Friends-a symbol of friendly relations and friendship. Everyone has good friends, and some people are proud of making noble and sincere friends. Some people may regard dogs, cats, birds and other animals as their friends because they give you some spiritual comfort. Some people may regard things like computers, toys and cars as their friends, because they bring you material enjoyment. Friendship is a simple and complicated relationship. Simple, you can become friends if you have only met once, or even if you have never met.

Complex, even husband and wife, are not necessarily true friends. A country has international friends. We have had many good friends in international relations. North Korea, separated by a river, our most lovely people once shed blood for them. Vietnam, who shared the same river, once helped them fight invaders. In Albania, and heaven remains our neighbourhood, we selflessly supported eastern bloc's brother when we were still underdeveloped. These close friends are bought by our selfless efforts. I don't know who said: in international relations, there are only eternal interests and no eternal friends. The connotation of this sentence, in the later development, really hit home. In society, we make intimate friends, and of course there are also fair-weather friends. In our life and work, we will make many friends intentionally or unintentionally. Some are sincere and honest, some are flashy, and some deceive each other. Some people say: "Birds of a feather flock together, people are divided into groups", and the concept of this sentence is vague.

Because in our life and work, it's not necessarily the same kind that we gather together, and it's not necessarily the same group that we divide. When friends are in communication, the duration of friendship is equal to the reciprocal relationship between them. If the two sides are different in some aspects, they will definitely find each other in another aspect. If not, the friendship between friends will be short-lived. To put it more realistically, it is to reciprocate a peach, and some people swear by the promise of giving a drop of water as a reward from a spring. We are all relatives and friends in the family. Relatives and friends are related by blood. Blood is thicker than water.

However, the strongest bond between relatives and friends is still material, but family ties are also needed. When visiting relatives and friends, weddings and funerals, gifts and red envelopes should be given according to the market situation. There is something to rush ahead of each other, regardless of gains and losses, but also the spirit of suffering. Such relatives can get closer and closer and closer. If you are still in power, you should use your power to do something important for your family. Such as children's further education, employment, promotion, transfer, housing distribution, etc., the more the better, otherwise, they have the right not to make it invalid, and when you leave office, people at home ignore you. However, such a thing can only be understood without words, and it can't be publicized with great fanfare.

I don't need to say that everyone knows this situation, and some things will be forgiven as long as enough is enough. There are classmates and friends among the students at school. Comparatively speaking, the relationship between classmates and friends is sincere, because they are all friendships accumulated from the time when we were young. Therefore, the friendship of primary school students is deeper than that of middle school students, the friendship of middle school students is stronger than that of high school students, the friendship of high school students is purer than that of university students, and the friendship of university students is more sincere than that of social university students. The friendship between classmates is pure and solid.

After ten years of cold window, students can form deep feelings and sincere friendship, mainly because of less economic exchanges and less utilitarian colors, which makes the friendship tree between students evergreen. Friends in the army are called comrades-in-arms In the war years, they joined the army together, fought in the south and fought in the north, and were comrades-in-arms who shed blood together. Together, life and death are inseparable, and the friendship is unforgettable and indelible.

In peacetime, we joined the army together, slept in the same room and ate a pot of rice together. Although we didn't shed blood, we sweated together. When we are together, we don't remember what we lost. What we need is friendship and nostalgia. Therefore, the love of comrades-in-arms is simple and simple. It is this simple friendship that has laid a solid foundation for the deepening of friendship in the future. Friends at work are called colleagues. It is a kind of fate that determines this relationship between colleagues and friends. Speaking of this relationship, it is even closer than the relationship between husband and wife, because most of the good times in life are spent with colleagues. However, this kind of relationship between colleagues and friends, although there is a good environment, is difficult to do well. Because this is the place where the struggle is the most intense. Why is this so? Because this is the distribution center of people's life interests, everyone will show their eighteen martial arts to the fullest on this stage. There is a great atmosphere in which you can sing and I will go on stage.

Of course, there will also be friends who never turn back, friends who forget the past year, and loved relatives and friends. However, as long as you haven't quit this stage, you have to perform on this stage according to the needs of the role. If the performance is good, you may become a star. If the performance is bad, it is said that some people have lost their lives. This is by no means alarmist. The friendship between men and women is the most complicated. There is a difference between men and women when people are born, and it will not change until they drive cranes to the west. Now that science and technology are developed, there are changes. For whatever reason, it is not so natural, although the tolerance of today's society is getting wider and wider. Between men and women, in childhood, when Qi Mei was cited, there was not much sense of men and women. Therefore, there was a saying that there was no guessing.

Confucius once put forward three conditions of "being a good friend". The first is straight. Straight not only does not turn in the heart (integrity), but also does not turn in the mouth (frankness). Generally speaking, it is not difficult to be "decent", but it is more difficult to be "upright". It is very difficult to be able to see the shortcomings and mistakes of others, especially those who dare to be close to themselves (such as friends), and to be "straightforward". One of the difficulties is that it is difficult to say it because of human feelings; The second difficulty is that it is difficult to make up your mind because you are concerned about utilitarianism. It is difficult for someone to do such a "stupid thing" if it hurts others' face and is not good for themselves (it is not good for themselves). However, although the truth is ugly, it is out of "true love." Therefore, if you can get a "direct friend", it is really a great fortune in life.

secondly, forgive me. If a friend makes a mistake, he can "forgive"; It is not difficult to "forgive" yourself if you have done something sorry to yourself. However, it is not easy to really stand in the other person's position and put yourself in the other person's shoes. In particular, he did something that was universally acknowledged as "unkind and unjust", which directly hurt himself without apologizing, and he was able to "forgive" regardless of his own responsibility. That was really extremely difficult! It is not difficult for a person who values fame to be "straight" for the sake of fame; It is not difficult for a person who pursues real benefits to "bend" regardless of his reputation; It is almost impossible for a person to "trust" his friends regardless of fame and real benefits. But only such friends are true friends.

the third is "smell more". A well-read person is of course a "good friend". On the contrary, it is "damaging friends." "Bad friends" also has three characteristics. First, it is "not straight" because it looks upright, but it is all mandarin, rhetoric and social intercourse on the scene. On the surface, it is impeccable, but it is not just inside. Second, I only know how to please each other, even at the expense of echoing mistakes, "referring to a deer as a horse", being considerate and understanding on the surface, but not sincere in my heart, so I "don't forgive"; Third, boasting, not saying what you mean, being eloquent on the surface, but having no ink in your heart, of course, can't be counted as "smelling more." These three kinds of people are quite confusing, but they are actually the most harmful, so they are "friends."

Therefore, the way for a gentleman to make friends has the following principles:

The first is "being natural". Don't make friends (don't force others to make friends) and don't make friends (don't make friends with others casually). True friends are always available but not desirable. You can look for opportunities, but you can't create them. Rashness is even worse. "A bowl of wine at the turn of life and death" is cool, but it is actually unreliable.

the second is "super utility". Those who collude because of "profit" can't be called "friends", but only "cronies" This kind of people, because they are mercenary, are in cahoots when their interests are consistent; When it is unprofitable, it will be scattered; Once the interests conflict, they turn against each other and bite each other. Where can there be "friendship"? Only those who make friends because of "righteousness" can fight side by side for justice, and only then can they become "direct friends" if they are out of date and dare to speak out, or become "forgiving friends" because of their righteousness.

the third is "removing suspects". A friend's friendship depends on loyalty, and whenever there is doubt, there will be bad blood. Therefore, it is said that "knowing people is indispensable, suspicion is indispensable, and suspicion is indispensable." The hardest thing to do here is "a little suspicion can't be ignored." Because decent people are inevitably lofty or even lonely, they often boast that "there is no room for a grain of sand in their eyes." Of course, I am strict with myself, and I am not low on others (especially those who are considered "qualified" to make friends with myself), and I often think that it is just a "minimum" requirement. So, if you are dissatisfied, you will be charged with a big crime. You just want to have a positive relationship and a pure friendship. As a result, "there is no fish when the water is clear, and there is no disciple when people are inspected", and finally they can only isolate themselves. The real "friendship between gentlemen" should be based on the principle that "the big line does not care about the details, and the big gift does not hesitate to make small concessions", focusing on the big picture, being informal, and seeking common ground while reserving differences is the long-term solution.

the fourth is "tolerance". Tolerance is a two-way street. Be tolerant of your friends as well as yourself. You can't accuse others of negligence just because you can do it; You can't feel ashamed just because you can't do it. Gold is not enough, and people are not sages. Everyone, those who can do it, those who can't do it, there are always things that can and can't be done. Therefore, you don't have to be hard on others or yourself, so as not to lose the equality between friends.

the fifth is "courage". Whether you can "remove suspicion" and "be more tolerant" depends on whether you have "courage"; Whether there is "courage" or not depends entirely on "super-utility". In fact, because a gentleman values righteousness over profit, he is naturally open-minded because of his personal gains and losses. Because the villain values profit over righteousness, or is afraid that he can't get what he wants, or that he can't protect what he gets, or that he can't protect everything, he naturally haggles over every ounce and suffers from loss. This is called "An upright man is open and poised while a petty man is anxious and worried.". When dealing with people, a gentleman is frank, serene and Shu Tai, and never bullies the weak or bullies others. The villain is proud of himself, for fear of losing respect, and it is inevitable that he will be domineering and adamant. This is called "a gentleman is Thai but not arrogant, and a villain is arrogant but not Thai". In the same way, a gentleman seeking justice only needs to reflect on himself; The villain's pursuit of profit is bound to follow suit. This is called "a gentleman seeks himself, and a villain seeks others." Those who seek for themselves have no interest in each other, are stubborn and do not fight, and are not party-oriented, naturally indifferent and quiet; Those who ask for all kinds of people collude with each other and use each other, and it is indispensable to eat, drink, pander, say sweet words and give some petty profits. This is called "a friendship between gentlemen is as light as water, and a friendship between villains is as sweet as honey". Good friends and bad friends, isn't it the difference between a gentleman and a villain? Endurance and Career Our ancestors not only had successful experiences of achieving great things because of forbearance, but also had painful lessons of losing things because they didn't know how to tolerate. For example, Liu Bei, the master of Shu, was a generation of heroes in the Three Kingdoms period. However, after Guan Yu's carelessness in Jingzhou was killed by Soochow, he lost his mind, lost patience, refused to listen to Zhuge Liang and others' dissuasion and made peace with Soochow, and led an army of 6 million to attack Soochow. Lu Xun, a young general of Soochow, burned the camp for 6 miles, and the Shu army was wiped out and weakened. Although loyal officials such as Zhuge Liang spared no effort to save Shu. From this point of view, the premature demise of Shu State is inseparable from Liu Bei's intransigence.

forbearance is a great wisdom to be a man. We advocate tolerance, but not weakness. We don't advocate unprincipled tolerance of losing personality. We should fight in this struggle, but we should pay attention to reason, benefit and restraint.

Yesterday Shun admonished Yu, saying, "If you are not proud, the world should not compete with you for energy; if you are not cutting, the world should not compete with you for merit.". Once upon a time, Shun Di warned Yu: "As long as you don't brag about your talents, then no one in the world will compete with you for energy;" As long as you don't boast about your achievements, then no one in the world will compete with you. " Explain that only humility can leave room and convince everyone.

Laozi's Tao Te Ching says, "Qu is complete, waste is straight, depression is surplus, we are new, less is gain, and more is confusion. It is based on the sage holding one for the world. Do not see yourself, so be clear; It is not self-evident, so it is obvious; If you don't cut yourself, you have merit; Not proud, so long. The husband is only indisputable, so the world can't compete with it. In ancient times, the so-called song is the whole person, so it is not empty! Return with sincerity. "

translated into vernacular Chinese, it means: if you bend, you can seek perfection; if you bend, you can stretch; if you are low, you can fill; if you are old, you can renew; if you take less, you can gain more; if you are greedy, you will be confused. Therefore, saints always persistently pursue one aspect and think about the most common theoretical principles for the world. I don't always patronize myself, so I'm wise, not self-righteous, so I'm open-minded, not arrogant, so I can succeed, so I can make progress. As long as you don't fight for power and profit with others, the whole world will naturally not compete with you. Is the so-called compromise in the old adage an empty promise? It is this sincere compromise that has achieved the perfect effect.