The following is the story of a woman who is now a grandmother. A few years ago, I went to the town where she lived to give a lecture and stayed at her house for one night. The next day she drove me to the station 50 miles away to catch a train. In the car, we talked about how to make friends, and she said:
Mr. Carnegie, I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone—something even my husband doesn’t know. Our family used to live on welfare in Philadelphia. The greatest tragedies of my young years all came from our poverty. I could never enjoy a proper social life like other girls. My clothes are shabby and of course the styles are out of date. I felt shameless and often cried myself to sleep. In desperation, I suddenly came up with a plan. Every time at a party, I asked my male partner to talk about his experiences, thoughts and plans for the future. I asked these questions, not that I was particularly interested in their answers, but really just to distract them from my shabby appearance. But something amazing happened: As I listened to these young people talk, I learned something and started to take a real interest. I became so interested that I forgot about the clothing issue. But what surprised me the most was: because I was a good listener and encouraged them to talk about themselves, they were always happy when they were with me. I gradually became the most popular girl, and three men asked for me. Marry him. ”
Some people may see this and say: “It’s all nonsense to be interested in other people’s affairs!” I'm too lazy to meddle in other people's affairs. As long as I make money and get what I want, why bother with other people's business?
Dr. Frank Lupa of Seattle has been paralyzed for 23 years. But Stuart Whitehouse of the Seattle Star-Telegram told me: "I have interviewed Dr. Lupa many times, and I don't know if he is still paralyzed." Who could be more selfless and make better use of life than him. "
How can this bedridden patient make the most of his life? I'll ask you to guess twice. Did he do it because of criticism and complaints? Of course not... Then it was because of self-pity. Taking himself as the center of everything? Of course he is wrong again! In fact, it is just because he follows Wells’ five-word oath: “I serve people. "He collected the names and addresses of many other paralyzed patients and wrote letters of encouragement to them. In fact, he organized a paralyzed people's fellowship club to let everyone write letters to each other, and finally he organized a nationwide community organization.
He writes an average of 1,400 letters a year while lying in bed, sending joy to thousands of people who share the same problem.
What is the biggest difference between Dr. Lupa and others? There is an infinite spiritual power and a sense of mission. He deeply understands that a motivation higher than his own life will bring real joy. As Bernard Shaw said: "A self-centered person always complains." The world cannot conform to his heart and cannot make him happy. "Melancholy is a long-term emotion of anger and blame towards others. The purpose is to win the care, sympathy and support of others. The patient seems to still be depressed by his own guilt. Most of the first things that patients with depression recall are: “I remember wanting to lie down on the sofa, but my brother lay down first and I cried until he had to get up and let me. ”
Depressed patients often commit suicide to retaliate against themselves, so the doctor’s first step is to avoid giving him any excuse to commit suicide. The first step in my own treatment is to relieve this tension first. I would say: “Never do anything you don’t like. "It doesn't seem like much, but I'm convinced it's the root of everything. If the patient does what he wants, who can he blame? How can he take revenge on himself? I tell them: "If you want to go to the theater, Or take a vacation and just do it. If you don't want to go halfway, then don't go. "This is the best situation, because his sense of superiority will be satisfied. He will do as he pleases like God. However, this is completely inconsistent with his habits. He originally wanted to control others and blame others. If everyone agrees with him, He has no control over it. None of my patients have ever committed suicide in this way.
The patient usually responds, "But there's nothing I like to do." ’ I had my answer ready to them because I’ve heard it so many times, and I would say, ‘Then don’t do anything you don’t like. ” Sometimes he would reply: “ I want to stay in bed all day. "I know that as long as I agree, he won't do it. And if I object, it will cause a big fight. I usually agree.
This is one way.
Another approach to their lifestyle is more direct. I tell them, "Just follow this prescription and you'll be healed within 14 days. Just find a way to please others every day." Let's see what they think. Their thoughts have long been occupied by themselves, and they will think: "Why should I worry about others?" Some people will say: "This is too easy for me, I have been pleasing others my whole life." In fact, they absolutely do not do it. Pass. I told them: "When you can't sleep, you can spend all your time thinking about who you can make happy, and this will be very helpful to your health." The next day I asked them: "Did you take photos of me last night?" Do you want to do it?" They replied: "I fell asleep as soon as I went to bed last night." Of course, this was done in a gentle and friendly atmosphere, without any hint of force.
Some people will say: "I can't do it, I'm too annoyed!" I will say: "Don't stop worrying, just think about others at the same time." I want their attention transferred to others. Many people say: "Why should I please others? Why don't others please me?" I reply: "Other people will suffer later." I have rarely met a patient who said: "I followed your advice. I thought about it. "All my efforts were to increase the patient's interest in others. I understand that the cause of their illness is a lack of harmony with others. I want them to understand this. When they can put others on an equal footing of cooperation, they will be cured. The hardest of the Ten Commandments is "Love thy neighbor." People who are not interested in others not only have serious difficulties themselves, but also cause the greatest harm to those around them. All human failures are caused by this type of people. "What we ask of a person and the highest appreciation we can give is that he should be a good colleague, a good friend, and a good partner in love and marriage."
Lin Kzeng, Director of the New York Psychological Services Center Said: "I think one of the most important discoveries of modern psychology is that it has been scientifically proven that both self-sacrifice and discipline are necessary to achieve self-realization and happiness."
Mrs. Yates is a Novelist, but none of the novels she wrote were as true and exciting as her own stories. Her story takes place on the morning of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. Mrs. Yates had been unable to move in bed for more than a year due to a poor heart condition and had to spend 22 hours a day in bed. The longest journey is from the room to the garden for sunbathing. Even then, he still had to rely on the support of a maid to move around.
"I thought I would be bedridden for the rest of my life. If the Japanese hadn't bombed Pearl Harbor, I would never be able to truly live again.
"When the bombing happened, everything All fell into chaos. A bomb fell near my house, causing me to fall out of bed. The Army sent trucks to pick up the wives and children of Marine and Army service members who took refuge at the school. People from the Red Cross called people who had spare rooms. They knew I had a phone next to my bed and asked if I would help contact the centre. So I recorded where the wives and children of the navy and army were staying, and the Red Cross people would ask those gentlemen to call me to find their families.
"Soon I found out that my husband was safe. So I tried to cheer up the wives who didn't know whether their husbands were alive or dead, and I also comforted the widows - many wives had lost their husbands. This time the one who died in battle The total number of officers and soldiers was 2,117, and 960 people were missing.
“At the beginning, I was still lying on the bed to answer the phone, and then I sat on the bed. Finally, as I became more and more busy and excited, I forgot about my problem and started to get out of bed and sit at the table. Because helping others who were worse off than I was, I completely forgot about myself and I never had to lie in bed except for the eight hours I slept each night. I discovered that if Japan had not bombed Pearl Harbor, I might have been a useless person for the rest of my life. I was lying on the bed very comfortably. I was always waiting passively. Now I realized that subconsciously I had lost the will to recover.
“The bombing of Pearl Harbor was one of the greatest tragedies in American history, but for me personally, it was the most important good thing. This crisis allowed me to find a strength I never knew I had. It It forces me to turn my attention away from myself and onto others. It also gives me an important reason to live, and I no longer have time to think about myself or take care of myself."
Psychiatrist's Patient If. If you can all help others like Mrs. Yates did, at least 1/3 can be cured.
Is this my personal opinion? No, this is what the famous psychologist Jung said. He said: 1/3 of my patients cannot find any medical cause. They just cannot find the meaning of life and feel sorry for themselves.
Let’s take a look at the most outstanding American atheist of the 20th century—Theodore Dreiser. Dreiser regarded all religions as myths and life as "a story told by a fool, without any meaning." But he followed one of Jesus’ principles—to serve others. Dreiser said, "If you want to get any happiness from life, you can't just think about yourself, but you should think about others, because happiness comes from you being for others and others being for you."
A person was taken Go see heaven and hell so that you can choose your destination wisely after comparing them. He first went to see the hell controlled by the devil. The first sight was very surprising, because everyone was sitting at the wine table, and the table was filled with various delicacies, including meat, fruits, and vegetables.
When he looked closely at the people, however, he saw not a single smiling face, and no sign of the music or revelry that accompanied the feast: the people sitting around the table looked dull, listless, and skinny. He also found that each person had a fork tied to their left arm and a knife tied to their right arm. Both the knives and forks had 4-foot-long handles, making them unable to use them for eating. So even though they had every food at their fingertips, they still couldn't eat it and were constantly hungry.
Then he went to heaven again, and the scene was exactly the same: there was the same food, knives, forks, and those 4-foot-long handles, but the residents in heaven were singing and laughing. He wondered why the situation was the same but the results were so different - people in hell were hungry and miserable, but people in heaven were well fed and happy. Finally, he finally saw the answer: everyone in hell is trying to feed themselves, but it is impossible to eat with a knife, a fork and a 4-foot-long handle; everyone in heaven is feeding the person opposite, and is also being eaten. People on the other side feed each other, and because they help each other, they end up helping themselves.
This revelation is very clear. If you help other people get what they need, you'll get what you want, and the more people you help, the more you'll get.
Many years ago, in Northern Virginia, an old man stood on the bank of a river, waiting to cross. Because the weather was very cold and there was no bridge across the river, he had to cross the river on horseback. After a long wait, he finally saw a group of people on horseback approaching. The first one has passed, the second has passed, the third, the fourth, and the fifth have all passed. Finally, only the last rider was left. When he walked up to the old man, the old man looked him in the eyes and said, "Sir, can you take me on horseback across the river?"
The man on horseback said without hesitation: "Of course you can." , get on your horse."
As soon as he crossed the river, the old man got off his horse. Before he left, the man on horseback asked: "Sir, I saw that you let other riders pass in front of you without stopping them, but you stopped me when I passed by. I want to know this. "Why."
The old man replied calmly: "I don't see love in their eyes. I know in my heart that even if I ask them, they will not agree. But in your case. In your eyes, I saw sympathy, love and enthusiasm, so I knew you would be happy to help me cross the river." After hearing these words, the horseman said very humbly: "I am very grateful. What you just said made me understand something."
With these words, Thomas Jefferson entered the White House and began his career in office.
——Quoted from "The Complete Works of the Advantages of Human Nature" by Yanbian People's Publishing House