Let me tell you a secret. Although you may not understand it, in fact, I am a boy...
When I was 18 years old, I was sure that I liked girls. Whether mentally or physically...
I used to think that I was T in Les (lesbian), but in fact I am T (Transgender) or Q (gender queer) in LGBTQ. Son).
What? What is transgender? Don’t worry, the short video of a few minutes below will help you quickly understand transgenderism:
Yes, I am a person whose soul is in the wrong body.
My growth experience
I remember that when I first became aware of my gender when I was 3 or 4 years old, I thought I was a boy.
When I was a child, when playing house with my friends, I always competed to be the male role (such as father, son, husband, etc.), and I even had arguments with my friends about this.
When others call me male names, I feel very happy. I feel offended when others call me female names. Sometimes when I play with my buddies, my buddies tell me, "What are you girls doing?" I feel like mmp in my heart. But later I slowly learned to accept it. After all, there was no malice in calling me that, but they didn’t know the real me. At that time, I didn’t have the courage to tell them, and my biological sex was indeed female. , so I gradually became able to accept that kind of title. But when someone calls me by a masculine title, I feel happy.
From elementary school to the second grade of junior high school, I rarely drank water. I barely went to the toilet a few times at school because I really didn’t want to go into the girls’ toilet. In the third grade of junior high school, because I also had late self-study in the evening, I got off school very late, which I couldn't bear anymore. So, I learned to grit my teeth and gradually made going into the women’s restroom a natural habit (thinking about it now, I was able to “hold it in” at that time, but I also regretted it because it was an unhealthy lifestyle, but at that time I don’t know who to talk to about this problem).
There was a class chorus in middle school, and everyone was very happy, but I didn’t like it. A large part of the reason was because men and women had to sing separately, so that I could make a softer sound like the girls. , I feel like I’m fake. My singing voice is low and I can't sing loudly, which makes me feel a little frustrated. More importantly, I feel that I should sing with boys because I am originally a boy. Unfortunately, due to my biological gender, I can only "play" a girl among girls.
During adolescence, the development of secondary sexual characteristics really gave me headaches and troubles. I often even slept on my stomach to block the development of my breasts. In the second grade of junior high school, a woman’s menstrual period arrived. At that time, I was very desperate and felt that there was really no hope in the world. Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that the boys around me are starting to grow up quickly. I am so envious of them. I often look at the part under my nose and above my lips in the mirror. I wish I could be a little thicker. Everyone is starting to grow beards, but I don't. There are many similar actions, so I won’t list them all here.
High school was the loneliest period of my life. At that time, I was slightly depressed for a while. Part of the reason may be because of the pressure of study, and part of the reason is because I no longer have a buddy or brother. When I was in elementary school, I had a lot of friends who were friends, so I didn’t feel lonely at all. In junior high school, I still had my fencing teammates and basketball partners. The important thing is that at that time, boys and girls were not so divided, so I still had many buddies and brothers who played with me. But in high school, I stopped practicing sports and said goodbye to many teammates. Moreover, my parents repeatedly asked me not to play with those boys anymore. I am a girl and now that I have grown up, that is not good. During puberty, both boys and girls have developed, and boys and girls have begun to draw boundaries. As a boy with a female biological sex, I really feel lonely, because when you play with boys, they always treat you as a girl. This It's the most lonely and uncomfortable thing. I have no brothers, I have no buddies.
I am biologically female, and I have some close female friends around me. They are very good to me, and they are all very nice people, but sometimes I still feel a little bit reluctant to let go, just like when I get along with friends of the opposite sex. I was a little reserved, so I probably spent more time alone during that period. But I am still very grateful to them. Their company makes me feel very warm. I am really grateful to them.
After that, something even more lonely happened, that is, I started to "tangle" my "gender identity". I told myself that I was a woman, and I wanted to do what women should do. I tried to To "accept fate." As a result, after I "corrected" myself, apart from a drastic change in my personality, nothing else seemed to have changed. In the past, my personality was carefree and cheerful to the point of being heartless. After "correcting" myself, I became inferior, sensitive, indecisive, and even overly cautious, entangled, and cautious.
Finding the true self
Later, when I went to college, I finally began to face myself.
I cut my hair short. Although I had always had short hair before, I didn’t like that hairstyle at all. I just kept it that way because I was forced by my family. I always wish I had shorter hair, because I would be more handsome that way, and I should be that kind of boy. I finally plucked up the courage to buy men's clothing and the clothes I should wear.
When I stood in front of the mirror again, I finally saw my true self. At that moment, my heart finally found peace, and I felt more at ease, comfortable, confident and happy than ever before.
In the past, I didn’t particularly like taking pictures because I didn’t like the way I looked at all. But when I found myself, everything became so different.
I remember when I took graduation photos with my roommates after I graduated from college. My roommates were all dressed up nicely, but I was wearing a shirt and tie. Looking at myself in the photo, I felt so at ease. . Later, I posted those photos on rela (Les dating app), and it turned out that the "photo scam" effect was well-deserved. A young lady actually messaged me privately and made it clear that she wanted to flirt with me. I told her, thank you, but I have a girlfriend and I can't have an affair with anyone else. It seems that I am still a bit handsome, hehe~
After that, I learned a lot about sexual minorities from various channels, and finally understood many of my own thoughts and behaviors. Thank God, I finally know my true self.
Now, I accept this myself. From now on, you will see the real me who will no longer act in front of you.
About hormones and surgery
When I was a child, I also thought about having sex reassignment surgery when I grew up. I have thought about it a lot since then, and have considered it a lot, but I have not yet taken hormones or had surgery. You may be able to fight and do it in the future, but you still need to make further preparations and considerations, etc. Now I can only barely accept my body like this. Now I don't even wear a corset (I usually wear a men's vest underneath). Although my body is a woman’s body, I can live like a man on the inside. But think about it, if you can really change your body, you will be really happy! Therefore, we are still considering whether to take hormones and surgery, and are learning and understanding through various channels...
To the transgender partners who have already taken hormones and surgery, I express my admiration and respect for you. Appreciated. You are very brave, and I believe that after such changes, you will become better, better and stronger people. I like and call you.
As someone who has not yet taken hormones or undergone surgery, I may be more or less low-key than my transgender friends who have undergone hormones and surgeries, but no matter what, I No matter whether your choices are good or bad, you must bravely face and bear the consequences of your choices. At least I know my soul is male. As for their vision and words, just let them be casual.
We are worthy of pride
For transgender people, regardless of surgery or hormones, it is a very difficult road to walk, but our lives can still be beautiful. Very exciting.
Maybe many people just can’t stand it, but so what, those people have their own problems.
We must work hard to make ourselves stronger and better, and let the world know that our changes have given us a better life, and we are worthy of the world's pride and our parents' pride.
I have always liked Teacher Jin Xing. She is a very brave, strong and excellent woman. What Teacher Jin said in the short video below is enough to inspire me throughout my life. I also hope that this video can inspire more people. of trans and genderqueer peers to inspire.
When God closes a door for you, he will definitely open a window for you
As a sexual minority, you may sometimes face some exclusion and discrimination, and even suffer some injustices treatment, sometimes we feel isolated and helpless,
But these difficulties will only make us stronger, and let us learn to respect the "differences" of others with an open and inclusive attitude, allowing us to You can better feel the diversity and excitement of the world.
Among people like us, there are also excellent and nice companions from all walks of life. It is our "differences" that give us the opportunity to get together and get to know more people. What an interesting, different, beautiful soul.
We also have a larger and warmer family, which is the Friendship and Family Association.
Get to know the Relatives and Friends Association in one minute
I would like to express my special thanks to the Relatives and Friendship Association, where I have met many loving and nice LGBT friends and some of their parents. . Because of the Friends and Family Association, I no longer feel so lonely. In this big family, I feel very comfortable acceptance, recognition and understanding. I really appreciate your encouragement and love, and the warmth you bring to me.
We welcome more sexual minorities to join our warm, sunny and loving family~
The Friends and Family Association has corresponding branches in almost every city in China. And I am now a volunteer of the Tianjin branch of the Friends and Family Association. If you have friends from Tianjin’s sexual minority groups who want to join our family, you can send me a private message directly and warmly welcome you~
Message
There is such a group of people, they are just a little different from others.
If they did not break the law, did not violate morals, and did not do anything that harmed the interests of others.
Then, please don’t look at them with stereotypes, let alone discriminate against them with colored glasses.
Everyone deserves to be loved tenderly by this world, and we should respect the differences of others.
Thank you that the world is becoming more open and inclusive.
The road ahead will be difficult and difficult, let’s work hard together!