Think about the choices you made recently. Any choice will do. For example, what cereal should I buy for breakfast? which film to watch? Which restaurant do you go to for lunch? Of course, it can also be more important decisions, such as who to date? Which candidate do you support? Which industry do you choose to enter?
Have you ever wondered why you made such a choice? Why did you finally make such a choice?
This question is simple. Although there may be various reasons in your mind, in general, they all point to one point: your original intention, personal taste and personal preference. What you like and what you don't like; Who do you think is funny and charming? Whether the candidate's policy stance is in line with your wishes ... We will choose according to our personal thoughts and opinions. The fact is so obvious that we often feel that it is not worth mentioning.
But if this view is wrong, it is another matter.
Sometimes we don't realize that other people have a great influence on all aspects of our lives. People vote because everyone else votes. When we eat with others, we eat more. Our neighbor just bought a new car recently, and we are going to do the same thing. What products people buy, what fitness programs they choose, what achievements they have made in school and what occupations they choose will all be influenced by society. This also determines whether people should save in advance for retirement, invest in the stock market, donate money, join fraternity, save energy, try new inventions ... The social impact is even related to whether people will participate in criminal activities and whether they are satisfied with their jobs. 99% of all people's decisions are made under the influence of others, so it is difficult for us to find decisions or behaviors that are not influenced by others.
Looking at all aspects of our lives, there is only one place that seems to have no social impact.
That's ourselves.
When I first started to study how others influence our own behavior, I chose to ride around Palo Alto, California, and started my research by looking for a BMW.
Palo Alto is one of the most expensive areas in the world. Stock options and initial public offering (IPO) have swelled the pockets of many residents and pushed up prices, from house prices to tuition fees of private schools. There are Ferrari and Maserati dealers nearby; It costs $200 per person to have lunch in a fancy restaurant.
Looking for BMW is like looking for Easter eggs. You can't 100% be sure where to find your target. Only by intuition and more luck. I rode slowly back and forth along different streets, looking for BMW cars in the pile with the help of car shapes and logos. I will stop at every street corner and guess which direction I will go. It is easiest to find my goal. To the dentist's office on the left? Dentists usually drive good cars, so why not drive fast in the parking lot there Or go to the upscale grocery store on the right? It seems worth a try.
Whenever I find a BMW, I take out a piece of paper from my messenger bag and carefully press it under the windshield wiper of the BMW. I'm not sending coupons to auto beauty shops or advertising car sales. I'm just doing a questionnaire survey.
At that time, Professor Emily Pronin of Princeton University and I were studying various factors that affect car buying behavior, that is, what factors affect people's decision to buy a car and how important these factors are to other people's decision to buy a car.
In addition to the conventional factors such as price, fuel consumption and reliability, this survey also contains more social impact issues, such as whether people's car purchase decisions are influenced by friends' opinions? Does buying a BMW mean nobility or fashion?
Each interviewee must answer a series of questions twice: one is about himself and the other is about another BMW owner he knows. Do you think price and fuel consumption have a great influence on other people's car purchase decisions? Do people who want to be cool or noble drive this kind of car?
After riding for a long time, I left questionnaires on more than 100 BMW cars. Each questionnaire is accompanied by an addressed reply envelope, which is convenient for people to send back the completed questionnaire.
Then there is waiting.
On the first day, the postman was late. When I opened the mailbox, it was full of disappointment. Except for a bunch of randomly distributed coupons and a sample of a furniture company, no feedback was given.
The next day, I was more cautious than optimistic. I looked into the mailbox when I passed by, but there was still nothing. At this point, I began to worry. Did someone forget to investigate this matter? Maybe the envelope was blown away by the wind?
On the third day, when I looked at my email again, I felt a sense of fear. If no one has replied yet, I can only run out and find another batch of BMWs (or take other investigation methods). Finally, I saw the long-awaited reply in the mailbox, that is, the white envelope that was pressed under someone else's wiper a few days ago.
The next day, I received some more letters, and then I received more letters. It worked! Through the responses we received, we compared people's self-cognition with their cognition of others.
People think that price, fuel consumption and other factors are very important, as well as to themselves and others. This is a natural thing, because the price has a great influence on your car purchase decision, and it has an equally important influence on others.
However, the situation has changed when evaluating the role of social impact. It is not that people think that social influence does not work, but that people think that social influence does work. People are well aware that the decision to buy a car will be influenced by friends' ideas, and they are also well aware of what kind of people will buy what brand of car. It is recognized that social influence has an important influence on car purchase decision.
However, people think that the impact on their car purchase decisions needs to be another matter.
When considering other people's car purchase decisions, the role of social influence is obvious. It is understandable that others will change their decision to buy a car because of friends' ideas or social pressure.
However, when we examine our decision to buy a car, the social impact disappears. People don't see any social impact. When people hold up the mirror to examine their behavior, they will think that social influence has no effect on them at all.
This is not only the act of buying a car, but also the inequality in other situations. For example, buying clothes, voting on political issues or civilized driving, people all recognize the role of social influence, but when it comes to themselves, it is completely different. People can see the influence of social influence on others' behavior, but they can't see its influence on their own behavior.
One possible explanation is social acceptance. People don't think that they will be influenced by others, perhaps because people think that being influenced by others is not a good thing. Society tells us to be ourselves, not to be influenced by others, and not to be lemmings drifting with the tide. People think that being affected is not a good thing, and they don't want others to look at them negatively, so they imply that they will not be affected and change their views.
But it's not that simple. Even if being influenced by others is a good thing, people don't think it will affect them.
When you visit a strange place, it is polite to observe the local customs. When choosing clothes for formal occasions, fancy clothes are usually not a good choice. Even if it is good to be influenced by others, people are unwilling to admit that social influence has an impact on themselves.
There are more subtle reasons behind denying the role of social influence on ourselves, some reasons we can't see.
? Only you ... after you were in high school, your parents decided to let you take a part-time job. They have raised you for a long time, and now you need to earn your own pocket money. Although this is only a part-time job, you only need to go out to work for a few hours every day, or go out to work several times a week, but it will shape your character and let you know how the world works.
In the past, you just looked after the children and mowed the lawn several times. Your personal experience is not remarkable, but you can find a part-time job bagging customers in the local supermarket. This job is not the most satisfactory, but it is definitely better than cleaning up the meat case.
Slowly, you began to skillfully use paper bags and plastic bags to pack things. You found the girl packing in shopping aisle 7 very beautiful. You have been watching her for weeks. After introducing yourself, you two began to chat, talking about your boss, talking about your high school, and talking about how to bag tomatoes to avoid being crushed.
The following week, you two met a little more often. The next week, more times, longer chat time. Soon, you will find that you will choose your working hours according to your partner. You started whistling at work and finally got up the courage to ask her out.
After eating 207 meals, walking 92 times, taking three vacations, and breaking up briefly, you married her and thought she was the only one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.
The concept of soul mate has existed for thousands of years. Plato wrote in the article "Drinking" that human beings have four hands and four feet and two faces on their heads. They can move forward and backward at will, and their physical strength and energy are strong enough to threaten those who should rule them.
Jesus Christ. The gods then decided to take some measures.
The gods explored various ways to deal with it. Some gods want to exterminate human beings-forever, but Zeus, one of the gods, has come up with a more creative method: human beings have provided various tributes and sacrifices to God, so why kill them all? Everyone should be cut in half and let them remember this lesson, which will weaken human strength and make them pay for their conceit.
The gods used this method, and everyone was cut in half from the middle, like a stump.
Of course, the human being who was cut open was very sad. Even if the wound has healed, they are still thinking about the other half, trying to find the other half and trying to make themselves complete again.
Compared with Plato's life, people's life has undergone great changes, but the only concept of true love has been preserved. Dating application Tinder may have replaced love letters and elaborate courtship plans, but most people still believe that there is the only thrill or the only thrill waiting for them. Just like a folded mirror and two peas in a pod, there is someone somewhere who can make you whole. He is your lost puzzle, which can fit you perfectly. R&B(R &； B) Songs and romantic comedies are also constantly reinforcing the view that if your love life is not smooth, please don't worry, you just haven't met your soul mate yet.
If you read the love story in the newspaper, or ask how most couples meet, you will get a strikingly similar answer: "From the moment I saw him, I knew ... this chemical reaction was unprecedented for anyone else ... So we struck a spark of love, and I was sure that she was the one I was looking for ..."
Most people find it difficult to accept any other possible explanation. Do you want a happily married friend to glare at you? Then tell him that if they are different, they will be very happy. Our lover may not be perfect, but he is our lover. And we are 1 10% convinced that our true love can't be others.
We all thought we were princes wearing glass slippers, and we were looking for the only Cinderella who could wear this glass slipper.
But if you study how most Americans meet their partners, you will find some interesting things. The United States has a population of more than 320 million, excluding the married population, leaving about 65.438+600 million people. Suppose you are heterosexual, you have about 80 million people to choose from.
Among them, some people are at the wrong age, support the wrong political party, or god forbid-they even like polka dancing. After eliminating all these unsuitable people, there are still millions of people for you to choose from, and many of them may become your Mr. Right or Mr. Right.
If you do the same screening for the world population, there will be hundreds of millions of people for you to choose from, and any one of them may become your soul mate.
If we study where people finally meet their lovers, we will find that these places are quite concentrated. In fact, more than13 of Americans have met their husbands or wives at work or school. This is not uncommon in itself. Nowadays people spend a lot of time on work and study, and it's hard to fall in love with someone you've never met.
Think again about what this means. For all of us, the person we think is right for us may be the only one. Among hundreds of millions of people, only one is his soul mate. But while we are bagging, what is the probability that the other party will just start bagging? Are we all so lucky?
Professor Richard Molander of the University of Pittsburgh offered undergraduate courses in personality psychology. Like other courses in the university, the lecture venue is a large fan-shaped lecture hall with stepped seats. There are nearly 200 seats in it, most of which are freshmen and sophomores, and only a few are juniors and seniors. About half are boys and half are girls. There are muscular men, freaks, slackers and motivated students in the class.
Psychology courses usually give students extra points for participating in academic research, and Professor Molander's courses are no exception. At the end of each semester, he will ask students if they are willing to complete a small survey, and most students are willing to participate.
This survey is very simple. All students will see the photos of m-girls (numbered A, B, C and D respectively), and then answer a few related questions: What do you think of the charm of m-girls? Do you like being with her? Would you like to make friends with her?
M-girls are either unusual or typical college students, of similar age and dressed casually, just like a girl who has been sitting next to her all semester.
What the students don't know is that they are part of a well-designed experiment.
Throughout the semester, the girl in the photo appeared in class. They entered the classroom a few minutes before class, walked slowly to the front of the classroom and sat where most students could see them. They sit quietly in class, listen to lectures and take notes. After class, they will pack up and leave the classroom like everyone else. They are no different from other students, except that they are not named.
There is a more important detail. M-girls have different classes. all
Professor Molander will give 40 lectures this semester. A appears 0 times, B appears 5 times, C appears 10 times and D appears 15 times.
Needless to say, different people will be attracted to different things. Some people like blond hair, others like black hair; Some people like tall, dark and handsome men, while others have different preferences (which is good news for short, fair-skinned and not so handsome men).
It is not surprising that students have different views on m-girls. Some people think A is sexy and beautiful, while others prefer C; Some people like B's eyes, others think D is more attractive.
Although everyone has different opinions, there is a very obvious * * *. Girls who attend more classes are more attractive in everyone's eyes. In the eyes of students, girls who have attended 15 class are more attractive than girls who have attended 10 class, and the latter is more attractive than girls who have attended class 5, and so on.
As a result, the more often you appear in front of others, the higher the degree of their favor.
You may be wondering if the girl who took 15 class happened to be better-looking, or if she was naturally attractive. That was not the case. Those students who didn't take this course thought the four girls were equally beautiful. In the case of no difference in contact times, m-girls looks no difference.
Do these students know much about the girl who often attends classes? The answer is still no. These girls have not had any oral or non-verbal interaction with any other students in class.
Students prefer a girl just because they see her more often. Students find the girl who often comes to class more attractive and willing to get to know this person. All this stems from seeing this girl more in class.
At first glance, the theory of "simple exposure effect" enhancing goodwill may sound strange, but it has been confirmed by hundreds of experiments. Whether it is faces, advertising messages, self-made vocabulary, fruit juice or buildings in university yearbooks, the more times they appear in front of people, the higher their goodwill will be. I like it because I am familiar.
The more times people see something, the higher they like it, which is very interesting in itself; But there is another level behind the pure contact effect, which will make this law more interesting, that is, we don't know.
When the students in Molander's class were asked if they had seen these girls, almost everyone gave a negative answer. If someone asks these students, they will often see whether a girl will affect their opinions, and they will look at the questioner and feel that the other person has lost his mind. The student union replied, "Of course not. The more times you meet someone, the more attractive you feel. What logic is this? ! "But that's the truth.
Whether we realize it or not, we are all students in Molander's class, and we underestimate the influence of social influence on our own behavior because we are not aware of it.
When looking for evidence that social influence affects our behavior, we often find nothing. We don't realize that we will be affected in one way or another, so we think this kind of influence doesn't exist, but not knowing it doesn't mean that this kind of influence doesn't exist.
? The hidden persuader will play a little game with me first to test your memory. Here are seven words, see how many you can remember. Write as many times as possible, and the time is unlimited.
imprudent
equipment
Think that you are not ordinary people.
corner
Social withdrawal
stapler
observe
You should do something else before the memory test. The following is a brief description of a man named Donald. Read the following article and then answer a few simple questions.
Donald spent a lot of time looking for what he called "excitement". He climbed Mount McKinley, filmed the Colorado rapids with a kayak, participated in the "Blasting Contest" and worked as a jet boat pilot (although he knew little about ships). He risked his injury and even his life to do these things several times, and now he is looking for new excitement. He thought maybe he would try skydiving or crossing the Atlantic. Obviously, he knows very well that he can accomplish many things well. Apart from business activities, Donald has limited contact with others and feels that he doesn't need to rely on anyone. Once Donald decides to do something, he will definitely finish it, no matter how long it takes or how difficult it is. He seldom changes his mind, although sometimes it is better to change his mind.
I know you've never met Donald. According to the above description, which word would you choose to describe him?
When asked similar questions, most people will give Donald some negative comments, thinking that he is reckless and a little pretentious. After all, crossing the Atlantic is risky. "He knows that he can accomplish many things well." This sounds a bit self-righteous. Others think Donald is stubborn (because he doesn't want to change his mind) and unsociable (because he doesn't depend on anyone). Then, it's not surprising that you also have negative comments on him.
What would happen if I asked you to remember another completely different set of words before? The description of Donald is still the same, but the words you need to remember are completely different, so will your evaluation of Donald change?
You will say, "Of course not." "Remembering words has nothing to do with evaluating Donald." You will think that as long as the description of Donald remains the same, your evaluation of him should not change. But you are wrong.
Before reading the description of Donald, another group was asked to remember the words "adventurous", "confident", "independent" and "persistent". As a result, their feelings about Donald did change. Now, Donald has become a more positive image. In their view, Donald's crossing the Atlantic is not a danger to life, but an adventure. He doesn't depend on others, not that he doesn't fit in, but that it becomes a symbol of independence.
The same Donald got a completely different evaluation twice. What is the reason for it
Thinking of words with different emotional colors in your mind and reading the description of Donald will really give his behavior different colors, even if people don't realize it. These words will make people have different ideas in their minds, and then affect the evaluation of Donald's behavior. All this happened unintentionally and was influenced invisibly.
? The book Invisible Influence simply and subtly studies how others influence our own behaviors and decisions, and this influence is often surprising.
When it comes to science, people usually think of physics and chemistry, test tubes, microscopes and twisted double helix molecules, white laboratories and researchers, and blackboards filled with formulas (much like Martians). Your idea is ... well, only rocket scientists can understand science.
But science doesn't just happen in the laboratory, it's all around us, with each of us every day.
Someone patted us on the shoulder, which made us make a bolder decision. Because Madison and Sophia are very popular recently, we named our child Mia. Even strangers or people we have never met will have a surprising influence on our judgment and decision: learning from others that a welfare policy is supported by the Democratic Party or communist party may lead us to change our attitude towards the welfare policy (even if the welfare policies in both cases are exactly the same).
Just as atoms collide with each other, social activities will constantly shape our thoughts and behaviors. It is this social science that determines everything, including the origin of your name and why you read this book.
But the existence of social influence will not only make us do the same things with others. Just as a magnet has positive and negative poles, others will attract us and repel us.
Sometimes we cater to or imitate the people around us, and sometimes we are unconventional or deliberately avoid what others are doing. People around us are very smart, then we can become humorous people; We don't want to honk in traffic jams, because we don't want to be "that kind of person" in the eyes of others.
When will we imitate others and when will we avoid doing the same thing with others? When will our peers inspire us to work hard and when will they make us give up our efforts? What does this mean for our happiness, health and success?