When a girl likes a boy, it is very difficult to make an active eye contact. As soon as the girl has started to hesitate whether to pursue the boy actively, "reserve" will immediately jump out to warn the girl not to act rashly, and I will not move until the enemy moves. This "reserve" with nowhere to put it is the charm of a shy woman in the misty rain in the south of the Yangtze River, but it has also become a big obstacle to love. In love, does the initiative fall off?
Some girls think that if they take the initiative in love, they will lose, and if they "send it to the door", the boys will not cherish it, so static braking is the king of love; But another part of the girls think that the chance of happiness is fleeting, and if they hesitate, they will lose. Why not give it a try and leave no regrets for themselves even if there is no result in the end?
here, let's put aside the subjective factor of whether "reserve" is more attractive (I will study it in another article) and objectively analyze whether the active person has an advantage in love.
In film and television dramas, the appearance of the female host is usually accompanied by slow-motion replay. No matter how excellent the male host is, from the first moment he sees the female host, he will only revolve around her. No matter how unbearable the female host is, the male host will never abandon her, and no matter how excellent the girls around him are, the male host will never look at her. It seems that this "Mr. Right", an excellent male who can find the shining point, is the true love of girls. But the reason why this story can have a broad market is because it can't be realized. The so-called "overbearing president falls in love with me" is false, and it is true that it is painful to be over 3. Being reserved doesn't give you an advantage in love, but it will make you "suffer" in the dark.
We use a simple model to demonstrate why taking the initiative and not taking the initiative will lead to the difference between the advantages and disadvantages in the love relationship.
suppose there are only three men in the world: B1, B2, B3 and three women: G1, G2, G3. These six people are bound to get married. We rank everyone's liking for the opposite sex. (The "like" here is not a simple like, it is a "like" after considering factors such as face value, material, personality and cultural background, and you can also think that you will be "happier" after being together.)
The ranking of everyone's love for the opposite sex is as follows:
If only men take the initiative, the result will be that B1 and G1 are together, and B2 and G2 are together. We find that for men, all three of them are with their favorite opposite sex, while women can only be chosen. Its model is shown in the following figure:
It is not difficult to find that in love, active people have more opportunities to be with objects that they like to rank in the middle and high order. Of course, there are more than six human beings in this world, but for most people, they will get married all their lives. If women only remain reserved and passive, after popularizing the model, we find that the passive is actually the chosen party, and the active person is the chosen party, and they can be with people with higher rankings of their own preferences.
Not everyone agrees that people who take the initiative in love are more dominant, especially attractive girls. They think they have boys to pursue and can choose from their suitors at will. Isn't this an advantage?
For girls with many suitors, they can really choose from suitors at will, and they seem to be in an advantageous position in the relationship. But in fact, because the boys are active and the girls are passive, the boys who chase you are likely to pursue you after failing to chase others, but you still foolishly think that this is two of a kind. In fact, the appearance of Mr. Right is not necessarily because he is dismissive of the excellent girls around him, but they try one by one and come to you after failing. Do you still think that "Mr. Right" is true love? You actually become a spare tire invisibly.
Even if the results of the above-mentioned model point to that people who are active in love have more advantages, they still lack the sense of substitution. Many readers say that I understand the reason, but I just can't do it. After all, it is difficult for individuals to have a strong * * * sound.
I have seen many "truths" of "love masters" on the Internet. "If a boy really likes you, then his favorite person is you, and he will pursue you regardless. If a boy doesn't actively pursue you, he doesn't really like you."
So the question is, in real life, do all boys have the courage to pursue the girl they like?
As a science and engineering man, I tell you responsibly that there are many boys who are too scared to chase girls. I know a bunch of boys who only dare to touch themselves behind the goddess. When they meet the goddess, they can't speak, and they can only hide their flustered with indifferent expressions.
We take a very common example in life for analysis, substitute it into a specific scene, and analyze the difference between initiative and non-initiative. Jane likes A Qiang, and she also sees that A Qiang has a good impression on her, but she has not received A Qiang's active pursuit. Should Jane take the initiative at this time?
First of all, we select the existing conditions: 1. Jane likes A Qiang; 2. Jane is not sure whether A Qiang likes her; 3. Jane is not sure whether to take the initiative or let the longing become a thing of the past.
If, according to some "love masters", a boy who doesn't take the initiative to chase you must not like you enough, then the shy boy will have no way out. At this time, we will make a simple table to list the difference between Jane's initiative and non-initiative, and then make a decision.
From the figure, we can see the difference between initiative and non-initiative in this glued situation. If Jane doesn't take the initiative, then the two of them are still friends properly, and if Jane takes the initiative, then they may become lovers, or they may become friends.
In this case, everyone must be prepared to accept the consequences before making a decision. Whether the risk after failure can be borne is different for everyone. Some people think that if you can't even make friends, you can't take the initiative. The mentality varies from person to person. However, please make a choice after clearing your head. Don't listen to the "experts" saying "I don't like you enough if I don't take the initiative" and kill them with a stick. Maybe these "experts" are also taking the initiative behind their backs.
Let's continue to take the above case as an example. If Jane likes A Qiang, she also thinks that A Qiang has a good impression on her, but she can't wait for his active pursuit. At this time, Jane decides not to take the initiative and continue to wait. Will Jane wait for A Qiang's initiative?
At this time, we introduce a concept, the 28 Law, in which 2% of people in society have 8% of the wealth, while the other 8% enjoy 2% of the wealth. It is also applicable to introduce this concept into love. The definition of a person's Excellence in this society is the same. 8% of men like 2% of women, and 8% of women like 2% of men.
According to the February 28th Law, Jane likes A Qiang, so there is a high probability that A Qiang has the advantage of universality. Although radishes and cabbages have different tastes, in fact, most radishes like the same cabbages.
Jane likes A Qiang, and A Qiang has reasons for Jane's liking, so he also has reasons for others' liking. That is to say, there are probably others who like A Qiang, and they are Jane's competitors. In this case, let's look back at the first model in this paper. The initiative is in the hands of the initiative. If you don't take the initiative, your competitors are likely to take the initiative. Jane is waiting for A Qiang's active pursuit, and finally it may be the news that A Qiang and Fang are together.
At this time, Jane will be very glad that it turned out that A Qiang liked Ah Fang, but fortunately she didn't pursue it. But in fact, A Qiang may prefer Jane, but A Qiang is a person who doesn't know how to take the initiative, and Fang actively pursued A Qiang, so A Qiang and Fang got together. Once A Qiang is divorced, he will inevitably reduce his contact with the opposite sex, so Jane and A Qiang can only become WeChat friends who have little contact, and Jane can only watch A Qiang's circle of friends cry silently.
the above cases well illustrate that when the situation is in a stalemate, static braking is not a good choice, and the first move is the king.
It's better to strike first, and you have to pay attention to methods. Some men/girls who have no love experience really don't know anything about routines, so after I went to learn from my friends, I divided the active pursuit into three strategies, hoping that inexperienced Xiaobai wouldn't give her a head.
express good feelings. A good start is very important to pursue the person you like, and this begins with contact. We can treat people we like warmly, such as bothering each other to do things, or taking the initiative to help each other. All this must be done naturally. Don't let others think that you are sneaky, be confident, and increase contact with each other with the mentality of "I only make friends with you because I like you". In communication, you should show a good impression on the other party. If the other party responds to you positively, it means that the other party is not disgusted with you, and even has a good impression on you. But if you send ten messages to the other party, the other party may not reply to one, and the other party is very indifferent, then retreat strategically first and think about whether to give up or contact in another way.
realistic communication. Short-term contact and online chat always have a sense of distance. At first, online chat is very topical, but over time it will become speechless. Therefore, if you want to pursue each other, you can try to make progress in reality when you have had three or four interactions between them. You can ask the other person out to watch movies and have dinner together, but don't be too serious. Try to say it in a humorous tone, such as "I heard that there is a cat coffee dessert nearby, and their cat can do backflips. Would you like to go and see it together?" China is a personal society. You can ask the other person to treat you to a meal or two first, or let the other person pay the bill, so that you have an excuse to ask the other person out next time.
let's fight it out. When you express your affection for the other person, the other person responds positively and has a lot of communication with you in reality, so when the time is ripe, it is time to confirm the relationship. Don't chat through the internet when determining the relationship between two people. We should try our best to improve the success rate. Ask each other out to play, take a walk under the moon and flowers, and naturally hold each other's hands. When you get to this point, you will succeed with great probability. If you fail, and the other person refuses to confirm the relationship with you after having so much communication with you, then the other person is likely to be a love rat/woman. At this time, you should stop the loss in time and be glad that you have not wasted any more time on the other person.
The above love strategies are very common and general. I will write another article on how to operate this kind of knowledge. Here, I only have a little basic knowledge, which is not necessarily correct. It is just a more conventional pursuit method in my understanding.
This paper abandons the subjective factor of whether "reserve" is more attractive (I will write another research article on the rigid thinking of "reserve"), and demonstrates from an objective point of view that the active person is more dominant in the love relationship. With this conclusion, it analyzes the specific situation of whether or not to take the initiative in love with the cases of Jane and A Qiang. At the end of this article, the water cup also briefly expounds the routine of pursuit to the love whites, hoping that you can find your ideal partner as soon as possible.
Finally, I hope readers will remember that it is important to learn the thinking and routines of love, but it is equally important to improve their own attractiveness. The higher your own charm, the higher your ranking in the model and the more choices you have in love. Put a picture at the back to alert you to the cruelty of reality.