Mom Gao's question-and-answer session this week is a question from @ 亵亵亵, which is another question that puzzles many mothers: "Are children timid and introverted because they don't like to play with others? What should I do? "

@ 中中中中中中, like you, all along, mothers have mentioned their worries about "children are introverted and timid", and you not only have such worries, but also blame yourself for it. I hope this question and answer will help you to put down some psychological burdens.

First of all, your question finally comes down to "How to break the baby's weak sociality", which I can tell you clearly: no need to break it!

because the baby is only 1 year old and 1 months old, there is no "sociality" at all, and there is no comparison between good and bad.

listen to the cake, damn it, these things you are worried about are not a big problem. The child is only 1 year old and 1 months old. He likes to play alone and is afraid of strangers. It is normal for him to be hugged by his mother when he meets strangers.

Psychological research shows that children before the age of 3 are not so secure. They are in the period of absorbing security, and it is normal for them to be emotionally afraid of some things. Maybe some children are afraid of the dark, some children are afraid of bugs, and maybe your children happen to be afraid of strangers.

If you are still like this after you are three or four years old, that means your child may have social problems, so you really worry too early.

To put it another way, a child hangs on you, clings to you, and wants you to hug him when he meets a stranger, which just shows that he loves you very much, has a good relationship with you and regards you as his "important person".

what is a "significant other"? It is the person who makes children feel particularly important and can give them a sense of security. Babies before the age of 3 especially need such a role as his safe base. When the baby encounters setbacks, he must cry and let you hug him. When playing, he must sit next to him, all because his mother is the harbor where the baby can replenish energy at any time. Isn't this the greatest significance for you to insist on taking care of your children?

I'm very happy for you, which is the best affirmation of your efforts.

From your letter, I can see that you attach importance to your children and enjoy the process of accompanying them to grow up. You have never denied your choice, which is great. However, when you take your children out and compare them with other children, you are not calm. Even the children who are troubled by other mothers can make you envy.

When someone labels your baby as "timid and introverted", you will retort: "No, my baby talks a lot at home, he just doesn't know other children well", but you actually care.

In fact, I read the real problem from your description, not what to do if the child is timid, but "I didn't take care of the baby after all my efforts". It seems that you really need the evidence of "I took care of the child very well" to prove that the choice of "quitting the iron rice bowl despite everyone's opposition" is right.

It is this kind of anxiety that makes you unbearable that your child is "evaluated". In your opinion, children are evaluated, which is equivalent to mothers being evaluated.

To tell you the truth, I have experienced this kind of frustration. When I was a child, the rice cake was so introverted that even my parents could not help but label him as "timid". I know that many mothers can't stand this kind of evaluation. Others say that the baby is not good. To my mother's ears, every sentence is criticizing myself for not taking care of the baby. It's really a cone of words.

I try to point out the root of this anxiety, hoping that you can put down the psychological burden of "not recognizing yourself", relax and learn to affirm yourself. I hope you understand that your child is not your mother's report card. Whether your choice is right or wrong does not need to be proved by other people's evaluation. What's more, your child may be a little slow-heating, but he is in good health, knows the rules and is reasonable, which is the envy of many mothers in Xiong Haizi!

If you think like this, you may feel more confident about being a mother.

In addition to mental adjustment, I have two practical suggestions to help the baby improve his social skills.

First, let go moderately in life, and give children more opportunities to make their own decisions, so that they have some sense of control.

A sense of security is the foundation of parenting. Once a sense of security is established, he will have the strength to explore, because he feels that the surrounding environment can be controlled.

For a 1-year-old and 1-month-old baby, one of the most important ways to give him a sense of security and control is to let the baby make his own decisions and allow him to say "no". For example, if he decides what clothes to wear, what toys to play, and when to go out to play, give him more opportunities to make his own decisions and always affirm him, and the child will believe in his ability and think that he is capable of coping with the outside world.

The second is to provide social support for children, and let him feel the fun of playing with children by "nudging".

After the baby is 2 years old, socialization will really become the theme, so you can give the baby a nudge.

There are many ways to "nudge". Children are afraid of strangers. You can invite one or two children to play at home first, and then go out to play together after getting familiar with them. You can also help your baby break down difficulties and make small steps forward, for example, first guide your baby to wave when he sees others, and then encourage him to say hello with words.

Children don't know how to blend in with other children. You can set an example. Just like a mother in our team did, she took her children to the community square. When the children were alone, she would invite several children to play games like "Woodenhead" and "What time is Lao Lang". The mother took the lead in having fun with the children first, and the children naturally joined.

@ 中中中中中, from the age of two, socializing will become a thing that children have to deal with all their lives. At this starting point, they need your support, but they don't need your anxiety.

If you do this, the child will still cry and stick to others, then hug him, comfort him and don't force him. You should be patient with this process and know that "slow is fast".

please believe that a child's real sense of security, in the final analysis, is to believe in the power of "connecting with feelings".

When he knows that you are behind him and that you love him will not change with the change of time and place, he has the power to go out.

The picture is from "Mother's Game" and "Tomorrow, Mom is not here", and the content of the article has nothing to do with the plot.