Four types of ancient friends
There was a scholar named Su Jun in the Ming Dynasty who summarized four kinds of friendship. They are: friend phobia, close friend, intimate friend and thief friend. The Soviet army further explained these four kinds of friendship.
Afraid of friends, like-minded and outspoken mistakes, friends learn to abide by etiquette norms together.
Close friends can have a good talk if they have nothing to do, and they can entrust their lives at the critical moment of life and death.
Intimate friends, friends feel comfortable when they get along, but this comfort is limited to playing.
Thief friends, interests can be friends at present, and they will tear each other down when they are in trouble.
The Soviet summary is very reasonable. Obviously, everyone wants to meet friends who are afraid of friends and intimate friends, and stay away from intimate friends and thieves.
Why do people need friends? There is no uniform answer to this question. Some scholars have analyzed that people can't choose their families, but they can choose their friends.
A person in a group often feels lonely. At this time, friendship is needed to ease the embarrassment of individuals in the group.
Some animals with high IQ also have friendship, and they also make friends. The Soviet Union's method of classifying friends is very simple. He separated them from the purpose of making friends.
For example, the intimate friends and thief friends he summed up can't be called friends to some extent, but can only be counted as "contacts" at most. This friendship is impure and utilitarian.
According to modern people's point of view, the "four friends theory" of the Soviet army can be summarized as two kinds of relationships, like-minded and expanding contacts.
Historically, Bao and Guan Zhong were both afraid of friends and close friends. The two of them were Qi people in the Spring and Autumn Period and have been good friends since childhood.
The Bao family is rich and the Guan family is poor. They decided to do business together. Bao pays more, Guan Zhong pays less, and the dividends of the two are the same.
Sometimes Guan Zhong gets even more dividends. Bao said that Guan Zhong is not greedy for petty gain, and his family has a heavy burden, so he should take more.
Later, they worked for Qi, Bao assisted, Zi and Guan Zhong assisted Gong Zijiu.
Childe and Childe Nine competed for the throne of Qi. As a result, Xiao Bai, his son, was in power and Miyako was killed for a long time.
Bao Shu Ya scolded Guan Zhong and asked him to work for Xiao Bai, the son of Guan Zhong. Bao even gave Guan Zhong his position, because he felt that Guan Zhong was more suitable for this position than himself.
Treacherous court officials Qin Gui and Wan Sixie in the Southern Song Dynasty embodied the relationship between intimate friends and thieves. Wan Sixie took refuge in Qin Gui and was appointed to supervise the empire.
Sensing that Song Gaozong and Qin Gui wanted to suppress the hawks, he stood up and framed Yue Fei. As a result, Yue Fei and his son were killed in Fengbo Pavilion.
Later, Wan Sixie learned that Qin Gui wanted to seize the relieving, so he gave him advice. When Wan Sixie was promoted to participate in politics, he felt that he could be on an equal footing with Qin Gui, so he immediately turned against him.
They started a life-and-death struggle, and finally Wan Sixie was exiled to this country. Because of the interests of friends, because of the interests of enemies, these two treacherous court officials left eternal infamy.
Making friends is to gain happiness and happiness, and also to achieve a better self. To make friends, you must choose the right type of friends.
What friends should modern people make?
Make friends with "winners"
Obviously, if you want to make friends, you have to make friends with people who are better than yourself. They all have a lot to learn, just like "a great teacher makes a noble apprentice" and "a person near Zhu Zhechi and a person near Mexico are black".
Ask the teacher for advice at an early age, because the teacher is more knowledgeable than us; Teenagers learn from their predecessors because they have more life experience than we do. Young people ask leaders for advice, because leaders are our guides. ...
Anything better than ourselves, better than ourselves, is the object of our friends. Only learning from other people's experience is the quickest way to make progress and get help.
Imagine how many detours and how much time a person will waste in his life if he goes his own way and does not accept any help and advice. How much can we achieve in the end?
Second, make friends with "virtuous people"
"Good is like water, virtuous carries things", and those who are close to sages will not be harmed by themselves; Making friends with virtuous people will benefit you for life.
A virtuous person is not only a person with good moral quality, but also a person with profound knowledge and rich experience. How can a shallow person with no ink in his chest and no elegance in his heart have virtue and conduct?
However, a well-educated person can be self-disciplined, strict with himself and tolerant of others. Being friends with such a person for a long time can not only learn a lot from him, but also cultivate some good habits and self-cultivation, constantly urge yourself to make progress and cultivate a spiritual world with great connotation.
Make three friends with "interesting people"
Looking for a bosom friend in the mountains and flowing water, without Yu Boya and Zhong Ziqi, there would be no Mountain Flowing Water and Guangling San.
Without Sima Xiangru, who knows Zhuo Wenjun in the world and who reads Phoenix for Phoenix? Like-minded friends, whether ordinary friends or best friends, are the basis for the fastest approach and the fastest development. Even those pig friends and dog friends who eat and die all day, don't they have different interests?
An ambitious person needs like-minded people to work together to complete the grand blueprint.
Four "willing to endure hardship" friends
Losing money is the best quality of this era. Someone invited you to dinner today, but he didn't care and took the initiative to pay the bill. If you need help tomorrow, he will put down his own business and work hard for you. The next day, when you need financial assistance, he offered to lend you some of his money. ...
If you are such a person, everyone likes it, but not everyone will cherish it. If you have such a friend, please make it your best friend, because such people are rare.
A friend who is willing to suffer for you, is willing to take the initiative to help you, and never cares about it is an unparalleled wealth in your life.
Five "outspoken" friends
A friend who dares to tell you the truth is better than a group of "friends who are inferior to pigs and dogs" who perfunctory and flatter you, because those who can tell you the truth and exhort you are not jealous of you, but sincerely hope that you "correct what you have and encourage what you don't have". I hope you will guard against arrogance, arrogance and rashness, arrogance and rashness.
Unlike those who only kiss up, they all have other plans for you. A friend who dares to speak out, just like a Wei Zhi in the Tang Dynasty, is a person who gives you a "clear understanding of gains and losses".
Make six friends with "people with wide interests"
A person's taste and accomplishment basically come from his interest. Whether he has noble sentiment and profound artistic conception of life depends on his interest;
Does he indulge in TV and games every day, or does he just hang out in nightclubs and bars and then play mahjong and chess for fun? If a person is addicted to it all day, his interest is extremely low.
On the contrary, it has never happened. They only read books, study tea art, are obsessed with flowers and plants, occasionally play ball games, travel, take photos, and never touch alcohol and tobacco when socializing. They just talk about life and exchange ideas. Such a person is Gaoyou.
Seven Hands "The Role of Benefits in Eritrea"
Being able to give kindness to others when they are in trouble, even Zeng Guofan advocates making friends, just like in martial arts novels, which is undoubtedly a "sunflower book" in dealing with people.
The usual 100 icing on the cake is not as good as timely rescue in times of crisis. I can lend a helping hand when you need it, but I will always remember it and regard it as my best friend.
Eight-handed "physical man"
Being able to put yourself in others' shoes is a virtue and a realm. If you meet people, they often think from the perspective of others and are willing to understand and tolerate others. They are more tolerant than accusing. Such people are valuable and can make friends.
The above eight kinds of people are good teachers and friends in our life, objects worthy of making friends, and boosters of our life interests. If we can win their favor, encourage each other and live hand in hand, life will be a beautiful scene, but there will also be many troubles and regrets.