? In 214, at the age of sixteen, I said to the person I like, "Do you all love smart girls? Will a person with little culture like me not attract your attention? "

The other party said, "Of course not, education is just external."

I said happily, "Great, I thought you didn't like me."

The other party hesitated and didn't speak, so I quickly changed the subject, and talked with him about evidence and history.

I said, "I read a very interesting story on the Internet the day before yesterday, saying that boule de suif was Yang Guifei. She didn't die under Mawei Slope, but was saved, and then she went across the ocean to other countries."

The other person still smiled and said nothing. I said, "Don't you think this analysis is very interesting? Yang Guifei is very beautiful, boule de suif is also very beautiful, Yang Guifei is fat, and boule de suif is not slim. "

the other person may be really speechless, or he may casually say, "You said Yang Guifei, I think of a poem that is not very serious, soft and fresh, peeling the head of a chicken, lubricating the initial setting and stuffing it with crisp."

I may think it's very inappropriate to say this in front of a 16-year-old girl. He coughed slightly to demonstrate embarrassment, but how could I understand it at that time? I only knew what he said was soft, Sue, and it sounded like he was describing some kind of Jiangnan dim sum. I said, "Delicious."

please don't doubt my ignorance. I really said that.

He was silent for a long time and said slowly, "Don't say everything is delicious in the future, you will be bullied."

I don't know what he said about bullying, but I carefully checked the information at night.

only then did I know how serious his "immorality" was.

? At that time, I was working in Nanjing. The place where I worked was a small massage shop opened by a local in Nanjing. The store was small and there were four or five colleagues. I just graduated from technical secondary school and found a job for myself after my internship.

I'm the youngest technician in the shop. Some customers come to massage, and their children call me sister.

But other female colleagues will be called aunts.

My eyes were bad when I was born, and I was always amblyopic when I was a child. My parents asked me to study in an ordinary primary school and sent me to a blind school after I graduated from primary school.

When I was fourteen, I went to a technical secondary school to learn massage. The teacher said, "You went to a technical secondary school this morning, and your diploma won't be issued to you until you are eighteen."

I said, "Who cares? Let's talk first."

So when I left school at the age of 16, many of my peers had not even attended technical secondary schools.

? When I went to work in Nanjing, I took a big suitcase with a lot of clothes and shoes in it. I still remember the crowded and noisy Nanjing South Station and the friendliness of the senior staff of Nanjing Metro.

I said to my boss, "Uncle, I want to eat sugar-fried chestnuts."

Our boss said, "There is nothing to sell around here."

I said, "Will you keep an eye on it for me?"

The boss said, "No problem, I have a good nose. I'll take you to buy it when I smell it."

I am satisfied with my smile and think this boss is easy to talk to.

? I am very tired in Nanjing, because at least five or even more guests are assigned to my hands for massage every day. My highest record is 14 pushes a day.

At that time, I was wearing a white coat with a waist, and I had a massage towel for massage and a scraping board for scraping in my pocket. When I met a doctor who came to massage, I would say to them, "We are also colleagues."

? The location of the massage shop is close to the military area command, and often some soldiers, brothers and uncles who are very struggling come to do massage. I lied to them: "Massage will hurt subcutaneous tissue with great effort, so for your health, I won't give you any effort."

I will also meet customers who are sexually harassed. They will take the opportunity to touch your calf when you massage, and then tease you with words.

I met such a person. He asked me to massage him in a single room, and then he began to harass me with language. I was a little scared, and then I wanted to run. The man grabbed my hand and stuffed a brand-new one hundred yuan into my chest along the collar. At that time, I was annoyed by his action, and I vigorously shook him off and pulled out the shredded one hundred yuan from my chest. I shouted at the top of my voice, "Boss, boss, come here quickly!"

He came over to cover my mouth, and I took the opportunity to run outside. The boss heard the sound and came. The customer said, "This little girl is ill-bred and disrespectful to guests."

I said, "Do people like you deserve my respect?"

I ran to the corridor and squatted and cried. I was so wronged.

The proprietress came over and said that I shouldn't have offended this person. After all, she was a long-term customer and had a card. I raised my face and asked her, "How old is your daughter?"

The proprietress didn't say anything. I said, "Sister Ma, I call you Sister Ma. You are older than my mother. I have to call you Aunt. I was bullied just now, you know? You have no right to blame me. If you want to blame me, blame the old man who wants to take advantage of me. "

she didn't say a word, and my heart sank to the bottom. I learned a truth. In the face of reality and interests, everyone is trading.

The next day, Sister Tianma came to apologize to me, and the boss came to make peace. I said, "I don't blame Sister Ma, I just think that person is not worth our trouble to massage him. We all learned formal massage, and I have a massage tutor. What he wants is obviously the kind of irregular massage. Anyway, I won't pay attention to him next time. You can find whoever you like and it's okay to quit me."

? I like to go to the small supermarket next door to buy canned coffee in a warm box when I get off work. It is warm and comfortable to hold in my hand.

I have a long-term customer, who is a graduate brother. He has severe cervical spondylosis. He always comes to me because we can put our mobile phone under the massage bed and watch "Talk Show after 8s Tonight". At that time, Li Dan was not so hot, but just Wang Zijian's mouth. At that time, a stalk could make me laugh for a long time.

Every time my brother comes, he brings me small gifts, such as a box of foreign chocolates and a souvenir from a scenic spot. He asks me why I came out to work at such a young age, but I can't answer.

? Before going to bed, I like to touch the calluses on my fingers, then dig hard until I shed my skin, and then I am willing to sleep.

The first month's salary was paid. I remember it was more than 3,7 yuan. When I got my salary, I bought a coat, which was more than 4 yuan. I was proud to wear it.

? Even if I can make money, I am not happy. This unhappiness is obvious and can't be avoided.

I told myself that I want to be strong.

at the end of 14 years, I began to collect information about my school on the internet, and I wanted to continue studying, although I didn't know why my thoughts were so strong at that time.

maybe it's because of that yellow poem?

but I don't want to admit it.

? I told my boss to resign, which was abrupt and firm.

The boss said, "Why are you so disobedient and didn't say hello to me in advance?"

I said, "It suddenly occurred to me that I should resign."

He scolded me angrily: "If you do this, I will have to give you no salary. What should I do if the shop suddenly gets busy after leaving so suddenly? If you leave a person, you will ruin the opportunity to make money in vain. "

I said, "No invitation?"

He said, "It's easy for you to say. Can you find someone in one, two, three?"

I said, "OK, don't give me a salary, just a few thousand dollars. I'll show my filial piety to you."

The boss cursed behind his back. I didn't listen to what he cursed. In short, it was a bad word.

? I am not a good boy, from beginning to end.

I called my dad to pick me up in Nanjing. My request was always sudden and capricious. He said he didn't have time, but my aunt would pass by at the end of the year and asked me to go back with her.

When my aunt came, it was early in the morning. I skipped downstairs with a big box, and the boss came out. It seemed that he was going to see me off. I said, "Goodbye, uncle."

I turned my head and was about to leave when the boss said, "Girl, do you want your salary?"

I said, "Didn't you say you wouldn't give it to me?"

The boss smiled. He touched my head and said, "How can I really not give it to you?"

I got paid and whispered "thank you". I was not sad at heart, but felt sorry, because I didn't eat sugar-fried chestnuts until I left this place.

? In March 215, I went to school again.

I really admire my courage. I went straight to high school without any junior high school foundation, because if I go to junior high school, I have to start from the first grade, so I don't have much time to waste.

actually, I was not happy in those years.

? I am a foreign transfer student, because I have been a student before, so I can only be a student on loan.

I study very poorly, and everyone is more or less reluctant to make friends with me.

The math teacher said trigonometric functions on the podium, and I felt as if I was listening to a gobbledygook. The English teacher said grammatical clauses, and I didn't understand anything.

Fortunately, I had a dream. At that time, I wanted to study music, and I wanted to go straight to art in the college entrance examination.

what should I do if I don't understand the class?

I have no choice but to find a teacher to make up lessons during the holidays.

god knows how I ate three years of junior high school English and math into my head in two months.

maybe it's obsession?

Many people think that I can't get into college, so do I, but there is endless power hidden in my body, and maybe everyone's negation gives me motivation.

In the second year of senior high school, I successfully got my secondary school diploma. Then, I took the exam without thinking about anything.

I didn't pass the exam in the first year, so I was depressed for a while, and then I figured it out. Anyway, I'm still young, so I'll take the exam for another year.

fortunately, I was admitted in the second year, and everything pays off.

? My life is a game, and I have no regrets.

When I came to the university, I found that it was another world. Everyone was very busy and had their own things to do.

I am lonely, but I have learned to enjoy loneliness.

There is no shortage of excellent talents in universities, so my transparent salted fish has always been transparent in schools.

I like walking alone on the road, but occasionally I long for company.

I know that our group will be more or less excluded and discriminated against, but I didn't know that indifference would spread for so long, but it doesn't matter. I'm not the kind of person who lives in the eyes of others.

? Once, the school cooperated with a well-known university next door to do a diversified employment training for the blind, which was about sound training. If it was excellent, you could go directly to the well-known audio APP in China to record and make money, and rushed to sign up. As a result, we were informed later that only local students could go.

I have been sensitive to sounds since I was a child, and I like to learn from the characters in TV dramas.

I also want to be a voice actor or a radio anchor myself, and I have participated in many competitions in this field.

During that time, my whole mentality became a little distorted. My undergraduate major was closely related to performance. At that time, a class called stage performance was held, because our class was with the discerning, which was a form of integrated education for the disabled and the healthy, but the teacher didn't seem to notice the disabled.

There are two students with low vision in the class who come to the stage to learn stage movements and performances with the teacher. I also want to get up, but the teacher stopped me:

"The invisible students should listen to the class below, and you can come back later when there is a language performance rehearsal."

god knows how excited I was before I walked into the concert hall and waited for the stage performance class, and god knows how disappointed I was after hearing the teacher's words again.

I didn't cry when I was isolated by my classmates when I went to high school in other places. I didn't cry when I was run by my classmates. I didn't cry when I failed in the college entrance examination. I didn't cry when I fell on the road alone in ice and snow. The words of the stage performance teacher made me cry.

I feel sad because I am expecting this class, because I have hope in my heart, because I like it, and because I want to learn.

I sat in the back of the concert hall, with my head down and tears dripping on the back of my hand.

? Later, I went to Beijing to study dubbing at my own expense. The core of dubbing is performance, so the first few days of classes were taught by an actor teacher. The teacher was very handsome. He was an actor who played the role of monkey in the recent online drama Crossing the Fire Line.

The teacher is gentle and patient. He starts with the basis of lines, then the stage and lines, and then the stage and performance.

among many students, I am the special one, but everyone is very kind to me. I will be held when I go out, and everyone will tell me when the teacher has any changes and gestures.

The teacher asked me to do some simple movements, and I swayed from side to side according to his hints. I knew that I must look ugly, so what?

He said, "Yes, very good, that's it."

We will do some basic training of guiding and liberating nature, such as scene simulation, such as non-physical performance, such as writing a story together to connect.

I can't write on paper. I can only turn on the screen of my mobile phone forever and then write my story in a memo and circulate it.

you see, it's amazing that there are always some difficulties. It's not difficult at all.

there is no gap between you and me from beginning to end, but your barrier is too thick.

On the day of the performance teacher's class, I bought Simbak's coffee for the whole class. The coffee was warm in my hand and reached my heart.

Finally, when we went to ask him for an autograph, we asked him to write a greeting. He said his handwriting was ugly, so he simply wrote a few words: "I wish you happiness."

how can I be unhappy?

thank you.

? Later, Mr. Li Manchao from the Central People's Broadcasting Station came to give us a lecture on audio broadcasting. Although Mr. Li Manchao was born in the 198s, his voice occupied more than half of my childhood.

I remember that we were in a crowded recording studio, and he was waiting to go back to the hotel to eat lamb chops with hot sauce. His voice was always so warm and clear, like the afternoon sun shining on him.

He said, "When telling a story, you must be natural and show your true feelings, and make sounds where there are no words."

Mr. Man Chao can talk nonstop for four hours, but I won't feel bored.

In class, he is always used to telling a difficult truth with a simple sentence that is the most life-like. In Mr. Man Chao's mouth, it seems that nothing can't be completed. If it can't be completed, it is not enough effort.

He is not only a good teacher, but also a good performer. He teaches in an amusing way, and his words are full of buzz.

When he talks about some abstract knowledge points, he will stand up by himself, take a look, and then think of some easy-to-understand words to tell us so that we can understand and digest them.