Every elementary school is now actively preparing for the start of school. This morning I went to the school to clean my son’s classroom with several parents. I met our favorite class teacher and familiar parents. Everyone. We felt very cordial together, and we also talked about Sun Li, the heroine of "An Jia" that mothers like, and we enjoyed this long-lost reunion. Why do we feel happy when we are with these people, but feel awkward when we are with other people?
In fact, psychology has helped us find the answer, which is interpersonal attraction. Interpersonal attraction is a state of mutual intimacy between an individual and others and is an affirmative form of interpersonal relationships. It is an important foundation for forming good interpersonal relationships.
The main factors affecting interpersonal attraction are: familiarity and proximity, similarity and complementarity, appearance, talent, and personality quality.
Speaking of the word "familiar", it is actually more well-known as an idiom, which is "love grows over time", because being together for a long time and understanding each other will continue to deepen, then each other's goodwill will increase, and the relationship will also increase. It continues to deepen as time goes by.
As for proximity, it is explained from the perspective of physical distance. Because people are very close in space, they have more opportunities to meet and contact each other, and naturally have the opportunity to deepen their feelings. The most vivid example of this is In office romance, colleagues become familiar with each other all day long, which exceeds the level of ordinary interpersonal relationships. Moreover, they also maintain very close contacts at a physical distance, so it is naturally easy for them to develop emotions.
As the saying goes, "distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors." Even if we are close relatives, if they are far away from each other and have no mutual help in life and career for a long time, the relationship will weaken. The same principle applies to "the first to get the moon near the water and the tower". People generally have a desire to establish harmonious interpersonal relationships and work harder to get along well with those nearby. If we use social exchange theory to explain it, it means that people involuntarily try to obtain the maximum reward at the minimum cost during the interaction process.
If you want to be liked by others, the simplest and easiest way is to try to let others know you. It's like an advertisement that plays on a loop, just to make you remember it.
There is a saying that "birds of a feather flock together, and people flock together." People usually like those who are similar to themselves. Similarity includes many aspects, such as hobbies, age, experience, social status, beliefs and ideals, etc. The reason why people look for a match in their three views when they are in love and marriage is to consider the similarity of their three views.
Complementarity means that when certain characteristics of the parties can complement each other, they can also enhance each other's goodwill. For example, an introvert finds an extrovert as a partner. In addition, professional complementarity has a similar effect. In fact, the core of complementarity is that people who are completely different from us will stimulate our subconscious and produce a liking for each other.
The similarity effect means that people generally like those who are similar to themselves. The complementarity effect means that people like people who complement themselves. It sounds like the two concepts are contradictory, but they are not. The premise for complementary effects is that two people can still meet each other's needs on the basis of differences. That is to say, you and others are opposite in certain characteristics. For example, there are differences in personality, abilities, living habits, etc., but the other person can meet some of your inner needs, and you can also meet the other person's needs. At this time, you can have a mutually attractive relationship, but if you cannot satisfy each other, even if you If some of their characteristics are complementary, it will not be possible to establish a good relationship. For example, one person likes to read, likes to think, and pursues spiritual satisfaction, but the other person cannot calmly read books, does not like in-depth thinking, and pursues material satisfaction. At this time, the two people may not be able to find the same thing. They dislike each other over the topic, or even reject each other.
In "A Dream of Red Mansions" that everyone is familiar with, Wang Xifeng and Ping'er, the master and servant, have such a complementary relationship. Li Wan said: "When there is a Tang monk who seeks Buddhist scriptures, there is a white horse to carry him. When there is a phoenix girl, there is you. You are your grandma's master key..." This sentence highlights the importance of Ping'er. .
Wang Xifeng is the daughter of the "King of Jinling". She cannot understand the sufferings of the people at the bottom in many things. Ping'er, who comes from a humble background, often advises Wang Xifeng and helps her resolve various conflicts in private. Remembering that the "Shrimp Beard Bracelet", "Rose Dew" and "Poria Cream" incidents were all thefts among girls, Wang Xifeng was furious. Ping'er considered the parties involved and advised: "Why bother with this?" ! You have to let go, it’s not a big deal, don’t show kindness if you are happy, don’t make people feel resentful.” Not only that, sometimes Ping’er needs to be reminded of things that Wang Xifeng doesn’t understand. In Chapter 36 of "A Dream of Red Mansions", after Jin Chuan'er jumped into the well, Wang Xifeng discovered a strange thing. Many people gave her gifts every day. Wang Xifeng was puzzled, Ping'er smiled and said, that Jin Chuan'er didn't jump into the well and died. There was a vacancy for the eldest maid next to Mrs. Wang, and the ones who gave the gifts were the parents of some maids. Wang Xifeng suddenly realized. Ping'er and Wang Xifeng learn from each other's strengths and satisfy each other. They no longer stick to their own existing experiences, but form an inseparable interpersonal attraction.
As the saying goes, "One family does not enter the same family" and this is also true.
Yesterday, I saw in the circle of friends that a friend met a handsome guy selling popcorn, and then the friend even advertised for this handsome guy. I was thinking, if the popcorn seller was an old man, would my friend help him post on WeChat Moments? This talks about the importance of a person's appearance. Personal external factors such as appearance, body posture, clothing, manners, and demeanor also play a large role in interpersonal attraction, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Good appearance can easily give people a good first impression, and people tend to judge people by their appearance. Physical beauty can produce a halo effect, that is, people tend to think that people with beautiful appearance also have other excellent qualities, although this may not be the case in fact.
Once the first impression is established, it has a strong directional effect on the organization and understanding of subsequent information. Individuals who have a good impression of another person's appearance tend to give a positive evaluation of his or her personality. This phenomenon is called the halo effect, also called the halo effect.
Studies by Western scholars have pointed out that when judges sentence prisoners in a court with "mountains of law enforcement", they cannot escape the influence of the halo effect of appearance. For thieves with the same crime, the better-looking ones are sentenced on average. 2.8 years, and the average sentence for those who are not pretty is 5.2 years.
Good interpersonal relationships require talent as well as appearance. In layman’s terms, talent is the so-called talents and specialties. Everyone likes talented people. I remember when I was in high school, the basketball court was often crowded with girls. People who could play basketball during their school days always attracted the attention of girls. . When you come to society, if you have a skill, you will not only be able to support your family, but you will also become popular with everyone.
People generally like smart and capable people rather than stupid people. On the one hand, smart and capable people may be able to help others in some aspects, at least they will not cause trouble. The words and deeds of a wise man feel just right and constitute a pleasing reward.
Personality quality is a bit difficult to understand. To put it simply, a person’s personality and appearance are just a passing cloud, and his talent is a passing cloud. If you want to gain long-term and sustained attraction, only character and character are the core. Although we are very It is difficult to understand someone's character and personality when you first come into contact with them, but as the saying goes, a person's mind is revealed over time, and similar good personality qualities mainly include sincerity, loyalty, thoughtfulness, enthusiasm, and humor. Cheerful, so if you want to gain the recognition and love of others for a long time, you actually have to start with yourself and constantly adjust your personality to become a more popular person.
The most important reason why I like to listen to Teacher Li’s class is because of his sincerity. He gives us sincere teachings like a father, helping us gain a sense of authenticity and uniqueness, and live out our own. look. And he taught us that the world is beautiful, people are trustworthy, and I am lovable.