The person you can chat with must be smarter than you

The person you can chat with must be smarter than you. Since humans have language, people have become more and more intelligent. Communication is needed, but whether you can talk is not just a matter of good eloquence, but also a matter of a person's emotional intelligence. The person you can chat with in the following sharing must be smarter than you? People you can chat with must be smarter than you1

This is a fallacy that makes people feel inferior.

Most of a person’s social skills come from his experience, the pitfalls he has fallen into, the roads he has walked, the people he has met, and he has absorbed many life principles that are integrated into his blood.

If this sentence is correct, then every time you meet a suitable partner and you feel attracted to it, you will involuntarily think of him looking down at you.

However, if the other party is really that good, are you that bad?

The reason why you have a good conversation with someone and feel comfortable is because there is attraction between you. When people are attracted, they will naturally feel close to each other, be more tolerant, and take the initiative to understand each other.

The more you chat with others, the more you attract others.

If a person is good enough, even if it is backward compatible, you will not feel comfortable and at ease, because being looked down on is a very oppressive perspective. Just imagine, now there is a pair of huge eyes staring at you above your head, would you feel comfortable?

The smarter people are, the less likely they are to be philanthropic. They will not use their energy and tolerance on everyone, but only on people they think are worthy, so that person must attract them in some way. of.

To be misunderstood is the fate of the expresser, and to be understood is a charm.

As for your so-called emotional intelligence, this is even more of a false theory of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is emotional intelligence, focusing on one's inner self rather than pretending to be external to gain favor from others.

Everyone has experienced that people who care about other people’s opinions and favors will eventually live a very tired life. The so-called fake emotional intelligence means low emotional intelligence if what you say is wrong, low emotional intelligence if you don't do things according to the rules, and low emotional intelligence if you make others uncomfortable. All in all, the so-called high emotional intelligence is how to please people quietly.

So...what's the meaning?

Focusing on this kind of emotional intelligence, can anyone really be liked by everyone? Are you happy by learning this kind of emotional intelligence?

High emotional intelligence means that a person can better digest the true inner emotions, so that he can always maintain a peaceful or even optimistic mood in his heart.

The most straightforward thing about true emotional intelligence is that it is easier to think about it when you encounter something.

Avoid getting into trouble, reduce internal friction, face shortcomings, and demonstrate advantages. This is where a person's emotional intelligence lies. The ability to love and be loved at the same time is a basic characteristic of high emotional intelligence, otherwise it is just a social means.

Example: I have a friend who has a rich kid at home. The kid keeps saying that their house is small and that other people’s elevators are dirty and covered in famous brands. But my friend explained to me that this child is not showing off his wealth, he just lived in a big villa since he was a child, and his cognition is different from ours. But she always felt guilty and could not let her children see more of the world, fearing that their children would have low self-esteem in the future.

I replied to her and said, "I have heard someone say before that to see other people's world gracefully is a kind of worldview. You were able to understand the child's straightforward words just now. Cognition is the norm in life, not showing off, and it is not discrimination against you. In this way, you are looking at the world of others gracefully. ”

It is difficult to say that the gap between classes can be bridged, but an elegant mentality can. Reduce your own unhappiness and internal friction. If it is difficult for parents to catch up with rich people in material terms, then enriching their children's hearts and reducing their low self-esteem is what they should do while making money. Because I have a peaceful mind, I can understand and tolerate others.

The essence of high emotional intelligence is to please yourself and attract others to you.

If you meet someone special to chat with, it’s not that that person is better than you but that you are attracted to each other.

People you can chat with must be smarter than you 2

"Don't easily develop feelings for someone you can chat with"

Just because you can chat with someone doesn't mean you can Fall in love.

When it comes to two people being able to chat, many people will subconsciously think that these two people may like each other. Even if they have the same topic, the same three views, and this relationship still comes and goes. .

Indeed, it is a blessing for everyone to meet someone you can talk to in love.

As Nietzsche once said: "Marriage is like a long-term dialogue. When you are about to enter marriage, you must first ask yourself, can you still talk and laugh with this woman when you grow old together?" "

When two people laugh and talk until the end, their feelings are the most natural and their love is the strongest. However, this matter of being able to talk cannot be taken from the surface.

For example, before talking about this topic, what do you think is a good conversation?

Some people think that they can have a good conversation if they have something to say; others think that they can have a good conversation if they can chat every day; and still others think that they can have a good conversation if they have the same laughs.

Therefore, the person who often chats with you is the easiest to make you feel that the two of you are particularly suitable because they can chat well.

However, you cannot guarantee that the other party will only chat with you, nor can you guarantee that those conversations that make you feel deeply touched are all the other party’s feelings from the bottom of their hearts.

Therefore, whether you can chat well is indeed very important in love, but don't easily develop feelings for someone you can chat with, because you can't guarantee what this kind of chatty will mean.

People who can chat with you do not necessarily love you.

Remember what Balzac said: "Pretended love is more perfect than real love, which is why many women have been deceived."

Pretend to chat with someone It's actually not difficult to get. Showing concern for someone who wants to care, praising someone who wants to acknowledge you, and asking after someone who wants to accompany you will make the other person feel that you are the right person.

However, if you can’t see through the surface of the chat, it’s hard for you to know whether the other person is really chatting with you, or whether he or she has other agendas for you.

Just like two days ago, Jin Dong suddenly became popular. The reason for the explosion was that a 61-year-old aunt claimed that she was in love with Jin Dong, but the Jin Dong in the aunt's mouth was just someone else's word for Jin Dong. It’s just copywriting made from photos.

After the two people added their contact information, the aunt would often chat with "Jin Dong". The other party understood her difficulties, was willing to listen to her complaints, and was willing to say affectionately: "Sister, I know it's not easy for you. If God can help us, let me take care of you in the future."

In an ordinary love story, if such a sentence is true, It's really sweet, but it's a pity that everything is fake.

The purpose of the other party’s chat with the aunt may be for a few likes, a few attentions, or to increase her click-through rate. No matter what the purpose is, it can be said that it makes the aunt feel comfortable. The other party can be chatted with.

However, this kind of conversation is an illusion.

I once read a sentence that said: "If you find that you feel very comfortable chatting with a person, and you feel that you two are too compatible, then the other person's emotional intelligence and knowledge content must be far more than the other person's. You. ”

In a relationship where you can talk, the other person may have more love experience and love skills than you. This is the reason why you feel that you can talk, and the more important thing is Yes, it is possible that the person you can chat with can also chat with others.

So, it’s okay to find a partner you can chat with, but don’t just want to be with someone because you can chat with them.

Even if it is true love, talking about it is not conducive to establishing an intimate relationship between two people.

I really like what Dean wrote in "Western Jue": "Cleverly maintaining the distance between different identities in an appropriate way is the essence of maintaining any kind of social relationship."

All relationships should maintain a certain scale. It’s okay to chat in daily life, but if you talk too much, the relationship may not have a good result.

Just like Andy in "Ode to Joy", when he is with Singularity, there is always a lot to say, but the content involves all aspects of the two people. In short, what can be said cannot be said. All said.

Andy has a family history of hereditary disease. Qingdian knows it and knows Andy’s past experiences, so when we are together, Qingdian always comforts Andy: “It’s okay, I will help you, you will I'm sick."

Originally, Qingdian thought this was her thoughtfulness, but repeating this matter again and again brought a lot of pressure to Andy, which she didn't want to recall. , was said again and again by Singularity. The first time was heart-warming, the second time was an escape, and the third time was boring.

In the end Andy broke up with her and kept apologizing when she left. She felt that she was wrong.

On the contrary, Mr. Bao, when he was with Andy, didn’t care about her past, and he didn’t care about her past. He gave Andy enough trust and security, because what he wanted was Andy. , no matter what it looks like.

Two people will chat when they are together, but most of the time they just talk about something and nothing, and this is how their love continues.

When many people establish an intimate relationship, they always feel that once they are close enough, they should talk about everything, talk about everything, and keep talking.

However, if two people talk about too many things and each person has no reservations, it may make each other feel very tired.

What’s more important is that if the person you can chat with one day suddenly has nothing to say, those who regard "being chatty" as their love standard will feel that the other person no longer loves them, but Maybe it's just that love has become dull.

In love, rather than your own feelings, rationally judging whether the person in front of you should love you and whether you should say certain things is the key to establishing an intimate relationship.

In "Kangxi Dynasty", the most common thing Kangxi said to Concubine Rong was: "I want to talk to you."

Concubine Rong and Kangxi were not only partners, Still a close friend, Kangxi, the three thousand beauties of the Three Palaces and Sixth Courtyard, was the most special to Concubine Rong, because Concubine Rong was smart and because Concubine Rong understood Kangxi.

But after being loved for a long time, Concubine Rong forgot what it means to accompany a king like a tiger, and what words she should not say.

When Kangxi wanted to depose the crown prince, Concubine Rong conveyed Xiaozhuang’s will and wanted to keep the crown prince. Because of this incident, Concubine Rong was deposed as a concubine and was later expelled from the harem. slave.

Where did Concubine Rong go wrong?

The mistake is that when you think you can talk, you can talk about anything. The mistake is that when you meet someone who understands you, you can have nothing to worry about.

In interpersonal communication, there is a word called "a sense of propriety", which means that there should be boundaries between people, and there should be a sense of propriety whether doing things or speaking.

The same is true in love. When a person makes you feel that you can chat with him, don’t easily define that the other person is suitable for you. It may be that the person has ulterior motives. When you feel that you can chat with a person, When talking, don't think that two people are meant for each other. This kind of chat may destroy the sense of propriety between two people.

Therefore, when you meet someone, don’t easily develop feelings for someone you can talk to, and don’t easily decide whether you love or not based on your own feelings. The person you can chat with must be smarter than you3

Are girls who can chat with anyone really have high emotional intelligence?

There is a saying on the Internet that when you feel comfortable staying with someone, it means that the other person's experience and emotional intelligence are far above yours.

But I don’t feel that’s the case.

I came to this opposite conclusion after getting along with two colleagues who are recognized as having high emotional intelligence.

A colleague is named Mingxue.

Mingxue is a person who talks softly to everyone, smiles, and is extremely patient. I have never seen her get jealous or quarrel with anyone. When new colleagues encountered problems that they didn't know how to solve, she would patiently teach them step by step. So when it's meal time, everyone likes her to go to the cafeteria to eat together.

But as time went by, I found that her relationship was the same no matter who she was.

Another colleague is named Minran. She always smiles when she talks to everyone, and when she listens to others' words, she always echoes: "Yes, yes."

Make the person confiding feel recognized.

Because she was a newcomer and most of our team members were male colleagues, so she just went with the flow and had lunch with me.

She is an excellent listener. She will listen to you patiently and then say in agreement: "Yes, yes."

As time went by, no matter what topic I talked about, she would always say this. I think she may be professionally perfunctory.

Everyone likes to get close to or make friends with such people. But I feel that the more people are so inconsistent and laugh at everyone, they may not consider anyone a friend.

Everyone hopes that they can be treated differently. At least when I am sincere, I hope that the other party will be less perfunctory.

Just like the "professional" fake smiles that some celebrities make in front of the audience all day long, I really don't like to see them.

I prefer sincerity, sincerity is a very scarce thing in this era.

It is also possible that the colleagues are unlikely to be friends in the first place, and they are just acquaintances at work.