Talk as little as possible. Before you get to know each other, get to know their habits, ideas and preferences, and then do what they like. In real life, some people are square, some people are smooth, some people are square and some people are smooth. From this perspective, the characters present four forms: inside and outside, inside and outside, inside and outside, inside and outside. "What song to sing on what mountain." When dealing with people of different forms, we should use different communication methods.
1, be honest and polite to people both inside and outside.
In daily communication, some people are straight and angular, and are not very attractive. They are often too straightforward, too affectionate, too bloody and too arrogant. They tend to take things very seriously and leave no room; Work input, too prominent; Energetic, it is inevitable to make public; Great, forget the balance. If they insist that it is my fault, I will admit that I will never push things around; If it's your fault, it's your fault, and you can't shirk it if you want. People in this form are people from the inside out. The appearance is consistent and impartial, which is a good evaluation of these people. "Five buckets of rice don't bend over" is the song allusion set by this kind of person. Loyal Qu Yuan and upright and selfless Bao Zheng are typical representatives of such figures. If society lacks such people, it is inconceivable, because they are air cleaners and a stumbling block to ugly behavior.
When dealing with such people, you must be honest. People at home and abroad will not hide, duplicity. They are trustworthy and worthy of respect, so treat them with sincerity, care and love. If you are hypocritical and doubt them, they will often have a strong dislike, and they will also show this dissatisfaction on their faces, thus widening the psychological distance between you. Second, be tactful. People at home and abroad are dull and inflexible, which often puts some people in an awkward position, so we should pay attention to tact when dealing with them. When you see the population at home and abroad at a glance, you should change the subject in an appropriate way, or give silent praise and clever guidance. Inside and outside are pure-hearted, upright and selfless people. You shouldn't be angry with them just because they stabbed you.
A great writer at home and abroad received a letter, the author of which was a young man at the peak of his life. The young man said that he would write a novel with him. The great writer was a little angry after reading it. He wrote unreservedly in the letter: "Sir, how can you be so bold?" I actually want to put a noble horse and a humble donkey in the same car. "The young man had a brainwave and wrote at the beginning of his reply:" Dear sir, how can you flatter me like this and compare me to a horse? In the second half of the letter, the young man wrote in detail his writing specialty, potential, necessity and feasibility of cooperation and his influence on the growth of young people. The great writer laughed when he received the letter, and immediately replied, "Friend, you are very interesting. Please send me the manuscript. I'm happy to accept your suggestion. "In this case, the young people misinterpreted the original intention, humorous, sincere, unexpected, and persuaded the great writer.
2. Be polite to people outside the circle.
When going straight will hurt others' self-esteem, when being angular will put them in an awkward position, and when the square can't achieve satisfactory results, some people will adopt a smooth and flexible strategy. Obviously it is correct, we should stick to it without hesitation, but because the resistance to persistence is too great, we will play dumb against our will; Obviously wrong, we should refute it with confidence, but for our own self-interest, we suppress silence. These people would rather lie down than be jealous; Weigh the pros and cons of everything, and never get emotional. These people are inside and outside the circle. They live an honest and clean life, are experienced in dealing with the world, are passive in Nuo Nuo, and are cautious, principled and flexible. Because they are smart, hard-working, but not exposed, their emotions are invisible, smooth and versatile, and they are often comfortable in complex interpersonal relationships and interest relationships. When the building is about to collapse, people inside and outside the circle will form pillars to support endangered buildings with people outside the circle. Zhuge Liang, who is observant of the world, and Zeng Guofan, who is modest and self-disciplined, are typical representatives of such figures.
Dealing with such people should be polite and reasonable. People with inner and outer circles are easy-going on the surface, but in fact they hate rudeness, evil and rudeness. They can't be close friends with such people. If you want to shorten the psychological distance with such people, you must show your positive, healthy and upward communication mentality. Humiliate, condescending words and deeds, as little as possible in front of these people, so as to get the recognition of such people. Second, we must be temperate. A person with an inner circle and an outer circle will not show his dissatisfaction on his face even if he is quite disgusted with others. On the surface, he is friendly to you, but his heart makes you unpredictable. Therefore, when treating them, we should pay attention to discretion and discretion, and don't push your luck just because he has a smile on his face.
Mr. Lei is a wealthy overseas Chinese. He wants to visit a poor and backward hometown and set up a factory. Mayor Wang who received him was very enthusiastic. First, he invited him to a small party in the hotel. Unable to save face, Mr. Lei had to "do as the Romans do". But Mr. Lei is not good at drinking. After a few drinks, he blushed and shook his head and refused to drink. However, in order to show "friendship with the landlord", it is difficult for the township head Wang not to let him drink enough. So he said all the good things and advised him to "go in again" and "go in again" for a glass of wine. Mr. Lei didn't forget his modesty, and managed to have a few more drinks. After drinking, Wang Xiangchang urged Mr. Lei to "OK" in order to show his "hospitality". Originally, Mr. Lei didn't like singing, but in order not to hurt the self-esteem of Wang Xiangchang, he stayed with him all night. The next day, Mr. Lei left 1000 yuan to pay for yesterday's entertainment and left this still barren home. The steward Wang wondered. Mr. Lei is always in high spirits. Why did he leave suddenly? Alas! Township head Wang doesn't understand Mr. Lei's characteristics: he is old-fashioned in heart, without the intimidation and inducement of township head Rainbow, which wastes time; External, flexible, don't blame you face to face, without losing grace. What if the flight attendant Wang was polite when he received Mr. Lei?
People with inner and outer circles should be orderly.
In life, some people are good at studying "personnel" and focus on personal interests. When the head is low, the incense burns and the relationship is pulled. Confused, confused. When you start, you will start. He is not only tactful and sophisticated in dealing with people, but also has no inner constraints and commandments for himself, and rarely asks the true meaning of life. When you meet something good, show your face, and grab something favorable; When something bad happens, something unknown, something unprofitable, just push it. This figure is a person with an inner ring and an outer ring. Unlike people inside and outside the circle, they generally don't sympathize with the weak, help the poor, and even calculate and distort people for personal interests. The representatives of such people are some street hooligans and street thugs. Because of their lack of indomitable spirit, they generally will not become great people.
Dealing with such people should be orderly. Because deep down, they don't have any rules to follow, so they may play tricks that look gorgeous and bright, but actually harm others and benefit themselves. We should clearly correct their improper practices, and don't be embarrassed to tell the truth because we love face too much, which will wronged ourselves. In addition, when working with people with inner and outer circles, be careful and don't trust them too much. People with inner and outer circles are well aware of their own shortcomings, so they are also afraid that others will be disloyal and faithless. Therefore, when dealing with such people, we should send them a clear signal: if you keep your word, then I will keep my promise. Under the guidance of this practice, they can drive on the correct communication rules.
Wang Er of a company is a typical person with an inner circle and an outer circle. One thing can illustrate this problem. A colleague went out on business, and Wang Er smiled and asked him to bring some goods. After his colleague delivered the goods he bought to him, Wang Er just forgot to give money. After ten and a half days, Wang Er asked seriously, as if nothing had happened, "Did I give you money? Don't be embarrassed? " One hundred and eighty dollars. Who can be serious with him? In this way, Wang Erbaibai made a little bargain from his colleagues, and he was very happy with the success of his little skill. In this case, Wang Er seized people's weaknesses for personal gain. In this regard, Wang Er's colleagues should not conceal the truth. He should make it clear that Wang Er didn't give money. In this case, you will neither suffer nor offend Wang Er.
4. Be flexible with people inside and outside the circle (duplicitous people: the secret sword of mouth and belly also belongs to this category)
Some people open their mouths for the benefit of the people and keep their mouths shut for the sake of party discipline and state law, but their bellies are full of thieves, prostitutes and personal interests. They were impassioned on the stage, but they looked like gentlemen, but they did some dirty things under the stage. This kind of person is full of benevolence and righteousness in front of the leaders and the masses, but he knows exactly what kind of person he is in his heart. People in this form are people in the inner circle and the outer circle. It's deceptive because it's a double-sided scam. They are excellent actors on the big stage of life. Corrupt officials with golden auras and villains in gorgeous coats are typical representatives of such figures. They are good at packaging themselves, and when they peel off this package, they reveal their true colors. "Gold and jade are outside, but they are defeated" is an appropriate evaluation of them.
We should be flexible in dealing with such people. Because they pay lip service, if we don't listen to them and trust them completely, we can't deal with them. How to communicate, what strategy to use, what way to use and what to say should be mastered flexibly according to the situation at that time, and must not be fascinated by their "wonderful exposition" and walk into a dead end. To deal with this kind of person, the first task is to analyze his true heart according to all aspects of information, and then prescribe the right medicine and guide him skillfully. Only in this way can they be brought into the correct communication track.
Xiao Song wanted to go through the marriage registration formalities with his lover before studying abroad, but Director Yan of the Marriage Registration Office of the Civil Affairs Bureau who received them said, "Xiao Song, you are still two months away from the registration age! There are provisions in the law, not to mention two months, that is, two hours is not enough. " No way, two people went home with sad faces. The neighbor who worked in the public security bureau said after hearing about it: "The birth time on the ID card is not accurate. How can it be two hours away? " This director Yan must be a duplicitous person. According to our local regulations, a situation like yours should be dealt with. Tell you what, when you go again tomorrow, tell your uncle, the classmate of Director Li of the Civil Affairs Bureau and Director Chi of the Public Security Bureau that Director Yan is well-connected and sympathetic to the people's feelings, and will actively strive for leadership support and give a care index. "The next day, this statement really took effect. Director Yan pondered for a long time and said to them, "Yesterday afternoon, we just received the documents from our superiors. Young men and women with special circumstances should be taken care of. So, you fill out the registration form "So things went smoothly. Director Ma is a typical figure with an inner circle and an outer circle. On the surface, he dressed himself up as a hypocritical and disloyal figure, but his stomach was full of GREAT GHOST boys, which was the "image" of a tree and full of lies. According to the tip of the late section chief, the Xiao Song couple made some changes, so the problem was solved. If our society wants to develop healthily, we must not take people like Director Yan as an important task.
Second, be a planned person (judge the situation and be less emotional)
To be a man, you must have a plan. A man without a plan is like a puppet with a elm head. They lack autonomy in life and are at the mercy of others. Of course, there is no harm in scheming here, not calculating other people's hearts, not playing tricks and cheating. To be an upright person, there is no room for a little haze in your heart. Such people are pure people. On the contrary, people who specialize in politics and deception will eventually suffer the consequences.
Have a little ingenuity and draw wisdom from life. Never experienced the baptism of society, never experienced the tempering of life, such people are always simple and natural, without the slightest intention. Being wet in the world for a long time and having more experience will naturally produce scheming, so scheming is also the concentration and refinement of life.
It is also the need to protect yourself from harm to keep a little scheming in dealing with people. The scheming is not used to harm people, but to protect yourself. As the saying goes, harming others is not good for yourself. Human feelings are warm and cold, the world is cold, and things in society are complicated. In the face of such a world without any hidden secrets, how can we properly safeguard our own interests? In addition, the mentality should be maintained not only in interpersonal communication, but also in the long journey of life. On the one hand, people are communicating with the world, on the other hand, they are communicating with themselves. One is "social self", which should bear social responsibility and communicate with the outside world; The other "I" is the "individual me". This "I" is connected with my heart and is responsible for absorbing life experience and condensing life wisdom. The scheming left by this "individual self" will affect a person's life and destiny.
Li Shizhen (I don't know the word) was the founding father of the Tang Dynasty, and he had a very good relationship with Li Shimin. His original surname was Xu, who was named Li by Taizong for his meritorious military service, and was named Li for his taboo. The relationship between Li Shiquan and Li Shimin is said to be "though the monarch and his subjects are away, their flesh and blood are included", and they are "iron buddies" who are too fat to put on a pair of trousers. When Li Shiquan was ill, Li Shimin heard that beard ash could be cured, so he cut off his beard and burned it to ashes to make medicine for Li Shiquan. One day, Li Shimin said to Li Shizhen, I want to entrust my son to you. You will not fail Shi Biao, nor will you fail me. Li Shizhen was so moved that he bit his finger out of blood. However, when Li was made a prince, he inexplicably relegated to Diezhou (now Diebu County, Gansu Province) thousands of miles away and did not entrust his son to him. Li Shimin said to Li Zhi: Li Shizhen is brilliant and intelligent, but you have no mercy on him. I'm afraid he may not be loyal to you. I'm banishing him to eternity now. If he goes on the road at once, you can reuse him later; If he waits, hesitates and fails to arrive in time, he will have to be killed.
Li Shizhen did not hesitate to wait and see. When he was appointed, he didn't even go home, and immediately went to Diezhou. So as soon as Li Zhi acceded to the throne, he immediately recalled Li Shizhen and entrusted him with an important task. Li Shizhen, however, was completely disheartened. He/Kloc-joined the Wagang Army at the age of 0/7, and later worked for emperors such as Tang Gaozu, Li Shimin and Li Zhi. Decades of military career, decades of political storms, he has long been honed to be meticulous, not to mention his sudden demotion before Taizong's death, which is still fresh in his memory! On that occasion, if I hadn't seen through Li Shimin's mind, I would have moved my head. It's really chilling to think of it. It's scary and chilling. Don't blame me for being unfair. Why should I get involved in the dispute between your uncles and nephews? Why should I go through fire and water for your Li family? He knows more and more about politics, officialdom and life now. There is no reason for him to sacrifice his life for such empty things as the discipline of the imperial court and the sense of honor of the monarch and subjects, and there is no reason to mix with such overbearing guys as Sun Chang Wuji and Chu Suiliang. Therefore, he decided to take a detached attitude. When Li Zhi asked him for advice, he simply said: This is your majesty's family business, so why invite outsiders? (For details, please see Yi Zhongtian's "Pushpin Lu Wu Zetian This Woman Is Not Simple 5", which can be downloaded online. )
Third, the world should not be sharp-edged, but enough is enough.
As the old saying goes, stop when it is time to stop, never be ashamed for life, and those who are satisfied will always be happy. Some people always like to do sharp-edged things, but they don't know that all this has created unnecessary troubles (it will waste some time to deal with them, and some really won't end well).
Why did Cao Cao want Yang Xiu?
Although everyone thinks that Yang Xiu is clever, he is actually just clever. He assisted Cao Zhi mostly because he guessed that Cao Cao would establish Cao Zhi. So, although both brothers associate with him, he still turned to Cao Zhi. After Cao Zhi lost power and influence, he tried to escape again, which was a clever performance. The idea he gave Cao Zhi was also very clever. On one occasion, Cao Cao ordered Cao Pi and Cao Zhi brothers to go out to work outside Yecheng. In advance, the guards were ordered not to let go. Yang Xiu guessed that Cao Cao must have this arrangement, so he told Cao Zhi in advance that he could kill Qi Huangong if the doorman wouldn't let him go out. As a result, Cao Zhi went out of the city, but Cao Pi didn't. However, this arrangement of Cao Cao is a comprehensive inspection of the two brothers, both their talents and their virtues. On the surface, Cao Zhi won the game, but it left the impression that Cao Pi was kind and cruel and actually lost. Yang Xiu knows one thing, but he doesn't know another. He can't see far, so he is very clever.
This cleverness often makes him shoot himself in the foot. Yang Xiu likes to read Cao Cao's mind, and often foresees many questions for Cao Zhi and writes answers. Whenever Cao Cao has something to ask, he will copy down and send the appropriate answers prepared in advance, hoping to give Cao Cao the impression of "quick thinking". However, after a while, Cao Cao became suspicious and thought that Cao Zhi would not be so smart! Send someone to check and find out the reason. From then on, I had a view of Cao Zhi and hated Yang Xiuze even more.
It's a pity that Yang Xiu doesn't know himself and often shows off his cleverness. As Cao Cao's main book, he refused to sit in the office honestly and always wanted to sneak out to play. But I am afraid that Cao Cao has questions to ask, so every time I go out, I have to guess Cao Cao's thoughts in advance, write down the answers in order, and tell my attendants to answer them one by one in this order if the Prime Minister has an order. I didn't expect people to be worse than the sky. A gust of wind blew and the order of the documents was completely out of order. The order of the waiter's answers is very chaotic, so naturally the article digress. Cao Cao flew into a rage and called Yang Xiu for questioning. Yang Xiu dare not hide, so we have to tell the truth. Cao Cao was naturally jealous when he saw Yang Xiu treat him like this. (For details, please see Yi Zhongtian's "Murder Case 3 of Nailing Cao", which can be downloaded online. )
Fourth, be sincere to your friends (especially to your friends, see clearly) and don't be a troublemaker.
Fourth, praise appropriately and don't gossip.
It's easy to get bored with a routine job. If you can add some spices to your life, I believe your work will become colorful and the relationship between colleagues will be more harmonious. For example: a sincere compliment or an appropriate suggestion, colleagues will feel that you attach importance to him, and of course, they will invisibly increase their goodwill towards you. However, what needs attention here is: don't praise blindly or excessively, it is likely to be flattery. Since there is praise here, let's also talk about taboos. In fact, it is not difficult to find that some people "like" to judge their colleagues (including their work life, clothing taste, personal habits, etc. ), these are all manifestations of a person's immaturity. Because everyone has their own set of principles, as colleagues, they can only respect personal rights and privacy. If you go beyond your own status, it is easy to arouse the resentment of your colleagues.
Of course, if you want to get closer to each other, you might as well take part in some meaningful activities with your colleagues in your spare time. Finding the other side of everyone in collective life is also a very good "lubricant"!
In fact, the relationship between colleagues is also a very subtle "chemical reaction." Maybe a little thing can make your relationship with him (her) good or bad. The key is this "degree". Therefore, as professionals, only through continuous experience accumulation and learning can we better grasp this "degree". (Reference:
I'm happy to help you! Yang)
Fourth, keep your word (no one will make friends with people without credit), be reasonable, respect everyone, be warm to everyone, don't speak ill of others behind their backs, and apologize if friends are in trouble and want to help actively.
* Interpersonal relationship is very complicated, which cannot be explained clearly by a book or a piece of paper. This is just the information on the Internet (some of them are from books) for reference only.