"The Complete Collection of Human Weaknesses" Author: Carnegie
Chapter 1: Basic skills in getting along with others
1. If you want to collect honey, don't do it Looking through the hive
Carnegie's golden words of success
Criticism is dangerous. It often hurts a person's precious self-esteem, hurts his sense of self-respect, and arouses his strong resistance. Jealousy caused by criticism will only lower the morale and emotions of the other person, and at the same time, the things being criticized will not be improved in any way.
Any fool will criticize, blame, and complain, and that's exactly what most fools do. A truly wise person will never simply criticize the other person and let the other person accept his opinion.
We should not criticize others, but try to understand them and figure out why they do what they do. This is more effective than criticism, and it also creates compassion, tolerance, and kindness. "Understand all and forgive all!"
2. Sincerely appreciate others
Carnegie's words of success
If you want others to do what you want them to do The only way to do anything is to meet their needs.
All people, no matter how great the person is or how noble his status is, when he works with praise, he always works better and achieves greater success than when he is criticized.
We must first see the advantages of others and give sincere and sincere praise. If this is a compliment from your heart, then others will regard every word of yours as a treasure and will never forget it. Even if you have forgotten it long ago, others will still remember it in their hearts.
3. Arouse the strong needs of others.
Carnegie's Success Words
The only way in the world to influence others is to talk about his needs and tell him how to obtain and satisfy his needs.
Whether it is in business, family, school, or politics, I think the best advice is to first grasp the other party's most pressing needs. If you can do this, you will be at ease, otherwise nothing will be accomplished.
If there is any secret to success, it is to look at the problem from the other person's point of view and meet the other person's needs.
Chapter 2: The key to peace and happiness
4. Maintain your true self
Carnegie’s words of success
We waste so much time Go imitate others! The experience of any successful person shows that if you want to be successful, you can only stay true to yourself and you should not let yourself become anyone else.
We originally have all kinds of potential, but we just don’t know how to develop and utilize it. We are only half-awake and using only a fraction of our vast abilities compared to what we should be. We shouldn't waste any time worrying about who we are and who we are.
You must keep your true colors. No matter how many mistakes you make or how limited your abilities are, you should not become someone else.
5. Change bad work habits
Carnegie’s words of success
What makes us dizzy is not the heavy work, but that we have not understood what we have. How much work and what work should be done first.
A person whose desk is filled with many documents will find that his work is easier and more practical if he can clear his desk and leave only the things he is working on.
A person will not die from overwork, but he will die from waste and worry. Yes, he will die of wasted energy. And the reason why he is worried is because he has not developed good work habits, and his work seems to never be finished.
6. Learn to relax and relieve fatigue
Carnegie's words of success
A person who sits and works, if his health is good, his fatigue will be completely It comes from psychological factors, that is, caused by the influence of emotions. Feelings of being unappreciated, isolated, rushed, anxious, and worried can all contribute to burnout.
Worry, tension and emotional upset are the three major factors that cause fatigue. The fatigue that we usually think of as being caused by worry and hard work can actually be attributed to these three reasons. Please relax your tense muscles, relax your working muscles, and reserve your energy to cope with more important responsibilities.
Most of the fatigue we feel is caused by psychological factors. Fatigue caused by purely physiological reasons is actually very rare.
7. Make your work interesting
Carnegie’s words of success
Are you bored with your job? So why don't you play a game of "pretend" with yourself and try to make yourself like it? Then you will get unexpected achievements from it.
People who can do what they love are the luckiest people. The reason why such people are lucky is that they have more physical strength and happier emotions than others, but have less worries and fatigue than others.
Where your interests lie is also where your abilities lie. If you are not interested in your job, you must find ways to make your job interesting.
8. Live in today’s grid
Carnegie’s words of success
Our destiny depends entirely on our mental state. When you are troubled by various worries and your whole spirit is nervous, I should boldly tell you that you can completely change your state of mind by relying on your own willpower.
Our inner peace and the joy we get from life do not depend on where we are, or what we have, or who we are, but only on how we are mentally and externally. The condition doesn't have much impact.
We should do our best to eliminate wrong ideas from our minds, which is more important than cutting out tumors and cavity sores from our bodies.
9. Don’t be vengeful towards your enemies
Carnegie’s words of success
If our enemies know how they worry us, make us troubled, let them If we only want revenge, they will dance with joy. The hatred in our hearts cannot harm them at all, but it makes our lives a living hell.
If a selfish person wants to take advantage of you, there is no need to ignore him, let alone retaliate against him. When you try to get even with him, you do more harm to yourself than to that guy.
Resentment can even ruin our enjoyment of food. "Eating vegetables with love is much better than eating beef with resentment."
10. Don't expect others to be grateful to you
Carnegie's words of success
Human nature is prone to forget to express gratitude to others, so if we show kindness to others in the hope of receiving gratitude from others, then we will definitely have a headache.
The happiest people are those who only give without expecting anything in return. They can enjoy the pleasure of giving, taking pleasure in doing favors to others and feeling ashamed of others doing favors to them.
If we want to be happy, we should not think about others being grateful or ungrateful to us, but only enjoy the happiness of doing favors to others.
11. Count the favors you have received.
Carnegie’s Success Words
About 90% of things in life are right, and only 10% are wrong. If we want to be happy, what we should do is Just focus on the 90% of things that are right and ignore the 10% of things that are wrong.
We rarely think about what we already have, but always think about what we don’t have. This is the world's greatest tragedy, and it has probably caused more suffering than all wars and diseases in history.
There should be two goals in life: first, to get what you hope for; and then, after getting it, to enjoy it to the fullest. Only the smartest people can do the second step.
12. Turn unfavorable factors into motivation for success
Carnegie's words of success
When a smart person gets a lemon, he will say: "I can get it from What can I learn from this unfortunate incident? How can I improve my situation, how can I turn this lemon into a glass of lemon juice?" The fool is just the opposite. If he finds that fate only gives him a lemon, he will Will give up on themselves and say: "I'm done. This is life. I don't have any chance."
The most important thing in life is not to use your income as capital, any fool will do this. What really matters is profiting from your losses. This requires intelligence, and this is the difference between a wise man and a fool.
Most of the happiness in life does not come from enjoyment, but from victory. This victory comes from a sense of maturity, from a sense of elation, and from the fact that we can make lemon juice out of lemons.
13. Try your best to please others every day
Carnegie’s words of success
We must do one good deed every day. What is a good thing? That’s the thing that puts a happy smile on someone’s face.
When we try to make others happy, we stop thinking only of ourselves. If you think only of yourself, you will create worry and fear, as well as depression. Therefore, when you are kind to others, you are also kind to yourself.
Thinking more about others will not only stop you from worrying about yourself, but also help you make many friends and have more fun.
Doing good things for others is not a duty but a joy because it increases your own health and happiness.
14. Treat other people’s jealousy as a compliment to you.
Carnegie's Success Words
No one ever kicks a dead dog. Only when the dog is more valuable, the person who kicks it will be more satisfied.
If you are kicked or criticized maliciously by others, please remember that they did it because they got a feeling of self-importance from it; It means you have achieved something and are worthy of others' attention or envy. Because, there is nothing to fear from this kind of criticism.
If we are worried about being unfairly criticized, remember that unfair criticism is usually another compliment, another recognition of your achievements.
15. Don’t let the arrows of criticism hurt you.
Carnegie's words of success
Don't be afraid of what others say, as long as you know in your heart that you are right. The only way to avoid all criticism is to do what you feel is right in your heart, because "you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't" and you will be criticized no matter what.
Although we cannot prevent others from unfairly criticizing us, we can do something more important: we can decide whether to allow ourselves to be disturbed by those unfair criticisms.
Even if others say boring gossip about you, or deceive you, or even stab you in the back, never indulge in self-pity, but do your best to do your best. Let the rain of criticism flow behind you.
16. Learn to self-criticize.
Carnegie's Success Words
Whenever I look back at the stupid things I did back then and reread my criticisms of myself, they all help me solve the most difficult problems I face. Difficult questions taught me how to control myself.
Don’t wait for our enemies to criticize us or our work, we have to outsmart them, and at this point we have to be our own harshest critics; we have to do it before our enemies have a chance to criticize us. , identify our weaknesses and correct them.
I used to blame other people for my troubles, but as I get older, I find that I should blame myself for almost all my misfortunes. Many people discover this as they get older.
Chapter 3: How to make people like you
17. Sincerely care about others.
Carnegie's words of success
If a person really cares about others, he will make more friends in two months than a person who always wants others to care about him. I made even more friends in two years.
Showing your concern for others is the same as other interpersonal relationships; and your concern must come from the heart. This not only allows those who care to receive corresponding rewards, but also those who receive such care will also gain something.
If we only want others to pay attention to us and get others to be interested in us, we will never have many sincere and sincere friends.
18. Treat others with a smile.
Carnegie’s Success Words
Actions speak louder than words. Let yourself become a smiler. Smiling will make people understand: "I like you, you make me happy, and I am happy to see you."
Those who smile all the time are good in management, education and It will be easier to achieve success in marketing and it will be easier to raise a happy next generation.
A smile can express emotions better than a frown, which is why encouragement and smiles should be used instead of corporal punishment and punishment in education.
If you want others to feel happy when they see you, then you must remember: when you see others, you must also feel happy.
19. Remember other people’s names
Carnegie’s words of success
Franklin Roosevelt knew the simplest, most obvious, and most important way to make people like you. , that is, remembering other people’s names makes people feel valued. But how many of us can do this?
Although it takes some effort to remember other people's names, it is a courtesy that is obtained by a small sacrifice, and this sacrifice will bring you great wealth. .
As a politician, one lesson to learn is to remember the names of voters, which is also a political talent. If you forget their names, you will be obliterated.
20. Learn to listen to others.
Carnegie's Success Words
The most important thing is to listen attentively to the person who is talking to you. Listening carefully to what the other person is saying is the highest compliment we can pay to others. There is nothing mysterious about successful business relationships, and there is nothing quite like it.
Critical people, even the fiercest critics, will often soften in the presence of a patient and compassionate listener - when the angry provocateur When a speaker is like a poisonous snake that wants to bite someone, the listener should remain silent and only listen carefully to what he is saying.
21. Cater to other people’s interests
Carnegie’s words of success
The best way to get in touch with the other person’s inner thoughts and to access the depths of the other person’s heart is to talk to the other person about them. The most interesting thing.
You can make yourself a popular person by talking to others about topics they care about and are interested in.
You must carefully study the person you are dating, find out what this person’s interests are, look for the causes he is most concerned about and passionate about, and talk about the topics he is most interested in; otherwise, even if you keep grinding, you will not succeed. Nothing was found!
22. Make others feel important.
Carnegie's words of success
If we are so selfish and only want to get rewards, then we will not give people any happiness or sincere praise. If we are so narrow-minded, we will only suffer the failures we deserve, without any success or happiness.
In human behavior, there is a most important law. If we abide by it, everything will go well, we will gain countless friends, and gain endless happiness. This rule is: "Always respect others and make them feel self-respected."
If you want others to like you, you must say something that makes them happy. These words are not about yourself, but about the other person.
Chapter 4: How to win the approval of others.
23. Never argue with others
Carnegie’s words of success
If you are competitive, like to argue with others, and enjoy refuting others, you may be able to Winning a temporary victory, but this victory is meaningless and valuable, because you will never gain the favor of the other party.
When you argue with someone, you may be right, or even absolutely correct; but if you want to change the other person's mind, you may gain nothing, just as you may be wrong.
You can't win an argument. If you lose, of course you lose; if you win, you still lose. The real spirit of sales is not an argument. People's hearts will not change because of arguments.
24. Never blame others for their mistakes
Carnegie’s words of success
If possible, you should be smarter than others; but never tell others that you are better than them clever.
If you can admit that maybe you were wrong, you'll never get into trouble. By doing this, not only will you avoid all arguments, but you will also make the other person as forgiving as you are in admitting that he, too, will make mistakes.
It's not easy to change someone's mind even in the mildest of circumstances, so why make it more difficult? Admitting that you might be wrong avoids an argument and makes the other person as generous as you are in admitting that he, too, might be wrong.
25. Admit your mistakes bravely
Carnegie’s words of success
If you know that others are trying to accuse you of your mistakes, you should stop them when they have the time to do so. Before the opportunity comes, use offense as defense and say what he wants to say yourself. Most likely, he will take a lenient and understanding attitude and forgive your mistakes.
A person who has the courage to admit his mistakes can also get a certain sense of satisfaction. This not only removes the atmosphere of guilt and self-justification but also helps resolve substantive issues.
If you are right, try to gently and subtly get the other person to agree with you; if you are wrong, admit it quickly and bravely. This is far more effective than defending yourself.
26. Learn to be kind to others
Carnegie's golden words of success
"A drop of honey can catch more flies than a gallon of bile." Getting along with others is also important. Likewise, win someone's heart with a drop of honey and you will lead him to the path of understanding.
People are unwilling to change their minds. You cannot force or force them to agree with you. But if we are gentle and kind - very gentle, very kind - we can lead them to align with us.
If you want someone to agree with you, you have to treat him kindly and make him believe that you are his true friend.
27. Make the other person say "yes" from the beginning
Carnegie's words of success
When talking to others, never discuss your existence at the beginning Instead, you should first emphasize and insist on emphasizing what you both agree on, and then emphasize that you are both pursuing the same goal, and the only difference between you is in the method, not the goal.
If a student, a customer, a child, a husband or a wife says "no" from the very beginning, it will take a godlike wisdom and patience to change that absolutely negative attitude. for a positive attitude.
28. Let the other person express themselves more
Carnegie’s words of success
Be patient, listen with a broad mind, and sincerely encourage the other person to fully express themselves express his opinion.
If you want to make enemies, be better than your friends; but if you want to make friends, be better than you.
Let us downplay our achievements and we should be humble so that people will always like you. Life is so short that we should not be bored by dwelling on our small achievements.
29. Turn your opinions into the other person’s.
Carnegie’s Success Words
No one likes to be forced to do something. If you want someone's cooperation, ask for their wishes, needs, and ideas so that they feel they are doing it voluntarily.
Making others think that an idea was yours is a tactic that can be used not only in business and politics, but also in family life.
You can win the cooperation of others by making suggestions, letting others draw conclusions, and being willing to accept them as their own ideas.
30. Look at the problem from the other person’s perspective
Carnegie’s words of success
When interacting with others, don’t keep in mind the other person’s mistakes that you don’t even care about. Don't blame others, only fools will do that; try to understand others, then you will be wise, generous and extraordinary people.
Success in dealing with others depends entirely on your ability to empathize with others, see issues from the other person's perspective, and be willing to accept other people's perspectives.
Try to see things from other people’s perspectives and try to understand others, and you will be able to create miracles in life, gain friendships, and reduce conflicts and frustrations.
31. Give the other person sympathy
Carnegie’s words of success
Even the most stubborn and hard-hearted person will be able to express his sympathy after getting your sympathy. It will soften. And your sympathy must be completely genuine, because if you were the other person, of course your feelings would be the same as his.
Compassion has a great chemical function in neutralizing acidic aversions. Three-quarters of the people you meet every day crave sympathy. If you can give them sympathy, they will like you.
32. Inspire each other’s noble motives
Carnegie’s words of success
Each of us is an idealist and likes to find reasons for what we do. A beautiful reason. So if you want to change someone's mind, inspire their noble motives.
Everyone you meet--even the person you see in the mirror--will overestimate themselves and think of themselves as a kind and unselfish person. Therefore, if you want to gain the approval of others, you must treat them in the same light.
Even those who intend to deceive, if you make him feel that he is an honest, upright, and fair person, then most of the time he will respond positively and agree to your request.
33. Express your ideas dramatically
Carnegie’s words of success
This is an era rich in drama. Simply stating the facts is not enough. More accessible methods must be used, both in film and in radio. So, if you want to get someone's attention, you have to do the same.
Merely stating the facts in a straightforward manner is not enough to impress others. Facts must be made more vivid, more interesting, and presented dramatically to effectively attract people's attention.
You can use dramatic techniques to express any business idea you can think of, or anything in life. Of course, this dramatic approach can also be applied to family life to make your family life more happy.
34. Present meaningful challenges to the opponent
Carnegie’s words of success
The desire to surpass your opponent! challenge! This is the surest way to inspire the human spirit.
Everyone is afraid sometimes, but the brave will put fear aside and continue to move forward bravely. The result may be death, but more often it will lead to victory. Is there anything more challenging than overcoming obstacles?
Salary alone cannot retain good employees. The competitive nature of the work itself and the opportunity to express yourself are what every successful person likes and pursues.
Chapter 5: How to better persuade others
35. Praise and appreciate others
Carnegie’s golden words for success
We are listening It will always feel better when we listen to unpleasant words after others have praised our merits. This is like a barber applying soap to the customer's face before shaving him.
If you cannot convince the other party by arguing and noisy, it is better to use the strategy of praise and appreciation. The other party will soon give up the confrontation and accept your opinions.
Start with praise, just like a dentist using anesthetic. The patient still has to suffer from drilling, but the anesthetic can eliminate this pain.
36. Remind the other person of their mistakes tactfully
Carnegie's words of success
Criticizing others directly in person will only arouse strong resentment from the other person; Noticing your own mistakes and correcting them will make the other person happy to follow your suggestions.
For those who are unwilling to accept direct criticism, if you can indirectly and tactfully let them face their mistakes, you will often get very magical results.
When you want someone to move in the direction you want, never say "but" after praising him, but say "and", the effect of these two words will be produced Huge difference.
37. Talk about your own mistakes first
Carnegie’s words of success
If you just say a few words of self-effacement and praise for the other party, you can make an arrogant and withdrawn person If the emperor becomes a solid and reliable friend, then you can imagine how much humility and praise play in our daily lives. If used properly, it will definitely help us create miracles in our relationships.
Even if a person has not corrected his mistakes, as long as he admits his mistakes, it will help another person change his behavior.
It would be much better if the critic had the humility to admit from the outset that he or she is not blameless before pointing out the faults of others.
38. Don’t order others.
Carnegie's words of success
Don't give "orders" to others easily, and don't tell the other person how to do it. This will not only maintain the other person's self-esteem, but also make him willing to correct his mistakes. , actively cooperate.
Be sure to remember to always give others the opportunity to do things by themselves instead of telling them how to do it. In this way, he can learn useful lessons from his mistakes.
Ask for opinions and ask the other person some questions. Not only can you get ideal answers, but sometimes you can also stimulate the other person's creativity and create more miracles for you.
39. Praise each other for the smallest progress.
Carnegie's words of success
If we are willing to encourage everyone we come into contact with to make him realize and explore the inner treasures he possesses, then we can not only change him, It can even transform him.
Praise the other party for even the smallest progress, and the other party will remember it in their hearts and use it to motivate themselves to succeed.
For a criminal, if he is given appropriate praise for his efforts, it will be more effective in promoting his cooperation and reforming than severely criticizing and reprimanding his mistakes.
41. Let others have a good reputation
Carnegie's words of success
If you want someone to have a virtue, you can think and publicly declare that he has a good reputation. possesses this virtue (although he may not). Give him a good reputation, give him a high hat, let him achieve it, and he will do his best and not want to see you disappointed.
For ordinary people, if you can gain his respect and you also respect his certain abilities, then he will be happy to accept your leadership.
If you want to change a person in some way, you must think that he already has outstanding qualities in this area. This is what Shakespeare said: "Assume a virtue, and if you don't have it, you must think you have it."
42. Make other people's mistakes easier to correct.
Carnegie's words of success
Let the other person know that you believe he has the ability to do something well, and that he has great potential in this matter, then he will forget about food and sleep and work hard. Do things better.
If you tell someone that he is extremely stupid in some way, has no talent at all, and that what he is doing is all wrong, it is equivalent to killing all his hopes and efforts for progress. On the contrary, if you give him more encouragement, he may completely change his appearance.
Positive encouragement can make it easier for people to correct mistakes, become self-reliant, and even change themselves.
43. Be good at delegating authority to others
Carnegie’s words of success
If you want others to be happy to do what you ask them to do, you must let them understand , how important he is to you, and he will naturally have this feeling in his heart, thus realizing your expectations.
Napoleon gained the full support of his soldiers by bestowing them with honors and titles. This approach, while childish, is extremely beneficial and can certainly work for you.
When you make a request to others, if you can use a tactful and slightly appreciative way, he will happily agree to any request you have.
Chapter 6: Make your family happy
44. Don’t dig your own marriage grave
Carnegie’s words of success
For Of all the vicious ways the devil has invented to destroy love, nagging is the most powerful. It brings nothing but tragedy to married life.
Even if you are the queen of a country, or even the most beautiful woman in the world, if you are jealous and nagging about your husband all day long, then neither dignity nor beauty can sustain love.
An important reason why men leave their families is because their wives like to nag. This kind of nagging is digging the grave of their marriage.
45. Don’t change your partner
Carnegie’s words of success
The first lesson you should learn in life is not to interfere with other people’s special ways of finding happiness. If these methods do not greatly hinder us.
If you want your marriage to be successful, you must not only find a good spouse, you must also become a good spouse yourself.
If I want to keep your family life happy, remember, never change your partner according to your wishes.
46. Don’t criticize your family members
Carnegie’s words of success
Be considerate of others and try your best to exercise self-restraint. Don’t criticize anyone or anything at home.
For wives and husbands, tolerance and generosity are always much better than criticism and rebuke. Therefore, we might as well be generous and learn from the practices of those great men.
Many romantic dreams were dashed! One of the reasons why more than 50% of marriages are unhappy is because of useless but heartbreaking criticism.
47. Sincerely appreciate each other
Carnegie's words of success
Both men and women, they all long to be appreciated and loved. If you can express your appreciation and love sincerely, you will get happiness and joy.
Men should appreciate the time and thought women spend in pursuing beauty. As a husband, you should not forget this, because women care about their clothes very much.
If there is anything worthy of praise about your wife, be sure to remember: "Praise that little woman greatly." You might as well let her know how important she is to your happiness and happiness.
48. Pay more attention to her in small things
Carnegie’s words of success
Most men never pay attention to showing their consideration for women in daily small things. Because they don’t know that the death of love often starts from a small place.
Why wait until your wife is sick and hospitalized before buying her flowers? Why don't you buy her a bouquet of roses tomorrow night? If you want, why not do it now and see what the results are?
Express your thoughts to the person you love, and you want to make her happy; and her happiness is also very precious and important to you.
49. Be attentive and polite to your family
Carnegie's words of success
Being attentive and polite is as important to a marriage as engine oil is to an engine. A wife is expected to treat her husband as politely as she treats a stranger.
If you want a happy marriage, in addition to carefully selecting your partner, the most important thing is to be diligent and courteous after marriage. If a woman is aggressive and overbearing, any man will be scared away.
Courtesy is an inner quality that can make up for defects in clothing and appearance, so that those who are superior to you will not dare to look down on you.
50. Don’t be illiterate about marriage.
Carnegie's words of success
Happiness and joy in marriage are rarely obtained by chance. They are created by people, and they also require rational and prudent plans.
Sex is the most important thing in married life, and it is also the root cause of the failure of most men and women's marriages.
Sex is just one of the many things that need to be satisfied in married life, but only if this relationship is straightened out, other aspects will be fulfilled