Give you one or two, the standard of making friends.
The standard of making friends in The Analects of Confucius is very interesting, which requires both friends and yourself. There seems to be a contradiction in different places. 5 1-5 1 Free paper net-Net-Welcome!
First of all, Confucius believes that to make friends, you must make excellent people, people with both ability and political integrity. Confucius said, "A gentleman who is not heavy is not arrogant. Learning is not solid. Lord is faithful. A man without friends is worse than himself. Don't change it after it. " (Learn) Only in this way can we meet the sage Si Qi, which is right and correct. This is also quite in line with the above purpose of making friends. 5 1-5 1 Free paper net-Net-Welcome!
Secondly, we should make friends with honest people, loyal people and well-informed people, not with flatterers, people who talk behind their backs and boasters. Confucius said, "The winner has three friends, but the loser has three friends. Friends are frank, friends forgive and friends listen more, which is beneficial. Friends will be open, friendly, soft, friends will be destroyed and damaged. " (Ji's) Confucius said, "Miao Yan and Miao Yan are full of respect, Zuo Qiuming is ashamed of it, and Qiu is ashamed of it. If you hide grievances and make friends with others, Zuo Qiuming is ashamed and autumn is ashamed. " (Gongye Chang) I regard the antithesis of Confucius as the embodiment of the first standard of making friends and the moral bottom line. I think these two standards are in line with Confucius' pursuit of "benevolence". From the details of "benevolence" such as "courtesy, tolerance, faithfulness, sensitivity and benefit", "benevolence" is a high generalization of moral quality to some extent. Confucius worked hard to practice the virtue of "benevolence" all his life, and also infiltrated this standard in making friends. Honesty, forgiveness, more obedience, kindness and learning put forward concise and complete requirements for choosing friends. 5 1-5 1 Free paper net-Net-Welcome!
Thirdly, Confucius' doctrine of the mean is also reflected in his view of making friends. Confucius said, "If you don't go to the Bank of China, you will be crazy. Crazy people are enterprising, and arrogant people are inaction. " (Lutz) We should try our best to make friends with people whose words and deeds conform to the golden mean, but this is very idealistic after all. Reflected in reality is to make friends with both radicals and mediators, and their advantages complement each other. So as to avoid paranoia. 5 1-5 1 Free paper net-Net-Welcome!
In addition, there are two other related records in The Analects, which I think are more important. One place is: Sima Niu is worried: "Everyone has brothers, and I died alone!" Xia Zi said, "business has heard, life and death have life, wealth in the sky. A gentleman is respectful and courteous to others. All men are brothers within the four seas. Why do gentlemen have no brothers? " (Yan Yuan) Brothers here can be understood as "friends". I think this quotation puts forward requirements for ourselves. Friendship needs both sides to build. You can't just ask the other party to meet your own requirements, but also let yourself be accepted by others. To do this, respect and courtesy are the basic conditions. In addition, this passage also expands the scope of choosing friends and puts forward the tolerance that people should have. I think Xia Zi is quite open-minded. Who can't let me be his friend when a person can stand on his own feet between heaven and earth and reach a certain level of vision? Similarly, when a person can stand on his own feet between heaven and earth and reach a certain level of vision, who can't be my friend? As long as we don't go beyond the moral bottom line, "all men are brothers within the four seas." This can be read in contrast to another place: in summer, people ask to make friends with Zhang Zi. Zhang Zishuo: "What is the cloud in Xia Zi?" Yes: "Xia Zi said,' If you can, you can refuse.' Zhang Zi said, "I heard that a gentleman respects the virtuous and tolerates the people, but Jiashan has no regrets. I am the Great Sage, why can't I be tolerated by others? If I am not virtuous, people will reject me. How can I refuse others? "(Zhang Zi)
Since you can have so many friends, what kind of friends are there? Confucius said, "Gentlemen are harmonious but different, while villains are not harmonious." Harmony can be seen as openness and tolerance, while similarity can be seen as closure and singleness. In interpersonal communication, "harmony" means interacting with different types of people, and "similarity" means making friends only with people with the same breath. What do you mean by different types? I think the word "friend" is actually difficult to define. On many occasions, "friends" are just synonymous with "useful acquaintances". Reluctantly classified, we can take an individual as the center, start from his subjective point of view, and draw a circle with the ratio of tool purpose to value or emotional identity purpose as the scale. The closest people around you are friends who are mainly linked by pure value identification. The more peripheral friends, the more instrumental. Of course, the so-called instrumentality and identity are only for convenience. In practice, the two are mixed together, and it is difficult to adopt a one-size-fits-all approach. However, there will be extreme situations. If we have no feelings for a person, we can only use it if we associate with him. I think even if we call it a friend, the connotation will become stale. This is just a subjective division. The objective real life often keeps us in the closest relationship with instrumental friends, while the identified friends may not meet several times a year, but their hearts are still the same, and neither objective nor subjective can meet. The so-called "friendship between gentlemen is as light as water" may refer to this situation. However, this division is still not strict, and only normal and * * * are considered. At all stages of life, we will make the above two kinds of friends. Some friends accompany you all your life, some friends only solve urgent needs, and some friends only travel the same way for a period of time. The most precious thing is an old friend, and the most unforgettable thing is a friend who appears at a critical moment in life and can't be together forever. Although this is a regret in life, then again, we don't have to keep in touch deliberately. Because congenial feelings and values identify with each other, it is often only in a certain situation and a certain opportunity. The persistent pursuit of comprehensive understanding may make the beauty of the moment disappear. The so-called distance produces beauty, and he and I can't achieve harmony in every respect. When it comes to parting, memories are sometimes better. So Confucius said: "You can learn * * *, but you can't adapt to the Tao;" Compatible with Tao, not with it; Can stand up, not with strength. " Furthermore, it is not difficult to make friends with others if we can appreciate their differences with ourselves. This does not contradict the sense of identity. Accepting or even appreciating dissidents means admitting their differences from the opposite side, seeking similarities from them and reaching a harmonious state. This may be the basis of Confucius' saying that "gentlemen are harmonious but different". If Yu Boya is homogeneous to Zhong Ziqi, then Zhuangzi is heterogeneous to Hui Shi. Just like two sides of a contradiction, without either side, the other side loses its value of existence.
(⊙o⊙) Yes ~ I took the exam this afternoon