1.

When Yu Minhong gave a speech at Ningxia University, he told the story of "6 apples".

When I was studying at Peking University, there was a local Beijing classmate in Yu Minhong’s dormitory. Every weekend when he went home, he would bring back 6 apples.

The classmates in the dormitory happily thought that he was going to give 6 apples to 6 of them to eat. As a result, this classmate did not and instead ate 1 apple a day by himself, exactly for a week.

Many years later, when Yu Minhong looked back on this incident, he still couldn't help but comment: "If he could have shared the apples with everyone, everyone would have shared their bananas, peaches, and grapes with him. If he eats it, he can still get 6 fruits, and the taste will be richer. But he has no sense of sharing and exchange.

Later, after graduation, this classmate also wanted to start a career. Among the classmates, no one was willing to help him, including me, because the story of "6 Apples" made us unforgettable: he didn't know how to exchange and share, and even if he achieved success, he would not repay those who helped him. People. ”

The essence of interpersonal relationships is exchange. I give what I have in exchange for what you have. A win-win situation is achieved between the two parties, and the relationship is also established in the exchange. Of course, the establishment of all relationships is not the result of all equivalent exchanges, but it must be established through exchanges between you and me.

People who don’t know how to exchange can only stick to what they have in their hands. They cannot flow or add value, and they cannot exchange for more friends and opportunities.

2.

In Li Xiaolai's book "Treat Time as a Friend", I read such a story:

A little boy in kindergarten, He has many toys, but he refuses to give them to other children, but only shares them with a little girl.

The teacher asked him: "Why don't you share it with other children and just play with the little girl?

The little boy replied: "Because I like her. "

The teacher asked again: "Why do you like her? "

The little boy said: "Because other children will only grab my toys, but she is the only one who can trade toys with me. ”

Human nature prefers equality and reciprocity. Only equal exchange will not cause one party to suffer losses, and both parties can become partners.

3,

What will happen if the relationship between people violates equal exchange?

First of all, the party who has given more will feel aggrieved and stop giving, and the relationship will end.

Do you still remember Fan Shengmei in "Ode to Joy"? That girl represents the real situation of thousands of girls in rural China. She lives in a shared house, wears fake brand-name clothes, and is looked down upon by rich girls. She lives frugally and saves money. I gave the money to my mother to support my brother and his family who were not doing well.

My mother treated her as a cash machine. My brother and sister-in-law, who blatantly spent money on my sister, thought about their future for a moment. No?

She kept on giving and suffered. In the end, her brother got into trouble again and needed a lot of money to pay off the debt. With the help of her friend Andy, she hid the property certificate of her hometown. , to guard the little property that should belong to her.

Fan Shengmei cried bitterly in the cold wind. How pitiful. She has been working silently for so many years without any reward. This is actually being forced into an unequal situation. Relationship.

Peer-to-peer exchange is the essence of interpersonal communication. If one party pays but does not receive anything in return, then the effort will become a loss for him.

In psychology, there is a loss aversion effect. For example, if we lose 100 yuan, the regret caused by it is 2.5 times the happiness when we pick up 100 yuan! This means that people estimate the "value of something lost" to be higher than the "value of the same thing gained."

Therefore, giving without reward will make the person giving feel particularly short-changed and aggrieved. Of course, they will stop giving and the relationship between the two parties will end.

Secondly, there is a lack of equal exchange. Even if you insist on giving sincerely, you will be looked down upon by the other party.

I have a college classmate. She and her boyfriend have been in love since their freshman year. As a considerate and considerate girlfriend, she thinks about everything for her boyfriend. She buys him snacks, jackets, clothes, underwear, and socks. The female classmate has a giving personality. In love, She puts herself very low, like a virtuous daughter-in-law who has been married for many years, and like a meticulous mother who takes care of her boyfriend.

The boy enjoyed it at first, but gradually he got used to his girlfriend's efforts, and later, he became so accustomed to it that he ignored it.

The little sisters in our dormitory all said that she was a bit too much. The more girls asked for nothing, the less boys cherished her. We had advised her to buy less stuff for her boyfriend. The female classmates all smiled with happy expressions of "I am willing to do so".

I remember that one winter afternoon, my female classmate was sitting at the desk in the dormitory as usual, her body was as quiet as a mountain, but her face was filled with tears, and big drops of tears rolled down her face. It fell on my pants, but there was no cry. I was startled and cried silently, it must have been a serious injury. I quickly asked her what was wrong. She hugged me and said, "He cheated on me."

Later, after many twists and turns, apologies, and forgiveness, we finally broke up when we graduated. The seven-year relationship ended in illness.

People who do not get rewards for their efforts will stop their losses in time and take back their sincerity. You said that you are willing to give without asking for anything in return, and that you truly love him. However, if you pay too much, it will become pressure for him and a loss of dignity for you. The reward comes late, the harm comes first. Even if you are a holy mother, you cannot bear to be ignored or stabbed. What can save you is to end the unequal relationship and turn your life around.

4.

How can we create healthy interpersonal relationships through equal exchange?

First: Maintain a sense of proportion in interpersonal interactions.

When goods are exchanged, they must be exchanged at equal value, which means that my sheep is worth 50 yuan, and in exchange for your beef, it must also be worth 50 yuan. The difference cannot be too much. After all, it is rare for a product to be discounted. If there are too many discounts, it will go out of business.

In interpersonal interactions, we must also remember the principle of basic equivalence. If you give me 6 points, I'll give you almost 6 points. Just keep it in perspective. Otherwise, if you give too much to others, they will not be able to bear it, and they will be forced to owe you favors, which will only increase the pressure; if you give too little, it will appear that you have no structure and you will be looked down upon.

Li Ka-shing has a famous "only score 6 points" philosophy. When Li Ka-shing does business with business partners, if he can get 8 points of profit, he only takes 6 points and gives the 2 points to the business partner.

With this kind of wisdom, Li Ka-shing will not get much less. At the same time, if the partners get 2 points more profit, they will trust Li Ka-shing more, which will open the door for further cooperation in the future.

The wisdom of maintaining a sense of proportion and satisfying the other party is worth learning.

Second: Don’t treat people badly who have sacrificed for you.

The most rare thing in the world is sincerity, whether it is a friend or a lover, a relative or a passer-by. The most difficult debt to repay in the world is the debt owed to a person.

When interacting with someone, if the other person takes the initiative to treat you well, if you can afford it, then date him; if you can't afford it, don't accept the other person's kindness, and don't let others waste their efforts. .

Speaking of living up to it, I think of Hu Ge. In the car accident in Hengdian in 2006, his assistant Zhang Mian suffered severe brain damage in the car accident in order to protect Hu Ge, and died of ineffective treatment. Later, Hu Ge also narrowly escaped death. He needed more than 100 stitches on his neck and almost lost the sight in his right eye.

Later, after Hu Ge came back, he recalled this lovely, kind-hearted girl in the book "The Happy Scavenger". He donated all the royalties to Zhang Mian's parents. He also donated to more than 30 schools in Zhang Mian's name, including Yunnan Weixin's donation to Nursery Hope Primary School.

Such a person is trustworthy.

Repay kindness and don’t mistreat those who have given precious emotions to you.

The relationship between people is so complicated. You don’t have to carry too much, and you don’t have to ask for too much. Exchange equally, know how to measure, and don’t treat others badly. At least you can live a more relaxed life.