Externally, we should pay attention to communication with people, be sincere, generous, decent and unpretentious.
We should also have proper interests in dealing with people.
In essence, you must first have confidence in yourself. Before you go out, tell yourself in the mirror that you are the best. Tell yourself that you must treat your friends sincerely and cherish the people you admire as your own wealth. If you want to give others a sun, you must first give others your sun. You should first show sincere and trusting eyes to your friends.
Specifically: one of the secrets: enthusiasm-stand up your heart.
There are many factors for a person to succeed, and enthusiasm is one of the indispensable factors.
Enthusiasm is the excitement from the heart, and it is a fiery spiritual trait deeply existing in people's hearts. The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people in wisdom and ability is usually not great, but if two people have similar qualities in all aspects, enthusiastic people will have a better chance to get what they want; A person with insufficient ability but enthusiasm is usually better than a person with strong ability but lack of enthusiasm.
The enthusiasm of leaders will affect the working mood of subordinates; The enthusiasm of a mother and teacher will affect the mood of children and students.
Rosenthal, a famous American psychologist, once conducted the experiment of "expectation effect". He came to a middle school to inspect a very ordinary class. When he left, he excitedly told the class teacher: There are 18 students in your class, which is promising.
Rosenthal's enthusiasm influenced the teacher. Since then, teachers have paid special attention to these students, always smiling, trying to find their advantages and always asking them questions ... when they graduated from high school, these students were admitted to key universities.
When Rosenthal came to this school again, he smiled. He told the teacher that he only randomly selected 18 people that time, and did not seriously investigate. It is the teacher's enthusiasm and trust in students that have produced today's effect. This story shows that the enthusiasm of adults can change the fate of children.
So, how do adults pass on their enthusiasm to their children? There are three points here.
Visual indication. The kind eyes of a mother or teacher will excite children. Some children mistakenly think that the teacher doesn't like him because the teacher doesn't look at him in class, which makes him feel sad.
A boy asked me, "What if I keep moving in class?" I told him: "Find a blank piece of paper, draw a pair of eyes and put them on the desk as the eyes of a' bosom sister'. Every time I want to move, I see my' intimate sister' looking at you, so I quickly tell myself that I can't make small moves in class. " Sure enough, he soon overcame his shortcomings.
His father said: "children always like to play with things in class, and teachers often complain." I hit him, but he wouldn't listen. After using your method, he managed himself, and he was also rated as a three-good student this semester. Do you think god is not god? "I said," no, because I trust him. He has the ability to control himself. "
Manual instruction. Different gestures express different feelings. Pat the shoulder to show encouragement and praise; Spanking is a punishment. Many kindergarten children and first-grade pupils need the touch of their parents, aunts or teachers, so they often revolve around you. At this time, if you touch his head, he will feel very happy. After senior three, when he behaves well, you might as well pat him on the shoulder to show your recognition and trust. Parents should pay attention to artistry in educating their children, otherwise it is futile.
Language indication. Bring hope to children with the most enthusiastic language. Needless to say, one or two sentences can express your love; It doesn't have to be loud, but show your inner excitement. Babbling is the most annoying thing for children. If the child makes a mistake, don't scold him loudly and don't hit him rudely. Instead, go to a room where no one else is around, look him in the eye and say to him seriously, "Mom knows this is your first mistake and your last, isn't it?" At this time, children will feel bad about themselves, sorry for their parents, and will make up their minds to correct their mistakes.
Parents' enthusiasm for their children is passed on to their children through their eyes, hands and words. Children are encouraged and encouraged, and they learn how to treat others warmly.
Edison once said, "When a person dies, if he can pass on his enthusiasm to his children, he will leave them priceless assets."
Secret 2: communication-touching others' hearts
If you want your children to get along well with others and be welcomed by others, you should let them learn to respect everyone, communicate with others and touch others' hearts from an early age.
The way parents communicate with their children will directly affect their hearts.
There are three principles of communication.
First, don't always criticize, blame and complain.
At present, there are more than three in family education: too many shortcomings and too few advantages; Too much criticism and too little motivation; Too much reprimand and too little praise.
Children who grow up in reprimand are more inclined to condemn others, and such people are the least popular. Scold and blame often have no good effect, but only make others strengthen their guard against you and try their best to prove themselves right; Scolding and blaming will also hurt a person's self-esteem, while excessive harm will cause the other person's disgust.
Second, sincerely appreciate and appreciate others.
The deepest need of human nature is to be appreciated by others. Everyone is willing to work and live with people who appreciate themselves. To make children popular, children must learn to appreciate and thank others sincerely.
Here are some suggestions for this problem ~ I hope it will help you!
1. Go your own way and let others talk.
When dealing with jealous people, it is best not to take some measures to deal with jealous people. Because jealousy itself is suspicious. Therefore, it is better to treat jealous people as ordinary people. As the saying goes, if you are not surprised, you will be surprised. Instead of thinking hard, it is better to "govern by doing nothing" and finally achieve the effect of "governing by doing nothing".
2. Take necessary compromise and concession strategies.
No matter how clever a person is, he is stupid, and it is hard to be confused.
Confucius once said: be smart and wise, and stay stupid; Work is the world, keep it; Help the world bravely and keep it with family; Rich all over the world, remain modest. This is not only a simple strategy, but the fact is that when a person is surrounded by flowers and applause, he needs to be modest and prudent, which can not only prevent him from being jealous, but also fundamentally adjust himself.
Only by turning hate into love can we restrain disputes.
The way to turn hate into love is mainly to influence jealous people with sincere love, so as to eliminate and dissolve jealousy. People often say, "hate is centrifugal medicine, love is glue". Therefore, if you meet a jealous person, if you can repay him with kindness and influence him with love, the grievances will naturally be resolved.
Restrain unprincipled struggle with principled tolerance is the key to eradicate two-way jealousy and multi-direction jealousy. If a jealous person challenges you, instead of fighting, you will shrink back. Seeking common ground while reserving differences with moderate tolerance without losing principle, or seeking common ground while reserving differences, are all good ways to resolve and avoid jealousy.
3. Countermeasures of persuasion and encouragement
When some jealousy is caused by misunderstanding, it is necessary to persuade and communicate. Otherwise, the misunderstanding will be deeper and deeper, which will seriously interfere with and destroy the normal communication of interpersonal relationships. Pay attention to calm when persuading, and be prepared to persuade many times.
We should also take an encouraging attitude towards jealous people. Because jealous people are psychologically lost and unbalanced when they are at a disadvantage, although they are as heroic as cows on the surface, their hearts are empty, implying a pessimistic mood. Therefore, we should take an encouraging attitude towards jealous people, mainly by objectively analyzing their strengths, strengthening their confidence, changing their misconceptions, and trying to provide some substantial help to jealous people so as to turn jealousy into fair competition.
Here are some information, I hope it will be useful to you! !
Dr. Roya, a professor of psychology at Stanford University in the United States, believes that all people are born equal, and everyone has enough conditions to become a supervisor and rise to the top, but they must know some skills in dealing with people. The following are the professor's suggestions:
No matter how capable and confident you are, you should avoid narcissism and not make yourself an island. Among colleagues, you need to find one or two bosom friends. We usually have a discussion and exchange our feelings.
If you want to be a leader in the crowd and gain the respect of others, you should pay attention to maintaining your image. No matter what problems you encounter, you don't need to panic. There is a solution to everything. You should learn to be calm and deal with all problems calmly.
You find that some of your colleagues are always against you, so don't worry. This may be the relationship between "people speak lightly". The other party pretends to be a "senior" and thinks that you are young and lack work experience. You should try to get the support of some seniors in the company so that people won't underestimate you.
To gain the appreciation and trust of your boss, you must first have confidence in yourself and appreciate yourself, and don't just say "no" to yourself. Although you lack work experience, there is no need to feel depressed. As long as you make up your mind to do things well, you will.
Do your best and do what you can, especially in your environment. Many colleagues are staring at you and ready to point out your mistakes at any time. You need to be vigilant, complete the work step by step, and cooperate with practical actions. This is a necessary condition for every successful supervisor.
Using lunch time to communicate with other colleagues, enhance feelings and eliminate barriers between them will help your career development.
For a long time, have you only focused on your work and pursued knowledge and career advancement desperately, but your social life is not good, you are not used to attending social occasions and don't know how to talk to strangers? You have to make a change. The level of social skills will be the key to future achievements.
Everyone wants to succeed, but often they just want to do their job well, but they don't expect to make efforts to establish new relationships and make new friends. The ability to work has been continuously improved, but the social ability has continued to deteriorate.
However, the importance of social skills will only increase. Joe, training director of enterprise service department of Siemens, Germany? Joe Santana pointed out that in the face of the rapidly changing competitive environment, the three most important tasks for future workers are: constantly learning new things, learning new skills and establishing new relationships.
The establishment of new relationships depends on excellent social skills. To effectively cultivate their social skills, we must master two key points: one is personal closeness, and the other is small talk skills.
Are you an approachable person?
When people first see you, will they want to get close to you or avoid you? How to make yourself a "heartthrob" that everyone wants to get close to?
1. Smiling is the best social tool. You may have heard enough of similar words. But did you really do it? Maybe you think you are smiling, but others seem to feel reluctant and unnatural.
Facial expression is the most important communication medium. Albert, a communication researcher at UCLA? Dr. Albert Mehrabian once did a study, and the results showed that people like or dislike a person's clues, 55% come from vision, mostly facial expressions, 38% from tone, and 7% from language.
Therefore, even if you are not an actor, you still need to practice hard to find your ideal smile expression. Usually, you might as well spend a few minutes in front of the mirror and complete a simple exercise provided by the Japanese magazine Associe: bite a chopstick and expose the upper row of teeth. You can press the muscles of your cheeks with both hands and adjust the angle of your mouth until you think it is the best position. Then take off the chopsticks, which is your personal ideal smile expression. Look in the mirror and remember this expression.
Also, don't forget your eyebrows and eyes. Modern people are busy at work and often frown unconsciously. You can put your hand between your eyebrows and your eyes, massage up and down, and stretch the muscles around your eyes.
In addition, the timing of smiling is also very important. Don't give others a smile as soon as you meet. This will make people feel very formal, like a professional salesman or receptionist. You will automatically smile when you meet anyone, but you will appear insincere.
Lill, the author of How to Talk to People? Leilllowndes stressed that it is best to look at each other's faces, stay for a second or two, and then smile.
2. Don't let the bad mood in. In addition to facial expressions, you must also adjust your mood. Emotions are contagious, especially negative emotions.
According to Narini, a professor of psychology at Tufts University in the United States? Nalini Ambady's research shows that people react faster when facing threatening emotions than when facing positive emotions. Once you feel bad, you will immediately have a defensive mentality without thinking.
Don't come in with a bad mood. Maybe you were caught in a traffic jam and rushed to the scene, or you just got scolded by your boss. Before entering any social occasion, please take a deep breath to calm your anger, otherwise others will easily feel it and blacklist you now.
The most direct way to change your mood is to change your expression. In fact, facial expressions and emotions are interrelated, which is what psychology calls "facial feedback".
Paul, an American psychologist and former professor of psychology at the University of California, San Diego? Hickmann explained that facial muscle changes will send messages to the brain, and the brain will have corresponding emotional feelings after receiving the messages. Therefore, when you are in a bad mood, try to make a smiling expression, which can immediately change your emotional feelings.
You can also adjust your tone and words. For example, when you describe something, don't just say: it's not bad, it's good, use stronger words and tone, such as: it's really great, it's really great, it can make people feel your enthusiasm.
3. Show confident body language. Confident body language can make you stand out from the crowd and make others notice you more easily. Masako Nismatsu, a Japanese image expert and author of How to Become an Attractive Person, said that the most confident posture is that the chin is slightly raised, keeping an angle of about 10 degrees from the horizon.
In addition, don't look around aimlessly, it will show your anxiety. Pay attention to the people around you. If you happen to meet someone's eyes, smile and nod to them as a sign of kindness. This will increase the chances of dialogue with each other.
Your posture is also very important. Jerud, the author of How to Treat a Person Like a Book? Gerald nirenberg specifically warned you not to cross your hands on your chest, which would make you defensive. Don't put your hands in your pockets, which makes people feel listless.
4. Highlight yourself without trace. However, don't deliberately highlight your uniqueness in order to attract others' attention. Sometimes it is self-defeating and feels out of place. The correct way is to blend in with the environment and then highlight your own characteristics without trace.
As far as wearing is concerned, you don't need to deliberately choose clothes with bold styles or colors, but you can wear unique accessories or ornaments, such as rings, earrings or scarves, which won't look too different from others, but can make people notice your uniqueness and even become one of the topics of small talk, and the chatterbox will open immediately.
5. Acting alone is the best policy. Everyone is afraid of rejection, so people usually only approach people who they think have a higher chance of success. If you stand alone, others will think you are chatting, and you will be less rejected. However, if you see that you are having an intimate conversation with someone, you will certainly be smart enough not to bother you, but then you will lose the opportunity to meet new friends.
So, if you attend social occasions with friends, don't keep chatting with friends. You should walk around alone, which will naturally attract others to talk to you.
How good are you at chatting?
On the other hand, besides improving your intimacy, you should take the initiative to make new friends. But the first question is, how to find someone who is willing to chat with you?
1. Lock the object and act immediately. As mentioned above, people usually look for people who are alone and are not easily rejected. Therefore, the people who are most likely to be willing to chat with you are those who are alone like you and take the initiative to find each other and introduce themselves.
Or, if you find people chatting constantly around someone, then he is probably a very important person. Of course, you shouldn't miss this great opportunity. Lill. Lundis suggests that you just stand by and listen to everyone's conversation, and then when you happen to talk about a topic you are very familiar with or related to, you can join the discussion.
For example, you can say, "Sorry, I overheard you talking about Phuket just now. I'm going there next week. This is my 1 time. Any suggestions? "
If you want to meet an important person, but you only know the name, but you don't know the appearance of the other person, the quickest way is to ask the person who is hosting the event to introduce you, and don't feel embarrassed.
2. Give the other party a chance to express their personal thoughts. After finding the object, there is a certain way to chat. Please read the following dialogue first. Suppose you are a and just met b.
What do you do?
I work in a non-profit organization.
Really? Do you like it?
B: I like it very much.
A: How long did it take?
Two years.
How do you feel? Do you often talk to strangers like this? This dialogue is like interrogation, all your questions are closed questions (do you like it? ) or factual questions (how long has it been done? There is actually no interaction between you, and the other party will feel bored and even uncomfortable.
Ann Demarais, the author of First Impression, thinks that a better method should be:
What do you do?
I work in a non-profit organization.
A: Very special. What is the job content?
B: There are all kinds of activities. Now I am in charge of a project to study Pacific islanders' attitudes and views on health. I like it very much.
That sounds interesting. Why do you like this project?
B: It got me thinking about my thoughts on these issues. ...
When chatting, it is very important to ask clever questions, so that the other party has a chance to express their ideas, such as: Why do you like this project? Only in this way can we have a deeper interaction with each other, and the other party is more willing to continue this dialogue.
3. Follow each other's preferences. It is an eternal principle to do what you like. The following is the analysis of Japanese psychologist Takashi Tomita, telling you how to talk happily with different types of people:
Emotional type: When discussing your thoughts about someone or something, if the other person says something like "This person is so pitiful ...", it shows that he is emotional, and he always has feelings about everything, and likes and dislikes are clearly distinguished. In the face of such people, don't talk about theory, talk about logical analysis. He has no interest at all.
Art appreciation type: This kind of people like to talk about art or music. You can discuss the latest and hottest product design or music performance with the other party and ask for their opinions, which will give the other party an opportunity to express themselves and won't bother you because you don't know how to comment.
Theoretical type: If this person speaks methodically, cleanly and accurately, this person usually likes logical thinking and speaks concretely. Therefore, in a conversation, you can't just talk about your feelings, but analyze the truth behind it.
Interpersonal type: if the other person often mentions his relationship with someone, or the relationship between someone and another person, it means that he is very interested in interpersonal relationships. He will like you very much if you let him know that you also know how to manage interpersonal relationships.
Expand your network of friends, and your future will be more likely. Don't bury yourself in your work. More importantly, improve your social intelligence and make more strangers your friends.