The people we thought were lost always have the meaning of their visit, just like what they said, the roads they walked and the scenery they saw, which eventually turned into nutrients and continued to illuminate their future lives.
sometimes when we meet, it is the most romantic thing in itself that we exchange temperatures and feel dirty with each other.
1
The lights are silent and the snow rustles.
Ayou stood by the window, looking at Chen Ge standing in silence downstairs, just like seeing himself waiting silently under the street lamp in heavy snow many years ago. The swirling snow shattered in front of the glass window, as if it were noisy and silent, and time stood still.
maybe I'm lonely by nature and prefer to live up to my expectations.
Ayou edited this sentence on the bright mobile phone screen, sent a short message to Chen Ge, and then pressed the power off button without hesitation. Ayou never thought that she used to reject others word for word, and this reason, which she could remember for a lifetime, was gorgeous but empty, but now she suddenly let go of the past fifteen years.
what you get from one person will definitely be returned to another person.
because love is conservative.
2
At the age of eight, Ayou met Yan Shu for the first time during the Spring Festival.
According to adults, Yan Shu's parents divorced, so she had to return to her hometown in town. At that time, young Ayou didn't understand what divorce meant to children. She only knew that Yan Shu, who lived next door, was always unhappy and didn't want to play with other children.
Yan Shu's eyes are afraid of the direct look of other eyes, afraid that they are ready to expose everything about themselves at all times, and afraid that they will assimilate his world with the world of Datong. Just as Ayou is afraid of the lonely wind and sea, she is afraid that she will wake up in the morning and see the white world after a whole night of heavy snow, and she is afraid that a train will whistle sharply as it passes by.
Yan Shu is always aloof and determined as a teenager, and his eyes pass through many people indifferently. Probably because of this, most people around him, including Ayou, don't know much about Yan Shu's experience.
Ayou is strange and curious about the little guests from this city. She imitates adults to call him Xiao Shu. She gives him her candy and sits with him in the open space in front of her house and draws circles. Sometimes Yan Shu will stare at her warily, and sometimes he will acquiesce in Ayou's occupation of his territory.
Over time, Ayou, like Yan Shu, became an unsociable child. But Ayou doesn't feel lonely at all. She even secretly feels that it is her great honor to play with Ayou. In addition, Yan Shu is two years older than Ayou and two grades older than Ayou. Ayou always worships Yan Shu inexplicably.
the banquet of the general angle is a joke. Ayou was so happy to become Yan Shu's little sidekick.
3
Yan Shu graduated from primary school. Ayou studied hard, thinking that if his grades were good enough, he would be able to advanced placement, so that he could graduate with Yan Shu. After graduating from junior high school, she went to the best high school in the county. Ayou studied intently and finally got into the same school.
Yan Shu is no longer so withdrawn as before. He begins to surround himself with some beautiful girls. He tells them that Ayou is his sister, and Ayou is angry and doesn't talk.
Yan Shu and Ayou have become deskmates, and they can do many things together, such as doing homework, reading cartoons, chatting, playing gobang ... anything that can be done on a desktop.
Yan Shu simply thinks Ayou is his buddy, just like the classmate sitting in front of him.
But Ayou knew what he was thinking early. At that time, Ayou wrote in his diary every day: Ayou likes Yan Shu, and Yan Shu likes Ayou.
Yan Shu shared a May Day song "Satisfied" in the space. Ayou felt that the band was unspeakable, so she memorized all the May Day songs by heart.
Yan Shu said that he liked Platycodon grandiflorum in Inuyasha, and Ayou spent a summer vacation watching hundreds of episodes of Inuyasha completely. In the episode of Platycodon grandiflorum's death, Ayou called Yan Shu in tears and said that the person he liked was too miserable.
Yan Shu University went to other places. Ayou took a ten-hour train ride to see him, sat in a small shop outside the school with him, ate noodles and left in a hurry. She also felt satisfied.
Yan Shu, Yan Shu, Yan Shu, Ayou thinks this name is really nice. Ayou is so happy to care about every important little thing about Yan Shu.
the relationship between Yan Shu and Ayou is still the same, neither good nor bad. Until that summer, Yan Shu's hometown was flooded, and he submitted his application as a volunteer without hesitation. Since then, Ayou has often paid attention to the disaster reports in Yan Shu's hometown, and no one has seen Yan Shu since.
But Ayou has never had a chance to say "I like you" to Yan Shu again in her life. Yan Shu is worthy of the ocean, mountains and lakes, but the only girl who has failed him most.
when you love someone but can't get it, when someone says that they love you but don't want you, it's time for you to give up.
4
Later, Ayou tried all the contact methods and went to Yan Shu's hometown several times to inquire about him, but everything about him was still missing.
It seems that those who have experienced a lot are always quiet in the crowd. Ayou hides the love and enthusiasm of the past and the lack of parents' divorce, and begins a college life that is neither salty nor light.
She signed up for a guitar club, a sound band, and began to learn guitar and sing. In just two years, she has been able to play and sing and write her own songs.
When she was holding the guitar, she sat quietly in the center of the stage, chanting:
Miss is always light and silent.
The fate is too shallow and the memories are limited. ?
Regret will not be rebuilt, and don't covet beauty. ?
Chen Ge stood in the audience. He confessed to Ayou most loudly under the stage. He drove Ayou to class and back to the dormitory every day. He crossed the street to buy Ayou a satisfying breakfast. He liked everything Ayou liked. He treats Ayou today as Ayou treated Yan Shu many years ago.
Ayou met Chen Ge in the Guitar Club. At that time, Chen Ge was still a boy who spoke slowly. Later, they had some common languages because of the guitar. Ayou was good at writing lyrics, just as Chen Ge was good at composing music, and they became very good friends.
However, Ayou's vacant feelings of unknown origin can never be made up. Even if it is the company of getting along with each other day and night, even if it is sincere, she feels as if she has no spare heart to love someone.
One day, Ayou invited a group of people from the Guitar Club to perform in the square. After dinner that night, Ayou happened to meet Chen Ge who went for a walk in the square. Ayou hid in the crowd to observe. There are too many people to see the front, and I don't know if it's the alcohol. Everything is bright, just like the distant future. Laughing men and women, family members holding hands, accompanying tourists and us passed by.
At that moment, Ayou suddenly felt so small, but so safe. She ended her long dream in the longing city, opened her eyes and saw a colorful tomorrow. When Chen Ge found Ayou, she suddenly froze.
the long night is like a monster waiting in silence. Because it is too big, so big that it can swallow everything and be silent. Chen Ge's concern for Ayou and Chen Ge's care for Ayou all seem to sink into the silent sea.
Chen Ge sent Ayou downstairs to her house. His eyes were particularly bright under the street lamp. He said, "Ayou, let's be together." Ayou paused, said sorry, turned and left upstairs, letting Chen Ge ask why in a panic, and only responded with the bustling snow.
Chen Ge would rather stand aimlessly downstairs and stare at that window like a fool. Passers-by in the street after midnight are endless, and the street under the orange street lamp is as bustling as during the day.
Ayou simply drew the curtain, and his mind echoed with the words he had just sent to Chen Ge. He suddenly realized that one day, there will be someone waiting for Chen Ge in the snow, the wind and the sun, just like Ayou standing under a street lamp waiting for Yan Shu and Chen Ge standing in the snow waiting for Ayou. You have no idea who you are waiting for. In fact, neither does the person who will love you in the future.
At this time, Chen Ge and Ayou are very similar, like a person enjoying loneliness, and like being tied to the loneliness and noise of this city. Only in such a night can more complicated emotions be temporarily hidden and take themselves seriously as a part of excitement and emptiness.
5
Because of loneliness, I prefer to live up to expectations.
People who can make you feel lonely will only disappoint you. What you have failed is only those people who will not feel lonely even if they are not here.
don't worry, take your time. The length of a life is a certain formula, and it will all be over. Look, the wind of the new season, with faint fishy smell and distant news, is blowing from the sea again. Find a person, in the moonlight like water, blowing the sea breeze and drinking some wine.
and that train bound for the north will always be on the road, carrying people away and waiting to return. Through the wilderness before dawn, the sunlight rises from the horizon, spreads out inch by inch, and falls into the eyes again. That may be what the years will eventually stay like.