When people reach middle age, many people have stopped learning. However, it is worth learning continuously throughout our lives, especially when it comes to dealing with people.

There are two ancient sayings in "Cai Gen Tan", which conclude that there are two taboos that are very easy to violate when getting along with others, but many people are completely unaware of them. Calm down and reflect on whether you have these two problems. If so, the sooner you can get rid of them, the better.

1. It is not advisable to employ people carefully, and those who are eager to achieve results will go; it is not advisable to make friends excessively, and those who are too generous will come with tribute and flattery.

Definition: Don’t be too harsh when dealing with others, otherwise others will alienate you. Don't be too casual when making friends, otherwise people who are good at flattery will flock to you.

As the ancients said, be strict with yourself and be lenient with others. When getting along with others, you must know how to tolerate their shortcomings and not focus on their shortcomings. No one is perfect, everyone has their own shortcomings. Learning to appreciate their strengths and learn from their strengths is what a wise person does.

However, in reality, many people are just the opposite. They turn a blind eye to their own shortcomings and focus on the shortcomings of others. In this way, others will feel uncomfortable when getting along with you and will gradually alienate you.

Don’t make friends too casually. If you don’t screen them, then all kinds of people from all walks of life will flock to you, which will cause you trouble sooner or later. Friends are more valuable than many. A few truly close friends are enough. Everyone's feelings are limited, and everyone calls them brothers and sisters. The weight of this kind of friendship can be imagined.

When making friends, the other person’s wealth and status are secondary, and the most important thing is to look at the other person’s character. Be careful not to get too close to those who are good at flattery. These people are duplicitous and unjust, so avoid having too much contact with them.

2. When attacking people’s evil, don’t be too strict, but make sure they can bear it; when teaching people how to do good, don’t be too harsh, and make sure they can follow it.

Interpretation: When criticizing other people's shortcomings, don't be too harsh, but consider whether the other person's psychology can bear it. When educating others to be kind, the requirements should not be too high. You should consider the other person's abilities and do not make it difficult for them.

As the saying goes, with deep love comes deep responsibility. So when we face the people around us, when we find their shortcomings, we often criticize them without any scruples. And often the closer the relationship, the harsher the tone of the accusation. However, everyone has self-esteem. If you criticize him too directly, the other person will inevitably feel that he is losing face. Even if I know you have good intentions, your self-esteem will be hurt and you will inevitably complain about it in your heart.

Therefore, you must be careful when speaking, especially when criticizing others. When you discover other people's shortcomings, don't say them directly. Use other methods to gently guide the other person to wake up. This not only helps him but also saves his face, which is the best of both worlds.

At the same time, when guiding others to do good deeds, let them do what they can. Don't make your demands too high all of a sudden, making the other person feel strenuous or even beyond his/her ability. This will put the other person in a dilemma and defeat the original intention of doing good deeds.

Kindness is no matter how big or small, and when you do good deeds, you don’t need to be grand and let the whole world know about it. Start with small things, do everything you can, and the most important thing is to maintain the habit of kindness, and that will be enough.

When getting along with others, if you want to maintain a good interpersonal relationship, you must first make the other person feel comfortable and not put any pressure on the other person. Remember these two ancient sayings and reflect on yourself from time to time, and your interpersonal relationships will become more and more harmonious.