Confucius said in the Analects of Confucius: "A gentleman is not strong if he is not heavy, and he is not solid in learning. He is very loyal. If he has no friends, he is inferior to himself. Don't be afraid of change. " Confucius put forward the first principle of making friends here: don't make friends with people who are not as good as yourself, because it is useless and harmful to make friends with people who are not as good as themselves. A so-called friend can help him cultivate benevolence or give him knowledge. Only by choosing good and following it can we learn lessons continuously. Confucius once said in the Analects that "three people must learn from my teacher, choose the good and follow it, and change the bad". In addition, in The Analects of Confucius Wei Linggong, Confucius also advocated "to be a teacher". In the Analects of Confucius, he ruled. And why are there so many teachers? "It can be seen that Confucius' people who don't associate mainly refer to those villains who lack benevolence, morality and despicable personality, that is, the friends he makes are not what the world calls' fair-weather friends' and' Jianghu just men', but noble' moral friends'.

2. Act according to etiquette and righteousness

Confucius believes that in the communication of friends, we must take "courtesy" and "righteousness" as the principles. Confucius believes that "courtesy" is the external expression and norm of "benevolence", which is different from the chivalry and loyalty advocated by Mohism. Confucius believes that if a person wants to be a benevolent gentleman, he must follow the etiquette norms and act according to "righteousness". Therefore, he believes that the way to be friends should also follow etiquette and obey righteousness. The day has passed! The sky is lost! It means: "alas! God really wants to kill me! God really wants my life! However, when Yan Lu asked Confucius to sell his car to carry out a foreign mission for Yan Yuan, Confucius said, "A talented person may not be talented, but his son is different. Carp is dead, too. There is no coffin. I didn't just think of it, so I can't do it when I become a doctor. " It means: "(Yan Yuan and carp) are talented, but they can't leave. "But the master didn't listen to discourage, violated the ceremony and gave Yan Yuan a heavy burial. Confucius was very angry about this and sighed, "If you return, you should also look at your father, but not your son. If it weren't for me, you should also see your husband's second son and third son! Confucius said, "Yan Hui treats me like a father, but I can't treat him like my own son. It's not my fault. Those students did it! "In The Analects of Confucius, Confucius also criticized his old friend's rude behavior:" Young without grandchildren, long without words, old without death, a thief ",and hit him on the calf with a stick. Confucius scolded him: "You were not filial when you were a child, but you have nothing to say when you grow up.". Being old and not dying is really harmful. Confucius said: "A gentleman is a gentleman who is based on righteousness, executed by courtesy, expressed in modest language and completed with a loyal attitude." .

3. The golden mean

Confucius' doctrine of the mean is also reflected in the concept of making friends. The so-called golden mean is to do everything without deviating from the track and adhere to the idea of reconciliation and compromise. In short, it is a "middleman". In The Analects of Confucius, Confucius said, "You must be crazy not to go to China. Crazy people will make progress and stubborn people will make a difference. " The "madman" and "Lutz" here are all afraid to take action. Bank of China is neither partial nor partial. Here, Confucius said: "I can't find anyone who pursues the golden mean to associate with him, so I can only associate with crazy people and stubborn people." Crazy people dare to do things, but stubborn people refuse to do something. " Confucius told us that words and deeds should be as moderate as possible. Don't take sides. The opposing sides should contain and complement each other, which is in line with the doctrine of the mean. In the process of getting along with friends, as long as we adhere to the golden mean, friends will be able to live in harmony, and we will reach the ideological realm of being free, not complacent, not complaining about others and not treating others.

There are three friends who benefit and three friends who suffer.

The so-called "benefiting three friends" means that friends are straightforward, tolerant and knowledgeable. Friends are straight, which means friends are honest, sincere and frank. Such a friend can give you courage when you are timid and hesitant, and can also give you a decisive decision when you are hesitant. Friends are tolerant, understanding and tolerant, which gives us a sense of pleasure. Friends are knowledgeable, this. In the words of today, he has a wide range of knowledge. His indirect experience can be transformed into your direct experience. When you are hesitant about some issues, maybe his extensive knowledge can help you make a choice. The so-called "three friends who suffer" means that friends are friendly and soft and friends are good. Friends are good, referring to people who flatter and flatter. So as not to go against your wishes. On the contrary, "being friendly" and "being friendly", such people have no honest heart and no principle of right and wrong. Their principle is to make you happy in order to benefit from it. Being friendly and soft is a typical "two-faced". They always smile in front of you, compliment you and flatter you, which is what Confucius said. A boaster is what people call a "boaster". Such people have a glib tongue. There is nothing he doesn't know, nothing he doesn't understand, and when he speaks, he is eloquent and imposing, and people can't help but believe him. Confucius' philosophy of "speaking slowly and speaking quickly" is like a boaster, and he can't get a good evaluation from him.