01

The first time A Xiang and I met was at a gathering of friends.

I had just graduated at the time, and occasionally I would have gatherings with my college classmates at a rented house. We would cook together and relive the friendships we had in college. One time, Shiyu, who shared a room with me, said that a friend of hers wanted to come over to have a party with us tonight, and we all happily agreed.

Shiyu’s friend’s name is Axiang. I have known her for four years and I have never heard the name Axiang in her mouth. But as soon as Axiang saw us, he seemed to be deliberately showing everyone how close his relationship with Shiyu was, such as picking up food for Shiyu, talking about things about Shiyu that we didn't know, etc. wait. While he showed some signs of hostility towards the men present, he also did not forget to greet Shiyu with a smile. When Axiang discovered that all the men present seemed to be uninterested in Shiyu, the dining atmosphere gradually became harmonious.

I thought Axiang would go home that night, but I didn’t expect that he planned to stay. At that time, the accommodation conditions were relatively difficult, and there was only a broken sofa in the whole house for Axiang to sleep on. None of us were sleepy, so we naturally started chatting. The whole atmosphere was like a night chat in a college dormitory.

"Are you...interested in Shiyu?" I asked him.

I thought to myself that the sofa was not complete from the seat cushion to the backrest. This guy still insisted on staying the night. This is true love.

"Yeah." Axiang was silent for a moment, responded, and sighed again.

This thoughtful answer aroused my curiosity.

Shiyu has a beautiful face, tall figure, long hair, and is intellectual and sensible. Such a girl should have been very popular in school, but because she is very low-key, as far as I know, the people who pursue her There weren't many people. Sometimes I also find it strange that during the four years of college, she has never been in love once.

"Shiyu and I were high school classmates." Axiang said, his tone seemed to be missing his childhood sweetheart, "I have liked her since the second year of high school, and I have liked her for 6 years now."

I thought he would talk at length, but I didn’t expect him to summarize it in one sentence.

"What then?" I asked.

"After I fell in love with her, I started chasing her. I have been chasing her until now." Axiang said.

"During this period, she didn't express anything?"

"Well...actually, I don't know if those are expressions, but she didn't reject me anyway." Axiang said .

"Which ones?"

"I can't finish them in a while, after all, it's been six years."

When I woke up the next day , Axiang has left. Since then, Axiang began to appear frequently in our field of vision. Whether it's an occasional dinner party or an outing, he happily hangs out with us. Not long after, the residents next door to us moved out, and Axiang actually moved in. From then on, he began to have more intensive contact with Shiyu. He had meals, went shopping, visited the house, and sent flowers. Living under the same roof, he became more familiar with us.

Axiang’s attacks are becoming increasingly fierce, but Shiyu seems indifferent. I guess Shiyu has no feelings for him.

"I think you should make it clear to him." I said, "It's not easy for this guy to chase you for six years."

"Are you talking about Axiang? "I have told him several times that I don't like him," Shiyu said, "But what do you mean by chasing me for six years?"

"Yes." We talked about it at night when we first came here for dinner. Isn't it?"

"..." Shiyu was speechless for a moment, as if she had never noticed the six years that Axiang had promised her.

"Of course not. We were just high school classmates, and we were not in the same class at the time. Even if he expressed something to me at the time, I was in a relationship at the time and had no impression of him at all. ." Shiyu was a little angry. "There has been no contact since college. Now that I have just graduated, he suddenly comes out and says that he has liked me for six years. I am very confused. What would you think if it were you?"

Me Said: "Even if I have been chasing you for six years, I still don't like you if I don't like you. It has nothing to do with time."

"That's right." Shiyu said, "I will make it clear to him again.

To put it bluntly, he just moved himself and always said, "I have been chasing you for six years and done so much for you." I guess people who know him and me will think that he has deep affection for me, but What's the use? Falling in love is not about being moved. If you don't like it, you don't like it. If it's inappropriate, it's inappropriate. "

In fact, many people will say when they are suffering from unrequited love:

"How much self-esteem I gave up for you! ”

“For you, how many temptations have I rejected! "

"I have done so much for you, why don't you even look at me? ”

In fact, there is only one reason. You simply can’t make someone who doesn’t love you stay with you just because they are moved. The things you do to move the other person will only move you and yourself in the end. Just a crowd of onlookers.

02

In the stage of unrequited love, touching oneself is often just a person’s sorrow, but for lovers in a relationship, touching oneself will give them something. Both sides caused trouble.

Before graduating from college, my friend Juno finally broke up with her original boyfriend and found a new boyfriend very quickly. Juno’s new boyfriend was named Du Wei. , tall and straight, with a good family background, Du Wei seemed to be an ideal love partner, but at that time Juno had already found a job in Kunming. Once he agreed to be with Du Wei, it meant that he would be with her after graduation. , the two are about to start a long-distance relationship.

Even though it is very difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship, Juno still decided to be with Duwei. When I asked Juno why he was so brave, Juno told me. , Du Wei is a man of his word.

“He said he would take me swimming and he really did it. My ex-boyfriend never fulfilled this promise. He invited me to his house to play and even cooked for me. Oh my god, there were so many people chasing me before, how could anyone cook for me? ”

This is why Juno was attracted.

After graduation, Juno started working in Kunming. Du Wei would fly to Kunming to see her almost every weekend. The two were in a When I was in love, I saw the other person as a perfect being. But after the love period, problems began to show up.

“I have some differences with him. "Juno told me.

"For example? ”

“He is a relatively macho man. If I go out with a colleague, even if I go out with a female colleague, and I ignore him, he will get angry. In short, he will be jealous of anything around me that can attract my attention. The focus of my work and life must be him, and I must revolve around him. ”

I was surprised: “This is not just a bit inconsistent, it is quite inconsistent.” "

Juno said: "That's right. You also know that I am a person who likes to make friends and new things. How can I possibly live according to his ideas? So the frequency of our quarrels has skyrocketed recently. "

However, Du Wei believed that the reason for the quarrel between the two was a long-distance relationship, so he began to encourage Juno to return to Xiamen to work. In order to impress Juno with his sincerity, Du Wei even claimed to drive to Kunming to pick her up. Juno thought Du Wei was just talking casually, so he agreed. What Juno didn't expect was that not long after, Du Wei actually drove from Xiamen to Kunming and said with a smile that he would take her back to Xiamen.

< p> From that moment on, she felt a vague uneasiness in her heart, but she couldn't explain the reason for a while.

Du Wei lived in Kunming for a month. He drove her to work every day, picked her up from work, and had dinner with her. Over the past month, the relationship between the two of them had become much more harmonious, which made Du Wei even more convinced that long-distance relationships would lead to quarrels, so he wanted to take Juno back to Xiamen.

But Juno had mixed feelings in her heart. Du Wei drove to pick her up, which made her unable to bear to go against Du Wei's wishes. A month later, she finally agreed to go back to Xiamen with Du Wei. . Friends around Du Wei said that they have never seen Du Wei pay so much for a girl. I really want to become a woman and marry him. Juno’s friends also said that if there is a man who can use this kind of "Korean drama." To me, I will definitely cherish him.

However, the expected harmonious life did not come with the end of the long-distance relationship. Not long after, Juno and Du Wei began to They quarreled, and they seemed to be more frequent than when they were in a long-distance relationship.

Juno felt that Duwei loved her much more than she loved him.

She couldn't bear such a sacrifice, or fundamentally speaking, she didn't need Du Wei to do this, but she couldn't clearly refuse, so she was in a bad mood.

Du Wei also became very painful. During the long-distance relationship, he spent time and money every week to go to Kunming to see Juno. In order for Juno to come to Xiamen, he drove for three days and nights to Kunming to pick her up. He didn't understand why Juno still didn't give him a good look after he had paid so much.

Du Wei believed that his efforts in the relationship were not rewarded. As time went by, his patience gradually deteriorated, which greatly increased the intensity of the quarrel between the two. During the quarrel, old scores were brought up, which made the rift between the two people deeper and deeper.

Finally Juno couldn't bear this kind of life anymore and took the initiative to break up. Du Wei was so sad that he held her and cried bitterly, but he could not change her mind.

Juno decided to leave Xiamen. Before leaving, she sent a message to Du Wei: "You treat me very well. Thank you. I will remember all your efforts. But when it comes to love, , maybe we are really not suitable.”

03

In economics, there is a concept called “sunk cost”, which refers to those investments made in the past that cannot be recovered now or in the future. the cost of any decision change. Many people are often unable to extricate themselves from unrequited love because they feel that they have already given so much and cannot give up easily.

The energy and money they spend are sunk costs. And continuing to invest in it will only make yourself more and more blind, and you will be trapped in it and unable to extricate yourself.

When in a relationship, the factors that determine whether two people can go on smoothly may be mutual attraction, similar views, or mutual admiration, but it is never wishful thinking. Move, make yourself seem to be on the emotional high ground, and demand an equal response.

To put it more rationally, in a relationship, whether something has value and how valuable it is is determined by whether and how much the other party values ??it. You think that you have created value for the other party, and you are complacent about it, but the other party cannot empathize with you, because this is not what the other party wants, but will cause trouble and burden to the other party.

So, stop impressing yourself. There will always be someone who is truly suitable for you ahead of you, waiting for you to give your sincerity and return your true feelings.