself with universal codes of conduct and make friends more easily when interacting with others.
Having said that, I want to remind you not to go into a misunderstanding. I think the way to teach children interpersonal skills is that the more extroverted children are, the better, and the more friends they have. Actually, it's not. Whether a person is introverted or extroverted, and how many friends he is willing to make is actually ok. There is no distinction between good and bad. The key is that we know how to get along with people. Even though I am not sociable, I have no difficulty when I need to cooperate with others, that is, healthy interpersonal relationships.
At the same time, we should also teach children how to reject others reasonably and protect themselves. We can remain friendly, but we are not allowed to be used.
Interpersonal relationship represents people's psychological adaptation level and is an important symbol of mental health. If children show some difficulties in adaptation: withdrawn, self-centered, unable to cooperate, willful attack, etc., parents must pay attention. All our problems are caused by interpersonal relationships. Poor interpersonal communication is often the main cause of mental illness. As parents, teaching children respect, sharing, cooperation and care from an early age is a good medicine to prevent and treat such psychological problems.
Children's communication problems often appear in primary school, among which children's bad psychological tendency in communication is a stumbling block to their interpersonal communication. Therefore, parents should first help their children to correct the bad tendencies in interpersonal communication, so as to communicate with people with a good attitude.
The first kind is a weak and inferior child.
Children who are introverted and shy are more likely to be timid in interpersonal communication. They are not good at actively communicating with others and are withdrawn.
Children with inferiority are not necessarily introverted, but because of external reasons such as family circumstances and looks, they feel inferior and lack self-confidence. People who feel inferior are not necessarily poor in ability. They often expect too much from themselves or are unrealistic, which leads to fear of failure, poor performance in social interaction and being looked down upon.
Parents should remember not to blame and belittle such children because of this. This state is not easy for them, and it is not entirely their fault. We should encourage them while understanding them and discover their bright spots. Praise often in public, help children know and affirm themselves, and build self-confidence in dealing with people. If children show too much retreat, start to be self-enclosed, afraid of communication, and even afraid of going to school, there may be more complicated influencing factors. Parents should pay attention to it and ask professional consultants for help when necessary.
The second kind is children with conceit tendency.
This kind of child may be gifted and gain the favor of teachers and others, so he is arrogant and doesn't know how to appreciate and respect others. In the lower grades, they may have some prestige among their peers, but with the increase of grade, their peers are reluctant to associate with such people.
For this kind of child, parents should help him know himself objectively, instead of relying on his pet to be arrogant, and tell him that only by knowing how to respect and appreciate others can we get more sincere and long-lasting friendship. This kind of child is actually very smart. He will have this kind of consciousness when he finds that everyone is slowly alienating himself. At this time, it is a good time for parents to intervene and guide.
The third is a tendency to be rebellious and stubborn towards children.
Stubborn children are easy to get into trouble and compete with others in communication. Such children are inflexible and unwilling to compromise with others when encountering problems, which often leads to irreconcilable contradictions.
For a rebellious or stubborn child, parents should help him realize the reason why he is unpopular, dare to admit that he has this shortcoming, and start from changing himself, teach him a better way to get along with others, communicate more with others and absorb other people's opinions.
The fourth is a child with a tendency to be jealous.
Children who are easily jealous will also affect interpersonal communication. When a person is jealous of another person, he will be hostile to that person and the relationship between the two sides will become tense. The more jealous people, the more nervous people. Parents should guide jealous children to learn to be jealous and tell them that jealousy of others is not good for them, but will make them unhappy and affect their relationship with others. Behind jealousy is actually a kind of envy and desire. Instead of being jealous, learn to appreciate each other's good points and see that you are better than each other. Everyone has his own strengths, and Qi Xin will work together.
The fifth type is children with selfish psychological tendencies.
Many children are selfish and arrogant because of their growing environment. This situation will be manifested as, for example, asking others to be self-centered, not respecting and understanding other people's ideas, and not understanding what others call "mistakes." Even some students are influenced by bad social factors, like to make friends that are beneficial to them, and like to curry favor with rich children or children with good academic performance. Moreover, have it both ways, kick down the ladder, has a snobbish mentality.
This kind of child, parents should examine themselves, whether they were too arrogant in their past upbringing, and at the same time reflect on whether they have such a mentality in dealing with people. In their usual words and deeds, they have revealed such an attitude towards interpersonal communication, which has led children to follow suit and acquire such a way of communication.
The ability of interpersonal relationship is not only manifested in friendship, work relationship, marriage relationship, parent-child relationship and so on. , is actually based on it. People who are troubled often have interpersonal problems.
These problems are basically rooted from an early age, and among them, parents' interpersonal outlook and interpersonal skills will have an impact on him, teaching children a healthy interpersonal outlook and setting an example. If they lack it, they can start with self-growth.
Let's lay a good foundation for our children's happy life in the future.
I am Xiaohua, a growing mother. Let's cheer together!