First, the background and significance of the topic.

It is reported that the Sociology Department of Shandong University selected two job fairs for college graduates held in Jinan and sent 1500 questionnaires to investigate and analyze the supply and demand of college graduates this year. The results show that employers pay most attention to students' comprehensive quality, and the ability of college students has become the focus of employers' attention, especially their interpersonal skills.

We know that Ma Jiajue, the chief culprit of the "2.23 murder case" in Yunnan University, which sensationalized the whole country, embarked on the road of murder because of some minor contradictions with his classmates. This matter has to cause us to think. Therefore, in our life, study and work, we should face up to and solve the problems of being unwilling to communicate, not knowing how to communicate and not being good at communicating, shape our own image, treat interpersonal communication with a positive attitude and behavior, and establish harmonious interpersonal relationships.

We hope to get to know some communication knowledge by understanding the characteristics and principles of interpersonal communication. Combining these characteristics and principles, we can find suitable ways to cultivate our interpersonal skills and promote our own interpersonal relationships.

Second, the introduction of college students' interpersonal skills

1. Meaning of interpersonal communication ability: Social communication ability refers to the ability to properly handle the internal and external relations of an organization, including the ability to establish extensive contacts with the surrounding environment, absorb and transform external information, and correctly handle the upper, lower, left and right relations.

2. Types of interpersonal skills:

(1) The ability to express understanding refers to whether a person can express his inner thoughts and let others clearly understand his thoughts, and to understand others' expressions. A person's expressive ability can also directly prove his degree of social adaptation.

(2) Interpersonal integration ability indicates whether a person can experience credibility and loveliness. It has a lot to do with personality (such as extroversion and extroversion), but it is not entirely determined by it, but more of a psychological meaning.

(3) the ability to solve problems. At present, one of the weaknesses of the only child is strong dependence, poor ability to solve problems independently, and the disadvantages of exam-oriented education, which seriously affects students' communicative competence.

Third, the importance of cultivating interpersonal skills.

Interpersonal communication ability is the ability to live in harmony with others in a group. People are social people. It is hard to imagine what a person's life would be like without society and communication with others. If someone exists, he must associate with others. When we go out into the society, we will deal with all kinds of people. Whether you can get others' support and help in dealing with people will involve your own ability. I think we should cultivate our ability to deal with classmates, teachers, leaders and employees during our study in school. When talking with classmates, you can debate on different academic viewpoints and different understandings of social phenomena, so as to improve your thinking ability in the debate; Talking with teachers can exchange reading experience, sort out different ideas and understandings, and get inspiration from them; Talking with leaders can fully exchange their different views on the problem, and perhaps exercise themselves not to get stage fright in front of leaders; When dealing with employees, we can understand their working status and different mentality. Be good at communicating with people, and you will learn a lot from it that books can't.

1. Interpersonal communication is an important way to maintain college students' physical and mental health.

(1) Interpersonal relationships affect the physical and mental state of college students.

Young college students are active in thinking and rich in feelings, and have a strong demand for interpersonal communication. Everyone is eager for sincere friendship, and everyone tries to gain friendship through interpersonal communication to meet their material and spiritual needs. However, in the face of new environment, new objects and tense study life, some students' psychological contradictions have intensified. At this time, positive interpersonal communication and good interpersonal relationship can make people feel happy, full of emotions, full of confidence and maintain an optimistic attitude towards life. Generally speaking, most students with good interpersonal relationships can maintain cheerful personality and warm and optimistic quality, so as to correctly understand and treat various practical problems, resolve various contradictions in their study and life, form positive and excellent quality, and quickly adapt to college life. On the contrary, if you lack positive interpersonal communication, can't treat yourself and others correctly, and are narrow-minded and short-sighted, it is easy to form great mental and psychological pressure, and psychological contradictions are difficult to resolve. Seriously, it may also lead to morbid psychology. If you don't dredge it in time, it may form a vicious circle and seriously affect your physical and mental health.

(2) Interpersonal communication affects college students' mood and emotional changes.

College students in the youth development period are in the golden age of life, and gradually mature in psychology, physiology and socialization. However, in this process, once negative factors are encountered, it will easily lead to negative emotions such as anxiety, tension, fear and anger, which will affect study and life. Practice has proved that friendly, harmonious and coordinated interpersonal communication is beneficial for college students to control and vent their bad emotions and emotions.

(3) Interpersonal communication affects the spiritual life of college students.

College students are filled with emotion. After intense study, they need to communicate with each other, discuss their ideals and lives, and tell their joys and sorrows. Interpersonal communication is the best way to realize this desire. Through interpersonal communication, we can meet the needs of college students for friendship, belonging and security, realize their value in the collective more deeply and vividly, and produce a sense of intimacy and attachment to the collective and others, so as to obtain a full and happy spiritual life and promote physical and mental health.

2. Interpersonal communication is an important guarantee for the growth of college students.

(1) Interpersonal communication is an important way to exchange information and acquire knowledge.

Modern society is an information society with unprecedented information and value. With the expansion of information, people have higher and higher requirements for owning and using all kinds of information. Through interpersonal communication, we can exchange information and achievements, enrich our experience, broaden our horizons, activate our thinking and enlighten our thoughts.

(2) International communication is an important means for individuals to know and improve themselves.

Confucius once said, "If you study alone without friends, you will be ignorant.". Interpersonal communication can help us improve our understanding of ourselves and others. In the process of interpersonal communication, we know each other from their manners. At the same time, I learned about myself from each other's reaction and evaluation. The wider and deeper the communication, the more complete the understanding of the other party and the deeper the understanding of yourself. Only by fully understanding others and deeply understanding yourself can we get others' understanding, sympathy, care and help and achieve self-improvement.

(3) Interpersonal communication is the need of collective growth and social development.

Interpersonal communication is a link to coordinate collective relations and form collective strength. And a good group can promote the formation of excellent personality quality of young students. Such as sense of justice, compassion and optimism. They all grew up in democratic, harmonious and friendly interpersonal relationships. Good interpersonal relationships can also enhance students' cohesion and become the most important educational force in the collective. Interpersonal communication is the interaction between people. Good interpersonal skills are positive, on the contrary, it is not conducive to the all-round and healthy development of individuals.

3. College students' social skills are generally weak.

At the recent campus job fair held in colleges and universities, some business leaders said that employees' communication and communication skills have increasingly become the main driving force for enterprises to win in the market competition, so employers pay more attention to the "emotional intelligence" of job seekers when recruiting. Facing the recruitment conditions offered by employers, more and more college students feel the importance of interpersonal skills.

A recent survey on college students' occupational adaptability shows that 4 1.98% students think that the cultivation of interpersonal skills is "an educational content that is particularly helpful to them when looking for a job", which greatly exceeds the cultivation of professional ability (14.9%), basic knowledge and skills (17.5%) and psychological quality education (650) In response to "What qualities do you think you lack in choosing a job?" The proportion of choosing interpersonal skills is as high as 34.8%, ranking ahead of the ability to analyze and solve problems (28.8%), operational skills (25.9%) and basic knowledge (4.6%).

Professor Jia Xiaobo, director of the Institute of Psychology, School of Education, Tianjin Normal University, believes that the survey results show that more and more college students realize that the lack of interpersonal skills has become a "roadblock" in job hunting. Professor Jia believes that good social psychological quality and interpersonal skills are not innate, and can only be obtained through continuous systematic training in the process of socialization. At present, the cultivation of interpersonal communication ability is just the weak link in education and teaching content.

Professor Jia believes that for many years, under the baton of college entrance examination, students have paid too much attention to the pursuit of grades and neglected the cultivation of interpersonal skills and other qualities. After entering colleges and universities, there are few specialized systematic courses in schools. So many college students have high IQ, but low EQ, and often can't handle how to get along with others, communicate and communicate well. These are the abilities and qualities that enterprises value most when recruiting. Therefore, it is urgent to make up this course for college students.

In order to understand the communication ability of college students in China, we made a questionnaire survey, the contents of which are shown in the appendix.

Statistical results: Among them, 15.5% scored below 70, 32.6% scored between 70 and 90, 4 1- 120, and 10.6% scored above 65438.

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Figure 3.3 Scoring chart of self-test table

We analyzed the above results:

The interpersonal skills of college students in China are below average. At the same time, it can be seen that ordinary people are more restrained and slow to adapt in the new environment. They are nervous in front of the opposite sex and non-peers, not bold enough, do not take the initiative to communicate, and even a few students are autistic. The lack of interpersonal skills and methods is one of the reasons that affect college students' interpersonal communication. Many college students lack communication experience, especially successful experience. They want to care about people, but they don't know where to start. They want to praise people, but they can't speak or express their feelings. They have a strong desire to make friends, but they always feel that there is no chance. In communication, they want to express but can't. They want to express tenderness in their hearts, but their words are blunt. These situations hinder their smooth communication with others. But most people know the importance of social skills and want to improve them.

Fourth, how to cultivate the ability of interpersonal communication

The core of interpersonal communication is cooperation and communication. To cultivate communication skills, we must first have a positive attitude, understand others and care about others. In daily communication activities, we should take the initiative to communicate with others, don't avoid passively, dare to contact, especially dare to face people different from ourselves, and don't be afraid of birth, appearance and experience. Don't shut yourself off just because they come from remote areas, and don't shut yourself off just because they are ugly or less experienced than others. Secondly, we should start from an early age and pay attention to social etiquette. Thirdly, we should be good at doing things, boldly go out of school, eliminate fear, strengthen knowledge accumulation in communication, experience in actual communication life, and master various methods and skills in interpersonal communication. In addition, we should realize that in dealing with people, what is touching is sincerity, sincerity in making friends, sincerity in doing things, and sincerity can be exchanged for cooperation and communication with people. Sincerity is always one of the most precious feelings of human beings.

1. Principles of interpersonal communication

(1) principle of equality: in the interpersonal communication in socialist society, we must first adhere to the principle of equality. Whether official or individual, there is no distinction between high and low. We must communicate like friends in order to make deep friends. Don't feel inferior because of short working hours, lack of experience and poor economic conditions, and don't be arrogant because you are a college graduate and young and beautiful. These mentalities all affect the smooth development of interpersonal relationships.

(2) Compatibility principle: mainly psychological compatibility, that is, harmonious relationship between people, tolerance, tolerance and forbearance when getting along with others. Take the initiative to communicate with others, make friends widely, make good friends, not only with people who are similar to themselves, but also with people who are opposite to themselves, seek common ground while reserving differences, learn from each other's strengths, handle the relationship between competition and compatibility, and better improve themselves.

(3) Principle of mutual benefit: refers to mutual benefit. Interpersonal communication is a two-way behavior, so there is a saying that "come and not go, make trouble without reason", and interpersonal communication that benefits unilaterally cannot last long. Therefore, both sides should benefit, not only materially but also spiritually, so both sides should pay attention to dedication.

(4) Credit principle: communication is inseparable from credit. Credit is a person's honesty, integrity and trustworthiness. As the old saying goes, "A promise is worth a thousand dollars, and a promise is worth a thousand dollars". Now there is an honest principle. Don't promise easily. Once you make a promise, you must work hard to realize it, so that you will not break your promise. Between friends, what you say must be done, and what you do must be done. You are neither supercilious nor reserved, modest but not pretentious, not bullying or being afraid of hard work, not arrogant and impetuous, please highly respected people, show your self-confidence and gain the trust of others.

(5) the principle of tolerance: it is manifested in not haggling over the unprincipled issues, being able to repay evil with good, and being tolerant and generous. Misunderstandings and contradictions often occur in interpersonal communication. College students have strong personalities and close ties, which inevitably lead to contradictions. This requires college students not to haggle over every ounce, to be modest, generous, restrained and patient, regardless of each other's attitude and words, to be brave enough to bear their own behavioral responsibilities, "to let the prime minister punt in his stomach", he quarrels, but you don't quarrel; He is fierce, you are not; He scolds, but you don't. As long as we are broad-minded and tolerant of others, the angry party will get bored. Tolerance and restraint are not signs of weakness and cowardice. On the contrary, it is a measurable performance, a lubricant for establishing good interpersonal relationships, and can "turn enemies into friends" and win more friends.

2. Interpersonal skills

(1) Remember other people's surnames or first names, greet people actively, and address them appropriately, so that others feel polite, valued and approachable.

(2) Generosity and frankness make others feel relaxed and comfortable, and stimulate communication motivation.

(3) Cultivate a cheerful and lively personality and make the other person feel happy with you.

(4) cultivate humorous words and deeds, humor without losing discretion, humor without frivolity, and give people beautiful enjoyment. Treat people with humility, kindness and respect, otherwise it will be counterproductive.

(5) Be calm and don't complain. This can make you happy and self-disciplined, and also make others happy.

(6) Pay attention to the charm of language: comfort the injured and encourage those who fail. Praise those who have really achieved, and help those who have difficulties.

(7) People who are decisive, assertive, energetic and confident are easy to inspire others' communication motivation, win their trust, and produce the charm that people are willing to communicate.

3. Carefully analyze how to improve interpersonal skills.

The relationship between interpersonal skills and social experience is so close that if we can improve our interpersonal skills, people's daily social life will also be improved. People can not only reduce conflicts with others, but also make themselves have a more pleasant experience with others.

Some people think that interpersonal skills are innate qualities or attributes. For example, a person with high social skills is naturally outgoing and sociable. As the saying goes, "a leopard cannot change his spots", and it is more difficult to change interpersonal skills than to move mountains. Most psychologists disagree with this view. On the contrary, they think that as long as they can identify the factors that can predict interpersonal skills, they can design some courses to train this ability.

To effectively improve interpersonal communication skills, we can start from two aspects, one is the ability to distinguish social occasions, and the other is to improve the insight into the psychological state of others.

(1) Ability to identify the environment

In order to achieve social goals effectively, we must act accordingly. The social environment is changing rapidly, and the objects of communication also have different characteristics. To adapt to different social environments and people, it is necessary to have elite observation and cognitive ability.

The ability to identify the environment is an important part of social skills. If a person can distinguish the subtle differences between situations, he can often master the changes of social environment and make appropriate behaviors to adapt to different and ever-changing environments.

This statement of "conforming to the times" is not only advocated by modern western psychology. In fact, it is often mentioned in China's ancient books. For example, The Doctrine of the Mean says: "The way of state ownership and the words of * * * are enough to rejuvenate the country; The country has no choice, and its silence is enough. " This shows that remonstrance and silence are both appropriate ways of doing things, but which way courtiers adopt can produce better results, and it depends on whether the country they are in is a country with Tao or no Tao. Take Yang Xiu mentioned at the beginning of this chapter as an example. He is a witty wit, but his master Cao Cao is a suspicious person. Yang Xiu was smart enough to say what Cao Cao thought many times, so Cao Cao was killed. If his master is a magnanimous man, Yang Xiu will not be killed, but will be entrusted with an important task. Although there is? %