What kind of social relationship is "partner"?
How important it is for contemporary young people to take a nap. Perhaps it can be seen from netizens' messages that Yang Yang has a nap partner at work and two people are colleagues. During the lunch break at work, they always get together and take a nap. When his nap partner is away, Yang Yang even feels that the nap is not fragrant. "I don't know if it's because my nap partner is back. In short, I fell asleep smoothly today and I don't feel like before. " Netizen "Darla" has a wonderful "limited time friend", which she calls a partner at work. They have nothing to say at work and nothing to say after work. "At noon, I was in full swing. I disappeared as soon as I arrived at the meal. I went online on time after lunch break at two o'clock."
More people find one or several regular meal companions at work, and they can meet on time when they arrive at the meal, go to eat together or order a takeaway. How important can eating partners be? Netizen "Banana" shared an event in her life. Her long-term dinner partner left her job, and she was in pain. "The whole department only talked to her. I heard that she left her job. I didn't sleep well all night and my mouth was festering. This is more painful than lovelorn. "
A person may only meet two or three intimate friends in his life, but the new social relationship of "partner" is constantly expanding, and the expansion of personal interests may also allow you to have more different partners. Netizen Xiao Zhang has a strong demand for "partners". "I have a partner who sings, a partner who eats and a partner who drinks." Different partners in different social circles may not know each other at all, but they become partners because they have a certain interest in Xiao Zhang, but this does not mean that these people and Xiao Zhang have become extremely close friends. "I have a good relationship with my drinking partner, which is the kind of relationship that I don't contact at any time except shouting for drinking." Xiao Zhang said that she and her drinking partner are classmates, but because there are nearly 100 people in the class, in fact, we don't communicate much. The two met because of a reception by a group of friends. "Later, if you want to drink, you will send a message to ask her, but you will only contact her when you want to drink."
In addition to developing partners among these unfamiliar and familiar classmates, Xiao Zhang will try to develop partners among strangers, because she is a music lover. When buying a ticket to a concert, she will occasionally meet friends who are interested in the concert. At this time, Xiao Zhang will try to find a concert partner and watch the performance together. From this perspective, there is really nothing wrong with a partner focusing on precise companionship.
Why is there a "companion" demand?
"Companionship demand" may be one of the reasons for the social relationship of "partner". Xiao Zhang shared a story about her previous trip. A few years ago, on a small holiday, Xiao Zhang traveled to Chengdu alone. "I especially wanted to find a meal at that time." In fact, you can travel alone, arrange trips, and punch in your favorite restaurant, but your emotional companionship needs are not met. "I don't think a person can eat incense. When two people eat together, I have someone to talk to. For example, if two people go to a restaurant to eat together, they can talk about the food in the restaurant, so it's not just eating. It's not that I can't be alone, but that I don't like being alone. "
The main function of "companion" is companionship. It has become common knowledge that a partner is a more temporary and superficial relationship than a long-term and profound close friend relationship. In fact, it is very important for a person to accompany this emotional need. Zhang Wen, a national second-level psychological counselor and senior family education instructor, said, "Among everyone's basic needs, security needs and social needs are the two most basic and important psychological needs. Although many things can be done by yourself, finding a partner who can accompany you in time can not only make you feel safe, but also meet your social needs. "
It is precisely because people are social animals that we need to establish emotional ties with others, and the feeling of being recognized, cared for and cared for by others is very good for both body and mind. Although the relationship of "partner" is lighter than that of friends in the definition of netizens, as the netizen "Xiaojin" said, "In fact, it should also be counted as friends, because the premise of becoming a partner is mutual affection."
Knowing a tacit "partner" is actually similar to finding a new friend, and making friends is a very important part of supporting people's normal social activities. "By making friends, people can get social support, get the possibility of talking to each other and really get understanding." Zhang Wen said that in her view, "partner" is a flexible and diverse social relationship, which adapts to the faster and faster pace of life.
A few decades ago, socializing was still "a long letter and a slow horse", but in the Internet age, seemingly convenient social software has invisibly formed another form of loneliness, and the online world has been disturbed one after another. However, people facing mobile phones and computers find it difficult to get real companionship in the massive information every day. This problem, which seems to be related to everyone forever, has no emotional connection in fact, and has an impact on many people's mental health. Sherry Turkle, a famous psychosociologist, said: "We have higher and higher expectations for technology, but lower and lower expectations for each other. Mobile phones and various social networks make people feel that they will never be lonely, but in fact we are getting more and more lonely. "
Perhaps because of this, many people think that their best friends are basically students, but they don't see each other twice a year after graduation. Although there are many people around after work, it is difficult to find intimate friends, and "partners" have become new friends who form healthy emotional ties. Zhang Wen believes that "unlike the dignified and fetters brought by long-term relationships, partners not only fill the time gap, but also have no responsibility for each other.
Is "partner" a substitute for intimacy?
Pulling the question back to the original starting point, is "partner" a substitute product of intimate relationship? The answer given by Zhang Wen is no, "I don't think' partner' can be regarded as the degeneration or substitution of emotional needs in a strict sense of intimacy." So what is intimacy? "Intimacy is a kind of interpersonal relationship, which refers to an emotional or physical closeness experienced by the subject. In a personalized modern society, intimate relationships focus on emotional frankness and communication, and mutual understanding and understanding are the core of modern intimate relationships. "
It is difficult to develop and establish intimate relationships, but it is not so difficult to establish a partner. Keep a proper distance between partners, don't go too far into each other's personal emotional fields, but keep communicating with their own hobbies. The birth of this characteristic relationship may also be related to the changes in people's social intimacy and self-cognition. Modern people pay more attention to their own feelings, and partners with similar hobbies can meet the needs of spending happy and comfortable time in a subdivision.
It is worth noting that this kind of companionship is not limited to meeting in real life. For example, "game partner" is a kind of partner who is only active online. The two sides forged a profound friendship in the game, but in reality, "even if they meet, they should not know each other." "Any form of companionship is essentially to meet emotional needs. There is no necessary connection with space and time. " Zhang Wen said, "From this perspective, the spiritual companionship brought by friends who only chat in a certain field, such as game partners or online chat partners, also plays a similar role to the companionship of friends and family in real life."
What kind of intimate relationship do we need more in this social era connected with the world at this moment? Zhang Wen believes that "a good intimate relationship is essentially that you can feel safe, respected and needed, and you can get positive feelings and experiences in the relationship. Only when both sides are willing to constantly improve themselves in order to maintain this relationship can we handle all kinds of problems encountered in intimate relationships and enjoy the emotional satisfaction and support brought by this relationship. " So, when you feel lonely and your best friend is not around, you might as well find a partner and spend a leisurely and comfortable time together.