In places where children gather for group activities, you can always see one or two lonely and unsociable figures.

The louder the laughter and play of the friends next to them, the more pitiful these children seem.

Social interaction is the most basic need for people, and the same is true for children. From early childhood, children have a tendency to seek out peers and participate in interpersonal activities.

Only in the process of social interaction can a child's personality, intelligence, and emotional intelligence be further developed.

Then why do some children always stay outside the group and suppress their basic needs?

There may be many reasons, but most of the time, the problem is not with the child, but with the parents.

Parents have banned interactions between children

1. Parents have too many restrictions

In the eyes of some parents, it is not up to the children themselves to decide which friends they should make. Forget it, it’s up to the adults to decide.

They are afraid that their children will make "bad friends", so they strictly monitor their children and let adults have the final say on what kind of friends they want to make.

A previous survey showed that 81% of parents want their children to associate with classmates who are good at studying, and 64% of parents do not want their children to associate with students of the opposite sex.

Once a child mentions his new partner, these parents will "get to the bottom of things" to understand the other person's personal and even family situation, and then decide whether to support or oppose it.

Under this kind of strict control, the child is like a puppet on the strings of his parents. It is his parents who have the final say on how to make friends, and he loses the opportunity to practice social interaction on his own.

2. Parents don’t pay attention to social interaction

Some parents think that their children’s study is the most important, and playing with friends is a waste of time. They sign up their children for endless cram schools, After interest classes squeeze a child's time, he has no chance to make friends.

But for children, parents doing this may cause a shadow of their future.

There was news before that there was a student named Xiao Xiao from a university in Chongqing. His family was wealthy, he was sunny and handsome, and he was good at playing the violin.

But such an outstanding boy stole the computer and watch from the next door dormitory and was taken away by the police.

Xiao Xiao’s family is wealthy and has enough living expenses, so why would he steal things?

After being questioned by the police, he told the truth.

It turned out that Xiao Xiao had always felt lonely, and called his mother many times, saying that he could not make friends; and the boy in the next door dormitory was very close, so he felt jealous.

Once, Xiao Xiao had a quarrel with the boys next door. He held a grudge. In order to punish those boys, Xiao Xiao stole their watches and computers.

He can't make friends, and he steals things from others if he resents them. Xiao Xiao's social communication skills are really poor.

Why is this? Xiao Xiao's mother felt very regretful, saying that the family was very strict and Xiao Xiao had to study and play the violin since he was a child. He had no time to play, let alone make friends.

How important is interpersonal communication to children?

Interpersonal communication skills are a process of continuous accumulation of experience and require continuous practice in social situations.

If parents are too strict with their children and the children lose their ability in this area, then they will not be able to socialize correctly, which will have a very bad impact on their psychology and personality, and their interpersonal relationships will be at a loss. Not good anymore.

Psychologists believe that interpersonal relationships can represent a person's psychological adaptation level and are closely related to mental health.

If a child has poor interpersonal relationships, he is more likely to be timid, shy, withdrawn, etc., and is more likely to be bullied!

Therefore, parents should realize that interpersonal communication is very important for children, and they should encourage their children to actively participate in social activities and interact with others.

How to lay a good foundation for children’s social interaction?

So, how can parents push their children to socialize?

In fact, as early as infancy and early childhood, it is time for children to be "socialized", that is, to participate in the outside society.

Some parents believe that before their children go to kindergarten, they only need to take care of their children's eating, drinking, and physical health, and there is no need to deliberately expose them to the outside world.

In fact, this is not the case. Child psychologists have found that the "socialization" process of babies under 3 years old is beneficial to their lifelong social abilities.

Babies who are just a few months old are responsive to others. If the mother is close, he will feel at ease. If the mother is not around, he may cry.

During this period, if the mother can meet the baby's needs in a timely manner, the baby can build a sense of trust, not only in the mother, but also in the whole world.

This sense of trust is necessary for the baby's future socialization, so at this time, the family should respond to the baby's needs in a timely manner and accompany the baby.

After that, family members can take the baby to go out more, get in touch with the outside world more, and see more different people. This can provide the baby with a "social feeling" and allow him to bravely face strange people and people. environment.

Once the protection measures are taken, the one-month-old baby can be taken out. The family can take the child for a walk in the community, and then go to the park to relax, etc. His different experiences.

Providing "socialization" to children in the early stages of their lives can enable children to face social interactions bravely.

The next step is to guide the child’s social behavior.

For example, how to deal with children who are afraid of strangers?

What should you do if your child’s toys are stolen?

What should I do if my child is beaten during a relationship?

For detailed analysis of specific issues, parents can check Douma’s previous articles.

The root cause of children's problems such as being unpopular, unsociable, and having no friends may lie with their parents.

Parents should avoid those wrong behaviors and lay the foundation of "socialization" for their babies from an early age, so that they will not worry