What is said here is "serious quarrel", not that kind of quarrel and fight, which doesn't count;

There are also some seemingly controversial differences. For example, when you watch Qi Ba Shuo, each of you took a side. That kind of discussion is not a quarrel.

There are usually real "quarrels" for the following reasons.

1. The two sides have conflicting personalities or really different views.

Both of them are tough and opinionated people. They are very stubborn about their ideas. If they don't listen to a little different opinions, it's easy to give in to different opinions.

Disagreement between the three views means literally, not only the problem of the three views, but also one party who likes to make sarcastic remarks, does not respect the other party's point of view, looks down on the other party in attitude and so on.

In many cases of sexual relations, these two situations are the most common, one is a big fight for three days and the other is a small fight for two days.

However, one manifestation of impulsive personality is that quarreling between two people is obviously a point.

And at this point, there will be two people's views "consistent", but the fact comes from their own mouth, as if it is really "reasonable", I hope the other party will be convinced.

That is, I'll take you.

If the three views disagree, it is very easy to produce contradictions in trivial matters of life.

For example, you can't talk and read books together. You think she is superficial and she thinks you are pretending.

Going to the fly restaurant you can go to and going to the high-end restaurant you can go to is not a disagreement, but you say that you go to the fly restaurant and she thinks you are disgusting; She wants to go to a fancy restaurant. You think it's too extravagant and wasteful.

It's just that three views are different.

If so, two people will be particularly tired if they want to be together.

Because there is no tacit understanding, the east wind will inevitably overwhelm the west wind, and it will not be appreciated and recognized from time to time. It is simply forbearance, or one of the parties compromises in the relationship and would rather quarrel than die.

2. Disappointment caused by one or both parties' emotional needs not being met, or the other party's behavior not meeting their expectations.

This kind of situation is very common, and it happens to almost every couple.

For example, boys are reasonable, while girls want boys not to be reasonable. They want to pay attention to their emotions and raise their hands high.

Boys think straight, and if there is a problem, they will follow the way to solve it, no matter how simple; Girls want boys to give them emotional satisfaction and support, and the problem is second.

After a long time, girls' emotional needs are not met for a long time, and they begin to accumulate dissatisfaction, which is easy to turn over old scores.

3. Timing.

Triangular theory of love, put forward by American psychologist Robert Jeffrey Sternberg, believes that love consists of three basic components: passion, intimacy and commitment.

According to the four-stage theory of intimate relationship development, there are four stages: existence, anti-dependence, independence and birth.

When two people's passion fades and their feelings gradually stabilize, the two sides begin to expose some shortcomings in the relationship, which is easy to produce dissatisfaction and contradictions.

At the same time, I began to become less tired of being together and began to want to "escape" and hope to have my own time.

This period is a critical period to test the love between two people, which is between the stage of "anti-dependence and independence". They entered a "running-in period".

Because the progress of the two people entering this period is different, if one party warms up slowly, it is easy to feel left out, and conflicts will break out.

4. Conflicts of interest.

This "conflict of interest" includes two aspects.

First, the two sides stand in different positions and have people they want to "protect";

Second, the two sides themselves have conflicts of interest.

Let's look at the first point first.

The most common is "justifying a fault". This is reflected in defending your family and friends.

For example, girls have always had a problem with boys' friends. They think that boys play games and drink with these people all day and have no ambition.

Girls don't want boys hanging out with these people. She wants boys to make some "progressive" friends.

Boys don't do it! Because boys think they are honest, righteous and good friends, why do girls say that about them?

I don't know them. You can only defend your buddy by intuition.

As a result, the point of quarrel between two people becomes "the boy's view of making friends" Boys bind their friends and themselves into a kind of person and maintain them automatically.

"You can't talk about them, so they are talking about me. Are you questioning my concept of making friends? "

This is a kind of.

On the other hand, the two sides themselves have conflicts of interest.

For example, on the issue of spending money.

On girls' birthdays, boys bought 70 yuan Taobao explosive lipstick for girls. As a result, girls have been worried about this lipstick and looking for opportunities to quarrel with boys.

For another example, my interest has fallen behind.

Girls want boys to do something for themselves. The result is that boys promise their friends first, then help them do it, and then help their girlfriends do it. Girls will feel that their status is not as good as that of friends and start to be unhappy.

I have met several couples who don't quarrel at all, and most of them don't live long, really.

Many of them are almost no problem. I'm just saying, I never thought that the other side was my last stop. The two sides are dispensable about the relationship and have not invested any feelings.

Naturally, there will be no feelings of incomprehension, jealousy and hope that the other party will understand themselves.

Quarrel is a fierce way of communication. Almost all couples quarrel because they care, so I hope people close to them can understand.

Couples who quarrel less have similar views and compromise with each other.

But as long as they really want to be together, they will definitely quarrel to find the balance point in the relationship and let the relationship go further.