We know that there is such a fable, a fable from the west, and there is a king who is unhappy every day. He lives a luxurious life, but he is still unhappy. All the treasures in the world are satisfied with him, but he is still unhappy. What did he say? Later, the physician showed him for a long time, and wrote him a prescription, saying that your minister should go to the whole country to find the happiest person, and then bring his shirt back, and you will be happy if you wear it. Then the ministers went out to look for it, and finally found a hopeless and happy person, but in the end the ministers said that there was no way we could not get it back. The king said how could you not get it back? I want to be happy. You have to help me get his shirt back. Finally, the minister told him that the extremely happy man was poor. He had no shirt and always went shirtless. In fact, this fable is also an interpretation, that is to say, the true spiritual happiness of life is not necessarily closely related to the external material life. What era is the Analects of Confucius? It was an era of extreme poverty in material life. At that time, where did the power of true happiness come from? In fact, it came from a mind, an education and a vision.

Voice-over: We all want to make happy friends, but Professor Yu Dan believes that there are three psychological principles in dealing with friends. If you violate these principles, you will become an unwelcome person and no one wants to make friends with you. So what are these three important principles?

In addition to making such happy friends, Confucius also taught everyone a truth, that is, making friends should be respected and measured. Does being a good friend mean being a good friend? Now we often say who is good enough to wear a pair of pants. Is this a good friend? In fact, in this world, everything without discretion and discretion will go too far. This is an important philosophical thought in The Analects. Not only in the way of making friends, but also in all the principles, so a real good friend must be measured. This is what Confucius said: serving your son has three meanings, and it is called impatience if you don't say it; Talk about it without saying it is hidden; If you don't see color, it is called blue. The Analects of Confucius

To really make friends with a gentleman, you should have three principles in mind, when to speak and when not to speak, and you should have your own standards.

First, if you don't say it, you are impatient. You came out to talk before you got there. This is called Mao Mao's impatience, which reflects a person's impatience, which is not good. One of the principles of making friends: don't rush to say that everyone has a common topic, but be sure to hear what everyone expects. When everyone is expecting a topic, you can speak slowly. This is the right time. Then each of us has something in our hearts that we want to show the world. Otherwise there would be a blog now. In fact, blog is a personal desire to show others. In the past, when there was no blog, everyone relied on talking, so there were always some people fighting for words together. Now everyone will find that when friends get together, some people always want to jump out. For example, I went hunting recently and got a promotion recently. Or some girlfriends parties, and talk about my boyfriend or my children as soon as I get up. These are all topics that she particularly wants to talk about, but are these topics of concern to everyone? This means that one person deprives others of the right to speak, because this kind of conversation will always be dominated by one person for a period of time, so it is not good to jump out and say that it is not good. But there is another extreme.

In the second case, there is no text to hide the text. It's the topic that comes to this, and you naturally have to go on. On the contrary, you are hesitant, secretive and wanting more, and don't tell everyone the truth. This kind of friend will make everyone feel estranged. The second principle of making friends: don't say anything. The topic naturally comes here. Why don't you say something? A person will think that if I say it at this time, it will not be taken as a talk by them. I want to protect myself or pretend to be reserved or I want to keep everyone's appetite. In a word, we often find such people at everyone's parties. It's his turn to speak. Let's not talk about this topic. This situation is not good either.

Then the third situation, which is what we ordinary people say today, is that there is no wink. Confucius said: it is ugly not to see color. What does this word mean? It means blind, that is, a person speaks without looking at other people's faces. This is called blindness. The third principle of making friends: don't talk nonsense with your eyes closed. See what others want to say. Can you say the most appropriate words? You need to be mentally prepared and get to know each other. In fact, there will always be respect and scruples between friends. Not only friends, closer relatives, husband and wife, father and son have no scruples? In fact, every adult's life has his glory and hidden pain. A true good friend is to constantly enlarge his brilliance and never touch his hidden pain. This requires you to have a look and know what he likes and dislikes. Of course, this is not what he likes. It depends on whether you give your friend a broad and friendly atmosphere for him to communicate with you. In the world interview history, there is a famous joke that Vivien Leigh became famous after filming Gone with the Wind in Hollywood, USA, and this film was nominated for eleven Oscars. When the film toured Europe for the first time, Vivien Leigh's plane landed on the tarmac in London, surrounded by thousands of journalists. There was a reporter rushing in front without any expression of eyes. He rushed up. The first question was very enthusiastic. I asked Vivien Leigh, who had just stepped out of the spiral staircase, and said, What role do you play in this movie? Vivien Leigh turned and walked into the hut, refusing to come down again. What does this belong to? This belongs to those of you who don't know each other. To say this sentence unconsciously is like being blind. In fact, we all hope that life will be more efficient and it will be better to be with friends. How could it be better Understanding other people's hearts is more about silently caring. This is what Confucius said: "Knowing people makes you wise". Only by understanding other people's hearts can we really bring out the good things and the most effective things. So his student Zi Gong once asked his teachers and friends.

Animation: Teacher, what does a friend mean? You should tell him your advice. If he doesn't like it, stop talking and don't humiliate yourself.

The teacher told him that the advice is good, but if you can't stop, don't humiliate yourself. Being a good friend is to give you some advice, but must the medicine of advice be bitter, must it be a blow to the head? It can be explained that this is a good word, without expressing emotions. You talk to him well, but you can't stop. You know, if you don't speculate, you will stop. No, bring disgrace to oneself. So this is proper limit between friends. Friends can't say that you hold each other's hands, you have to do what you want. In fact, today's society, including parents, cannot make demands on children. You have to do whatever I tell you to do. Everyone deserves respect. This kind of respect between friends, good advice to you, conscientious, is a good friend. Therefore, good friends never do excessive things, never take an excessive attitude towards friends, and never encourage friends to do excessive things. This is actually what Confucius called a good friend. A good friend is a person who always keeps us away from danger with sobriety and reason, and encourages us to face life calmly and happily with a happy heart.

Voice-over: People often say that friends are very important in a person's life when they go out by their parents at home. People will make different friends at different ages in their lives. How can I make good friends at different ages? Professor Yu Dan believes that there are three obstacles in life. What are these three hurdles and how can we get through them safely?

Confucius said that a person's life is actually 70 or 80 years, which seems to be very long, but if it is divided into stages, there will be a hurdle in each stage. A person's life is also three hurdles. After that, I'll be fine all my life.

What are these three hurdles? When you are a teenager, your blood gas is uncertain, so stop it. When middle-aged blood is thick, stop fighting; Then in old age, blood gas failure, to quit.

When a person is a teenager, it is when his blood gas is uncertain, when he is impulsive and his ideas are not mature. At this time, it is necessary to quit. So at this time, friends often have the same or different views on emotional issues, that is, we often see problems with classmates in college, many of which are on love issues, so when blood gas is uncertain, we should treat emotional issues as major events in our hearts. After this hurdle, we will reach middle age, and when we reach middle age, it is what we call soft blood. What do you think when a person's family is stable, his career is stable, and his social circle friends, including your salary, are basically stable? How to look at it is to fight with others and seek better space. Therefore, Confucius' reminder is in one word, that is, there are precepts in admonition. When people reach middle age, the greatest realm is not to fight with others. At this time, it is better to ask yourself than to compete with others. Tagore, a great Indian poet, said it very well. I can't choose the best. I can only choose the best to choose me. He chose a waiting attitude. In fact, what kind of concept is this, that is to say, you have to fight with your own ability rather than the ability of others.

Yu Dan's mind is better to fight with his own ability than to fight with others.

If you think better salary, better position and better school, why don't you go in? Then think about whether you are not good enough. If you make yourself better through practice, that opportunity may choose you. Therefore, it is most prudent to make friends when fighting. We will often find some friends who always encourage you. He would say, whoever you think is better than you is better than you. Why did he have that position? Who do you think is your biggest obstacle? You should move him now. Therefore, to make friends in middle age, we should make friends with a normal heart. Why is there a saying in China that a friend of a gentleman is as light as water? If you can make that kind of light-hearted friend in middle age, he will always be a comfort and a habitat around you, but it is a great blessing that he is not the one who encourages you to struggle. What about old age? In old age, according to Confucius, blood gas is weak. When you are old, you have begun to be gentle from your whole vital signs to your mental state. As Russell said, when the rushing river rushes through the mountains and finally flows into the sea, it shows a gentleness and vastness. Do people still have to quit at this time? Confucius said that there is another word, that is, if you quit, you will get something, and that is income. This is actually of great significance. People live by addition all their lives, but when they reach a certain level, they will start to live by subtraction, because when people are young, you should gain friendship, money, emotion and merit. After you have gained a lot, if we don't learn to give up. Then, like a new home, it is full of things, and your own mind will be full of gains, and eventually you will get bored. In other words, your income is the biggest drag on your life. So we often see what old friends are communicating with each other. They often complain, but what they complain about is actually their income. For example, blaming children, saying that when you were young, you were brought up with a handful of shit and urine. Now you are all very busy and unfilial, and it's sad not to come back to see it. Then there is complaining about how unreasonable the social development is now. When we started the revolution, it was only a few tens of dollars a month. Look at my granddaughter, when she went to a foreign company, it was only three or four thousand yuan. Do you think this is fair to our veteran cadres? If you keep talking about these things, then what you get will become a hidden pain in your life, because if you get something, you will suffer. People complain when they get something.

In fact, generally speaking, there is not much discussion about the way of making friends in The Analects, but it gives us a kind of wisdom. Choosing a friend is choosing a way of life. What kind of friends you can choose depends on what kind of friends you deserve, what kind of life coordinates you stand on, what kind of mind you have, what kind of style you have, whether you are a benign element or an inert element in the circle of friends, whether you are harmful or beneficial. Therefore, a good man can be a seed, which can intensify the whole circle of friends. That is to say, self-cultivation is the premise of making good friends. Making good friends is equivalent to opening a friendliest world for yourself and making yourself have a shining life.