No matter how beautiful a lie is, it is just an illusory bubble that can be broken at the touch.
Sincerity is the most important thing in dealing with people. Sincerity means not only that words should be true, but also that the heart should be sincere.
If you associate with people who tell the truth, your life will be full of sunshine. If you get along with sincere people, you will feel like a spring breeze.
A lot of times, we are afraid to tell the truth in front of people, especially our friends. To make a truth blurt out is simply greater than the difficulty coefficient of deriving it.
Not only should we consider each other's emotions, such as whether the other party will be angry, but also whether the other party can accept it, whether it will affect our relationship and so on.
I don't know when it started, but telling the truth has become a question worth pondering.
It takes a lot of courage to tell others' shortcomings and mistakes face to face.
To tell the truth, there are certain risks. If you are not careful, you may ruin your friendship for many years. But a true friend needs the courage to speak out.
During the Three Kingdoms period, there were two good friends, one was Lv Dai and the other was Xu Yuan. Xu Yuan is a frank and honest man. Under the strong recommendation of Lv Dai, he got the position of an admonition officer.
However, when Dai Lu made a mistake, even a small one, Xu Yuan would point it out unceremoniously in public, without giving any face to his friends.
Some people think this is too much. They go to Lv Dai to criticize Xu Yuan's behavior. Lv Dai sighed: "This is why I respect Xu Yuan!"
After Xu Yuan's death, Lv Dai mourned him sadly: "Now you have passed away. From now on, where can I listen to my mistakes? "
Xu Yuan is a man who really understands friendship. He knows that a true friend is someone who can tell his friend the truth at any time and help him improve. Therefore, he won the understanding of Lv Dai and was cherished and respected by his friends.
Democritus: "It is an obligation to tell the truth, which is more beneficial to them."
Boutrais Mo, a French scientist, has a book called The Origin and Variation of Humans and Other Organisms. Marx read this book and thought it was very well written. He praised it and said, "This is a very good book, which is still a great progress compared with Darwin."
After reading it, his good friend Engels expressed the completely opposite opinion: "This book is worthless!" "To this end, there was a fierce quarrel between two good friends.
Finally, Marx made a compromise and moved closer to Engels' point of view. But Engels said sincerely: "Without Marx's opinion, I could not have known the truth so clearly."
Everyone will say a good word, but it is not the case.
People who are willing to touch you are good friends worthy of deep friendship and people who will benefit you for life. This is the meaning of making friends.
Shakespeare said: "whoever tells me the truth, even if there is death in his words, I will listen to him as a compliment."
On the other hand, there are only a few people with this tolerance.
For ordinary people, the more they face close people, the easier it is to be occupied by temporary emotions. Even if they know each other is telling the truth, they will still be angry.
Therefore, compared with strangers, friends' criticism makes people feel wronged, and parents' preaching makes people even more unwilling to listen. This is human nature.
Therefore, how to tell the truth without offending people is to find a balance between honesty and propriety.
There is no doubt that telling the truth is sincere. Friends should tell the truth, but the truth should be moderate, not harsh.
If your friends ask you if you like new clothes, you will feel really bad, ugly and tasteless, but blurting out "not good-looking" at this time is tantamount to throwing cold water on you.
Such an answer is an embarrassing dialogue scene, and no one should be offended. If you had asked to go out to play, it's hard to say whether the subtle atmosphere in the process would affect your mood.
Liu Bei is a benevolent figure in history, but he can't avoid becoming angry from embarrassment in the face of ugly truth.
Liu Bei and "Feng Chu" Pang Tong used to be friends beyond the relationship between monarch and minister. Liu Bei spent a lot of time gathering "Wolong Feng Chu" to help each other.
When attacking Yizhou, Liu Bei won Guan Fuguan and held a banquet to celebrate. During the dinner, he asked Pang Tong, "Is today's banquet a happy event?"
Pang Tong replied: "It's fun to attack other people's countries, not soldiers with benevolent intentions."
Hearing this, Liu Bei was furious and scolded him, saying, "Zhou Wuwang used to hold a banquet to celebrate. Isn't that a soldier of the benevolent? " Get off the stage! "
After some anger, Liu Bei drove the respected counselor out of the banquet.
From Pang Tong's point of view, he has many better occasions and more appropriate ways to remind Liu Bei of this matter. It is really unwise to embarrass his master in front of so many soldiers.
Everyone in China can blurt out the old saying that "the most unpleasant advice helps action".
But in fact, we can make suggestions that are not bad.
A well-known host talked about his speech art:
"I don't care about the art of speaking, I care about the way of speaking. My way of speaking is to keep you in mind. "
It is important to tell the truth, but how to tell the truth beautifully and make others feel like spring breeze is actually the key point of four words-empathy.
If we can consider the feelings of others from each other's standpoint and avoid embarrassment skillfully without hurting each other's self-esteem, this effect will not be far away.
In ancient China, there was a story about Xun and Jin Linggong.
Duke Ling of Jin is a pleasure-seeking monarch, and he is very tyrannical. It's hard to listen to other people's advice. On one occasion, he sent minister Tu'an Gu to build a nine-story Qiongtai for him. Afraid of being discouraged, he ordered: "Whoever dares to remonstrate will be beheaded!"
Another minister, Xun, heard about it and came to look for it. Duke Ling of Jin ordered the samurai to prepare bows and arrows in advance. Xun shot him with an arrow as soon as he opened his mouth in order not to dissuade him.
After Xun came in, he deliberately put on a relaxed posture and said, "I came to see the king today just to show you a stunt, and I dare not advise you." My stunt can make twelve nine eggs without falling down. "
Hearing this, Jin Linggong didn't order the samurai to shoot arrows, but let him perform. When Xun really started laying eggs on the base, Duke Ling of Jin shouted, "Danger!"
Xun said unhurriedly, "There is no danger here. There are more dangerous things than this. " Jin Linggong then asked him what was more dangerous.
Xun said, "Your Majesty, if you build nine terraces, there will be no male arable land in China, and the state treasury will be empty. Once foreign enemies invade, the country is in danger. Isn't this something more dangerous? "
Hearing this, Jin Linggong suddenly woke up and immediately ordered not to build a nine-story gorgeous platform.
The success of Xun Jian lies in avoiding the minefield of telling the truth. He didn't challenge the majesty of Jin Linggong as a king bluntly, nor did he lose face in front of officials and servants. This is the idea of putting himself in his shoes.
Then stand in the position of the host of the other country and seize the fear of losing the throne in the country's peril.
It is much better to tell the truth beautifully than to disguise it with beautiful lies.
Besides, the truth can also be said beautifully, sincerely and appropriately, frankly and generously.