"The success or failure of a life is all related to the virtuousness of friends. Don't be careless." - Zeng Guofan As the saying goes: "No one is perfect. There is no pure gold." How to become an excellent person? How? What does it mean to be good at learning? Everyone has his own shortcomings and at the same time his own advantages. One of the important meanings of interacting with others is to apply what you have learned. Turn other people's strengths into your own, don't be jealous of others, accept others with a broad mind, and accepting others means affirming yourself.
In a person's life, if you make good friends, you can promote each other, and at the same time, like-minded people will definitely contribute to the success of your career. On July 20, 1864, Zeng Guofan taught his son Zeng Jihong in a letter: Choosing friends is the first priority in life, and you must choose people with lofty ambitions.
There is an old saying: "If you are close to vermillion, you will be red; if you are close to ink, you will be black." Zeng Guofan attached great importance to the role of friends. It can be said that his three immortal achievements of meritorious service, reputation and morality were achieved under the influence of friends. Therefore, whether in life, study, or career, Zeng Guofan paid attention to the role of a good teacher and helpful friend. During his more than ten years in the capital, Zeng Guofan made many friends, some of whom were knowledgeable, some who studied etiquette, some who were great at writing, and some who were heroic and talented. There were so many types that it is difficult to mention them all one by one. It can be said that there are as many celebrities as stars. These friends played a positive role in Zeng Guofan's personal cultivation and career development, and they are indispensable people.
For example, Liu Chuanying, who specializes in ancient Chinese classics, is an expert in textual research. In his interactions with Liu Chuanying, Zeng Guofan greatly improved his attainments in ancient writing. Liu Chuanying also asked Zeng Guofan about Neo-Confucianism. As a result, the two learned from each other's strengths and became lifelong friends. Zeng Guofan expressed his academic opinions in a letter to Liu Rong, his friend from the same hometown, saying: The two schools of Han and Song Dynasty "wanted to take the best of both worlds, and their knowledge was profound and broad, so that they could write without any fatigue." . Learning from each other's strengths and learning from each other is the key to learning.
Zeng Guofan believed: "The success or failure of a life is all related to the virtuousness of friends. You cannot be careless."
It can even be said that to understand a person's comprehensive situation, just look at The friends he made were perfectly fine. As the saying goes, "Birds of a feather flock together, people flock together." People with similar minds will naturally attract each other.
In ancient times, there was such a person in the state of Chu. He was very effective in reading people's fortunes and was very famous in the local area. King Chuzhuang summoned him to the court after learning about it. King Zhuang asked him: "How do you read people's fortunes? How can you predict the good or bad luck of others?"
He replied: "I actually can't read people's fortunes, but I can tell people from what they know." Judge his situation by the friends he makes. If a friend of an ordinary person respects his parents, respects his brothers and loves his brothers without breaking the law, then he is also such a person, and his family will be prosperous and prosperous day by day. If a friend is trustworthy and virtuous, then he is loyal to the monarch and cares for the people, and he will be valued and relied upon by the monarch. "Therefore, even if you are a good person, if you make bad friends, you must beware of others mistaking you." Bad people, avoid affecting their own careers and ruining their reputations.
Zeng Guofan believed that he should make friends with the kind of people he wanted. Although in principle, we can make friends all over the world, in fact, it is difficult for two people who are too different in all aspects to become close friends. He believes that not having friends is very harmful and is not conducive to his growth. Not having friends itself represents a failure in life, because it shows that this person not only does not trust others, but also has no self-confidence. Therefore, Zeng Guofan believes that it is very necessary to be cautious in making friends.
In ancient times, Meng’s mother moved three times in order to provide Mencius with a good growing environment. Xunzi also said, "When you live, you must choose a hometown, and when you travel, you must choose friends nearby." It can be seen that the ancients attached great importance to making friends.
Zeng Guofan had greater expectations for his son. He once said to Jize: "Selecting friends is the first priority, and you must choose those with lofty ambitions.
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During Zeng Guofan’s many years of official career, in addition to making friends to enhance his intelligence and knowledge, there is another way to make friends easily, which is to recommend talents widely, which is equivalent to recognition and appreciation. In the world No one will reject others' affirmation of themselves. Therefore, this is a good way to get close to others.
When Zeng Guofan first joined the army, "Don't make unreliable recommendations and don't use money indiscriminately." "For example, when Zeng Guofan led troops to capture Wuhan in 1854, he "only saved 300 people" and the number of recipients was only 3%. However, Hu Linyi captured Wuhan once and saved "more than 3,000 people", and the number of recipients reached 2%. 30. When the news spread, many people thought that it was better to join Zeng than to join Hu, so Zeng Guofan persuaded those who could not retain him to defect to Hu Linyi's disciples. At first, Zeng Guofan thought that his virtue was not enough to convince the public, but later he gradually realized that he was recommending Tai. It made people feel that there was no hope of promotion. Looking back, he felt very sorry for his old subordinates who had been born and died together but still held a low position. He realized that he could not be like Xiang Yu who did not know how to share with others, which ultimately made him feel bad. People's hearts turned against him.
Later, Zhao Liewen wrote a letter to express his sincere words, and Zeng Guofan immediately changed his tune and said: "Your Excellency is known throughout the world to award meritorious officials. Don't care about those who are far away, but those who are close to you are leaving one after another. Do they blame you? Or do you think it is useless and abandon them? I think it is not difficult to know, but it is really difficult to forget. Mount Tai is so high that it does not abandon dung soil, and the sea is so big that it does not reject the turbid currents. When the world falls apart, people's aspirations are rising day by day, and those who have a little bit of talent and knowledge will become loyal and stand up for themselves, looking around. In order to seek solid support, although the truth and falsehood are not the same, it is not impossible. If it were not for the virtuous man to take the world as his own responsibility, the vulgar sentiment would probably be dull and dull. If honesty is not given a place to develop, it will disappear to the south of Nanshan and to the north of Beishan. Will it be willing to come to my use? Therefore, a wise king desires people without losing his intention, takes responsibility for his strength, and does not ask for his affection. , so everyone thinks he has the king, and is always thinking about the effect. He combines the private interests of everyone to become the public of one person, so it can be effective. When you are in trouble with others, you must be very careful about recommending others, because this is the same as cutting off your own wings and becoming lonely. It is said that it is better to save more and absorb more, and to use it accidentally. If it is misused and misused, the damage will be very small, but to be known as a good man, the benefit will be huge..."
Zhao Liewen's words Zeng Guofan was moved by the idea of ??"combining the private interests of many people to serve the public interests of one person", so he thought deeply about his mistakes and changed his attitude. From 1856 onwards, he began to follow Hu Linyi's example and protect his staff, no longer being rigid. According to the old rules, let everyone find their own place.
Therefore, the ancients paid attention to the word "caution" when making friends, which is worth learning from us today. It has become easier to make friends. There are all kinds of players, and it seems that friendship and trust have become very simple, but in fact it is still not easy to find good friends. "It is difficult to find a confidant."