First, the law of lifelong education
1, fish tank rule.
The tropical goldfish in the fish tank is three inches long, and no matter how long it is kept, it won't grow up. However, if you put this goldfish in the pool, two months later, the original three-inch goldfish can grow to a foot.
The same goes for children's education. Children need free space to grow up. Parental protection is like a fish tank. Children will never grow into big fish in their parents' fish tanks. If children want to grow up healthily and vigorously, they must be given free space to move around, instead of sticking to the "fish tank" provided by a small parent. With the progress of society and the growth of knowledge, parents should restrain their thoughts and impulses and give their children room to grow freely.
2, the law of wolf nature.
Wolves are the most curious animals in the world. They don't take anything for granted, but tend to study and experience it themselves. The charm and novelty of nature always amazes wolves. Wolves are always interested in the surrounding environment, so they can constantly look for food in the environment and understand the dangers, so as to survive effectively.
Therefore, to cultivate children's super learning ability, we must cultivate children's curiosity about the world, let him observe life carefully and use interest as his learning teacher. Such children can have new ideas and new inspirations for their work in later life.
3. South wind effect.
The north wind and the south wind bet on who is better, and they decide who can take off the coat of pedestrians. No matter how strong the north wind is, pedestrians just wrap their clothes tighter and tighter; The south wind blows only gently, so people open their coats.
The south wind effect tells people that tolerance is a more powerful force than punishment. The same is true of educating children. Criticizing the parents of children blindly will eventually find that children are increasingly not listening to themselves. Every child can make mistakes. Parents should tolerate their children's shortcomings, deal with various problems in daily life objectively, rationally and scientifically, and at the same time do a good job of self-cultivation in order to better educate their children.
4. Rosenthal effect.
In Greek mythology, King Pygmalion of Cyprus was a highly skilled sculptor. One day, he finished a statue of a girl, which was so perfect that the king himself fell in love with it. The king's love moved Aphrodite, the goddess of love, who injected life into the statue. Pygmalion's fantasy came true, and there were Cypriots from then on.
Rosenthal is an American psychologist. 1966 He did an experiment about students' expectation of grades. After a class exam, he handed over a list of "the most promising people" to the headmaster. The headmaster gave the list to the head teacher of this class. Eight months later, when Rosenthal and his assistant came to this class again, the scores of the students on the list improved greatly. The secret of improving students' grades is simple, because teachers pay more attention to it.
Every child can become an extraordinary genius, but the realization of this possibility depends on whether parents and teachers can love, expect and cherish these children like geniuses.
The growth direction of children depends on the expectations of parents and teachers. Simply put, what kind of person you expect your child to be, what kind of person your child may become.
Second, do you criticize children like this?
1. In a low voice: Parents should criticize their children in a lower voice than usual. A "deep and powerful" voice will attract children's attention and make them pay attention to what you say. This kind of "cold treatment" in a low voice is often better than a loud reprimand.
2. Silence: Once a child does something wrong, he is always worried that his parents will blame him. If he thinks so, the child will feel "relieved" and will not take criticism and his mistakes seriously. On the contrary, if parents remain silent, children will be nervous, feel "uncomfortable" and then reflect on their mistakes.
3. Tip: The child made a mistake. If parents can inspire their children calmly and don't directly criticize his mistakes, children will quickly understand their parents' intentions and be willing to accept their criticism and education, which will also protect their self-esteem.
4. Guidance: When a child is in trouble and scolded by his parents, he often puts the blame on others. At this time, he replied, "If you were that person, how would you explain it?" This will make children think: if it is someone else, what should they say? This will make most children find that they are also at fault, and will prompt him to reflect on himself, and it is wrong to put all the responsibilities on others.
5. Timely: Children have a poor sense of time, are playful by nature, and are easily distracted. The mistake they just made was forgotten in the blink of an eye. Therefore, parents criticize their children to strike while the iron is hot and not to procrastinate, otherwise it will not play its due educational role.
Avoid four improper methods in family education
Family has a great influence on children's education, and proper education can promote children's growth and success; Improper education will hinder children's development and affect their future. The following four improper methods should be avoided in family education.
1, threat. The adult said to the child in a threatening tone: "You don't. . I just ... "Although this threat is very useful for adults, it may not be effective for children.
Because threats are a challenge to children's autonomy, as long as children have a little self-esteem, they will deliberately oppose adults to show that they are not cowards.
Step 2 buy. Buying is to tell the child clearly that if he does (or doesn't do) something, he will be rewarded. For example, if ... The method of wishing can sometimes stimulate a child to achieve a certain goal temporarily, but it can't motivate him to make persistent efforts.
For a child, these words mean doubting his ability. In addition, let children bargain and threaten adults with "if you don't give me a reward, I won't behave", thus making more unreasonable demands.
What is beneficial and popular is not a reward in the form of buying, but an unexpected reward that reflects parents' appreciation for their children without prior commitment.
3. guarantee. The relationship between parents and children should be equal and trust each other.
Parents should not promise their children anything, nor should they ask them to promise anything. If parents must rely on guarantees to emphasize that they are telling the truth, then it is not credible to admit that they have no guarantees in disguise. Guaranteeing the bottom will make children have unrealistic expectations.
Parents should not induce or ask their children to promise to behave themselves or never make mistakes again. When a child makes an involuntary promise, he is writing a bad check, and we should not encourage such cheating.
4. irony. Parents satirize their children, which greatly hinders his progress.
It often sets a solid obstacle for effective dialogue between oneself and children. Cynical language will attract children to fight back and build a gap between themselves and their children.
When educating children, parents should not use sarcastic and sarcastic language, and should not lower their children's status in the eyes of themselves or his peers.
Five unintentional words hurt the child's heart.
When communicating with children, even if you want to express the same meaning, choosing different expressions and words will have a great influence on children, even if you think they sometimes can't hear you at all.
Five sentences that may be very harmful to children
1, "Why is it getting bigger and bigger?" . . "
If a four-year-old child can't keep quiet in his seat, it's because he is only four years old, and he will always experience stubbornness, playfulness and self-centeredness, which are necessary for growth.
But it is easy for parents to yell at their children, "The older you are, the more disobedient you are."
Suggestion: When you can't help blaming your child, please start with some sympathetic sentences, such as "I know you are unhappy, but this kind of thing will happen."
2. Warnings such as "Don't run, you will fall down"
In fact, it is sending a message to the child: Are you sure he can wrestle? This is undoubtedly a blow to a child who is trying to be independent. Moreover, when your warnings don't come true again and again, children will slowly show their disapproval of your suggestions.
Suggestion: A better statement, such as "Be sure to tie your shoelaces before going out to play".
3. "I'm just teasing you."
You may think that joking with your child can cultivate his sense of humor, but your child may really believe you.
Suggestion: For children, don't laugh with words that seem humorous but actually insulting. Some words are not serious, so you'd better not say them.
4. "Why can't you be like other children?"
This will make children feel like second-class citizens, and may also lead to hatred for other children. The more you tell your child that he is inferior to others, the more he believes that he is not good enough.
Suggestion: Accept your child's advantages and disadvantages with an inclusive attitude, and then encourage him to grow up happily in the direction that suits him best.
5. "What did I tell you just now?"
This kind of sarcastic question is actually a kind of accusation.
Suggestion: if you really want to blame your child for not meeting your requirements, you might as well say clearly, "I am very unhappy because I have told you three times." But I'll tell you again, put the toys you don't play back in the box. "
Children are willing to accept three ways of education.
The first one: discuss more and give less orders.
For example, to remind children that it is time to do their homework, you can say, "It's time, shouldn't you do your homework?" Instead of just saying, "Stop watching TV and do your homework!" "In this way, the child will feel that you respect him and are willing to listen to you.
The second type: more guidance, less reprimand.
In fact, the more parents respect their children, the more self-esteem they will have, and the more they will pay attention to correcting their words and deeds to win the respect of others. Of course, the specific situation should be treated on a case-by-case basis. Parents don't have to be euphemistic about their children's bad behaviors and habits, but they can't reprimand them. Instead, we should talk to him equally and seriously, point out its harmfulness, ask them to correct it and draw up some punishment measures.
The third type: make more friends and less pry into "privacy"
Many children are particularly disgusted with their parents going through their schoolbags and peeking at their diaries. In fact, parents should make friends with their children, spend more time chatting with them and ask them about school, interpersonal relationships, views on some things and so on.
In this way, children feel that their parents respect and trust themselves, and they will trust their parents more and more, and they will regard their parents as the objects to talk to, not the objects to keep secret.
In addition, parents should pay attention to negative education when educating their children.
Most parents think that "it is dark to be near Zhu Zhechi and Mexico". In fact, it is impossible for children to get close to "red" without touching "ink". Parents can only create a "red" family environment at most, but children will eventually go to society and will inevitably be exposed to negative phenomena.
Therefore, it is obviously difficult for children to adapt to the other half of a complex society by focusing only on positive education and ignoring negative education. Parents should attach importance to negative education as much as positive education. What is the function of negative education?
1, through negative education, children will know that things are rarely smooth sailing, and people's just and reasonable demands are not always realized. This can make children realize the complexity of society and improve their psychological endurance.
2, some negative phenomena in life, such as good feelings are not understood, good things are frustrated. This can often make children feel sympathy and responsibility.
3. Negative phenomena can make children see things that shouldn't happen, make children feel sympathy, regret and anger, and at the same time produce psychological needs to overcome negative phenomena.
4. If you always live in a simple environment.