Dear parents:

Good afternoon! Here, I would like to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to attend this parent-teacher conference. I am really touched and know how much you care about your children. We come together for the same goal. I believe that as long as we work closely together, we will be able to educate our children well. Literary Mr. Lu Xun once said that we must have the courage to criticize and self-criticize. Regarding children's problems, I think we must first learn to self-criticize and be good at finding the reasons within ourselves. So the first point I want to talk about is that we need to overcome the four major psychological misunderstandings. At present, as parents have higher and higher expectations for their children, four types of abnormal psychology are prone to occur, which have a great impact on the healthy growth of children.

1. Comparison psychology.

Some parents compare their children with other people’s children and fail to see the advantages of their children. They criticize and accuse their children at every turn, wishing that their children would be better than other people’s children in every aspect. Doing so can easily cause your children to have a sense of inferiority and jealousy, and gradually lose their self-confidence.

2. Compensation psychology.

Many parents feel very regretful because they did not have a good reading environment when they were young. Therefore, they often pin their unfulfilled wishes on their children without considering the specific situation of the children. As a result, the children develop a rebellious mentality. ; Some parents themselves had poor living conditions when they were children, but now they provide their children with meticulous care and "high standards" of living treatment, thus making their children dependent and lacking the ability to live.

3. Indulgent psychology.

Some parents, under the influence of the idea of ??"spoiling children as early as possible and letting them grow up straight", often turn a blind eye to their children's conduct, hobbies, interests and social interactions, and indulge and dote on them blindly. Doting often occurs when a child's grandparents hold out their "old yellow umbrella" whenever they encounter any problem. In the long run, the child develops some bad habits. 4. Strict psychology. Some parents interpret strict requirements as constant criticism and reprimand, and even force their children to use their daily rest and entertainment time to study. In this way, children live in panic and tension all day long, and their interest in learning and memory generally decline. Only by overcoming the above four major psychological misunderstandings, and providing appropriate medicine and education according to the characteristics of the child can parents grow up healthily.

So how can parents overcome psychological misunderstandings? I think we can consider it from the following aspects.

First, look at your child with a peaceful mind and see the “other half” of your child.

After the final exam last semester, a student’s parent communicated about his child’s learning situation. He kept talking about the children's shortcomings: not studying seriously, not having patience, being too careless, being sloppy in answering questions, always failing to get better grades, not willing to listen to their parents... In short, in his eyes, the children were useless. In the process of growing up, children are like a glass of water that is not filled. We cannot always see "half empty". The important thing is to see that the water is half full. We cannot judge the child just because his test scores failed to improve once or twice. Totally deny the child. Everyone wants to be applauded and praised, especially children. In fact, none of our parents have this experience... Suhomlinsky once said: "If you don't understand your child, his intellectual development, thinking, interests, hobbies, talents, talents, and tendencies, you can't talk about education. "Every child has the desire to become a good child, and family education should allow children to find the feeling of "I am a good child." In fact, we need to be more tolerant and appreciative of children with shortcomings, look at them from a developmental perspective, help children fall behind, and propose coping strategies. You will definitely find that "there is more and more water in that cup." Of course, it is not enough to just see the "other half" of the child. Not only will it not promote the child's progress, but it will breed some bad habits in the child.

Germans let their children develop the habit of doing their own things from an early age, and parents never do everything for them. German law also stipulates that when a child reaches the age of 14, he must assume some obligations at home, such as shining shoes for the whole family. The Japanese teach their children not to cause trouble to others. Japanese parents instill in their children a thought when they are very young: "Don't cause trouble to others." They also pay attention to cultivating their children's self-care ability and self-improvement spirit in their daily lives. When the whole family travels, no matter how young the children are, they must carry a small backpack without exception. Parents said: "This is their own thing, and they should carry it themselves." Work-study studies are very common among college students, even children from wealthy families are no exception. They earn their own tuition by serving dishes and washing dishes in restaurants, selling goods in stores, taking care of the elderly, and working as tutors.

Third, truly care for children

Nowadays, children are the treasures in the hands of their parents. Usually parents often give gifts to their children. However, after the author’s investigation, I found that in addition to gifts, they In addition, in fact, we need the love of our parents even more.

(1) Leave some time for your children

Spend a certain amount of time every day to communicate with your children. Spend a certain amount of time with your children. The length of time is not important, but you must spend a certain amount of time every day to sit down, ask about your children's learning, and exchange ideas and emotions with them.

Spend a certain amount of time playing with your children every day. It doesn't have to be in your free time. You can also play "riddles" and other games with your children while doing housework. This will not affect your housework, but also allow your children to accumulate vocabulary in happiness. Wouldn't it kill two birds with one stone?

Go out with your kids. Take your children for a walk outdoors, go shopping, go to the park to enjoy the scenery, and if possible, take your children to travel and visit. Broaden children's horizons and cultivate their temperament.

Read books and watch TV with your children. Accompany your children to read some books and TV programs that are good for their physical and mental health, and share your thoughts with them to cultivate their appreciation ability.

(2) Give your child your caress. When your child succeeds, give your child your kiss. That will be the best reward for him. When a child encounters setbacks, giving him a hug will be the best encouragement to him. Give your child your caress without hesitation, without too many words. The child will feel that he has enjoyed endless love and care, which will be the greatest motivation for him to live and learn.

(3) Give your trust to your children. Let them participate in your work appropriately according to their age. They will help you and share your work. All children like to be close to adults and do adult "things". Letting him participate is undoubtedly the greatest trust in him. He will do it more seriously than anything else. When you give your children the gift of your time, your support, and your trust, you will be a successful parent.

(4) Treat children spiritually. The word abuse sounds a bit sensational when applied to parents. Some of it is intentional and clearly stipulated by law, such as beating; some is not clearly stipulated by law, but these behaviors are very detrimental to the physical and mental development of children. We also call it abuse, including emotional abuse. Parents often take good care of their children materially. The following practices are very detrimental to children’s mental development.

Indifference - deprivation of love. Deprivation of love is deeply harmful to a child's soul. Some parents do not lack food and clothing for their children, but they ignore them, do not hug their children, do not play with their children, regard their children as a burden, and leave their children to nannies or grandparents. Children who grow up under such conditions feel that life is meaningless, lack trust in people, are indifferent, and have a strong desire to destroy. It is easy to mix with other children who have experienced similar situations and form small criminal gangs. It is also easy to be pulled in by the so-called concern of other adult criminals. A child who lacks food and clothing and does heavy work will not be mentally unhealthy if he has a warm family. However, if the situation is opposite, the child's personality development is very likely to have problems. To a child's young mind, "having breasts does not necessarily mean that you are a mother."

There was an extreme case in the segregated United States. A girl who was locked in a small toilet room for more than a year after birth was discovered in her 10s. Her physical and intellectual development were only equivalent to a few years old. The child can no longer even speak. Nowadays, some parents are worried that it is not safe for their children to go out, so they keep their children at home. The children are extremely lonely. In kindergarten and primary school, children may be troubled by interpersonal problems.

Deprive children of games. Children’s nature is to love playing games. In games, children get happiness. Today's parents often have high expectations for their children, making them either do homework or attend various classes every day, making them so busy that they can't breathe every day. Another consequence of not letting children play is that they become bored with learning. Parents deprive their children of the joy of games and turn the joy of discovering new knowledge in learning into a burden.

Ignore the child's progress. In the child's eyes, every time he makes some progress, it is worth being happy. Some parents don't know how to look at problems from their children's perspective, or are worried that their children will be proud after hearing praise, so they always criticize their children and do not take their children's progress seriously. Over time, their children will think that they are really useless and lose their ability. Motivation for progress.

Injury to children's self-esteem in front of other people. Some parents scold their children mercilessly in front of their children's peers, exposing their children's shortcomings, making the children feel ashamed, and it is easy for their children to become friends. The object of ridicule. There is a term in social psychology called "labeling effect", which means that the perception of a person is like a label, causing the person to behave in a manner consistent with the label in the future. Parents say in public that their children are naughty and disobedient, which is to put a label on the child. Even if the child changes in the future, it will still be difficult for others to change their view of the child.

After divorce, anger is directed at the children. Some couples become enemies because of love. After the divorce, the children are not allowed to have contact with the other party, and the other party is insulted in front of the children. How can a child believe in true love when he sees his two dearest people treating each other like this? Some couples, whenever they see their children, think of each other, can't help but get angry and scold their children. The child will feel that he is superfluous. Such children lack a sense of security and are prone to behavioral problems. When the time comes to talk about marriage in the future, although I long for love, I also feel fear. They are very sensitive on emotional issues and prone to problems.

Destroy children’s beloved things. Children often have a treasure chest filled with their beloved things. In addition, children’s love and closeness to small animals is a natural instinct. When parents look at these things, they often think that they are just a pile of junk. Some parents not only do it themselves, but sometimes force their children to throw away or destroy these things themselves. Nowadays, many children are only children. These toys and pets sometimes play the role of the children's friends. The children take good care of the pets and take good care of the dolls. In fact, they are practicing how to care. Many parents complain that their children do not know how to love and care for others when they grow up, but they do not think about it. When their children were young, did their parents consciously guide them how to care for them?

(5) Learn to communicate with children.

The usual way of communication is talking. According to the survey, the following types of conversation are the most disgusting to children:

Nagging type. Children obviously already know a certain truth, but their parents' endless nagging makes them look down on it. From a psychological point of view, this kind of chattering is a kind of repetition, which will produce protective inhibition in the cerebral cortex. The more you talk, the less he can listen.

Migration type. Transfer the bad tendencies and bad things that appear in others to your own children, and take it for granted that you give them advice and advice. This makes the child look bad and pushes the child's emotions to the opposite side. They will turn a deaf ear to your preaching, or even sneer at it.

Arrogation type. As soon as he discovered some signs, he made a fuss and interrogated the child alone, which made the child look dead. They will get so annoyed by your exaggerations and extrapolations that they will walk away.

The exposing type.

For children who do make mistakes, some parents like to lecture them during meals, or scold them in front of classmates, relatives and friends to vent their anger, which makes their children look down on them. Doing so will dampen the child's desire for confidentiality, understanding and forgiveness, thereby hurting his self-esteem. It is easy to have the idea of ??breaking the jar and breaking it, and then go his own way without any scruples. "My parents are impatient when asking questions, and they just want to live alone in a small room." The "faithfulness" between many students and family members has faded. They never take the initiative to talk to their families, or only talk to them occasionally. Parents feel that there is "distance" and "estrangement" from their children, and sometimes they even cannot communicate.

Modern parents are eager to make friends with their children, but the reality is that this is not what they want. Why can't you be friends with your children? What are your best ways to make friends with your children?

1. Approach with your heart

Nowadays, children are somewhat energetic and are not as dependent on their parents as they were when they were children. Sometimes they show rebellious psychology towards their parents' words. At this time, parents can still make friends with their children as long as they get along with their children on an equal footing and get close to them with their hearts.

I think it is important to respect children's individuality. If you think about it carefully, it is not necessarily a good thing for a child to be obedient, but it is a good thing to have the ability to judge. Only by channeling the development of their personalities can they surpass us. I let them arrange their own study plans and gave them "rights" on many things, which cultivated their sense of responsibility.

To make friends with children, you must put yourself in their shoes and think about problems, and understand their mentality at their age, so that you can communicate heart-to-heart. For example, on issues such as class speeches, we have to listen to them from their perspective. Remonstrance is only effective if it comes from the same standpoint. Here is an example: Once, a teacher reported that my daughter ate bubble gum in class. I first asked about the reason, and then I found out that the teacher suspected that she copied her deskmate's homework and secretly investigated her. She felt aggrieved and deliberately made trouble in the teacher's class. I felt her distress and advised her from her perspective, only if you show the teacher good results again and again will the teacher understand. And the boring method of eating bubble gum will make the teacher think you are not smart. Later, she really excelled in this subject.

1. Learn some new human languages

Why are children not willing to speak their true feelings to their parents? That is because I feel that people of the previous generation will not understand my situation and mood. Some parents, however, always cling stubbornly to the past "parenting" principles and have not considered the causes and solutions to the "generation gap".

Times have indeed changed, but some life experiences are very meaningful, but children often fail to see this. Since they have such misunderstandings, let’s get rid of them, learn more fashionable things, increase the vitality of young people, and from time to time, something like “handsome”, “cool”, and “I am convinced YOU” can appear Youth-specific words will definitely make your children’s eyes brighten - it seems that parents are not as rigid and uncivilized as they imagined. After having a sense of identity in words and deeds, children will naturally gradually develop a sense of identity in their thoughts, and they will be willing to tell their parents about things they are unhappy, do not understand, and do not understand, and they will not be able to give their parents suggestions. There’s not that much resistance anymore.

3. Give your children more say

It is not difficult to maintain good spiritual communication with your children. The most important thing is to see whether you regard your children as your friends. In our country, bound by traditional concepts, many parents have serious patriarchal and maternal ideas in their subjective consciousness. You always say things like "Children should stay out of adults' business," and "Children shouldn't interrupt when adults are talking." How can this not create a generation gap? How can you let your children speak freely to you?

To regard children as your friends, you must give them the right to speak, regardless of whether their arguments are correct or whether their ideas are simple.

4. Develop communication habits from an early age and eliminate mutual barriers.

This is what a parent did: Recently, I read in the newspaper that many parents and children do not know each other’s strengths. I suggested that my son and I should find each other’s strengths. My son wrote that my advantages are: caring, good at understanding others, hardworking, and broad interests. I wrote that my son’s strengths include his sense of justice and so on. His father was asked to make a review, and the conclusion was that mother and son could understand each other.

My son is only in the fifth grade of elementary school. We are like friends and talk about everything. This communication habit started when he was sensible. Although I was very busy at work when he was in kindergarten, I did not send him to full day care. I took care of him myself no matter how hard and tired I was. At that time, in addition to taking good care of him, I was also his playmate most of the time. After he entered elementary school, I chose to tell him things that happened around him that were meaningful and interesting to him, and he would also tell me what happened in school. Later, the news in the newspaper can also become a source of conversation for us. At the dinner table, what we saw and heard, our joys and sorrows were fully revealed. If we don’t communicate for a day, it feels like something is missing. Because there is no barrier between each other, his education can all fall into "ideas".

If you lack communication with your child when you are a child, I think it is impossible to be his friend when the child grows up, especially when he reaches the sensitive age of high school.

(6) Really care about children’s learning.

When it comes to caring about their children's learning, many parents will definitely say that I care very much. I ask my children every day whether they have done their homework and whether they are doing well in school. Is that true concern? I don't think so. Maybe some parents will say, I don’t know the topics myself, how can I teach them?

Faced with these situations, how should parents treat their children?

The first is enthusiastic support. Parents support their children's learning in many aspects, such as creating a good learning environment for their children at home. When watching TV, try to control the volume so as not to interfere with children's studies; stationery and books for children's studies should be provided for them at any time. At the same time, pay attention to the children's food, clothing, housing and transportation in daily life, so that the children can always feel their parents' care for them.

The second is to supervise carefully. Because children have poor self-control ability, parents' urgent supervision cannot be ignored. When children throw away their schoolbags and go play after school, or do homework while listening to the radio, reading novels, or watching TV, parents should persuade their children to direct their attention to learning.

The third is to check carefully. Although parents with low educational levels may not be able to understand their children's homework, they should also check their children's homework books carefully, because homework can reflect their children's learning situation. If they find that homework is sloppy, scrawled, or even not completed, parents should promptly ask the reason and ask the child to do it again. In this way, children can gradually develop a serious and rigorous learning attitude and good habits.

The above is what I want to share with you. Thank you all.